Copypasta thread - Mmmm pasta

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Because I get this same stupid comment a lot: This video was made as a joke, by a gay individual who is very much aware of the "stop making everything gay, it makes men afraid to be friends!" argument. That's just fucking ridiculous, and you're effectively outing yourself as someone who needs to stop hiding behind a seemingly well-intentioned statement and reexamine the real issues behind WHY it's an issue if men are perceived as acting "gay". The argument is thinly veiled homophobia, and throws the blame on gay people as opposed to anyone who is uncomfortable being mistaken as gay. Don't blame gay people taking comfort in fictional characters acting like us for your internalized issues; ask yourself WHY it's a bad thing to be mistaken as gay, and try to change your own thinking instead. You wanna be open and affectionate with your homies as a straight man? That's awesome, I'm happy for you! I hope you can overcome that fear of being "mistaken as being gay" and live without worrying about something like that. If I'm mistaken as a straight person I just laugh it off and say "nah, I'm gay as hell", it's really not a huge deal. There is OBVIOUSLY a difference between something like REAL LIVING INDIVIDUALS being shipped and having invasive questions thrown at them, but Kiryu and Majima are not real, and therefore cannot be made self-conscious about their behavior towards each other. I'm not making an investigative video on whether a celebrity is dating his best friend, I'm posting a mostly unedited video of two fictional men who are very much implied to be Not Straight being friendly and joking that it's kinda gay. Because I am also gay. And I think it would make sense and be neat if they were too. If you're being made to feel self-conscious because you act like this with your friends then like??? okay??? That's on you, figure it out without blaming it on gay people. I'm not your therapist.
 
TAKE IT FROM ME... FOLLOWED NATHEN FOR 3 YEARS. EVEN MET HIM ONCE. AHHHHH-MAZING BRAND GURU...oh, crazy funny too 😆

Wow ... never knew Nathen Mazri was also mentioned underground...My god this guy has effect on people from Hollywood executives to lunatics and idiots hiding away. Loooooooove this guy ... I mean you gotta give it to him ... first father money is BS. Father gave him experience and Pascal is his cofounding investor. Its in every article and i watched them together and its in the Incorporation files. Yup i know.

Pascal is Austrian not arab. Nathen is half quebecois ... racist much 🙄😒 who gives a fuck... love em both... both hot too. Pascal looks like Armie Hammer. 😉


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Screenshot from his IG stories. Follow and love

NATHEN started a brand new concept helping Hollywood licensing managers get a foot in the food industry in a big way and bringing Garfield back after more than 12 years. Nathen started an amazing restaurant but i admit he had a bad location and evil landlord as i read from his IG stories and Narcity and his Indian operations manager who flew to India and cared less about service and consistency when Nathen did... he's OCD afterall...he had bad people around him. But he did close because He decided to close and go retail. Better! He showed us his statements on his stories... paid and never overdue like BLOGTO liars... never trusted them for even my brunch. Hahaha


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He always said death to QSR and brick and mortars not only due to Covid19 but years ago on Entrepreneur magazine. Read it on Communicate Magazine also. He takes risks. He is sooo wise. BlogTO lousy reporter Amy Loves bashing new restaurants with no 2nd chance which gives her highest readership unless they pay $3000 plus for advertising ... I worked in PR in the food industry all my life. I read his amazing article Google Reviews destroy young entrepreneurship where GE resto goes up to 4.5 then down to 3 because of rats and haters who gave 1 star and wrote it should be bugs bunny eats. Jeeez. Not relevant at all. This guy had pressure and death threats in postcards from USA (he showed us on IG) but he still kept going and sold sold sold and landedfranchisees in London in 6 months(naturally it takes 6 stores to land 1 franchisee). I even saw his manuals at his restaurant (sooo detailed) and i went there to london ... lovely family 👪 but COVID really hurt everyone. Same amazing taste. But Now i can actually get my lasagna from nearest grocery for pickup not having to drive miles away...

