Boring Lolcows who you don't get the appeal of

[Slightly Apathetic Mario]

Keffals. An attention-seeking troon who aggressively wants online/media spotlight. His (ratio-ing) content isn't interesting at all and should be ignored.

However, Null and the farms will fellate him along with Ethan Ralph because faggy/loud internet drama = gud

maybe i'm schizoposting, but the reason I see the Gunt and Keffals pushed so much, is that they i think attacked Null's ego (the Gunt with "Null's broken dick" comment and etc). and considering Null wants the site to grow bigger even if it means the site being flooded by politicalspergs, he'll take it, so the Gunt and Keffals are easy excuses to try to drum up attention on the farms, but i feel that will backfire severly for Null if that's his plan, Considering how Russia banned KF and it could spread to other nations IP banning it.
(also double post lol)

 

[A Wumpa Fruit]

I would vote for DSP, definitely, he´s so soooooo boring for being a fat cunt, for example:

Gunt picks fights who can´t win and rolls like a disgusting fat manbaby
Nikocado is on deadwatch and also picks interesting fights sometimes
Mushbrain (cooking with Jack) is funny because he´s turning slowly into a useless comatose human potato, also it´s a right wing sperg who creates food atrocities

but why is DSP interesting? he e-begs like a dirty whore, narrates his epic quests on Arby´s and is a Karen
...
yeah so interesting, DSP deserves to die alone, he is insanely boring

 

[POWER IN MISERY]

shit man, most of them. to me most of the lolcows discussed are petulent dumbasses that deserve no attention. i tend to be more interested in cows along the line of justinRPG, taz, and devcatscratch because of just how deep they are into their nonsense and trying to picture the life of the cow once theyre off deviantart. i suppose i'll opine on dummies that i know about but don't care for.

Spoiler

DSP - idiot masturbator bad at games. wow! he wasted all his twitch money on something dumb, whoda thought! 300 secret discords planning the gayest shit

Tooter - just needs to get thrown in a dumpster

Keffals - some faggot that whines about shit nobody around him IRL wants to hear, somehow captivates a considerable amount of users

Greer - some idiot that wishes he had a gmod rp admin as a friend IRL

Fuentes - he means nothing to me, and he should to you

Avocado - he's just gonna die fat

BP - loopy BPD bitches in all shapes and sizes

KingCobra - he wears a scarecrow hat, he looks like a fish, and eats like a stoner that just got unthawed out of a block of ice. that's all he does, that's his entire existence, he sits on that fucking chair in every video and somehow there is a dedicated following of like 30 enthralled retards.

Britbong - combine my thoughts on fuentes and cobra. he's some five foot tall idiot that used to play second life and is orbited by a bunch of bozos. he's nothing. he will die and look like a raisin if people stopped giving him attention.

Boogie - a waste of fat space

Ralph - a fat waste of space

Yaniv - somehow has his own subforum despite managing to be less than nothing

ILJ - some loopy empty eyed retarded jew golem nobody would care about if she didn't have tits

Shmorky's GF - makes spit bubbles while staring at the login page for random bank apps on the phone. doesn't realize people are interested in the whereabouts of the Big Klurf, not her.

AC - all furfags are the exact same. they all type the same, they all have this weird greasy chinless guppy face, and they all have sex with animals

IP2 - bog standard white trash

 

[Spunt]

maybe i'm schizoposting, but the reason I see the Gunt and Keffals pushed so much, is that they i think attacked Null's ego (the Gunt with "Null's broken dick" comment and etc). and considering Null wants the site to grow bigger even if it means the site being flooded by politicalspergs, he'll take it, so the Gunt and Keffals are easy excuses to try to drum up attention on the farms, but i feel that will backfire severly for Null if that's his plan, Considering how Russia banned KF and it could spread to other nations IP banning it.
(also double post lol)

I dunno about Keffals, he's never really interested me, but Ralph only has the level of attention he does on the Farms (including his own subforum) because he has a personal feud with Null. He has his moments for sure (getting dismantled live on air by Metokur, the Lisbon Beatdown) but if he didn't have a personal connection to Jersh he'd just be another streamer on Internet Famous who does something funny now and then. A lot of posters are only into Ralph because they want to ride Null's dick. Don't get me wrong, it's natural to have loyalty to the guy who makes this place function against the odds, but ultimately it's not that Ralph is totally uninteresting, it's that he's nowhere near interesting enough for the level of attention he gets here.

