Coping with a breakup thread - Help.

[Party Hat Wurmple]

she won't tell me why she doesn't' love me anymore

Oh, OP I hope you're trolling. But okay, I'll effort post and assume you aren't. But I'm drunk and I'm not sugarcoating anything.

Why do you care why she doesn't love you anymore? It's not important. She wanted away and whatever the reason is, it doesn't matter. She doesn't want your D. She doesn't want your hand. She doesn't want your texts, phone calls or whatever. And she certainly doesn't want your tears. If that's harsh, it should be. Trust me, we all know. Don't concern yourself with her. She's a piece of shit for hurting you.

I tried to go to a club and dance away my thoughts

Keep going. Keep dancing.

saw her there and we talked for a bit.

Don't do this.

Her friend pulled her away and told me that it was over

Rule #1 Of Women - Her friends aren't your friends. They never will be. Hell, they're not even actually her friends. 9 times out of 10 they're actively sabotaging you while saying how great you are for her to your face. Never trust them.

Fuck her mom

Don't do this.

Fuck her sister

Absolutely do this.

Time to leave and move somewhere else. It's what I did after I got divorced.

Autisticly stupid but a change of scenery isn't a bad idea, even if it's temporary.

If you ever read this, I still love you. Please, one day, explain to me why you feel out of love.

Don't do this. She doesn't love you. She doesn't care. If she knew this thread existed, it's justifying her stance in dumping you and she's actively laughing about how she hurt you. Her and her friends are reading this together and making fun of you. They think you're a loser and a cuck.

I'm 27 and the relationship lasted 3 years. We knew etch other for at least 4 years by now. We had made plans for children by now.

Three years is nothing. Just be happy she's showing you her true colors at 3 years instead of 5.

My plans are all fucked

Find your nuts and make new plans.

then reflect on what you could've done better in the relationship

I get the spirit of this, but OP shouldn't assume he's the problem. OP can be Mr. perfect in every way and she might still dump him because her gym instructor gave her the fee fees. That's reality and you can't change it. Sometimes hoes are hoes and it's not your fault.

What helped. Or at least what I think helped a little is to get over oneitis and see women as interchangeable which sounds harsh but may actually be closer to reality then the delusion many men live in.

Listen to this guy.

You will never be content if you put your happiness onto someone else.

This is true.

A man should never place blame outside of himself.

Absolute bullshit. You can be Mr. perfect, but a meth druggie who is homeless and lives in a tent who sells her ecstacy for raves who just happens to bump into her on the right day can steal her heart and there's simply nothing you can do about it. You live in a Fantasyland where you like to think your girlfriend might not be a hoe, and as a result you ignore all the hoe shit she might do. The reality is life isn't that clean.

Her and her friends never did anything wrong.

You don't know that. Her friends will happily lie to your face.

but she loves me, not and that's not her fault

No. She doesn't.

I believe I did something wrong but I really don't know what and she can't or won't tell me, herself.

If she can't tell you what you did wrong, it's because she did something wrong and she's not willing to tell you. Stop being foolish.

You're gonna have another girl within the year if you look at all, my guy. Bookmark this post.

Listen to this guy.

I hope not. I like to think she loved me not very long ago.

She stopped loving you months ago.

I've been regretting it and chasing her ever since but it seems like I have to face the facts that I dropped the ball and lost the love of my life.

No. You didn't.

Follow the three step program:

Slightly consider this.

You need to distance yourself, cease all contact

You should do this yesterday.

yeah moving in with someone you wanna have kids with and then kicking them out is indeed pretty alarming behavior that would have me questioning if i really wanna risk pledging my whole life and future to you

Meh. A woman who wants him enough won't care if he's 5'1 and living in a crack tent and beats her on the regular. Women want what they want and that's all there is to it.

I was a fucking child and I've been chasing for her approval ever since. Now when I see her at the club, she lies and says her friend has a sprained ankle just to leave the scene and do anything else but look at me.

You're blaming yourself. Nagging isn't good for a relationship and if she can't communicate effectively with you, then she wasn't for you.

