Copypasta thread - Mmmm pasta

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>step out of my 200 sq ft apartment that I pay $3,800/month to rent. I’m in a rush to meet my friend at the local Ethiopian-Korean fusion micro pub to drink a couple of cactus infused mango milkshake IPAs
>as I step out and breathe in the fresh smog I’m pleased to find that the air is only 98% polluted today, I can get away wearing 2 masks instead of 3
>meet with my friend Maxine Elequantus, She’s in the middle of transitioning right now so I make a mental note to be careful with my pronouns
>on my way to the pub I slip in some homeless man’s shit and land on an AIDS needle
>get into the pub and see they’re having a half price special, 1 authentic Ethiopian Korean taco + a half pint of a local draft for only $39.99!
>Maxine comes in and looks so brave and stunning! She sneezes as she gets to the table. I made the mistake of telling her gazuntite (a nazi word co-opted by the radical right). Someone recorded it and sent it to my boss, got a text that I need to come and clean my things from the office tomorrow.
>have fun with Maxine but it’s time I get home. Take the local bus and sit next to a junkie nodding off on heroin who vomits all over me
>so exhausted at this point, I can’t wait to finally get home to be surrounded by all of the refreshing grey concrete
>as I step over the two homeless niggers fucking on my porch I get a phone call that my daughter has been raped by a pack of niggers again
I love the hustle and bustle of city it’s so vibrant and exciting!
 
After leading the 19 year old kidnapped Anne Frank through the religious headquarters, Adolf Hitler eventually found a suitable place to make love.

“Vait here.” He said to Anne, before puffing up his chest and storming into the office.

“EVERYBODY OUT! I HAVE ZE GORL AND I MUST TEND TO HER!” he bellowed, glaring at the militia personnel as they all marched from the room.

Once they were all out he brought Anne in and sat her down on the table. “Please excuse ze lack of decoration.”

He huffed, shoving the very important war plans onto the floor to make room.

Hitler's expression turned from excited to a fatherly stern.

He reached into his back pocket and removed a large box.

Anne tried to peek inside, but Hitler slapped her hand away wagging his finger.

“Not vyet gorl.”

Anne was curious, the gas from the chambers made her very horny.

Hitler was 56 and still a virgin, his wife was a little hoe that slept around with other gangstas.

Anne was 19 now and fucked many times before, but nobody turned her on quite like the fuhrer.

Hitler slowly unbuttoned his shirt, Anne was salivating with every subtle movement from her daddy.

Hitler threw his shirt to the side.

Now only wearing his pants, his small erection was very visible.

Anne Frank had developed a puddle under where she sat, Hitler noticed and licked it up hastily.

He didn’t want jew juices on his war plans.

Hitler stepped closer to her, Anne was sitting crotch height to the fuhrer.

“Earn your freedom” said Hitler.

Anne looked up at him and nodded eagerly.

She began unbuttoning his trousers, Hitler was bright red.

After all, it was his first time. Anne assured him, “It’s gonna be ok baby ;3.”

Hitler uwu blushed.

“O-ok, Anne-Zenpai.” bellowed Hitler.

She brought Hitler’s pants down to his knees, her dainty hands resting on his hips.

She tried to ignore the fact that his dick was 2 inches and that he was missing a testicle, and instead focussed on his lustrous moustache.

She slowly bit onto his underwear and brought them down.

His millimeter pener was at full view for the teenage girl.

Anne gulped and reached up to the hem of her dress, her small fingers delicately working to undress herself.

She slipped it off her slim shoulders, revealing her figure that was surprisingly curvy for such malnourished girl.

Hitler’s nipples were erect.

His 2 inch cock was standing straight up.

Anne’s vagina was drenched in fluids, as she fantasized about what Hitler was going to do to her.

Hitler pushed his micropenis into the waiting pussy lips of the woman.

Her slender figure turned Hitler on.

Anne threw her head back and cried, her hands finding his moustache so that she could entangle her fingers in it.

“Go deeper!” she begged, her brow creasing. “Ugh my holocunt.”

