0:00 ‘Hey guise!’ Hey AL. Notice that you’re in the same place. Just a different shirt. And I really don’t wanna see your filthy bra strap, you cow. Ugh. Plus your hair looks greasy as hell.
0:07 Is smugly professing that she’s on episode 3 in defiance of all the shitlords that thought she’d give up after episode 1. Nope, she’s going to torture us with this bullshit until she can go no longer.
0:20 Now there’s a slide stating ‘This is me after barely sleeping for one hour… Enjoy (laugh emoji)’. Oh, poor widdle baby’s sweep schedule is all fucked up? Look at this river I’m crying. Look. It’s as mighty as the Mississippi. You don’t see it? Shit, guess I didn’t stab my eyes hard enough to produce tears. BBS.
0:22 Shit, got off track. Now she’s whining about how she was so tired in the following clips so it’s ‘weird’. She shows off her Barbie shirt (the pink one) and how she likes Torrid’s Barbie collection, then describes her t-shirt as an ‘off the shoulder situation-type-deal’ and FUCK YOU RAAAAAAAA And she had to do that brain-cell murdering statement while jiggling around like a retard. Ugh. Calls herself a plus-sized Barbie Queen.
0:55 Acknowledges there’s nothing plus-sized about her, because she’s super morbidly obese. Then says ‘let’s just cringe together.’ Oh, we were cringing long before you were, AL. No worries there.
1:05 States that her hair is a little ‘cuckoo bananas’ and we’re going to embrace being a greasy pig. Then says we’re going to talk about a ‘dehumanized update molment’ and you don’t have ‘moment’ on your retarded slide you put up, AL. Fuck off. Not everything is a damned molment. Anyway, this ‘dehumanized update’ thing is her rambling about her last episode and how she feels dehumanized and showed us her shit comments (which weren’t even that bad). She then talks about how a lot of people hit her up in her DMs and made her feel so validated because they puffed smoke up her bulbous ass. But of course, she got brutal comments and her feelings were invalidated and waaaaaah.
1:58 Fuck, she’s sharing more reasons why she feels ‘dehumanized’ and states that this is happening on TikTok and Instagram. Bitch is searching her name and shit. TikTok shows that the search shows nothing for her under the videos tab. Then she reads the bit below ‘no results found’ that says ‘This phrase may be associated with behavior or content that violates our guidelines.’ And then she’s aggro while biting ‘okay, how? How?’ With her ugly cunty scowling face plastered on.
If you didn’t insist on searching for yourself on all apps and social media platforms, you wouldn’t run into this bullshit, AL.
2:30 So she’s crying about how she ‘literally has a TikTok’ and whimpers about how she hasn’t done anything bad on TikTok and how once she was making money on it until they stopped the creator fund. All the while during her blathering she’s scrolling down her fucking TikTok and every single thing is her. As a person with ‘fur babies’ I’d expect to see some of her cats or her rat-dog taking center stage, but that doesn’t play into her narc brain to draw attention to herself via her little fluffy vessels. And now /I’m/ rambling. I blame the liquor. And her. And myself, for my inability to stay on target, because my braincells are trying to scramble free of the torture I’m subjecting them to by oozing out of my ears.
2:50 Anyway, she’s blameless in the fact that her name doesn’t pop on the search in TikTok. Here’s a wild idea - maybe if she put that in under ‘user’ or some other search criteria than ‘videos’, she’d populate. Or if she put ALR or Amberlynn or whatever, something may pop. Or 500lb hippocuntupus. That’d likely work.
2:55 Oh, now whining about how the same shit happens on IG. Probably because she’s doing the same dumb shit in her search options as she tries to fill her narc fantasy of being the world’s most prominent chunk of lard.
3:15 Fuck, now she’s banging the drum about that profession she made a while ago about being the ‘most hated YouTuber’ blah blah blah. No, you’re not relevant enough for that. Logan Paul is MUCH more hated than you, AL, but your head’s so far up your ass that you inhaled fresh air before delving back into your colon for a second pass that you can’t recognized simple things like that.
3:22 Now she shows that she searched Trisha Paytas on TikTok, and she’s viewable.
