Coping with a breakup thread - Help.

[Soyjack Pinhead]

Idk what to do, I think I'm going to have to move cities to cope.

That's fair, but let's not be too hasty.

My serious, effortposting advice is this: do something that you didn't have time to do before. Play the video game that you thought you might try "one day". Read a random book just for the hell of it. Schedule a session with a personal trainer at a local gym. Give yourself something else to focus on that will give you some positive feedback and prevent you from just wallowing in your misery.

 

[Lemmingwiser]

Move on already, faggot. Don't love someone that doesn't love you. She doesn't love you. It's over.

You don't need to move cities or get a haircut or change your name. You lost the dream of where you thought you were going. So time to do some demolition in your mental space and make room for new dreams to build.

 

[I hate women (like you)]

as a gentle romantic man I can relate to your urge to say 'get the fuck out of here with your nagging ass, bitch!'. stay strong and dont roleplay heartbreak any more than you need to.

 

[Skitarii]

OP is a nigger

 

[Otterly]

Hardest lesson of all in life;
You cannot make anyone love you
Genuinely the hardest thing to learn. There is nothing you can do, you just have to exist through the next amount of time until it dulls
Reflect seriously on whether anything you did wasn’t optimal. If it wasn’t, work to change it. Otherwise, that’s just life. Sometimes you love someone and they will never love you back, or they never loved you or they change, and that is very painful.
Keep yourself busy and healthy and don’t do anything maladaptive to cope. Booze in moderation, etc.
Do not take out any of the pain on the next person you’re with. That’s all you can do.

 

[Feline Supremacist]

Hardest lesson of all in life;
You cannot make anyone love you
Genuinely the hardest thing to learn. There is nothing you can do, you just have to exist through the next amount of time until it dulls
Reflect seriously on whether anything you did wasn’t optimal. If it wasn’t, work to change it. Otherwise, that’s just life. Sometimes you love someone and they will never love you back, or they never loved you or they change, and that is very painful.
Keep yourself busy and healthy and don’t do anything maladaptive to cope. Booze in moderation, etc.
Do not take out any of the pain on the next person you’re with. That’s all you can do.

I love you Otterly, you are the most sensible person here. Never change.

 

[Lifeguard Hermit]

OP I don't know why but you need to watch the movie "London".

You'll know you found the right movie because it's two guys doing cocaine in a bathroom for the entire movie.

The subject matter is a bad breakup.

The story: two people that in all honesty have no reason to be talking to each other connect and bond over the pain that we all feel when we go through this.

Great movie check it out.

 

[Pedophobe]

I believe I did something wrong but I really don't know what and she can't or won't tell me, herself. She just fell out of love.

Maybe what you did wasn't even wrong by any reasonable standard. Maybe she just felt like she wanted something different from what the two of you had. Maybe she can't tell you because there's no way she can spin it as your fault. Maybe she's just a bitch.

 

[Otterly]

I love you Otterly, you are the most sensible person here. Never change.

It’s a lesson I had to learn, more than once, and it is a very tough one. Any sensibility I have has been beaten into me by life, and often, that hurt a lot

 

[Rango Dango]

find a hobby and you'll stop thinking about her in no time

 

[Prophetic Spirit]

Man, you have my age and you are clearly drunk now.
Just... i don't know, pay some bitch.

 

[Geddy Lee's Fee and See]

Here's my advice:
Don't ask for relationship or mental health advice on the internet.

Or in general really. A lot of dating advice is basically either people throwing shit at a fan and seeing what works or anecdotes that aren't universally applicable (past basic shit like lookong and smelling clean, being a decent conversationalist and just being a functioning human being in general). What works for one person may or may not work for you. It's best just to contemplate other things and just do things you like in the meantime.

 

[Tablet County]

Move on already, faggot. Don't love someone that doesn't love you. She doesn't love you. It's over.

You don't need to move cities or get a haircut or change your name. You lost the dream of where you thought you were going. So time to do some demolition in your mental space and make room for new dreams to build.

You've been talking weird lately, bud. You on that ayahuasca or somethin'?

 

[Lemmingwiser]

You've been talking weird lately, bud. You on that ayahuasca or somethin'?

More like the opposite. I'm grinding harder and have less patience for things that waste time.

 

[Idiotron]

I'm 27 and the relationship lasted 3 years. We knew etch other for at least 4 years by now. We had made plans for children by now.

So your brain barely stopped developing.
You're barely an adult.
Stop acting like your life is over, you will live for another 70 years or more.

I'm very unhappy to be back in the dating game right when I want to start having children.

But why do you want children right now?
Is there a reason or do you just feel like you have to because of how you were raised?

 

[fat_rat_on_the_grass]

Seriously you need to listen to andre 3000
He was screaming advice at everyone that he himself went through and it might help you

also dont call women bitches that you love if you want them to think you love them, I mean she probably fell out of love with you when you kicked her out (most people do, having unrest in housing arrangements kills a relationship so so quick). Its your fault and all of this is your doing. You cant go back, only forward.

I think the line "Yall dont wanna listen ya just wanna dance" might be poigniant to you in your current stage of life. I dont think you were ready for kids if you still go out and party and live that lifestyle.

sorry to be really blunt and mean im usually a very kind person but I think the kindest thing I can say to you is how it is. Might I add if you are a drinker or do anything substance wise, thats going to be adding the the extremity of your moods if its become a habit, treat this like you would an actual physical wound because in a sense it is. heartache affects your immune system in ways we dont quite understand yet.

 

[SCV]

I'm 27 and the relationship lasted 3 years. We knew etch other for at least 4 years by now. We had made plans for children by now.

Sucks man. There is no real advice. Just keep existing and even though it doesn't seem like it now you'll feel better eventually (not tomorrow, months - years). Try not to get addicted to anything or do anything extra retarded on the "nothing matter anymore" line of thinking. Good luck.

 

[James Brown]

I tried to go to a club and dance away my thoughts. I saw her there and we talked for a bit. Her friend pulled her away and told me that it was over. I don't know if I can even live in my city with her here. All of the places I can go to forget about her are places she may be. I grew up in this city and now I feel like an outsider.

What kind of high school bullshit is this, please be LARPing. Acting like that at 27? Thats fucking weird even for a small-ish town, much less a city. Cope by knowing that you dodged the bullet of someone who values her retarded (and likely slutty) friends more than her bf/life partner...you don't want someone that immature and easily influenced sharing half your assets and your kid's DNA. If it worked out, she wouldve gone on a girls trip in 15 years while youre watching the kids and given some random guy a blow job becaue her friends told her you didnt give her enough attenshun. Time to work a second job/play mmorpgs/get a dog to fill the void and move into a new apartment.

 

[MadStan]

You don't have to move cities to cope. You just need to give it up and stop demanding answers from her as to why she doesn't love you - that's for you to figure out in your own mind and accept it, you don't need to hear it from her because if you can't figure it out, then her answer won't make any sense to you either.

Let's say she says you're an unloving bastard and are selfish, what are you going to? Start thinking IF you are actually a bastard and a selfish guy? You get my point?

You should be able to figure this out, and demanding answers from an ex is utterly pointless.

 

[clara red bottoms]

You cannot make anyone love you

The fuck were you when I was coming up? Lol
Some lessons you learn the hard way and some the very hard way