Stop chasing for her approval. HER APPROVAL IS WORTHLESS.

Just last month she was mixing our faces together with ai to see what our children would look like

She was taunting you.

Hardest lesson of all in life;
You cannot make anyone love you

Once again, Dr. Otterly comes with the correct diagnosis.

Genuinely the hardest thing to learn

If you learn to read between lines, this is Otterly saying even she wasted time on men who didn't deserve her. Which is something that becomes clear later in the thread.

that hurt a lot

Giving you the wurmpliest hug. Yes, it's an adjective now.

also dont call women bitches that you love if you want them to think you love them

Counterpoint: He wasn't mean enough. Kindness is weakness in modern era women's minds whether you like it or not.


Op, grow a sack and move on. I get being hurt. I get even making this for some weird therapy. But take the chance to wake up to reality that women are people too and do shitty things for no reason for no fault of your own. Take a few actual lessons from the Woman Hate Thread and steel your expectations next time. You don't have to hate women, but you do have to steel yourself.

 

[Jive]

But why do you want children right now?
Is there a reason or do you just feel like you have to because of how you were raised?

All of my siblings and a few of my friends are now having children. I've been to four baby showers and first birthdays just this year. I feel so left out when I see their happy families. We were planning to have kids for years. The plan was home ownership, marriage and children in that order. And I got so close. My job is really good and I've been approved for decent home loans but I just didn't move fast enough.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

All of my siblings and a few of my friends are now having children. I've been to four baby showers and first birthdays just this year. I feel so left out when I see their happy families. We were planning to have kids for years.

Then knock up some random hoe and have kids yourself if you want it so bad. If you want to take time and do things right, then put away your vagina and find a new broad to make a life with that is less a hoe. They exist. You just have to look.

This whole "Oh it was my time/plan" reeks of beta male brainwashing. Take your God damn time.

 

[Dr. Ricearoni]

This guy fell for the meme. Women aren't actually real.

 

[pp6t49]

Do you ever wonder
That to win, somebody's got to lose
I might as well get over the blues
Just like fishing in the ocean
There'll always be someone new

Don't stop for nobody
This time I'll keep my feet on solid ground
Now I understand myself when I'm down
Like the sweet sound of hip music
There'll always be something new
To keep the tables turning

 

[Halo Cipher]

Hey Jive. The five stages of grief don't just apply to the grief of someone that dies, but also the dreams you had which you feel only a particular someone else could make happen. It feels like the dream dies with them, but it doesn't in reality. The truth is that you keep the dream reel going, remove the person who it wouldn't work with from the videos you play in your head, and then focus on finding someone who actually ticks your boxes for your dream. Remember, you can't make someone fit your list if they don't want to be in it and it will always end in tears and resentment if you try to build love on a fear of abandonment. Just be grateful you didn't have children with her before she left or you would find this a million times harder. Trust me, Jive. Never settle for someone who doesn't fit your list. Make your list, stick to it, be fucking ruthless, and you will find a partner who will not do this to you again. The right woman will make the effort to show up for you.

Finally, because you want to have children, pick not just a future wife but the mother of your children. A wife and a mother suitable for your dreams understands what communication is and can put themselves second to build with you. If you want to make a list of what you need in a partner, maybe we can help you with that.

 

[Feline Supremacist]

OP, you've received some excellent advice here, and I hope you will take it to heart. However, I want to caution you not to let this disappointment and pain impact your future relationships with a new partner; in addition, don't isolate yourself from friends and family as you could meet someone new through them. True friends are hard to find, so don't let this angst and anxiety affect other relationships that are equally important, perhaps even more so. I understand that this is a difficult time for you, but please don't let it impact your other, non-romantic relationships. Family and real friends will be there for you, and they will love you unconditionally. Focus on taking care of yourself and don't push away the people who love you no matter what.

 

[C. G. B. Spender]

Slightly consider this.