Now something I’m noting is that every result has Trisha Paytas or trishapaytas or whatever as their name. Not the account name (trishafish88 is trishapaytas, for example), but their actual name. That simply means that Amberlynn Reid or amberlynnreid isn’t being claimed by anyone. I’ve also noticed that none of her Trisha results have an underscore in it, but she uses an underscore in her own user name, which may be what keeps it from populating in her search. Derpy derp, AL. Could be that I’m totally off my rocker since I don’t TikTok, but that’s the conclusion that my brain jumped to.
3:37 And now she’s doing the same shit with Shane Dawson. Because she’s on this kick. And yes, it’s the exact same trend as the Trisha Paytas thing. Nobody’s using your name as theirs, AL. That’s it.
4:10 And now she’s on the eating disorder kick. She says ‘what’s different between me and them? Oh, it’s an eating disorder!’ So then she does Eugina Cooney and adds 5 years of life to her skeletal remains by giving her attention. Same. Exact. Shit. Noted.
4:38 But nooooo, ‘think for just 3 seconds’ she orders us, insisting it’s because she’s a boooleeeeed, fat-shamed fucker. And then she reads a slide that says ‘Any time someone reduces a human being to a single characteristic, especially a negative one, they are dehumanizing.
This coming from a gorl who, in her VERY LAST VIDEO, decided that a series called ‘500 lb gorl’ is a positive move for her. Sounds like she’s dehumanizing herself, because she’s reducing herself to her single most noticeable characteristic, FAT.
5:19 But because she does that to herself, it’s fine. She says that the ‘character, LiarLynn’ (which she professes doesn’t exist, except yeah, it totally does, ie: your FUCKING VIDEOS ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE LIED ABOUT you dumb dipshit) and being called a narcissist by a lot of people is dehumanizing, reducing her to a characteristic. Here I thought your characteristic is FAT. Sounds like people are giving you depth and dimension, which is precisely the opposite of that shit you just read about being dehumanized by being reduced to a singular characteristic. Make up your fucking mind. My drunk ass is able to pick apart your arguments, and I’m rambling with my fingers on a keyboard here.
5:50 Degrade, Dimish, Belittle are displayed on a slide. She’s in full-blown whining mode, waaaaaaahing more and more about how she feelz. People diminish her accomplishments but make her failures ‘super friggin’ huge.’
6:30 Now she’s saying people are asking why she’s talking about this now. She says she’s “FINALLY USING HER VOICE” and letting ‘rumors become false facts.’ Except she’s done this before, plenty of times, so this isn’t something new. She’s just being a whiny bitch because she needs to get content out there to keep the YouTube sheckles rolling in, and is out of ideas since she’s a lame twisty-ankled-twerp who can’t waddle-walk down the sidewalk and give us content touching things with her balloon hands in Wally-world.
6:57 Of course, now she’s bitching about reaction channels making money off of her content, spinning thins to make it sound like they’re successful only because of her. Never mind that every reaction channel has practically dumped her for Chinny and eating each other alive, because AL’s gotten so boring that it takes the autistic drive of one lone bored near-alcoholic to get her shit archived and recapped.
7:05 She’s still prattling on about not using her voice and not griping about this shit before. Except she has, and there’s videos of it. FFS. Shaddup, AL, there’s still over 20 minutes of this crap le…f…t…. Fuck me. Gotta go drink.
8:00 Now addressing what happened to her merch. She says it’s simplistic, modern, funny, something she would enjoy wearing because she ‘doesn’t like super gaudy or colorful merch; that’s not my style.’ EXCUSE ME, SINCE WHEN?!!?!??!???!?? I remember so many tacky accessories! Fucking peacock feather earrings! Gaudy as fuck t-shirts and dress-shirts!! Candy-striped leggings!!! Since when is ‘excessive tackiness’ not your fucking style, AL?!!? Just admit you couldn’t think of anything, so you made the most simple shit possible to try and grab at money!!!
So sorry. Back to her instead of ranting.
