Completely Useless Superpowers

There's an anime called Charlotte that has a few powers that are really shit.
1) Take over another person's body for 5 seconds, but your own body loses consciousness and instantly collapses, either injuring you in fall or making you an easy target.
2) Accelerate and run at super speed. Deceleration not included.
3) You can become invisible, but only to one person at a time and not to recording devices.
I suppose #3 could be useful in some situations, but #2 stands out as a really useless one, unless launching yourself into a brick wall at a couple hundred miles an hour could have a use...

Overcast said:
The ability to read minds, but you can only read your own mind.
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I would imagine it'd end up sounding something like when you put two phones on speaker next to each other.
 
Being able to detect the exact location of whatever junk food you hate, and you can't turn it off.

Being able to lock any lock you touch, but you can't unlock it without the key/combination/code like anyone else.
 
your pubic/ body hair is like spider silk. Strong tensile strength but very tiny. doesnt include the hair on your head.
 
Invisibility - except for your penis.

Also, the power of flight - but only to Cleveland.
 
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Being invisible, but the fact that light passes straight through your eyes renders you blind.

The ability to change the pH of your earwax.
 
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Can boil water by putting your hands in it.
Can teleport bones from your body to anywhere in the world.
Can change the taste of almonds to water.
Can travel 1 second forward in time.
 
-Invisible skin and only skin, can see everything else.
-Take on the illnesses of anything you touch, can't give it out. You just shook hands with a cancer patient, congratulations you now have cancer, and no, you didn't cure them in a self sacrificing manner.
-The ability to pass kidney stones at will.
 
Introducing: Man-Man. As a child, he was bitten by a man, and now has all the powers of a man. Faster than a slightly slower man, more powerful than an otter, able to leap small obstacles in a single bound.
 
The ability to win the lottery on even-numbered days, but if you cash in the ticket, you projectile vomit non-stop for 12 hours, even if your stomach is empty.
 
The ability to send your consciousness backwards in time 5 seconds.

-Has a 5 second recharge wherein you are totally incapicated, can not move talk or otherwise influence events.
 
The ability to fall asleep randomly whether you want to or not. So basically narcolepsy.
 
The ability to know the ending of any show/movie you haven't watched yet when you acquire the power, effectively spoiling everything for you for the rest of your life.
 
DrJonesHat said:
The ability to know the ending of any show/movie you haven't watched yet when you acquire the power, effectively spoiling everything for you for the rest of your life.
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This could actually be useful if nobody else had seen it either. You could ruin every TV show or movie for everyone forever, no matter how much security they put on it. You could get rich demanding blackmail or else you'd spoil it. Of course someone would probably murder you.
 
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The ability to breathe underwater when dry
 
AnOminous said:
This could actually be useful if nobody else had seen it either. You could ruin every TV show or movie for everyone forever, no matter how much security they put on it. You could get rich demanding blackmail or else you'd spoil it. Of course someone would probably murder you.
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But would this allow you to know if the show actually ends or gets cancelled before it's done?
 
The ability to sound like a sports commentator on the phone, regardless of if you want to or not.
 
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