I think another reason Null has pushed Ralph, and also Nick Fuentes, so hard is to try to have more high-profile right-wing cows. To some extent it's an optics thing to look as if we're interested in more than just communist troons, but I think the real reason is to make the wignat tards from A&H mad in the hope that they'll leave. Null makes no secret of the fact that he doesn't like how one-sided the political affiliation of the site is in general and how the A&H crew shit up the rest of the site by sperging about Jews all the time. Introducing the Salon and pushing Amberlynn and Chantal was successful in bringing more female posters in, so my guess is that he hopes to get more left-leaning posters in the same way. I think that under more normal circumstances Fuentes wouldn't merit more than a fairly quiet thread, other than being a hilariously closeted homo he isn't really very interesting from a cow perspective.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Don't get me wrong, it's natural to have loyalty to the guy who makes this place function against the odds

That's not loyalty, loyalty means wishing the best to someone, including telling them that they are wrong and should do otherwise. What you described is called sycophancy and it's ironic as fuck that when Null has another spergout over Metokur and people laugh at him, he calls them braindead dickriders, but when someone sucks his dick even when he is obviously wrong, he sees nothing wrong with that. The fact that this is exactly like Ethan No'Liver Ralph's downward spiral has begun adds extra layer of irony to this.

Introducing the Salon and pushing Amberlynn and Chantal was successful in bringing more female posters in, so my guess is that he hopes to get more left-leaning posters in the same way.

Wrong, you're mistaking action and consequence. Null made BP not because he wanted more fat women on this website, but because there already were a ton of fat women, who were in Chantal's and Amb's threads and they were vicious as fuck as he told on one of his streams, to the point of attacking mods for telling them to chill. So seeing no other options, he just moved them all elsewhere.

The politics part makes no sense either. We have threads just about everyone from left to right, from anarchists to monarchists. The current political climate of KF is caused by one reason alone - there are next to no places where you can express those views without repercussions. Like even telling "maybe we shouldn't chop off our children's dicks" is already an offence big enough. The only other places I can think of are either 4chan or some very small forums.

 

[The Bronze Golem]

Wingsofredemption. He's not boring in of himself per se. His failings are pretty funny in short doses. The problem is that the dude embodies the sin of sloth. The dude NEVER CHANGES. He never changes his life, he never changes his lifestyle, he never changes his shitty thought process, behavior and eating habits, or anything. The dude has stagnated since 2016 and getting married hasn't changed shit for him. He always gives the trolls attention, he always routinely fucks up in the exact same way, he always plays the same shit, he always begs for money, he always acts ungrateful, he always wastes his money on shit he doesn't need and fucks up with his money. He never successfully loses weight.

Watch a stream of his right now, and compare it to a stream from 2018. There's very little difference in his behavior or life. Even after getting married he's still the damn same. I've never seen someone this stagnated before. Even fucking Chris Chan changes and evolves more than this dude. I can watch a Chris video and tell exactly around the time he made it. This dude, good luck with that. It's like he's stuck in some fucked purgatory of his own laziness.

 

[Donkey Kongus]

Weeb Wars, especially the Vic Mignogna thread. It happened over three years ago, but it somehow manages to rear it's ugly head every so often. People act like every announcement related to the case is gonna end up being a paradigm shift for the anime/dubbing industry, when in reality, nothing fucking changes.
Bro I don't give a fuck if the voice actor of twinks got blacklisted.

 

[WolfeTone]

I don't understand why so many people rotate around DSP but I think I kindof get it. He's a low-impact lolcow. Everything here gets so heavy when you go into the deeper parts of it. It used to be the same way with Chris, and it still is with KingCobraJFS, that things are light-hearted, relatively happy, and simple enough to put your mind at ease when you're digesting the content. With so many other people here it gets so dark. Ralph for instance. People talk about him like he's "just white trash" but this is really completely different than downtrodden and pissed off people around appalachia, this is truly an embodiment of sin. It's like people race with eachother too when they start commenting on eachother's behavior. Horrorcows looking at other horrorcows and spiraling downward. That shit can be hard to look at sometimes. When people just won't tap out, but try and push push push in the wrong direction, and everyone here is munching popcorn while they watch the show. But I definitely prefer more light-hearted content. Just not content that's so easy to digest it's pure putty in the mouth, like DSP.

 

[Fetish Roulette]

I dunno about Keffals, he's never really interested me, but Ralph only has the level of attention he does on the Farms (including his own subforum) because he has a personal feud with Null. He has his moments for sure (getting dismantled live on air by Metokur, the Lisbon Beatdown) but if he didn't have a personal connection to Jersh he'd just be another streamer on Internet Famous who does something funny now and then. A lot of posters are only into Ralph because they want to ride Null's dick. Don't get me wrong, it's natural to have loyalty to the guy who makes this place function against the odds, but ultimately it's not that Ralph is totally uninteresting, it's that he's nowhere near interesting enough for the level of attention he gets here.