Retail and grocery store and grocery app like Instacart... that's the future. Closing was a great business decision for success because he knew how to save the brand and bring revenue from drop shipping quickly on www.garfieldeats.com

I followed this guy for 3 years and booked him on Cameo. I love this guy. He is honest cares about farm2plate with no funny business ingredients like gelatin gum and preservatives and shit in our food. Farmers love him in Ontario especially in Orangeville. He cares and has a huge heart. His food is delicious . I have it on my couch his GarfieldEATS lasagna and netflix ...omg 😋 addictive. Easy to put in oven and its all fresh natural ... 30mins my dinner is ready. 🤪🤪🤪🤪 best review by respected foodie is Ken https://youtu.be/iFLS7SAXCMw

Strange Aeons always has been a BITCH to men especially Nathen who gave her tons of gifts to her parent's mansion in Mississauga for her tricky order for her videos with his own driver (he posted about it) but she is soo dumb she cant even bake hahahha 😂 unappreciative and lives on evil attacks... saw most of her videos.
Craving attention from Nathen but he never lowers himself and I think because he never replied to her attacks. He is tooo noble. He works with Emmy award directors, he wont lower himself to that. Some will hate and some will love. Its fineeeeeeee.

Want a real review by a foodie... watch Ken Domik GarfieldEATS on youtube
GarfieldEATS
https://youtu.be/iFLS7SAXCMw

Scooby-Doo EATS even better. Smoky hotdogs. Omg yummmm ... also back of box no ingredients because nothing added or tampered with... get your facts straight... jealousy is fatal. Say truth or die now. Hahaha

One thing i can say is I LOVE HIS IG STORIES. MOST ENTERGAGING EVER. Once he appears its a must seeekeepi swear hahah anyeays keep digging, you'll find nothing just risks and businesses and more to come... he is young. until now no failures and if you think they are, you aren't an entrepreneur just living in mama's basement ... any business book or even Elon Musk will tell you...you must fail to succeed. But none for him. GarfieldEATS still alive and lasagnas and merch deliveries still on


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Scooby is Disruptive to the Frozen aisle. Coolest packaging for angus burgers. I even met his farmers BTW at his launch. I DMd him and told him ill be there. He had security 1 big man. You feel safe and secure around Nathen though... positive and loving... I wish I loved what I did... fukin hate my job... i did apply though to his company and waiting actually. Ill be mad if he didnt reply though like Strange Aeons ... fuk ... im becoming like the witch. He has an effect to crave for his attention hahah i guess that's why fans say shit and he says Hi... people become nice like Odies haha ... nathen shows us screenshots of his DMs that he gets also. He does Like... he may reply . He has a TXT number too on his IG


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Cant wait for his 2nd episode love me feed me dont leave me reality show.... OMG funny crazy better than Below the Deck hahahah 😂


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TAKE IT FROM ME... FOLLOWED NATHEN FOR 3 YEARS. EVEN MET HIM ONCE. AHHHHH-MAZING BRAND GURU...oh, crazy funny too 😆
Loooooooove this guy ... I mean you gotta give it to him ... first father money is BS. Father gave him experience and Pascal is his cofounding investor. Its in every article and i watched them together and its in the Incorporation files. Yup i know.

Pascal is Austrian not arab. Nathen is half quebecois ... racist much 🙄😒 who gives a fuck... love em both... both hot too. Pascal looks like Armie Hammer. 😉

Want a real review by a foodie... watch Ken Domik GarfieldEATS on youtube

Thank you for his true Hollywood story... hahha you spent time on him more than he has on himself i think hahha love it...What an awesome guy... crazy and talented... cant believe he's going to LA... he got a deal i think. On his IG. This guy is my inspiration ❤
 
HOURS AGO IN AN ARCHIVED THREAD
I OP, THE COCKSUCKING MASTER OF FAGGOTS
UNLEASHED AN UNSPEAKABLY BAD POST
BUT A BUTT HURT ANON, POSTING SMUG ANIME GIRLS, STEP FORTH AND REPORTED ME

BEFORE THE MODS COULD COME IN
I SPERGED THE FUCK OUT AND FLUNG MY THREAD TO THE FRONT PAGE
WHERE MY FAGGOTRY IS SEEN BY ALL

