Livestream continued (part 2/2)...
The livestream devolves into Amber slamming Mr. Snowflake for a long time. She compares Snowflake to a man in an office commenting on a female coworker's butt because their sweater rode up a little. She said he, a man, is watching her try on clothes while making comments about her butt. She says Snowflake made a comment after the Dalton situation that now Amber likes both Dalton and Snowflake and it creeped her out.
I rarely watch Snowflake outside of his docuseries so I don't know what she's referencing, I'm just recording what she's saying in case she deletes this live.
Amber claims Snowflake is in discord flirting and cheating on his wife and people tell her about how awful he is. She says he's a creep, a "man with a beard who tells a 12 year old girl she's lying about being molested."
Amber: "I'm not allowed to say anything because 'OOoooooh Mr. Snowflake! He's sooo fucking hot and attractive!'" She's accusing Mr. Snowflake fans of believing Snowflake because they think he's hot. "The way he looks at my body and rewinds it, it makes me very uncomfortable."
Amber: "My cousin was the one who molested me. When I was 7 years old. It was 7 when it happened, 12 when I told my mom."
The chat is confused after Amber had said it was one of her dad's friends to Amber's uncle.
Amber: "I never said it was my uncle before. Never. NEVER. Because it was my cousin. Female cousin. Never have I said that."
Amber: "My dad's friends would sexually harass me when I was 15. I'd have 30 year old men telling me I was so beautiful, that they wanted to date me, kiss me. They were there to buy drugs from my dad."
Amber: "It's awful when one person doesn't believe you, but imagine thousands who don't because of fucking Mr. Cardigan."
Chat: "Where are the tears?"
Amber: "I don't fucking know! Where are they?"
Chat: "Why did you call him sexy?"
Amber: "I'm not going to tell you he's ugly because he's not, but I'm telling you, inside he's the ugliest person."
Chat: "But why did you call him sexy?"
Amber: "Who cares what I call him? Sexy, hot. What matters is what he's doing and it's disgusting."
Chat: "Why are you talking about him?"
Amber: "I don't know, why does he talk about me?"
Chat still presses her for calling Snowflake sexy.
Amber: "I said it because every. fucking. person. calls him attractive."
Chat: "He will turn this around on you."
Amber: "Yeah.

Yeah."
The vibe I'm getting now is because Amber couldn't get sympathy by trashing Becky, she pulls out childhood molestation and redirects her anger at Snowflake. I know I don't feel comfortable saying anything snarky about this and am just in recording mode.
Chat: "Rain and petals eavesdrop, what about your ex?"
Amber: "I stand by everything I said about Casey. Every single thing."
Amber talks about how her childhood was "drug city" and people constantly coming in and out. That it was normal to her as a kid, but now as an adult, she realized that wasn't normal. "How did I survive that?" The chat seems to turn a bit in her favor.
Amber talks about when Amber told her mom about her cousin molesting her. When she was a child, she felt like it was wrong but didn't realize how horrific it was until she was older. She felt relief when she told her mom. "I've never felt such relief in my life. I was feeling so constricted keeping it hidden." She said what caused her telling her mom was one day Mamalynn said the cousin was coming over and Amber started bawling her eyes out. Mamalynn asked Amber what was wrong and that's when she told her.
Chat: "This is giving very much trauma Olympics."
Amber: "What does that mean?"
Amber: "I think I need to take a break from Youtube. I have a video coming up tomorrow, but I do have to take a break."
She starts talking about tv shows and smiles. Then grabs her phone and starts texting someone again.
Someone in the chat hypes her up. Amber talks about how sometimes she feels "like a badass bitch, I've got thick skin, like I don't give a fuck" and other times she feels weak and fragile.
More texting.
Chat: [about Amber constantly texting someone] "I thought you were anti-friends because everyone betrays you."
Amber talks about how she has friends and has had them "for a hot minute", she's just not going to be making any new friends.
Amber says in her newest vlog, there's a clip where she talks about therapy. She says maybe she wants to delete that clip. She teases her audience by taking away the nontent she was going to drop.