You're severely underestimating Ralph's appeal. You're right that there are a lot of Null dickriders, but here are some Ralph incidents that I can think of just in the last year that you didn't mention:

• Live, in person coverage of the Chris-chan motherfucker arrest
• Getting stuck in snow while driving, needing a black farmer to tow him home
• Getting in a separate car accident that was entirely his fault
• Like 5 trips to Las Vegas, all of them completely ridiculous and likely to nurse a gambling addiction
• There were MULTIPLE Lisbon beatdowns.
• Conviction on revenge porn charges

It's the reason why aylawgs like PPP and Warski can make such an obscene amount of money off of an audience that's at least in part not Kiwis.

On to my contribution to the thread: I don't get the appeal of Chantal BP pls don't hurt me. She's fat and in an abusive relationship, but there are a lot of fat women in abusive relationships who don't have threads. Whenever I hear about her latest nonsense on MATI, I'll usually just tune out for a while because that stuff bores me. However, I will acknowledge that she seems to attract a lot of defective people to her, most of whom are actually funny. Peetz's perpetual soyrage never, ever gets old, and I've had some great times on the Peetz thread speculating on exactly when he's going to troon out.

 

[Stabmaster Arson]

I never click on the furry ones because I figure if I do I will eventually be exposed to furry porn.

 

[Gone Ham]

You're severely underestimating Ralph's appeal. You're right that there are a lot of Null dickriders, but here are some Ralph incidents that I can think of just in the last year that you didn't mention:

• Live, in person coverage of the Chris-chan motherfucker arrest
• Getting stuck in snow while driving, needing a black farmer to tow him home
• Getting in a separate car accident that was entirely his fault
• Like 5 trips to Las Vegas, all of them completely ridiculous and likely to nurse a gambling addiction
• There were MULTIPLE Lisbon beatdowns.
• Conviction on revenge porn charges

It's the reason why aylawgs like PPP and Warski can make such an obscene amount of money off of an audience that's at least in part not Kiwis.

On to my contribution to the thread: I don't get the appeal of Chantal BP pls don't hurt me. She's fat and in an abusive relationship, but there are a lot of fat women in abusive relationships who don't have threads. Whenever I hear about her latest nonsense on MATI, I'll usually just tune out for a while because that stuff bores me. However, I will acknowledge that she seems to attract a lot of defective people to her, most of whom are actually funny. Peetz's perpetual soyrage never, ever gets old, and I've had some great times on the Peetz thread speculating on exactly when he's going to troon out.

Let me deboonk those “funny moments”
1. He literally ruined the video, and anyone else could’ve done it and it would’ve been funnier
2. How is this funny?
3. See above
4. Ok and? That’s just a pathetic behavior that has zero comedic value
5. Hehehe fat man number 4,791 gets beaten up
6. How is this funny at all?

 

[Fetish Roulette]

Let me deboonk those “funny moments”
1. He literally ruined the video, and anyone else could’ve done it and it would’ve been funnier
2. How is this funny?
3. See above
4. Ok and? That’s just a pathetic behavior that has zero comedic value
5. Hehehe fat man number 4,791 gets beaten up
6. How is this funny at all?

To me, the appeal of Ethan Ralph as a lolcow is how much of an absolute trainwreck he is. I'm not laughing at Ralph because he puts out videos of himself as a robot or drinking his cum or whatever, I'm laughing because he's dying a death by a thousand self-inflicted cuts.

 

[Slightly Apathetic Mario]

That's not loyalty, loyalty means wishing the best to someone, including telling them that they are wrong and should do otherwise. What you described is called sycophancy and it's ironic as fuck that when Null has another spergout over Metokur and people laugh at him, he calls them braindead dickriders, but when someone sucks his dick even when he is obviously wrong, he sees nothing wrong with that. The fact that this is exactly like Ethan No'Liver Ralph's downward spiral has begun adds extra layer of irony to this.

Totally agree, there's a difference with being loyal to a country leader/culture/religion/etc but the idea of being "loyal" to a internet forum is the definition of autism, sometimes i wonder how some users would react if KF went down for good, i ask the same about 4chan with some users there.

 

[Super Book]

Keffals. An attention-seeking troon who aggressively wants online/media spotlight. His (ratio-ing) content isn't interesting at all and should be ignored.