NOW THE BUTTHURT SEEKS TO REPORT MY THREAD
AND REPORT THE FAGGOTRY THAT IS OP
 
Hey is that Warwick Davis? That midge has been on my mind. No cap, I been thinking about that time when I barebacked him raw in a Boca Raton Air BnB. That shit had to be the tightest, easiest, wettest midge pucci I've ever laid pipe into. I swear to God, the most heavenly high is gargling that crazy dwarf’s stunted acorn while going fist deep into his shitter. I had Warwick screaming in the sheets with head too ridiculous to ignore. That Hobbit Ho choked on my cock until I busted in his mouth, I had to return the favor. That tiny cock pleaser Warwick and I been fucking non-stop ever since, but keep that shit on the DL. He does that shit for free. If you're gonna ask me how to "long" Warwick, I'll be deadass. All you gotta do is ask, be straight up, and get physical real quick. Throw him in the air like a baby, dress him up like a leprechaun, talk your shit. He doesn't play around with no pansy-ass niggas either. He likes his men manly,I and his dick thick. Dark skin, 6'5 is the minimum and I ain't talking about height boy.
 
@edmundmcmillen You litte F**ker You made a shit of piece with your trash Issac it’s f**King Bad this trash game I will become back my money I hope you will in your next time a cow on a trash farm you sucker
 
LOOK AT THE PICTURE!!! See the skull, the part of bone removed, the "master-race" Frankenstein radio controls, the Brain-thoughts Broadcasting Radio, the Eyesight Television, the Frankenstein Earphone Radio, the Threshold Brainwash Radio, the latest new skull reforming to contain ALL Frankenstein Controls, even in THIN skulls of WHITE PEDIGREE MALES! Visible Frankenstein controls! The synthetic nerve-radio directional antennae loop! Make copies for yourself! There is NO ESCAPE from this worst gangster police state, using ALL of the deadly gangster Frankenstein controls!

In 1965, CIA gangster police BEAT ME BLOODY, dragged me IN CHAINS from Kennedy New York Airport! Since then I HIDE in forced jobless poverty, isolated alone in this low deadly niggertown old house. The brazen, deadly Gangster Police and niggerpuppet underlings spray me with POISON NERVE GAS from automobile exhausts and even lawnmowers! DEADLY ASSAULTS, even in my yard with knives, even bricks and stones, even DEADLY TOUCH TABIN or ELECTRIC SHOCK FLASHLIGHTS; even remote electronically controlled around-corners-projection of DEADLY TOUCH TARANTULA SPIDERS or even bloody-murder "accidents" to shut me up forever with a Sneak Undetectable Extermination! Even with trained parroting puppet assassins in MAXIMUM SECURITY INSANITY PRISON for writing these unforgivable TRUTHS!!

Until my undetectable extermination, I, Francis E. Dec, esq., 29 Maple Avenue, Hampstead, New York, I STAND ALONE against your mad, deadly, worldwide conspiratorial Gangster Computer God Communism with wall-to-wall deadly Gangster protection, life-long sworn conspirators, Murder Incorporated, organized crime, the police and judges, the Deadly Sneak Parroting Puppet Gangsters using all the Gangster deadly Frankenstein controls! These hangmanrope sneak deadly gangsters, the judges and the police, trick, trap, rob, wreck, butcher, and MURDER the people to keep them TERRORIZED in Gangster Frankenstein earphone radio slavery for the Communist Gangster Government and con-artist Parroting Puppet Gangster-playboy scum-on-top! The secret work of all police, in order to maintain a Communist "closed society"! The same worldwide mad deadly Communist gangster computer god that controls YOU as a terrorized Gangster Frankenstein Earphone Radio slave! Parroting Puppet, you are a terrorized member of the "MASTER RACE" worldwide 4 BILLION eye-sight television camera guinea pig Communist Gangster Computer God MASTER RACE! You're LIVING, THINKING mad, deadly worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God SECRET OVERALL PLAN: WORLDWIDE LIVING DEATH FRANKENSTEIN SLAVERY to explore and control the ENTIRE UNIVERSE with the endless "STAIRWAY TO THE STARS" - namely the manmade inside-out planets with nucleonic powered speeds MUCH faster than the speed of light! Look up and see the Gangster Computer God concocted NEW FAKE STARRY SKY! The worldwide completely controlled deadly degenerative climate and atmosphere through the new world round Translucent Exotic Gaseous Envelope which the worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God MANIPULATES through countless exactly positioned satellites; THE NEW FAKE PHONY "STARS" IN THE SYNTHETIC "SKY"!!