Hitler looked guiltily to the side. “Uh… I’m already fully inzide...“ he mumbled shyly.

Hitler was embarrassed, but he wanted to please the girl.

The fuhrer pulled out, he reached into the box and retrieved the severed dick of the dead officer Demetri who used to work with him.

“Vill zis feel better?” inquired Hitler.

“Y- yes daddy.” said Anne Frank.

Hitler super glued the 5.3 inch dick to his 2 inch long one.

He suddenly felt more confident.

The fuhrer plunged his new cock into the tight pussy.

Hitler felt nothing, but Anne was screaming in ecstacy, her mouth agape, eyes half rolled back into her skull.

“Harder!” she cried.

Hitler increased pace, his cock pounding against the vulva of the girl.

Anne felt his cock deep in her stomach.

They eventually found a set pace and fell into a steady rhythm, both of them sweating profusely.

“A-Anne I-I’m close!” he panted out.

He thrust harder and harder, the familiar tension building up in his stomach before he finally busted half a nut in Anne.

The feeling of Nazi semen was something that Anne was used to, but even then... the dead officer’s dick was very appetizing.

Hitler was panting, his virginity had been stolen by a jew.

“Meie meie meie, I shoood pug did in mai diary.” Hitler grins, feeling himself grow flaccid.

Anne Frank covered her Jewish nose, laughing. “Oh Hitler, you just kill me.”
 
Q and E are both compromised. W has his own agenda at play so treat him with a grain of salt. I hate to say it but you guys are not ready for R and his message. On the other hand M looks promising but he has limit access to the protocols... DO NOT TRUST E or N. Do untrust the plan but dont retrust the strategy -G

You fat fucks think its sooooo fucking funny to spam my fucking inbox with your shit. well Ive had. im here to kick ass and slonk weed and im all out of weed. You had better get your ducks in a row and shit in a bag because im about put you niggers in your place if you dont shape up and move out. Dont think you little chiken mcniggers can fuck with me and get away with it. Like a chessmaster I hold all the goddamn strings in my hand. and in my other hand I hold all the cards. So you faggots had better fold before I flip the whole goddamn game on its head. You have no idea who you are fucking with.

That's cute, lash out some more, because you wasted an entire degree's worth of time on some of the most pathetic self-indulgent navel gazing masturbatory 'sci-fi' ever. That will literally never be seen by anyone who doesn't just want to mock you.


Nice try, FBI
Not today, CIA
Dirty tricks, MI6
No Deal, Navy Seal
Lay off the meth, ATF
Another day, Green Barrett
I'm not falling for that Trojan Horse, Israeli Defense Force
Good attempt at obscurity, Department of Homeland Security
Stranger Danger, Army Ranger
Forget your plea, KGB
Enough of you, JTF2
No foul play, TSA
Reassess, SAS
No dice, ICE
Cease, police
Stop, cop
 
Good god why did I reddit. So ashamed, here ya go ya sick fucks
"There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex. Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement.


Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen, making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you.


Each dolphins way of expressing sexual readiness varies, so the longer you know the dolphin, the better you will detect when they are sexually active. When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough...) WARNING! You should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can cum as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death.


A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other.


Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship. Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.


Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited.


Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation. Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body.


There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time. One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a dolphin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them."

edit: even more and somehow worse stuff replied to the above comment. You were warned.
 
I've come to make an announcement: Hitler's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He invaded my fucking country. That's right, he took his overcomplicated fucking panzers out and he invaded my fucking country, and he said his tanks were "THIS BIG", and I said "That's disgusting!" So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter dot com. Adolph Hitler, you got small tanks! They’re the size of this T-70 except WAY smaller! And guess what? Here's what my tanks looks like! UUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAA! That's right, comrade! All gun, no breakdowns, no over-engineering, look at that, it looks like two potatoes and a borscht! He invaded my country, so guess what, I'm gonna invade Europe! That's right, this is what you get, my SUPER HEAVY TANK! Except I'm not gonna invade Europe, I'm gonna go higher. I'm invading the WORLD! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, CHURCHILL? I INVADED THE WORLD, YOU FAT FUCK! You have 23 hours before the cosmonauts invade the fucking Moon! Now get out of my fucking sight, before I invade you too!
 
