-- VLOGMAS 2022 --
Location: Walking into the living room.
It's so muggy today. Amber hopes for rain. When Jade was using the stupid TikTok hula hoop, she didn't use all of the links. And Amber didn't either, you fatphobic shitlords who were accusing her of having a 58" braline! Which one of you assholes are responsible?! It wasn't me - oh wait, yeah it was me. Haha! Yeah, it was totally more like 52", not 58"! She thinks the extra 4 links would have made a difference and made it fit her better (the Amberverse hits X in unison).
Location: Standing by the blackboard.
Amber is going to call the weight loss surgeon's office - but not on speakerphone, because y'all called her out when the receptionist from the psychiatrist's office phoned and Amber passed it off as content. In Kentucky you're ALLOWED to do that, haydur! She calls and gets redirected to voicemail, which tells her to go to the website. Amber already went to the website, but she thought she'd get special treatment if she bothered them over the phone.
Location: Sitting on the couch.
UPDATE: She went to the website and requested an online seminar. Next step is watching the seminar. Thanks, Captain Obvious. Ooh, she has to take a quiz afterwards. Maybe Wipey will take the test for her? Wipey does everything else, why not do her homework, too?
PRESENT TIME! Oh boy. Jade's present is a box of Smart LED Strip Lights. Amber annoyingly babbles as Jade tries to set it up.
A WILD WASABI APPEARS!! Poor thing was probably sneaking out for food or water and was spotted by Amber. I haven't dealt with long-haired cats before, but to me he looks... dirty. It's like he's got clumpy fur and needs a really good slicker brushing or something.
Location: Sitting at her desk.
FOOD TIME! You know the saying: a poke bowl a day keeps the Binge Monster(TM) away! Amber's teeth hurt because she was grinding them in her sleep - and it's on her 'chewing side', too! OH.MY.GAH it hurt so much she had to STOP EATING! [Don't laugh! This is serious; I'm worried for her] But she's trying to eat again because she's a total champ. Weight loss surgeon sent her an email telling her to watch the seminar. She'll watch - later. She needs to have all of her focus on eating and watching Firefly Lane instead as that's far more important than saving her life. Tell us the WLS is a bullshit story arc without telling us it's a bullshit story arc, Amber.
Location: Standing in the kitchen.
Grocery Haul!! Sugary salad kit, lettuce mix bag, 3 ramen packets, garden veggie chips (like pringles), plant based meatballs, (plant based?) buffalo wings, salad dressing, avocado mayonaise, frozen dinner, frozen dinner, hot pockets, frozen dinner, frozen dinner, frozen dinner, and frozen dinner
Location: Sitting at her desk.
Play-Doh Advent Calendar! Small white tub and another snowman stamp. Amber complains that she doesn't have a lot of colours to work with. Pro-Tip: you can mix play-doh together to form NEW colours.
Cat Advent Calendar! Another ball with a bell in it. Rarity is intrigued... but not enough to actually get up. Amber puts it on the cat tree, and Rarity keeps throwing it on the floor so Amber has to constantly bend over and pick it up. Rarity stepping in with the shade where Erik left off.
Location: Standing in the bathroom.
Outfit of the day! The lunacy 'moon phase' shirt, faux leather shearling jacket, hideous green purse she bought from Walmart the other day, tacky hoop earrings, and I guess some sort of leggings? (I can't see from the camera angle) GAH!! Not leggings!! Some sort of weird gray and black print pants - they look like pyjama pants. Super stretchy. Amber says she's actually going to go in public dressed like this. *Pick pick pick* as she pulls it out of her folds.
Location: Hurpling through a shop.
Amber is walking Twinkie on a leash, and Chonky-Twonk is wearing some sort of ugly Christmas Sweater - and totally makes the bold look work. The harness is upside down again, and Twinkie is trying not to trip on it. Again, I'm not a 'dog person', but wouldn't you adjust the size of the harness and put it OVER the sweater so the leash would be at the top and not trip the dog? They're at Petsmart. I guess Twinkie needs more treats in order to not outshine her master in weight loss.
Amber's in the kitten section. A black cat is rolling around, trying to impress Amber. It's FBI FRANK!! Frankie, buddy, IT'S A TRAP!! Puke on yourself and make her walk away in disgust! Odds are the next random person to approach your cage will be a better master than Jabba over here. There's a better life waiting for you elsewhere, Frank! Also, little kittens in all of their little kitteny goodness. Amber's dream is to open a place to TAKE CARE OF ANIMALS. Start with your own, gorl! This segment is CUTE, but way too long. Amber talks about once having 2 guinea pigs, but they 'went missing' (NO JOKES ABOUT HER EATING THEM!). Twinkie is just DONE with this field trip and Jade is carrying her around the store. At least someone cares about Twinkie's worn out joints.
Location: Alone in the dark... (whereabouts unkwnown)
We are staring at Amber's iPhone while she takes a Free Personality test. WAIT, this is that Myers-Briggs thing she already did in 2020. She lied and got the Architect. I remember because I called total bullshit on her being an INTJ. She is so obviously a ESTP/ESFP it's not even funny. Okay, so she's going to jump cut and lie on this and tell us the results. INFP - the Mediator. 78% introverted, as well as intuitive and observant, kind. Definitely an empath folks. Yeah... NO.
Go to YouTube and search for 'Frank James ESFP' and 'Frank James ESTP'. You'll see the dude doing funny skits that look like recreations of shit you've seen from Amber's vlogs.
Location: Sitting at her desk.
Back home (duh). Still blathering about the 16 personalities thing and justifying her INFP. This is more bullshit than I can handle. Pity ploys about not being able to have a child. TELL IT TO YOUR SHRINK, NOT YOUTUBE! [SKIP].
YouTube Random Comment Picker.
beef stick says "you could try hydroxyzine to sleep better (I'm on lamical as well)"
Amber gets stuck for 2 minutes on the word 'hydroxyzine', thanks them, and says she'll look into it.
Byee!!... Oh shit, I need to do my weigh in!
SCALE SCREEN: 502.4 lbs. I hope her gallbladder is okay from losing more than 1 pound this week! Amber doesn't want weight loss talk to be her entire channel.
-- VLOGMAS 2022 --