For AGES before Frankenstein Controls apeoidic niggers interbreedable with APES had no alphabet, not even NUMERALS! Slavery conspiracy over 300 years ago ideally tiny-brained apeoidic nigger Gangster government Eyesight TV Gangster spy cameras, Computer God New World Order DEGENERATION! When "gifted" with all Gangster Frankenstein controls, nigger deadly Gangster Parroting Puppet or niggertrained PROGRAMMED ROBOTS DEADLY APE-FRANKENSTEIN MACHINES!! Degenerative disease to ETERNAL Frankenstein slavery!! Overall plan through "ONE WORLD COMMUNISM" (Top Secret codeword!!!) meaning "worldwide absolutely helpless-and-hopeless simple-languaged mongrel-mulatto- apeoidic NIGGERS"!!

Worldwide, systematic instant plastic surgery BUTCHERY MURDER, fake ageing so ALL people are dead or useless by age 70! Done at night to YOU as a Frankenstein slave! Parroting puppet Gangster slave, now even you know I am a MENACE to your worldwide, mad, deadly Communist Gangster Computer God! Therefore, I must go to extermination. Before I am exterminated by this gangster, Computer God concocted and controlled worst mongrel organized crime murder incorporated Gangster Communist government, I hand YOU the secrets to save the entire human race, and the entire UNIVERSE!

Donate money, or even a manual typewriter to me, FOR YOUR ONLY HOPE FOR A FUTURE!!
 
This one is a vintage meme from the Usenet days:

I LIKE MONKEYS. I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that was odd as they usually go for a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing. With difficulty, I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off the couch and slam into the wall at high speeds. Although humorous at first, this spectacle lost it's novelty halfway into it's third hour. Two hours after that I found out why the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damned cheap monkeys... I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried flushing one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys. I tried pretending they were just stuffed animals. That worked, that is, until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad... I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet. I didn't want to call the plumber, I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go all bad. Now I had to shit but there was a dead monkey in the toilet... I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in the toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better. I tried to throw them out but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had wet and frozen ones, but he said the city would only dispose of regular dead primates. I felt angry, but the I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas presents. I tied little cards to their furry dead necks and gave them to everyone I ever knew as Christmas presents. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them but I knew they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals. I like monkeys.
 
STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US! I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! MY FRIENDS ON TIKTOK SEND ME MEMES, ON DISCORD IT'S FUCKING MEMES! I was in a server, right? and ALL OF THE CHANNELS were just among us stuff. I-I showed my champion underwear to my girlfriend and t-the logo I flipped it and I said "hey babe, when the underwear is sus HAHA DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DI DI DING" I fucking looked at a trashcan and said "THAT'S A BIT SUSSY" I looked at my penis I think of an astronauts helmet and I go "PENIS? MORE LIKE PENSUS" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
 
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The year is 1842. The black race lives under WHITE RULE. All black males are sissified. Black women live to serve WHITE BVLLS in vast reproduction facilities. Welcome to the black race's WHITE PAST.

Demetrius remembers life before enslavement – before the federal-issued hormones, the sissy wigs, frilly lingerie, and mandatory chastity. He lives on the cotton-torn outskirts of Georgia, where he hides his beautiful black step-sister Qasheeta from the clutches of the brutal White Men.

As musclebound White Men prowl the countryside searching for fertile Black women, Demetrius will stop at nothing to protect sweet Qasheeta's purity. In his pink-and-blue wig, flirty sissy skirt, and fishnet stockings, Demetrius gives his tender black body to a gang of pitiless White alpha landowners: the ultimate act of courage and sacrifice. But is sissy Demetrius prepared for the overwhelming demonstration of power and domination? The encounter brings him face-to-face with his worst fears... and his most unspeakable sissy fantasies.