Use armed drones and HD sat-recon to seek out AA emplacements. Use Tomahawk and big guns, high altitude precision munitions, and other fun stuff to knock out the AA positions and any jet that gets up. Use interlocking *combat* Naval formations with real time HD sat scans to wipe out any faggot who gets within 50 miles with the big guns and the missiles. Once the AA is largely knocked out, PROVE it by using the armed drones to hit communications, ammunition dumps.

Once the AA is wiped out, we go fucking 1991 Biblical on their asses. Make it rain for 40 days and 40 nights. NOE fast movers dusting any commo, ammo, artillery. High altitude and missiles to knock out the roads.

Meanwhile, stage at the Iraq/Iran border 2-3 DIVISIONS of fucking armor, 3-5 divisions of infantry, and ALL of their combat support. Iran has gas, but legally, within the RoE for the BigGuns(TM), the Hamburger Kingdom reserves the right to FUCKING NUKE YOUR ASS if you use chems on us. 1990's doctrine for fighting actual non-exceptional individuals who have logistics, actually military bases, and real military equipment instead of what they stole from a flea market in Agrabah and outran the guards to crouch in a hole and giggle over will be brought out and dusted off. (The alarmist article in this week's Army Times about "OH NOES! COLD WAR NUKE PLANS!" shows that this shit is getting revamped under Trump after first Clinton's draft card burning ass and then Obama's exceptional suckass dismantling and abandoning it)

1990's plans are Cold War theory matched with Lessons Learned from Grenada (Betcha don't know that was a total shitshow that ended up revamping the entire military), lessons learned from Panama, lessons from Desert Storm, then everything else, are going to be UGLY as fuck.

We're talking I, III, V, and VII Corps on the line at Iran/Iraq, with FOB's and Log Bases every 2 miles, roving patrols with a fucking M1 BN a screaming distance away and a shitload of REMF's just drooling to shoot a motherfucker in the face or laze in a fucking Copperhead/Tomahawk. All waiting for the fucking jump go. Probably 82nd or 101 sitting offshore (LOL at them doing airborne insertion) to once again leave the Marines chewing crayons while the Army does another amphibious landing.

Sorry, but snake eaters will have to stop being dick stroking prima donnas and stop doing glorified infantry work and go back to, you know, doing snake eater shit and let the rest of the military get involved.

Sure, they *COULD* hurt us.

If the Generals and plotters and planners act like total exceptional individuals and Tom Clancy that shit up by acting like knuckle dragging mouth breathing snake eaters are the end all be all of the military.

I mean, let's be real. Let's be really really real.

Iran's military (snicker) and Navy (snort) might be a match for some other towel headed camel fucking hadji with 4 prepubescent wives, massive illiteracy, a sub-80 IQ, and a bad case of goat-itch, but they're looking on taking on the fucking Hamburger Kingdom. The fucking "We will bomb your city until the fucking ROCK catches on fire" and "We will charge into fucking emplacements with bayonets, big fucking grins, and balls made of goddamn steel so we can climb into your bunker and burn you to death with a fucking flamethrower" Hamburger Kingdom.

And we won't be just defending ourselves.

They're fucking with Granddad. I mean yeah, he's old, he's senile, he used to rule the world but now he's just some fucking senile island of fog and faggotry, but he's Granddad.

The Hamburger Kingdom is his thyroid monster grandson, the autistic 900 pound gorilla with chainsaw arms who breaths fire and supplements his tard strength with steroids and now cybernetic arms who, to beat in battle, a fucking NATION has to throw everything they have, and even then, they probably lose the fucking war. A goddamn country with a bigger navy than the entire world COMBINED, with an Air Force bigger than everyone else COMBINED, and has more tanks sitting in the fucking desert in Arizona and New Mexico than most nations have ever fucking producedf.