8:30 States that people took the simplicity of her merchandise as laziness, but she professes that no, she’s just a fucking dumbass and couldn’t figure out how to do it. She whines that people told her that her style is shit, and she couldn’t stand the criticism. She thought it was Coote and Dainty and the criticism made her feel dumb. She didn’t want to hear that she’s a lazy fucktard - she just wanted to hear things like ‘this isn’t my style’ but instead got the truth spewed into her face. So yeah, she stopped with it because she’s a lazy fuck and nobody liked it, so rather than attempting to create something that people would actually like, she did the equivalent of picking up her ball and going home. If SHE doesn’t love it, she’s not gonna do it for you, shitlords! Translated: if it takes more than 0.32 seconds of actual effort, fuck that shit I’m out.
10:00 Now onto the story about being loaded in the back of the cop car from school and shit. People told her that she’s full of shit, and she says ‘nope, they do that shit.’ She goes on to talk about the second time she was taken from her parents, after the trial period. She says that her parents faked it, saying that they were sober, they were improved, etc, etc. Bitch. How about acknowledging that they were/are addicts, and had attempted to sober up and clean up, and then failed and/or relapsed? They ‘faked it’? Maybe they did, but the way she presents this story just pings the CuntMeter(tm) into full 10 outta 10 territory. Probably because she keeps crying about her addiction issues (her fake binge eating disorder) and how she should have pity and sympathy because she can’t deal with it but then lambasts her parents their addiction issues (their very real meth addiction) and grumbles how they’re the worst people of all time and faked their recovery.
10:44 Continues saying that she was a teenager when this happened, that the story is so similar, she was called into the office at school and loaded back into a cop car and got shipped off.
11:15 Says people compared that shit to movies, and is like ‘nope, this is real life’ and talks about being traumatized and whatever. And she keeps rambling about this shit forever. Ugh.
12:03 She keeps going on about details that people were plucking at about her initial ‘taken from my drug addict parents’ and talking about the car seat and how the cops picked it and brought it with them when they came to fetch them from school and blah blah blah. Drink pounded, moving on.
12:20 Now going on to say how she wants to be vulnerable and open and that’s the point of her videos and shit. No, she wants to spin her personal narrative and recant on shit she’s posted in other videos. Bleh.
12:40 Fuck my life. Says she got the question as to whether or not she and Wifey had sex the first day they met on Instagram. Nobody fucking cares. Stop sending questions to yourself. The answer? Yes, apparently. Except we know that AL doesn’t know what lesbian sex is actually like, and wouldn’t understand that a boob grab isn’t gettin’ it on.
13:00 Bitch ain’t doin’ no scratch art no more. Because the audience didn’t give a fuck.
13:20 Talking about another vlogger, Sarah blah blah blah (didn’t bother listening), then blathers on distractedly about how she only got one hour of sleep and how it was purposeful because she’s trying yet again to fix her sleep schedule, but that hour was broken so she hasn’t gotten actual sleep. Because she has no idea how to actually do anything correctly. She finally gets back on topic and prattles on about how she loves to talk about books (and AL says that she is right there with her because she loves reading, except AL doesn’t understand that listening to a summery of an audiobook does not a reader make). And that this other vlogger had all these comments about how people found her content boring but she’s like ‘nope, I like this so this is what I’m going to talk about’ and AL’s like ‘yeah! That’s what I wanted to do, because I just want to show my life!’ Except she’s so driven by criticism and the all-important YouTube buck that she won’t vlog like other people, and instead kowtows to the audience.
15:14 And now she’s whining again about how people criticizing her drive her to punish her audience by depriving them of content lolz. She admits it was the comments about how she’s a little kid and doing scratch art for kindergarten kids got to her and she felt like a proper dumbass and stopped putting that shit on her channel.
15:39 Conspiracies she believes in! She doesn’t want them argued in the comments, but fuck her.
- She believes the moon landing didn’t happen. (She claims there’s proof online that the landing was faked)
- She believes that a lot of astronaut clips IS not really astronauts in space. (Because there’s people on YouTube that show green screen and wires)
- Stevie Wonder isn’t blind. (Because there’s a clip where he catches a microphone stand that topples over, never mind he can hear that shit. She says she couldn’t hear it)
Ah, what a dumbass.
18:10 She throws a disclaimer that she doesn’t fully believe in these theories. Because she doesn’t want to be raked through the coals for being a stupid sack of shit.