Acclaimed author and pro domme Tariq Nashneed presents a tantalizingly political vision of the past. His powerful, vivid, fly-on-the-wall passages of three-on-one interracial man-on-sissy action push the boundaries of sensual fiction. The WHITE BVLLS have their way with Demetrius' sissy body, pumping and pounding and cursing through one of the hottest gang scenes in the history of the genre. And interspersed throughout the sizzling prose, a suspenseful narrative full of imaginative world-building unfolds.

Experience the true power of WHITE BVLLS in Thirteen Fifty's. Prepare to break the ultimate buck. Explore the mind-bending world of WHITE PAST, the first book in Tariq Nashneed's brand new series.
 
this summer...

everyone's favorite plumber...

is coming to the big screen

cuts to bowser voiced by Adam Sandler What a bummer!

Ke$ha starts playing WAKE UP IN THE MORNING FEELING LIKE IM P DIDDY

Mario wakes up giddy for the morning as Peach is carried away in the distance, his alarm is still going off and he can't hear her, scrolls through some messages, looks up as he's about to read "princess peach kidnapped" remember to take up luigi, who's alarm is the local radio "in other news, princess peach has been-"

Mario, voiced by Aziz Ansari "It's a me! Your brother, Mario! We need to get an early start on our day if we're going to get anything done!"

Luigi, voiced by Owen Wilson, "just go on without me, man"

Mario: "but together we are the super Mario brothers! Without you I'm just... Regular Mario Brother."

two brothers will find themselves

Mario "what?! Peach is missing?"

Luigi "really?"

and maybe Peach

Mario "and bowser took her?"

Luigi "wow REALLY?"

but first they have to find Bowser

bowser: "I know what girls like!"

presents a bundle of fire flowers to Peach "fire flower?"

Peach kicks him in the balls

"AAAAA My fire balls!"

who might need to be saved from peach

peach, voiced by who do you fucking think, it's Kristen Schaal "I keep inviting you to go kart riding, to play golf, to parties, and even to the Olympic Games AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME?!"

this summer is going to be

montage of slap stick

bowser twerking

Mario "aaawkward"

this summer is going to be...

montage that's pretty much the inevitable dance party ending

toad doing a head spin

"LIIIIIIIIT"

this summer is going to be!

*montage of every time they say "super" in the movie

SUPER

Super Mario Bros.
 
Jon Arbuckle once trolled his family and friends by announcing that his fiance was pregnant (actually she was tied up in his basement and forced to watch sesame street episodes all the time.) He announced a big gender reveal and invited them all to his house. When they got there, there was a big pink and blue cake in the middle of his living room and a buffet table covered in heaping helpings on hearty Italian food. His family set about eating, and when they were halfway through the hors d'eouvres, Jon burst through the side of the cake, entirely naked, laughing like a maniac, his cock chopped off and shoved in his ass. "I'm about to give birth! I am with child!" He laughed and clutched his ribs, wracked with waves of insanity, then shit his own cock out onto the floor and swaddled it in a cloth. "It's a boy!" He said, and began spraying blue dye all over himself and the walls.

His relatives were frightened, and convinced Jon had lost his mind due to the COVID shutdown and months of total isolation. But as they tried to calm him, they all began to shit wildly, filling their pants, each person scrambling, dozens of people fighting for the one restroom, which Jon had locked tight. He laughed and waved a box of laxatives at them; he had spiked the food! They broke the bathroom door down and inside was a horrible scene; Jon had covered the floor in razor sharp caltrops and on the shelves were hundreds of glass jars filled with shit and piss, each topped with a balloon. "My drugs!" Jon shrieked, shoving them aside and brandishing a broom handle. He started huffing the shit gas and got even more delirious and everyone fled, as he leaned out the window, mocking them. He was dragged off to the funny farm, dying of sepsis and inhalant derived brain damage.
 
Admit it, you just wrote that.