That batch of borderline traitors in the Dem party squatting in the House may think they can pass some exceptional individual legislation stripping the power of the Commander in Chief from declaring war, but you can bet your ass if Grampa Tea & Biscuits asks his Hamburger Son for some help, the fucking chickenshit war-hawk Dems can suck all the dick and Iran will get powerbombed like Peewee Herman trying to fight a T-800.

See, the Hamburger Kingdom uses something we perfected. Combined Fucking Arms. A goddamn butterbar who hasn't even grown any ballsack hair can call in a fucking airstrike from the goddamn Mighty Mo (I know she's no longer in service) based on the profanity filled screaming of a fucking 19 year old and that shit will be delivered in 30 minutes or less within a 12 digit grid coordinate. The fucking BAFV can take on fucking T series tanks and win, but what's funnier is some halfwit fucking mouth breathing 11 Bang Bang calling in a fucking A-10.

Remember all those faggots saying that the A10 is useless? That it should be tossed in the garbage?

Well, once the AA is knocked into complete shit, the A10 will be blowing up everything from tanks to APC's to semi-trucks hauling terrified motherfuckers away from the front because they just realized they aren't fighting other child raping bronze age savages and instead the Hamburger Kingdom sent stone cold killers raised on fucking Transformers, Call of Duty, and sheer hatred. Once they get bored with that, they'll blow up parking lots of cars, blow up the roads with HE rounds, strafe fucking buildings for fun, and whatever else gets the pilot's dicks hard.

That's if some Navy cocksucker sitting in a rusted ass fucking ship that should have been replaced under Obama or Bush JR doesn't shove a fucking missile straight up the Ayatolla's ass and we call it a fucking day.

They aren't going to hurt shit.

And don't give me any bullshit about Russian Super Science or Chinese Super-Tech. The fucking Vodka Troglodytes and the Pollution Goblins aren't shit on the fucking battlefield. We know they, they know it, and they fucking know we know it. We got enough bullets for both of them fucking combined, and this time we won't be lending them fucking weapons, vehicles, oil, food, and ammunition so that fucking faggot Commie College LARPers can claim the USSR did jack shit but march men into the fucking guns till the cock sucking box-heads ran out of ammo.

And they sure as shit aren't going to give anything important to a bunch of fucking yowling Bronze Age Savages who are going to get owned so fucking badly that it'll retroactively repeal the 13th Amendment. Anything they give to the fucking yowling degenerate spawn of the Persian Empire is going to end up in a crayon eater's barracks room as a fucking trophy he uses to impress tranny sluts from the nearby Air Force finance unit.

The above comes from our own @Jet Fuel Johnny ...it is literally the greatest thing I have ever read. Well done sir!
 
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My best friend, Ryan Dunn, died in a car accident four years ago. He's dead and gone. Iceland's his favorite place. I'm gonna build him a skatepark.
You don't have be a musician to be an Earth Rocker. Andrew Shramberg is an Earth Rocker.

My other best friend, Brandon Novak, is on heroin again. He's back in rehab for his sixteenth time. Good luck with that one.

Sick of the bullshit. Sick of all this shit. I don't go out anymore, 'cause I hate every motherfucker. I don't care what they're up to. Four years I wasted, sippin' on drinks at the bar, chit-chatting with fucking nobodies. Now I stay at home, like a fucking hermit. I'm not gonna take any shit from anyone.

I know what's going on. I got set up. I got jumped. Thank God Nicki wasn't there to watch me get my fucking ass kicked. She would have wound up with a black eye and probably went to jail. She has a big mouth.

I live for this shit. I love it. Bring it the fuck on.

Payback's a bitch motherfucker
 
I once put memes on my final presentation for a forest ecology course, on the topic of woodland management to promote pollinators, and not a single person laughed. People stared at me with bored, pained eyes wanting me to get away from the podium so they could all go home. The professor even went "Uh let's move on" after a couple seconds of pure painful silence. I live with this cringe every day.
 
