Boring Lolcows who you don't get the appeal of

[Meat Target]

The one that I don't really see the appeal of is Patrick Tomlinson. When I saw that he was in the running for cow of the year, I couldn't help but think he was totally underwhelming compared to Rekieta and Bossman.

You must not have been there. The 2023 season of the Pat Show was a wild ride.

His trolls wrote and published a book about him. He made several new enemies and pulled other lolcows into his orbit, and thus the public consicousness. He skipped a judgment hearing for not paying Quasi and almost went to jail for contempt of court. He went on a media tour and made himself look even worse. And at long last, Quasi got paid.

I've mostly tuned out because of that last part, but I don't think Pat could get much closer to a Julay than he did last year. Shit was bonkers.

Rackets was in contention because his fall from grace was so abrupt. Many of us, myself included, once had respect for him. Then he turned out to be a boozer pervert. But the revelation that a man was catfishing him as his high school crush is what really stole the show.

Bossmanjack, IMO, only gets as much attention as he does because he is Null's favorite.

 

[Merton J. Dingle]

You must not have been there.

That's fair. I think I had this knee jerk assessment from Null's streams that he was just some generic woke type that sperged out on Twitter, was litigious, and occasionally got swatted and that there wasn't much else to him. Guess I need to actually give his thread a closer look.

 

[Meat Target]

That's fair. I think I had this knee jerk assessment from Null's streams that he was just some generic woke type that sperged out on Twitter, was litigious, and occasionally got swatted and that there wasn't much else to him. Guess I need to actually give his thread a closer look.

Pat doesn't get a whole lot of attention on MATI. I suspect it's partially due to some crossposters from O&A forums (Pat's trolls) coming over here and getting in a spat with Null.

 

[User names must be unique]

The fat chicks, Chantelle and Hamber specifically. They are pretty much bog-standard fat women as far as I can tell.

 

[Spunt]

That's fair. I think I had this knee jerk assessment from Null's streams that he was just some generic woke type that sperged out on Twitter, was litigious, and occasionally got swatted and that there wasn't much else to him. Guess I need to actually give his thread a closer look.

It would be difficult to get into Pat as a newbie because there is a LOT of lore. Pat packed more insanity into 2023 alone than DSP has in his entire life. But as a long-time Patposter, I can assure you that it's worth it. My personal favourite Pat moments that haven't been mentioned already include:

- His demented 29 page court filing for his contempt of court hearing that makes Russel Greer's filings look sane - his wife was so embarrassed she got her mother to pay the debt for him
- The fact he has Tweeted "This is why your life is already over, stalker, enjoy prison" up to 200 times a day, sometimes in response to years-old posts, and we know he types them out by hand because he makes typos when he's particularly drunk and/or angry
- The time he installed a fence back-to-front
- The time he literally salted the earth in his own garden
- The time he was caught on his own surveillance camera vandalising his own motorcycle so he could blame it on the pests
- The time he made so much noise when the cops gave him a welfare check that one of his neighbours recorded his freakout (DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA?!?!) and posted it on Facebook
- The fact that another one of his cameras recorded the above incident, and Pat chose to post an image from it on Twitter despite the fact that his penis was visible
- The time that the Pests started filling in contact forms on black authors' websites using his name and email expressing some spicy views about race, and when Pat went on Twitter to correct the record he was such a belligerent asshole they didn't believe him
- The time he locked himself in a carwash
- The time he went swimming with a $1500 Galaxy Fold and destroyed it, and claimed this was Samsung's fault
- The time he was caught cheating on the Milwaukee half-marathon
- The time his first wife left him for his best friend and took his daughter with her (Patrick's parental rights were terminated because of the death threats he issued to his child and ex-wife)
- The time he told Ukrainian civilians that they could disable Russian tanks with paint-filled water balloons, exhorting them to "have fun".
- The multiple times he has been caught Tweeting about being "swatted" several minutes BEFORE the calls triggering the Police response were logged as having taken place
- The time the darkweb swatter known as "Torswats" said that Patrick was paying him to swat himself for attention, except he stiffed Torswats on payment so Torswats kept swatting him for shits and giggles
- The time the Pests fed false intel to fat grifter "InfoSec Expert" Jackie Singh, who then relayed it to Pat, who was so impressed by her "Cybersecurity Expertise" that he to this day thinks the man behind the grand conspiracy against him is called "Robert Prongay" and happens to look exactly like an actor from the Sopranos.
- The time he genuinely Tweeted "You are not my toilet, stalker"
- The time he met the LIZARD KING