However, Null and the farms will fellate him along with Ethan Ralph because faggy/loud internet drama = gud

The Keffals thread is an example of what I think is the farms current biggest problem: every trans person who uses the internet  has to have a thread, no matter how insignificant or boring they are. The majority of threads that are based around people who happen to transgender are 99% sperging about DA EVIL TROONS and 1% actual content about them being a lolcow. I dislike a lot of incredibly online trans twitter users as much as the next guy, but you people are grasping at what it truly means to be a thread worthy cow.

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

The Keffals thread is an example of what I think is the farms current biggest problem: every trans person who uses the internet  has to have a thread, no matter how insignificant or boring they are. The majority of threads that are based around people who happen to transgender are 99% sperging about DA EVIL TROONS and 1% actual content about them being a lolcow. I dislike a lot of incredibly online trans twitter users as much as the next guy, but you people are grasping at what it truly means to be a thread worthy cow.

It's all part of an eye-opening realization that our popular lolcows aren't that special. Moviebob consoomers, the myriad of perverts and troons, politispergs, self-important (wannabe or legit) celebrities/influencers, etc really are much more common and, dare I say it, "normal" than previously thought. Even Chris Chan isn't really unique.

The human species is full of lolcows, and when everybody's a lolcow, no one is. But hey, maybe the lolcows are the frens and spergs we met along the way? Besides, this allows us to extremely picky when finding lolcows moving forwards (we don't have a shortage of candidates to search through that's for sure).

 

[JamusActimus]

maybe i'm schizoposting, but the reason I see the Gunt and Keffals pushed so much, is that they i think attacked Null's ego (the Gunt with "Null's broken dick" comment and etc). and considering Null wants the site to grow bigger even if it means the site being flooded by politicalspergs, he'll take it, so the Gunt and Keffals are easy excuses to try to drum up attention on the farms, but i feel that will backfire severly for Null if that's his plan, Considering how Russia banned KF and it could spread to other nations IP banning it.
(also double post lol)

If he trully wanted to push the keffals thread he would have made a subforum for her.
The growth of that thread is mainly organic and pushed by keffals's constant stream of content and new users orbiting towards keffals.

 

[Pina Colada]

Gonna jump on the BP/Deathfat wagon and admit even I've been growing bored and lurking less. How many times can you say that:

• Anna's a spoiled womanchild with way too much money and a useless degree?
• Tess is a a shitty parent and a HAES has-been (she even predictably twisted her ankle recently and the reaction was a dud)?
• Corissa and J are grifting bougie blobs with Lesbian Death Bed?
• Momokun's a drop in the sea of shoddy costhots turning tricks on the side?
• Amber was always lame (save for mild interest from the bleeding bellybutton incident)?
• Chantal and Luna Slater are sadact crackwhores with terrible taste in men?

None of them would be (or are, for that matter) out of place from typical white trash hotspots in the bumfuck southern/midwest USA and, vocally, one giant pile of adipose and animosity. Also a hard agree that a majority of the BP regulars are no better in behavior and probable size; you can pick out a user's posting/typing patterns easily and watch them duke it out like The View harpies.

 

[Ita Mori]

If he trully wanted to push the keffals thread he would have made a subforum for her.

Her? The nigger's a man.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

maybe i'm schizoposting, but the reason I see the Gunt and Keffals pushed so much, is that they i think attacked Null's ego (the Gunt with "Null's broken dick" comment and etc). and considering Null wants the site to grow bigger even if it means the site being flooded by politicalspergs, he'll take it, so the Gunt and Keffals are easy excuses to try to drum up attention on the farms, but i feel that will backfire severly for Null if that's his plan, Considering how Russia banned KF and it could spread to other nations IP banning it.
(also double post lol)

Not sure about Fekkals, but you are 100% right about Ralph. Null has been suspiciously invested in him all these years, sometimes to the point of absolute embarrassment, of course while claiming that he doesn't really care. Remember when Ralph allegedly shat his pants? Remember how Ralph's a-logs were running around screaming that it was funniest shit ever? Then you remember how they freaked out when Daddy Jim didn't make an entire fucking stream about this one little thing and just casually mentioned it in the end. But you know who else was sperging? Yep, the one and only, to the point of screeching "see, Jim has internet friends after all!" And even after Jim turned Ralph into his daily scapegoat he kept seething "he didn't do it right there and right then".
Also, don't forget "Ralph hasn't doxed his house after X days" counter and other shit, I can't recall one single cow that has their really fucking mediocre art getting featured on the front page. Maybe this is where Ralph has been hiding all this time, rent free.

 

[JamusActimus]

Her? The nigger's a man.

Sorry babe, I will use the right pronoun next time