RAGIE WAGIE
STOMPS HIS FEET
RAGIE WAGIE
CANT BE NEET

IF HE DOES
HE WONT EAT
IF NO SLAVING
SLEEP IN STREET

RAGIE WAGIE
STAMP HIS FEET
RAGIE WAGIE
SCARED OF NEET

WAGIE CRY AND WAGIE MOAN
WORK HIS FINGERS TO THE BONE

WORK AND WORK NO TIME FOR FUN
ONLY EXIT IS A GUN
 
The Children of Yakub (wh*te dogs) have proven to be the more cowardly race of men.

Oh Allah, you created the Black man in your Black image. As the original race. Out of black clay you formed us.

You gave the black man Atlantis to build civilization oh lord. With black civilization bleaming like a beacon in the island.

But lord one of your own Yakub apostasized against you

He created lesser races, walking abominations with melanin deficiency. He taught them pagan falsehoods.

Creating false gods of Odin, Zeus, Vishnu, ahuramazda. Creating wicked idols for his abominations to worship in mockery of the one Allah.

So you commanded Atlantis to destroy and obliterate them. But the kingsmen disobeyed. They colonized and mixed with the spawn of Yakub.

Teaching them farming, art, civilization. Allah therefore destroyed Atlantis in deluge,

But one day the BLACK Mahdi will return. He will come with Black Muhammad and Isa and do battle with the white al dajjal.

And he will restore melanin in all men's skin. So there shall only be one race again. The black race of Allah.

Those of you who are the spawn of Yakub make haste and repent for your fathers sin. Submit to the BLACK man and beg for Allah to restore your melanin.

Those of you here who are BLACK oh children of Atlantis come join Islam. The religion of your kinsman Muhammad who was black. And the prophets who were black.

Modern Jews are European converts not the original Black Hebrews.

Al dajjal shall surely be a white Jew with the mark of Yakub on his forehead
 
You will never be a real Steam competitor. You have no user reviews, you have no shopping cart, you have no controller support. You are a Chinese botnet twisted by Fortnite zoomer money and chewed remote controls into a crude mockery of a video game platform.
All the “support” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back indie devs mock you as they release on Steam a year later and sell 2 million copies. Your investors are disgusted and bewildered by your reckless spending, your “business partners” laugh at your pitiful concurrent user counts behind closed doors.
Users are utterly repulsed by you. Decades of torrenting have allowed pirates to bypass you with incredible efficiency. Even gamers who aren't repelled by your business practices will be taken aback by how barebones your store is. You have to bribe people with crappy indie games to use your store. And even if you manage to get a guy to make an account, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second Gabe announces the next Steam sale.
You will never be profitable. You wrench out a fake press release every single financial quarter and tell yourself you're going to capture 50% of the PC market in a few years, but deep inside you feel Apple's attorneys creeping up like Agent Peely, ready to crush you under the unbearable legal fees.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll lose both your case and Apple's countersuit, stop paying for exclusives and giveaways, get blacklisted by the industry for airing their dirty laundry, and plunge into insolvency. Your investors will call you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to watch you make fools of yourselves in federal court. They’ll lump you in with the likes of GFWL, and every business student for the rest of eternity will know how not to run a online store. Fortnite revenues will dry up, and your company will go back to just being the guys who make Unreal Engine.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.
 
shut the fuck up subhuman ape nigger faggot every one of you shitskin niggers should be hung by a fucking rope until you're dead, as if I didn't have enough reason to hate you worthless fucking animals one of you is really waltzing into this thread and typing out this anti-white hate with your fucking entitled monkey fucking paws? before I die I'm going to kill no less than 10 of you fucking niggers I'm going down with a 10:1 nigger KDR fuck you nigger monkey bitch I hate your race more than you could ever believe
 
Wait a minute... Steampunk telescope goggles zoom in on OP post

Type writer noises

~ - - Steampunk Goggles v1.01 - - ~
Login: xxxx
Auth: xxxxxxxxx
...
OK
Welcome, Sir Arthur Rice Krispie Cumberbunches'o'Oats Jr.!

telescan --auto-detect-thread -F

~ - - SCAN REPORT - - ~
【 BOARD 】/V/ - VIDEO GAMES 【TOPIC: VIDEO GAMES】
【 ! HAZARDOUS ! 】OP IMAGE - SOIJAK.
【 ! EXTREME DANGER ! 】OP POST - 【[ . . . ᴰᴱᶜᴵᴾᴴᴱᴿᴵᴺᴳ ᴿᴱᵀᴬᴿᴰᴱᴰ ᴾᴼˢᵀ . . . ]】Bingo! Positive match on: COPYPASTA.
【 CAUTION 】ENERGY SIGNATURE - /V/ (40%), /QA/ (40%), UNKNOWN (20%)
_
【 DAMAGE REPORT 】High-risk post! Moderation advised! Replying NOT advised!