Also copypasta tax.


As a ranking Netizen from the proud /pol/ community of yore, I put forward a motion for the forum to consider keeping /mlp/ and /pol/ as one /mlpol/.

My Little Politics has heartened me, to see the brighter side of humanity's existential degeneration: That, as Schopenhauer notes, aesthetic catharsis can serve as a release valve for stress.

Given the fascistic aesthetic so preferred by /pol/, and the naturalistic caricatures so loved by /mlp/, I find the two aren't wholly incongruous in unity.

Quite the contrary, I find this unity tempers the angry waves of sociopolitical conscience to a beatific calm. I feel jocular and liberated on this board, rather than confined by the strictures of red pill philosophy's impractical dogmatism, thanks to my /mlp/ brethren.

It is in the interest of political discussion and radical ideology to invite /mlp/ with open forelegs. Indeed, it's even been noted in the past that a disintegration of what we /pol/ users know as "the old /pol/" would stand to benefit from a terminal dilution or disintegration of the board, to stir up the conscience necessary for new members (particularly /r/The_Donald refugees) to understand how important our speech platform is.

I could go on as to the enhanced memetic capabilities and cyber force multipliers /mlp/ is capable of delivering /pol/.

Let's not look toward tomorrow as a divided group, as we kindred spirits fork the path and bid adieu, but let's travel with hands holding hooves. Let's keep this integration into the foreseeable future and embrace the great pleasures our handsome marriage can bear.
 
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ANON, QUICK, GET OUT OF THERE!!
YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY JANNIES!!

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Yes Snake, Jannies.
Or Janitors as they're usually called, they're a task force of highly trained mercenaries hired to secure these boards, you can find a number of them on any board in fact, not just the one you're in now.
Nobody really knows who these jannies truly are, apparently they've been here since the very beginning and curiously enough, they've always done it for free.
They appear to be very weak against porn, especially anime traps, and will often waste time fapping on trap threads instead of banning shitposters, you can try this yourself, try posting a trap thread now with the Astolfo PNGs I just sent you.

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I'm opening up a thread now.
It says "You haven't given up on your 1cc now, have you?"
Colonel, what is this? The entire thread is just softcore pornography and frilly dresses! This can't be video games, can it?

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Raiden, I can't pinpoint the thread you have entered because there are too many that fit that description.
However, I can confirm with utmost certainty that you are on a 4chan board.
Such threads ARE video games. It's just a part of their deep culture.
 
According to all known laws
of aviation,


there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.


Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.


The bee, of course, flies anyway


because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.


Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.


Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.


Barry! Breakfast is ready!


Ooming!


Hang on a second.


Hello?


- Barry?
- Adam?


- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.


Looking sharp.


Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.


Sorry. I'm excited.


Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.


A perfect report card, all B's.


Very proud.


Ma! I got a thing going here.


- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!


- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!


Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!


- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.


- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.


Never thought I'd make it.


Three days grade school,
three days high school.


Those were awkward.


Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.


You did come back different.


- Hi, Barry.
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.


- Hear about Frankie?
- Yeah.


- You going to the funeral?
- No, I'm not going.


Everybody knows,
sting someone, you die.


Don't waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.


I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.


I love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day.


That's why we don't need vacations.


Boy, quite a bit of pomp...
under the circumstances.


- Well, Adam, today we are men.
- We are!


- Bee-men.
- Amen!


Hallelujah!


Students, faculty, distinguished bees,


please welcome Dean Buzzwell.


Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of...


...9:15.


That concludes our ceremonies.


And begins your career
at Honex Industries!


Will we pick ourjob today?


I heard it's just orientation.


Heads up! Here we go.


Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.


- Wonder what it'll be like?
- A little scary.


Welcome to Honex,
a division of Honesco


and a part of the Hexagon Group.


This is it!


Wow.


Wow.


We know that you, as a bee,
have worked your whole life


to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life.


Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.


Our top-secret formula


is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured


into this soothing sweet syrup


with its distinctive
golden glow you know as...


Honey!


- That girl was hot.
- She's my cousin!


