Careercow Brandon "Bam" Margera - From Jackass to Lolcow

[WonderWino]

Years from now mothers in Pennsylvania will warn their misbehaving children that the Bam-man from the woods will come for them if they're not good girls and boys.

Sounds like an SCP waiting to happen, the slender bam

 

[Looney Troons]

I didn’t think Bam Margera would make it onto my Lolcow of the Year ballot so early, but this is the year 2023 and I have been more than ready to Disengage the Simulator.

 

[Fornicario]

So Bam has decided to just go all-out on the Philly trash life. He needs to fully commit and either OD or get arrested in Trenton. That's the typical arc of the Chester junkie. Anything less will be disappointing.

 

[Probably An Autist]

Years from now mothers in Pennsylvania will warn their misbehaving children that the Bam-man from the woods will come for them if they're not good girls and boys.

"Beware the bam-man, legend has it he asks if you wanna pull a totally sick prank dood and lures you into the woods to piss on him"

 

[MG-34]

My money's on Wee Man, he seems to be doing great, as far as I can tell was never deeply into booze or drugs, and little people don't have shortened (lol) life expectancies unlike the perpetually morbidly obese.

Didn't the midget that played mini-me from Austin Powers and Eric the Midget and Hank the Angry Dwarf from Howard Stern all die from complications of being midgets? I thought those types don't make it to old age.

 

[VargReallyDidNothingWrong]

"Beware the bam-man, legend has it he asks if you wanna pull a totally sick prank dood and lures you into the woods to piss on him"

 

[TheTourist]

So Bam has decided to just go all-out on the Philly trash life. He needs to fully commit and either OD or get arrested in Trenton. That's the typical arc of the Chester junkie. Anything less will be disappointing.

He'd fit right in with the fentanyl zombies we got walking around Philly. Shit, if he were trying to keep his head down wandering these streets high off his ass wouldn't be a bad 'hiding in plain sight' approach, but there's no way he couldn't go any measure of time without telling people who he is.

 

[Anne Hyroe]

That was Ryan Dunn. Bam attributes his spiral into depression over Dunn being done

It was a tragic outline accident.

Just to say this for the love of god don't splatter planetary sigils or version of it on your body permanently that is recipe for disasters i see Jupiter slapped on his hand and Neptune or Uranus on the other . This mofo is really asking for it .

Asking for what? Teenage goths to be momentarily interested? Go hard or go home, get them all.

Years from now mothers in Pennsylvania will warn their misbehaving children that the Bam-man from the woods will come for them if they're not good girls and boys.

Finally, a real rival to Slenderman. Bam-man is the body positive myth Teen Cosmo has been waiting for.

 

[Probably An Autist]

Didn't the midget that played mini-me from Austin Powers and Eric the Midget and Hank the Angry Dwarf from Howard Stern all die from complications of being midgets? I thought those types don't make it to old age.

my admittedly low amount of knowledge on midgets is they have a life expectancy of around 5~ years less, but will have extra medical complications due to their midgetness

 

[1812 LOL]

HAHAHA HES GONMA BE RAPED BY NIGGERS IN JAIL

 

[Meat Target]

Bambo: First blood would make at least 20 dollars at the box office.

I never liked how much suffering he liked to inflict on the others on Jackass and his own father. Always just felt so over the top. The snake pit is the best example. The rubber snakes were a bridge too far for him and when a real one was added it was like they just murdered his family in front of them.

IMHO Johnny was the one who'd step up to the plate and take the most punishment (not necessarily from Bam), up to and including being shot.

 

[Looney Troons]

Where’s the thread poll?

 

[A Sentient Cloud]

Didn't the midget that played mini-me from Austin Powers and Eric the Midget and Hank the Angry Dwarf from Howard Stern all die from complications of being midgets? I thought those types don't make it to old age.

No, Verne Troyer was mostly likely a suicide by alcohol poisoning. His life was really sad. His condition was also different, he had cartilage–hair hypoplasia, which is much rarer and has much greater health complications than achondroplasia, which is what Wee Man has.

Hank's death is most easily explained by his full title, Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf.

The New York Times of all places did a really nice profile of Wee Man last year. In it, he briefly comments on Bam, in what I suspect is the Jackass party line on the whole situation:

The fourth film will be the first “Jackass” without two important onscreen presences: the valiantly jolly Ryan Dunn, who died in a car crash in 2011 — his bearded face is tattooed on Acuña’s calf in tribute — and Bam Margera, whom Paramount fired in August 2020. The studio claimed that Margera, who has struggled with addiction, was dismissed for breach of contract after he stopped complying with a sobriety-and-wellness program mandated in his employment agreement. Margera disputed this and filed a lawsuit claiming wrongful termination. The saga has been messy both in and out of court. In videos on his Instagram page and TMZ, Margera denounced his former co-workers and encouraged fans to boycott the movie.

“Bam, just — he needs to take care of his health,” Acuña told me. “We’ve all tried for him.” We were sitting on a public bench, watching a sea lion surface and submerge in Newport Bay. A man had just asked Acuña to sign one of the $2 bills he carries around with him, for his celebrity-signed $2 bill collection. “He’s doing good from the last I’ve heard. Because he’s not on social media. He’s not doing anything crazy,” he said. “When he was on the phone more, and on social media, it wasn’t good for him.”