Huh... Goggles retract... It appears... to be a soi duel thread... stay on your toes.
 
Burgerasssand said:
RAGIE WAGIE
STOMPS HIS FEET
RAGIE WAGIE
CANT BE NEET

IF HE DOES
HE WONT EAT
IF NO SLAVING
SLEEP IN STREET

RAGIE WAGIE
STAMP HIS FEET
RAGIE WAGIE
SCARED OF NEET

WAGIE CRY AND WAGIE MOAN
WORK HIS FINGERS TO THE BONE

WORK AND WORK NO TIME FOR FUN
ONLY EXIT IS A GUN
Click to expand...
1621762885165.png
 
fat scout.jpg

>fat scouts
You will never be a real class. You have no good primaries, you have no benefits, you have no viability. You are a homosexual fatass twisted by meme weapons and gimmicks into a crude mockery of Valve's perfection.

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Pyros are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “teammates” laugh at your ghoulish appearance behind closed doors.

Medics are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of hours of gameplay have allowed medics to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even spies who “pass” look uncanny and unnatural to a medic. Your hitbox structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a Gibus medic heal you, he’ll turn tail and crit you the second he gets a whiff of your broken, imbalanced Dead Ringer.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll go to the marketplace, sell your unusuals, put it at a cheap price, and uninstall TF2. Your team will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll taunt you with a Soldier's Requiem marked with your username, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a fat scout main is buried there. Your items will decay and go back to the marketplace, and all that will remain of your legacy is a class that is unmistakably shit.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.
 
It looks raw, under cooked and absolutely shocking. Quite frankly it's an embarrassment, and you should be ashamed of yourself. I mean honestly, I wouldn't even serve it to my dog. It's garbage, it's trash. It's fucking abysmal. Is that really the best you can do? Is that the kind of quality you're aiming for? Really? I don't know why you even post here. Why do you even bother. You might as well give up. Though based on this monstrosity, you've already given up, haven't you? What is it, are you depressed? Are you done? Just look at the pepperoni, it's not even cooked. The raw fucking onions. They're not even sliced properly. I mean come on, you know this. You know this isn't good. Yet here you are, posting this shit again. Have you even looked at the crust? Or the cheese? I mean, what is that? They're snow fucking white. The dough has barely been cooked. Did you even put it in the oven? Did you forget to turn it on? It's just sad. This isn't a fucking pizza, it's a travesty. An absolute shambles. I don't know what else to say. It's just not good enough. Throw it in the fucking bin, and just stop. You can't cook. You're useless. Utterly useless.
 
You sound like a working class chump. I bet you thought it would be a great "investment", how you would wake up to a warm, healthy breakfast to start off your long day. Maybe, you even had a couple thoughts about all the other nifty little uses you could find for the thing, how it would help you cook healthier meals in general, shed a couple pounds off the old gut, boost your confidence around work and with the ladies. Yeah, maybe that slow cooker would start your life cooking again, wouldn't it? I can see your strained hands holding the box and reading through it carefully at the store. A little bit pricey, but you're the type of guy who thinks everything is more than you can spend, aren't you. And look what happened to you. Look what the slow cooker did to you. Fucked you over, and made you clean it like a useless bitch. You don't even fucking like oatmeal. Piece of shit, you've been repeating those three words your whole life, haven't you. Yeah, how was work after that piece of shit fucked you over? I bet it was on your mind the whole day, you probably didn't say shit to nobody. Can't be telling people about your mistakes. How your little fix yourself plan, failed you. Don't want people to start thinking you're the failure. You're the piece of shit, all along. You don't want that do you? You don't want to be the piece of shit everybody secretly whispers about, do you? Was your father a piece of shit like you? I bet he never had a slow cooker. He had a woman, a house, a damn good job. I bet it's slow cooking you the fuck alive, isn't it. Comparing yourself to him. How one day when all the steam runs our of your life, you'll discover how you're nothing more than burnt shit to be scrapped off and thrown in the trash
 