And that's just off the top of my head. There is SO MUCH MORE. Come Patpost with us.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

I actually have to second BossmanJack.

"Hey guys, guess what, this time BMJ made 2 million dollars AND HE LOST IT ALL!!!!"
Yeah dude, he's a gambling addict with substance abuse problems. No matter how much money he's given he will lose it. This is how gambling addiction works.

And as for him acting like a spaz, have you ever seen problem gamblers in a casino? They will legitimately sit at slot machines screeching and slapping the screens like a fucking chimpanzee, no lie or exaggeration. Plus BMJ is doing coke too which aggravates it.

I sometimes wonder if his dedicated audience aren't themselves predisposed to problem gambling, and so the whole gambling drama spectacle is more enthralling to them.

I've thought about it a few times because of community happenings posts, but some people seem to enjoy it so much I can't bring myself to hate.

Rackets was in contention because his fall from grace was so abrupt. Many of us, myself included, once had respect for him. Then he turned out to be a boozer pervert. But the revelation that a man was catfishing him as his high school crush is what really stole the show.

Bossmanjack, IMO, only gets as much attention as he does because he is Null's favorite.

I think the idea that Rekeita or BMJ could come anywhere close to Pat in terms of raw lolcow potential is madness and is mainly fueled by disparate MATI coverage.

This is a man who created "Enjoy prison", what the fuck did Rekeita have, the balldo? If someone wasn't a former rekeita fan he really doesn't stand out that much.

The truth is that even on KF the blind masses opinions are influenced by celebrity endorsement. Sad.

 

[Wot Zit Too Yah0996]

Angry Grandpa. Their (him and his grandson) videos feel more staged than The Tourettes Guy. And, about to bring up genuinely funny old giffers, Sal Lizard, Danny's Dad, is absolutely hilarious.

 

[ASeabear8952]

Null.

 

[Active User]

As someone unfamiliar with Patrick the few things I've seen of him have been really funny, something about his phrasing just sends me. It does feel like something that would get old if I was to actively follow him, and while he brings a lot of it on himself he does genuinely have people interfering with him and I do feel some sympathy for not knowing how to deal with that.

 

[Tablet County]

As someone unfamiliar with Patrick the few things I've seen of him have been really funny, something about his phrasing just sends me. It does feel like something that would get old if I was to actively follow him, and while he brings a lot of it on himself he does genuinely have people interfering with him and I do feel some sympathy for not knowing how to deal with that.

If you spoke with him your sympathy would immediately evaporate. He has this uncanny ability to condescend faggotly to absolutely everyone, even the people in his corner or the people who are nice to him.

 

[Marzipan Apple]

That's fair. I think I had this knee jerk assessment from Null's streams that he was just some generic woke type that sperged out on Twitter, was litigious, and occasionally got swatted and that there wasn't much else to him. Guess I need to actually give his thread a closer look.

I'm going to second Spunt's recommendation—if you're unfamiliar with Patrick, you have to check him out. The events of his life post-lolcowdom are so insane that his thread reads like an episode of Seinfeld. And everything wrong with his pathetic life is entirely his own fault, which just makes him so much funnier.

Here's a documentary by Turk February to get you started.