Consider it after you have tried all the healthier options, if that doesn't work travel to Cambodia and blow shit up with RPG's. Take something like 2 thousand bucks with you and you can try pretty much every gun and explosive they have.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

Consider it after you have tried all the healthier options, if that doesn't work travel to Cambodia and blow shit up with RPG's. Take something like 2 thousand bucks with you and you can try pretty much every gun and explosive they have.

A good vacation is never a bad idea. As long as you're not going to beat yourself up about the breakup and try to move on. I've often seen people go on a vacation and just be miserable.

 

[56 others]

Breakup Music

 

[Idiotron]

All of my siblings and a few of my friends are now having children. I've been to four baby showers and first birthdays just this year. I feel so left out when I see their happy families. We were planning to have kids for years. The plan was home ownership, marriage and children in that order. And I got so close. My job is really good and I've been approved for decent home loans but I just didn't move fast enough.

That's a horrible reason.
Kids are 20+ years of your life.
Have you considered that you might get fed up 8 years down the line?
Have you even had a pet that you managed to take care of well, not neglect, not overfeed etc?

The reason should be that you want to raise the next generation, hopefully into something even better than yourself.
Don't do it just because all the other people on the block are doing it.

 

[Feline Supremacist]

Have you considered that you might get fed up 8 years down the line?

I'm not sure OP is ready to have children:

We lived together for two years. But I was immature and couldn't handle her "nagging" or "demands". I was a fucking child

 

[Nick Obre]

I don't know what to do. I fucking love that bitch. I'm so sad and she won't tell me why she doesn't' love me anymore. I don't understand. What do I do to cope? I'm fucking struggling.

Happened to me 4 years ago, after a 15 year relationship.

There's no explanation that will satisfy you or even make sense. She felt something at one point, justified or not, and that changed her feelings for you.

The only way forward is to accept it, to realize that knowing the reason or even the truth about any doubts you may have about it, will not help you at all. Try not to interact with her, if that's an option.
Feel your feelings, process them, take the time you need for it. I'm not saying "wallow in self pity", but don't feel bad about feeling bad.

But once you're done with that, climb out of the hole and start living again.

 

[Mike Matei's Penis]

Ask Grok for advice.

 

[Mage Killer]

Not exactly a breakup, but a female friend of mine, one which I talked about all my issues with, she stopped talking to me because she was getting married soon. It's been a year but I still miss her.

 

[Feline Supremacist]

Not exactly a breakup, but a female friend of mine, one which I talked about all my issues with, she stopped talking to me because she was getting married soon. It's been a year but I still miss her.

I feel that, but sounds like she's an insecure and emotionally immature person. Doesn't bode well for her marriage, either.

 

[Unarmed Gunman]

Fuck her mom

Fuck her sister

^This

Also, has it ever occurred to you that you're acting like a whiny little bitch, and maybe that's why she doesn't love you anymore? My guess is she realized you were soft as a fig newton and couldn't stand the thought of having kids with the type of guy that chases her around like a sad puppy dog and cries to strangers on the internet.

Man the fuck up dude, you're a little too close to 30 to be sniveling like a teenage girl. Women don't like guys who chase them around and act like little bitches, so put this one in the rearview mirror, harden up, and go take your sexual frustrations out on a cocktail waitress or something.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

Man the fuck up dude

Stop it, his vagina is already leaking!

 

[Mage Killer]

I feel that, but sounds like she's an insecure and emotionally immature person. Doesn't bode well for her marriage, either.

Are you sure she just doesn't want to have close conversations with another man even though she's in a relationship? I don't know. She hasn't spoken to me in a year.

 

[Feline Supremacist]

Are you sure she just doesn't want to have close conversations with another man even though she's in a relationship? I don't know. She hasn't spoken to me in a year.

If you and this woman were truly friends she wouldn't cut you off. It indicates a shallow understanding of friendship and is likely coming from her fiancé because he doesn't trust her.

I know married couples who have friends of the opposite sex, even a few when the friends had once been lovers but they've established clear boundaries that everyone understands. They trust each other, and trust is essential to any relationship, regardless if it's sexual or not.

Maybe she doesn't trust you. Or she doesn't trust herself because she has feelings for you. idk, sounds complicated.