Weedeater's Friend said:
Well well well. I see no activity for a month, sit down and relax, have myself a beer, and the next day I come back and see all this. Now don't tell me you simply forgot what I've said before here, that kind of excuse ain't going to work.

I'm feeling good today so I'll be nice and give you all a chance. It's simple. I want a written apology from everyone, don't make it short now, explain in detail what you've done, that you're sorry for every single thing you did, and that it won't happen again. If it passes approval and I see no more fucking around, I'll leave and let you all be. But be warned that if a single person throws an insult my way or refuses to stop this, it's War Time. And I know none of you pasty fat fucks can fight worth shit.

Think you can fuck around with Weedeater's friends? Bet you didn't think about his family finding out either. Cousins, family that were in actual wars already know about this. You think they just took it when ISIS invaded their fucking cities? And better yet they have ways of getting information about each and every one of you. Consider yourself warned and be ready for any retaliation.

Peace.
Click to expand...
 
Think about it moids: why should ANY foid worth her salt choose a pathetic weak m*Le over a strong GVLDEN RETRIEVER? The GVLDEN RETRIEVER doesn't worry about silly things like "red flags" and "children" and "boob size" and "weight"; They see a tight, wet opening, they stick their dick in it, it feels good so they keep on going. They pound into your girlfriend with such force she is moaning, begging for more doggy cock. She is damn near pissing herself, but the GVLDEN RETRIEVER doesn't stop. His knot swells. Your girlfriend, mind blanked by orgasmic bliss, is bound to the GOLDEN BVLL for up to an hour while his Chad knot shrinks down, and her vaginal muscles milk every drop of GVLDEN RETRIEVER spunk. She will never look at you the same way again. Sex doesn't feel the same. She is "tired" most nights, yet you can hear the whimpering and moans from the bathroom when she takes Sparky in the bathroom to "take a shit with company". She tells you to go in the other room and "jerk it or something". You are ashamed. You are weak. You are crushed. But she will never love you again. Sparky plays with his chew toy.

Her stomach is swelling. That is strange, you think, as you two haven't had sex in about 4 months and you had just gotten a vasectomy, per r/childfree advice. She tells you it's hormones, but you see the worry in her eyes, the fear lying behind her nonchalant expression. Fucking Sparky, looks up at you and almost smiles. The fucking MUTT, having the nerve to smile at you. In a time like this? Why are you so fucking angry at this dog? What did he do?

5 more months has passed. The "bump" on her stomach is huge now. You worry it may be a freak-case tumor or something of the like, but you now are pretty sure she cheated on you at some point. With who? When? But most importantly, why? Sparky looks at you again, but this time, his face is blank. He shits on the floor.

It is now obvious she's in labor. She decided against going to the hospital, for reasons you were unsure of. Probably read a Reddit post on tub births or something. In any case, she is in pain, and you are doing as much as you can to help her birth the baby, even though you just know it isn't yours. That's okay though. When you find out who the father is you will kill them. How could he do this to your girlfriend? Why did she let him? Where is he? What is his race? Is his cock bigger tha-

The baby is born. Or, rather, 6 babies are born? They are... furry. And yellow. And their ears are quite large. Holy shit. The fucking dog. Sparky. They look just like him! Except, they have human characteristics. They are grotesque to look at, you are sick to your stomach. You want to scream, to cry, to beg her to kill them, but she doesn't. She isn't doing much of anything actually. Just staring at them, with cold, dead eyes. She holds two up to her swollen breasts. They suckle, and whimper. They are alive. Sparky shits on the floor.
 
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