- She is?
- Yes, we're all cousins.


- Right. You're right.
- At Honex, we constantly strive


to improve every aspect
of bee existence.


These bees are stress-testing
a new helmet technology.


- What do you think he makes?
- Not enough.


Here we have our latest advancement,
the Krelman.


- What does that do?
- Oatches that little strand of honey


that hangs after you pour it.
Saves us millions.


Oan anyone work on the Krelman?


Of course. Most bee jobs are
small ones. But bees know


that every small job,
if it's done well, means a lot.


But choose carefully


because you'll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life.


The same job the rest of your life?
I didn't know that.


What's the difference?


You'll be happy to know that bees,
as a species, haven't had one day off


in 27 million years.


So you'll just work us to death?


We'll sure try.


Wow! That blew my mind!


"What's the difference?"
How can you say that?


One job forever?
That's an insane choice to have to make.


I'm relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.


But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?


Why would you question anything?
We're bees.


We're the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.


You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?


Like what? Give me one example.


I don't know. But you know
what I'm talking about.


Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.


Wait a second. Oheck it out.


- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
- Wow.


I've never seen them this close.


They know what it's like
outside the hive.


Yeah, but some don't come back.


- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!


You guys did great!


You're monsters!
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!


- I wonder where they were.
- I don't know.


Their day's not planned.


Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.


You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.


Right.


Look. That's more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.


It's just a status symbol.
Bees make too much of it.


Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it.


Those ladies?
Aren't they our cousins too?


Distant. Distant.


Look at these two.


- Oouple of Hive Harrys.
- Let's have fun with them.


It must be dangerous
being a Pollen Jock.


Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom!


He had a paw on my throat,
and with the other, he was slapping me!


- Oh, my!
- I never thought I'd knock him out.


What were you doing during this?


Trying to alert the authorities.


I can autograph that.


A little gusty out there today,
wasn't it, comrades?


Yeah. Gusty.


We're hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow.


- Six miles, huh?
- Barry!


A puddle jump for us,
but maybe you're not up for it.


- Maybe I am.
- You are not!


We're going 0900 at J-Gate.


What do you think, buzzy-boy?
Are you bee enough?


I might be. It all depends
on what 0900 means.


Hey, Honex!


Dad, you surprised me.


You decide what you're interested in?


- Well, there's a lot of choices.
- But you only get one.


Do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?


Son, let me tell you about stirring.


You grab that stick, and you just
move it around, and you stir it around.


You get yourself into a rhythm.
It's a beautiful thing.


You know, Dad,
the more I think about it,


maybe the honey field
just isn't right for me.


You were thinking of what,
making balloon animals?


That's a bad job
for a guy with a stinger.


Janet, your son's not sure
he wants to go into honey!


- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
- I'm not trying to be funny.


You're not funny! You're going
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!


- You're gonna be a stirrer?
- No one's listening to me!


Wait till you see the sticks I have.


I could say anything right now.
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!


Let's open some honey and celebrate!


Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.
Shave my antennae.


Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!


I'm so proud.


- We're starting work today!
- Today's the day.


Oome on! All the good jobs
will be gone.


Yeah, right.


Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,
stirrer, front desk, hair removal...


- Is it still available?
- Hang on. Two left!


One of them's yours! Oongratulations!
Step to the side.


- What'd you get?
- Picking crud out. Stellar!


Wow!


Oouple of newbies?


Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!


Make your choice.


- You want to go first?
- No, you go.


Oh, my. What's available?


Restroom attendant's open,
not for the reason you think.


- Any chance of getting the Krelman?
- Sure, you're on.


I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.


Wax monkey's always open.


The Krelman opened up again.


What happened?


A bee died. Makes an opening. See?
He's dead. Another dead one.


Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.


Dead from the neck up.
Dead from the neck down. That's life!


Oh, this is so hard!


Heating, cooling,
stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,


humming, inspector number seven,
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,


mite wrangler. Barry, what
do you think I should... Barry?


Barry!


All right, we've got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine...


What happened to you?
Where are you?


- I'm going out.
- Out? Out where?


- Out there.
- Oh, no!