18:19 Next question: How did you get diagnosed with bipolar after just one session with a psychiatrist? Yeah, it’s called lying. She says that she was officially diagnosed 4 years ago, and it took one session for the psychiatrist to know that she was bipolar and incorrectly diagnosed with depression. And apparently she was diagnosed with depression at 9, and was put onto antidepressants that never worked for her. And apparently the psychiatrist said that they don’t work for her because she’s bipolar, not depressed.
Except that antidepressants are used to treat people with Bipolar disorder. Go figure.
https://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/antidepressants#conclusions
Hahahahahah.
19:15 Anyway, she says that it was only a couple hours at the psychiatrist’s office, and that she wasn’t aware that you could be diagnosed that quickly, either. Because you can’t be. And she’s covering her sad ass lie that she made without properly researching how many visits it takes to get a diagnosis first. Or as we previously determined, she visited a pill-mill doctor and that was that. She prattles on that her prescriptions she was given actually worked - if they actually worked, then why the fuck have you been going on and off that shit cyclicly for the last 4 years, you obese fucking idiot?!!?
20:15 She’s still waffling about this shit. She says she still sees the same psychiatrist. I thought she was going to different therapists. But I dunno, because nobody fucking cares anymore.
20:48 Fuck her sing-song voice about ‘we have a rumor’. The rumor is that she’s in a poly relationship. She says she is a ‘one gal type of gal’. Doesn’t say that JFoNYC;MG,W is the same. She says she needs that from her partner. Oh, wait, now she says that Wifey is monogamous. Says that she’s too jealous to be in a poly relationship, and that JFoNYC;MG,W doesn’t want that either. Sure, boo boo, we believe you.
21:52 Now it’s her opinion on Nikocado Avocado. She says she is Queen. She thinks she’s his muse, that she’s entertaining, and that she inspires him.
Summarized:
NARCNARCNARCNARCNARC
Ahem. Sorry. Anyway, she says she ‘loves that for him’ and she hopes he continues on his journey to be her clone.
NARCNARCNARCNARCNARC
Fuck! I have drowned my fingers in alcohol. Hopefully they don’t do that again.
22:29 Now the dumb as shit advice crap that nobody ever has really asked for. First bit is about hating his/her boyfriends (yes, no apostrophe in her retarded slide) cooking. AL says that she’s been in this situation in the past (lying to her partner that she loves her cooking to not hurt her feelings) - she won’t say who (probably Becky, because she is apparently the amalgamation of evil and wrong in this world), but not her current partner. In the past she’s ATE people’s cooking and 10 times out of 10 she’s lied and says she likes it. And she says that’s a white lie and we all do it and blah blah blah. She says that as she’s gotten a little older, she has realized that not telling someone that they cook like shit will result in you getting more food you don’t like. But she doesn’t worry about it because everything JFoNYC;MG,W makes is apparently tasty as fuck. She even makes AL’s chicken shoe leather for her. So she says to be honest.
24:20 Favorites time. Whatever.
Movie: A Simple Favor
Song: TV by Billie Eilish (or however that shit’s spelled)
Color: Mauve (which she pronounces Muwave, because she’s an illiterate moron)
Number: 1 (because that’s what she is in her own little mind)
Holiday: Christmas
Animal: Panther
Show: Jersey Shore
Food: Rice (and not just white rice, ANY RICE)
Celebrity: Blake Lively
Hobby: Legos
25:17 Had to subject us to this shit because she’s always answering the serious shit but wanted to do some light shit or whatever, because it’s all shit.
25:34 Now it’s time for the bad choices segment. Which is me, deciding to watch this. Bring on the dumb cards.
- Have you ever done a line of (she pauses) cocaine off of a person’s body? (Nope)
- Create your own question - gets replaced with If we were all in a contest could you go for a month without masturbating? (She says she could because she has a gorlfren, except we know it’s because she can’t reach anyway so the concept of masturbation is foreign to her)
- Would you slap your Mom in the face for $500? (Absolutely not. Then continues by saying ‘$500? No.’ Which leads me to believe she’d do it for a higher dollar amount. But let’s be real - she wouldn’t because MethMom would turn and beat the ever-lovin’ shit out of her marshmallow ass.)