 

[Fornicario]

Didn't the midget that played mini-me from Austin Powers and Eric the Midget and Hank the Angry Dwarf from Howard Stern all die from complications of being midgets? I thought those types don't make it to old age.

Warwick Davis and Linda Hunt are doing quite well. Dwarfs are medically fragile, midgets are just short people.

 

[Wesker]

IMHO Johnny was the one who'd step up to the plate and take the most punishment (not necessarily from Bam), up to and including being shot.

He was the one that had to convince Bam and Dunn to take the hit from that non lethal crowd control mine. He was laughing after and those two were sobbing.

 

[Strix454]

Bambo: First blood would make at least 20 dollars at the box office.

Johnny Knoxville: It's over Bam. It's over!

Bam: Nothing is over! Nothing! You just don't turn it off! It wasn't my show! You asked me I didn't ask you! And I did what I had to do to get ratings, for somebody who wouldn't let us get ratings! Then I come back to the world, and I see all those maggots at the liquor store, laughin' at me, spittin', callin' me a faggot and a bum and all kinds of vile crap! Who are they to laugh at me?! Huh?! Who are they?! Unless they been me and been there and know what the hell they yellin' about!

Johnny Knoxville: It was a bad time for everyone Bam. It's all in the past now.

Bam: For you! For me life off TV is nothin'! On the show we had a code of honor. You watch my back I watch yours. Back here there's nothin'!

Johnny Knoxville: You're the last of an elite group. Don't end it like this.

Bam: : Back then I could drive a Ferrari, I could punch out my dad, I was in charge of a million dollar budget. Back here I can't even hold a job PARKING CARS!!!! UUHHHH!!!!! (Pisses himself and then slight emotional pause. He drops to the ground in a crouched position out of breath and very upset) Wha...I can't...oh, I jus--omigod. Where is everybody? Oh God...I...I had a friend, who was Ryan Dunn. Wha--I had all these guys man. Back there I had all these fucking guys. Who were my friends. Cause back here there's nothin'. Remember Ryan Dunn? He wore this black head band and I took one of those magic markers and I said to Steve-o, 'Hey mail us to Las Vegas cause we were always talkin' about Vegas, and this fucking car. This uh red '58 Chevy convertible, he was talkin' about this car, he said we were gonna cruise till the tires fall off. (upset pause) We were in this bar. And Ryan said this rabbit comes up, this rabbit carryin' a shoe shine box, and eh he says uh 'shine please, shine.' I said no, eh an' uh, he kept askin' yeah and Joey said 'yeah,' and I went to get a couple beers and Ryan drove off, hit the tree, fuckin' blew his body all over the place. And he's layin' there and he's fuckin' screamin', there's pieces of him all over me, jus like--! (frustrated he grabs at his bullet necklace strapped around his chest and yanks it off) like this. And I'm tryin' to pull em off you know? And ehe.. MY FRIEND IT'S ALL OVER ME! IT'S GOT BLOOD AND EVERYTHING! And I'm tryin' to hold him together I put him together his fucking insides keep coming out, AND NOBODY WOULD HELP!! Nobody help me. He sayin' plea I wanna go home I wanna go home. He keeps callin' my name, I wanna go home Bam, I wanna drive my Chevy. I said well (upset and breaking down) WHY I can't find your fucking legs. I can't find you legs. (softly now) I can't get it out of my head. I fuc..I dream of seven years. Everyday I have this. And sometimes I wake up and I dunno where I am. I don't talk to anybody. Sometimes a day--a week. (Almost inaudible) I can't put it out of my mind...fucking...I can't....

 

[Fornicario]

He'd fit right in with the fentanyl zombies we got walking around Philly. Shit, if he were trying to keep his head down wandering these streets high off his ass wouldn't be a bad 'hiding in plain sight' approach, but there's no way he couldn't go any measure of time without telling people who he is.

Yes, but he has fans to sponge off of. If he's not bed hopping, he'll be in Trenton. Once he spirals out, he'll be shambling South Philly with the living dead.

 

[Love Machine]

Yes, it’s obviously Bam and only Bam himself keeping him in this cycle. He certainly doesn’t deserve the family or dozens of friends who have desperately tried to get him to pull his head out of his ass for over a decade.

I didnt mean to sound like I was taking a jab at his family. What I was mostly getting at was back when he was doing ok and returned to the country. It probably wasnt the great idea to go back to his old town with all his junkie buddies to hang out in the old viva la bam mansion.

 

[Meat Target]

He was the one that had to convince Bam and Dunn to take the hit from that non lethal crowd control mine. He was laughing after and those two were sobbing.

Of course, he'd been there before with the riot control bean bag. And you could see the "what the fuck am I doing?" look on his face before it.

Knoxville also nearly got killed on at least one occasion, like the golf cart demolition derby.

 

[Lone MacReady II]

Pennsylvania literally means "Penn's Woods". Meaning that PA is nothing, but forests, and it's extremely easy to get lost in them, especially if you're not familiar with them.

It won't mean that for much longer at the rate our (supposedly environmentalist) commie government is cutting down the forests and paving over the beautiful fields just to build more slave blocs for their imported White replacements (Pajeets, Spics, Muslims, and Sudanese Niggers). That's literally ALL the state has been importing for the last 15 years. Bam has more to worry about in PA's babylonian cities than he does in the woods.