 

[JamusActimus]

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/april-lauren-april-lauren-wilson-brown-wakeupbright.107599/

It's just a fat boring woman.
I don't get the fat women genre but at least Chantal and Amber had some drama sometimes.
Here there's nothing

 

[Napoleon III]

This is not a specific Lolcow but I wish a lot of them had better and easier to find explanations as for what was going on. The highlights feature is better than nothing but I'd like a good summary of the cow that skips the filler. If I were to complain about KF my complaint would be that threads are too long to really read and you need to read them if you want to get deep knowledge of the cow.

And that's just off the top of my head. There is SO MUCH MORE. Come Patpost with us.

No Stalker Child I will not "PAT-POST" with you. YOU will Pat-Post alone. I will post as I normally do. Enjoy Prison Stalker Child.

This is a man who created "Enjoy prison", what the fuck did Rekeita have, the balldo? If someone wasn't a former rekeita fan he really doesn't stand out that much.

NO Stalker Child I will laugh at the Balldo and his flailing lawsuit against Montegraph. Enjoy Ball Prison Stalker child.

It does feel like something that would get old if I was to actively follow him

No Stalker Child it is you that would get old if you were actively followed. Pat-Posting will forever win. Enjoy Prison Stalker Child.

 

[MarMar049]

I just don't understand the appeal of DSP outside of that one fap stream and his poor gaming skillz, you would think he raped a kitten to death or something by looking at the amount of hate he gets.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

View attachment 5972208
I just don't understand the appeal of DSP outside of that one fap stream and his poor gaming skillz, you would think he raped a kitten to death or something by looking at the amount of hate he gets.

He shined brightly five or six years ago. Too bad that was when he got all his alogs who still lose their shit over him.

I am not following Pat closely, but calling him boring is just wrong. The guy is like a Saturday night Live character in the flesh yet somehow even more cartoony and clueless.

Boss man however yes, boring as fuck. It's one thing laughing at his meltdowns, but his happenings are basically "OOH HE WON AND THEN HE LOST AHAHAHA", wow so riveting.

 

[JamusActimus]

Playing metal gear that badly was funny af.

It's like an anti playthough

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

View attachment 5972208
I just don't understand the appeal of DSP outside of that one fap stream and his poor gaming skillz, you would think he raped a kitten to death or something by looking at the amount of hate he gets.

With DSP, it's more about the entire vortex around him than Phil himself. He's in a surreal world of e-begging from the mentally ill to feed his own unhealthy addictions, and the unexplainable shenanigans that happen along the way. You have to dig in for a bit to really get it, and I understand not doing that.

Phil does have a lot of a-logs, but he is an extremely easy person to loathe with his regular behavior.

 

[Mordecai "3 Finger" Brown]

And as for him acting like a spaz, have you ever seen problem gamblers in a casino? They will legitimately sit at slot machines screeching and slapping the screens like a fucking chimpanzee, no lie or exaggeration.

I've spent a decent chunk of time in casinos with slots and I can't say I've ever witnessed a chimpout as described (not that I doubt that mini Bossman Jack-style events don't happen IRL).

Maybe it's because the ones I have frequented are more podunk than classy?

 

[Canuck Breaker]

Never been a big fan of the people best known for being terrible at cooking like Kay and KingCobra. Just isn't really that funny to me.

I don't watch horror movies to laugh. Also, there's a decent youtube channel where two pro chefs dive into these monstrosities of food.

The fat chicks, Chantelle and Hamber specifically. They are pretty much bog-standard fat women as far as I can tell.

They are now. Cuba rage was amazing. Hambur eating an entire week's worth of weight watchers in a day was a amazing. Used to be my motivation to keep eating healthy, now I just use MSHPL.

 

[Super An Hero]

Nick Rekeita. He's talked about on this site like he's the epitome of lolcowdom, but whenever I read the updates on CH it bores me. A middle aged man cheating on his wife isn't interesting.