Amber: "Okay so I have an update on therapy. That's what the clip is in my vlog, but I'm going to throw it out. I was doing EMDR therapy and I had three appointments and within those 3 appointments, the therapist was like
'Honestly??? I think you would benefit more doing DBT therapy.' You guys know, I've been talking about it, I want to do DBT therapy soooo bad. Like day one of DBT therapy, I'm going to be fangirling. I'll be fangirling. Like you don't even know. I really like the therapist but they told me
'Even if I have to stop seeing you, I think it'll be better for you [to do DBT therapy]'
Amber: "DBT was created for people with BEEPEEDEE by someone with BEEPEEDEE. You've seen me not being able to regulate my emotions because in my real life, I'm like that a lot. I'm just done with it. I'm really freaking excited I actually get to do what I wanted to do and I'm excited. DBT changes the lives of so many people with BEEPEEDEE and I want to change mine. I want to put in the work and really fucking do it and I'm really excited."
Amber: "EMDR, if anything that made me worse. The therapist said,
"If you feel anxiety after the appointments, that's understandable." Okay so like half my week is going to be ruined by EMDR therapy? I don't want it to ruin half my week, what do you mean??? It's a lot of trauma shit."
She then talks about some "Ace test" for BPD. "I scored a 9 out of 10 and that's horrific!" "It said click this button to get your score and I clicked it and it gave me a nine and I was like 'What does this mean? What is this test?' and the higher you go, the more health issues you'll have. My jaw was on the floor shocked. Like no wonder I'm such a fucking mess." Some details are unclear, but as far as I can piece together, she's suggesting this online quiz is something her therapist wanted her to take.
She's giddy now, excited, and almost euphoric.
This is how I understand this live so far: This live started out with a mega narc rage over Becky. When that didn't give her the sympathy she wanted from the chat, she turned to Mr. Snowflake and her molestation. When that
did give her enough sympathy but still didn't gain all the sympathy, she started her cycle over by promising change, how we should all be rooting for her and forget all the horrible things she's done because she's going to be a totally new person after this new DBT therapy for her BEEPEEDEE.
Chat: "Have you been screened with autism?"
Amber: "I've had so many people on Youtube who have reached out to me and told me "I think you have autism." I've never been seen for it. I have no idea. I have no earthly idea."
Amber doesn't seem excited or interested in getting an autism diagnosis. The chat presses it more and Amber acts bored. Autism isn't dainty, quirky, cool, or manic pixie enough.
Chat continues to press it and I can see Amber's eyes glaze over in utter boredom.
Someone in the chat complains that this livestream wasn't good.
Amber: "I'm mentally ill. What do you expect from me?" She then strikes overly dramatic poses.
The chat asks her about NPD.
Amber: "I've considered narcissism. TRUST ME. I've talked to two therapists about it."
She says she starts questioning herself and takes quizzes online to confirm if she has NPD or not. "But my two therapists are telling me that I'm not a narcissist." And all the quizzes online tell her she's not a narcissist. Amber tries very hard to convince the audience she's not a narcissist.
Chat: "A true narcissist would never wonder if they're a narcissist.
Amber: "I question whether I'm a narcissist like twice a day!"
Wow. So, because she wonders if she's a narcissist twice a day, it's official: It's IMPOSSIBLE for her to be a narcissist.
Chat: "Please don't take any test you find online."
Amber: "Well, that's how I found out I have uterine cancer."
The two years of constant bleeding didn't tip her off? She had to take an online quiz to find out?
Amber: "You know what I could do? Let me google narcissist symptoms!" She starts laughing. "What is that? There's a sexual narcissism?? What does that mean?" She keeps laughing. She's already decided she's not one.
Google ChatGPT results of NPD: "Being self-obsessed or self absorbed."
Amber: ".... yeah I do do that. I'm on live talking about myself."
Google: "A female narcissist may spend a lot of time talking about herself without thinking about asking how other people are doing."
Amber: "That's not true. I'm constantly asking people how they're doing."
Google: "Never admitting fault."
Amber: "Oh wait, I didn't think of myself, I thought about someone else!!!" (implying she's thinking about Becky) "There are some times I get defensive, but I do apologize a lot, so let's give me a 0.5. Some people tell me, "Why are you apologizing? You're apologizing for things you don't need to apologize for."
Google: "Pettiness, focusing on small criticism. May seek revenge."