26:33 Random facts. Here’s one: Malibu Pineapple Rum is 21% alcohol by volume, and is 140 calories per each 2.5 fluid ounce serving. Which means that by this point in recapping, I have now had a delicious ~350 calories. But that’s not the fact that AL presents. She tells us something from her book: maggots are still used to clean wounds. No shit, Sherlocke. She’s freaked out that medical maggots exist. Then she says ‘random facts about me: Maggots IS one of my worst fears.’ Apparently grammar follows our little squirmy friends, AL, because you certainly are afraid of the word ARE being used in statements vice IS when it is appropriate to do so.
27:21 Fucking hell, it never ends - now she’s got a placard up stating ‘rambling’ because that’s what she’s doing - rambling. And what does she ramble about? NOTHING.
She doesn’t mean to make these seem to be raging and ranting, but she feels she has to speak up for herself and stick up for herself, because the reaction channels are evil and bad and waaaaaah call the whaaaaaambulance because she’s attacked for talking about reaction channels and shit. She should be allowed to confirm if things are rumors or not, talk about speculations, whatever. She’s let things slide too many times.
As said, nothing.
28:25 Says she reads comments, we can message her on her stupid IG, do community posts, blah blah blah. Because she has no ability to think of content without her audience spoon-feeding her shit to talk about. Then she bitches about her sleeping schedule being demolished, and saying she’s suffering because she wants to know what mornings are like.
29:22 Describes herself as slap-happy, which doesn’t mean what she thinks it means, m’thinks. Then has to look up the DEFO (fuck, let’s push this calorie count up towards 500 - gotta refill the glass)
Cunty dumbass is too lazy to initially say definition. Because literacy and the display thereof isn’t dainty and kooooooote or whatever. Ugh.
Anyway. She reads the definition of slap-happy, goes ‘wait, what?’ Because the definition isn’t what she thought it was. She thought feeling slap-happy meant to feel tipsy or drunk from lack of sleep. Instead, she finds out that it means being casual or flippant in a cheerful and irresponsible way. Or to be dazed or stupified by multiple blows to the head. Which is the actual definition. But no, she found what she thought it means on urban dictionary, which is about as official as me reading the definition off of a well-formed turd I plop into the toilet after a heavy drinking night. But that validates her, so there we go.
30:50 Hopes we enjoyed this dumb shit (I did not) and says she’ll see us next time. Gives us her stupid kissy outro.
all of us gorls for that. It's the only thing keeping her in check and not becoming her true self -- the Sta-Puff marshmallow beast trampling the helpless villagers below. 
thanks, Jersh.
LazyLynn, your show could be entertaining too! I mean, at least more entertaining than it is now. That is entirely YOUR FAULT.
The cognitive dissonance is astounding! That reminds me of something, HamHock. 
Why don't you look back at your own videos, especially during the livestream era, and tell me how goddamn thrilled you were about doing your fucking job? This is clearly a personal beef for her and it's fucking obnoxious. Touch some grass, Hamber. Twist your ankle on the way down, while you're at it.
She continues to sperg about her videos being boring.
Gorl, didn't she tell you to stop watching her? GET OFF IT ALREADY! Fucking hell, it's been 6 and a half minutes (mind you, this video is only 11-something minutes long) so far of you just standing in the bathroom and spewing the same bullshit over and over. Your two brain cells must be working overtime today! Give them a break!![:\](/styles/custom/emotes/svg/chris-confused.svg "Confused :\")
Says she spent part of the day decluttering and dusting, starts whining about her allergies and complains about her eyes burning and stinging. She mentions removing her makeup earlier, implying that's partially to blame for her eyes bothering her. Have you tried just... not sleeping in makeup, HamHock? Trust me, I used to do that in my teen years and my eyes were always bothering me too. Another consideration: maybe try washing your hands every once in a while, you filthy hog.
By the way, this whole time she's been rubbing her eyes. Invest in some eye drops, you dunce.
Hmm... Come to think of it... nope! Couldn't be me! It's not like dust is an irritant or anything. 
glossy 