Remember when Amber threatened revenge against Becky several times in this live?
Amber: "That's kind of a BPD symptom. I can get stuck on small details. I'm not a petty person I wouldn't say. I'm definitly not petty. You guys don't know me in my real life, so you can't say."
Google: "Being shallow."
Amber: "Not that."
Google: "Obsessed with status/luxury items."
Amber: "Don't got it. My earrings are $3. People are like 'Amberlynn, why don't you get the expensive purses and jewelry??' because I don't care!"
Google: "Addicted to social media. All narcissists are self-absorbed."
Amber: "I don't care how many likes I get. I've never cared about that. Social media can be addictive in a way, it's my job. This is weird."
Google: "Exploitative of others."
Amber: "Oh god, that sounds like BECK!!! You know how many things I could have said about Alexis? About Beck? About.... well, I'll just say "dot dot dot." [Emily? Erica? Destiny? Krystle? Casey? All the above?] I have reacted out of anger, but I've never exploited. Just give me 0.5 fuck it. Yeah, Faline, I've NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeever said anything!"
Google: "Being overly vain. Preoccupied with physical appearance."
Amber: "We know that's not me because I'm fat as hell. I just like to do my makeup and do my hair. Other fat women are GOOOOOORGEOUS!!! Literally GORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGEOUS!! When I'm putting on makeup or doing my hair, it's literally putting glitter on poop."
Google: "Women with NPD are more likely to capitalize on being sexual or provocative."
Amber: "I do like to flirt, but that doesn't make me a narcissist."
Google: "Seemingly shy or reserved. Women with NPD are more likely to be covert narcissists."
Amber: "Everyone's a narcissist at this point!"
Google: "A covert narc might not seem arrogant or entitled, they may come across as shy or quiet."
Amber: "I don't even know how to answer this. Sometimes I'm shy, sometimes I'm not. Is this even real? What website is this? Can someone tell me?"
Google: "sensitive and reactive."
Amber: "Very BPD coded."
Google: Women with narcissism aren't able to regulate their emotions."
Amber: "Very BPD coded..."
Google talks about sensitivity.
Amber: talks about BEEPEEDEE some more about her meltdowns, sensitivity, fear of abandonment and rejection.
Google: Playing the victim card by playing submissive or seemingly helpless to lure people in.
Amber: "Dang, what? I feel like I do the whole buy people love. I don't try to seem... I think I'm thinking too hard about this..."
Google: "Passive aggressive and manipulative"
Amber: "I'm not passive aggressive but I have been manipulative in the past."
Google: "Someone with NPD might give you the silent treatment"
Amber: "Oh no no! People with BPD, the silent treatment is SOOO triggering!" (exactly how NPD people act; they hate being ignored, it causes narcissistic injury, but that doesn't mean they won't wield it as a weapon against other people)
Google: "Bullying or being a mean girl."
Amber: "No. Definitely not. This is weird because whenever I looked up symptoms [in the past], it was very black and white, but this is diving into it."
Google: mentions two other symptoms I didn't catch
Amber: "That's BPD!" for both of them.
Amber: "That was very interesting! I learned today! Remember when my IG username was narcissistic.goddess?" She doesn't complete the thought, instead says she needs to get off.
Amber: "Okay, I'm a narcissist! I was diagnosed by my chat! Yay!"
Amber starts raging against Snowflake and Beck some more. "Why can everyone respond to me, but I can't respond? Snowflake can have a whole channel about me, but I can't respond. Beck can talk about me, but I can't respond."
Amber: "After this break, I might come back a different woman. I might come back a different woman (repeat). You know what I'm saying?"
No. But we know you think you're "a totally different person" every 3 seconds.
Amber: "For so long, I didn't respond to what they [Becky] was saying, but I wasn't regulating my emotions right and I regret it. I already regret it and I haven't even ended the livestream."
Amber insists she's been diagnosed with BPD again.
Amber: "BEEPEEDEE is one of the truest things about me." "Me having BEEPEEDEE is like me having hair on my head. Like DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH." "It's just one of the realest things in the world, genuinely."
She spends so long talking about how "real" her BEEPEEDEE is while making overly dramatic faces, I start to believe she doesn't have it at all.
Finally it's over.