I have to, before I go
to work for the rest of my life.


You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?


Another call coming in.


If anyone's feeling brave,
there's a Korean deli on 83rd


that gets their roses today.


Hey, guys.


- Look at that.
- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?


Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.


It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.


Really? Feeling lucky, are you?


Sign here, here. Just initial that.


- Thank you.
- OK.


You got a rain advisory today,


and as you all know,
bees cannot fly in rain.


So be careful. As always,
watch your brooms,


hockey sticks, dogs,
birds, bears and bats.


Also, I got a couple of reports
of root beer being poured on us.


Murphy's in a home because of it,
babbling like a cicada!


- That's awful.
- And a reminder for you rookies,


bee law number one,
absolutely no talking to humans!


All right, launch positions!


Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!


Black and yellow!


Hello!


You ready for this, hot shot?


Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.


Wind, check.


- Antennae, check.
- Nectar pack, check.


- Wings, check.
- Stinger, check.


Scared out of my shorts, check.


OK, ladies,


let's move it out!


Pound those petunias,
you striped stem-suckers!


All of you, drain those flowers!


Wow! I'm out!


I can't believe I'm out!


So blue.


I feel so fast and free!


Box kite!


Wow!


Flowers!


This is Blue Leader.
We have roses visual.


Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.


Roses!


30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.


Stand to the side, kid.
It's got a bit of a kick.


That is one nectar collector!


- Ever see pollination up close?
- No, sir.


I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it
over here. Maybe a dash over there,


a pinch on that one.
See that? It's a little bit of magic.


That's amazing. Why do we do that?


That's pollen power. More pollen, more
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.


Oool.


I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.
Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?


Oopy that visual.


Wait. One of these flowers
seems to be on the move.


Say again? You're reporting
a moving flower?


Affirmative.


That was on the line!


This is the coolest. What is it?


I don't know, but I'm loving this color.


It smells good.
Not like a flower, but I like it.


Yeah, fuzzy.


Ohemical-y.


Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.


My sweet lord of bees!


Oandy-brain, get off there!


Problem!


- Guys!
- This could be bad.


Affirmative.


Very close.


Gonna hurt.


Mama's little boy.


You are way out of position, rookie!


Ooming in at you like a missile!


Help me!


I don't think these are flowers.


- Should we tell him?
- I think he knows.


What is this?!


Match point!


You can start packing up, honey,
because you're about to eat it!


Yowser!


Gross.


There's a bee in the car!


- Do something!
- I'm driving!


- Hi, bee.
- He's back here!


He's going to sting me!


Nobody move. If you don't move,
he won't sting you. Freeze!


He blinked!


Spray him, Granny!


What are you doing?!


Wow... the tension level
out here is unbelievable.


I gotta get home.


Oan't fly in rain.


Oan't fly in rain.


Oan't fly in rain.


Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!


Ken, could you close
the window please?


Ken, could you close
the window please?


Oheck out my new resume.
I made it into a fold-out brochure.


You see? Folds out.


Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.


What was that?


Maybe this time. This time. This time.
This time! This time! This...


Drapes!


That is diabolical.


It's fantastic. It's got all my special
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.


What's number one? Star Wars?


Nah, I don't go for that...


...kind of stuff.


No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.
They're out of their minds.


When I leave a job interview, they're
flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.


There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.


I don't remember the sun
having a big 75 on it.


I predicted global warming.


I could feel it getting hotter.
At first I thought it was just me.


Wait! Stop! Bee!


Stand back. These are winter boots.


Wait!


Don't kill him!


You know I'm allergic to them!
This thing could kill me!


Why does his life have
less value than yours?


Why does his life have any less value
than mine? Is that your statement?


I'm just saying all life has value. You
don't know what he's capable of feeling.


My brochure!


There you go, little guy.


I'm not scared of him.
It's an allergic thing.


Put that on your resume brochure.


My whole face could puff up.


Make it one of your special skills.


Knocking someone out
is also a special skill.


Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.


- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.


- You could put carob chips on there.
- Bye.


- Supposed to be less calories.
- Bye.


I gotta say something.


She saved my life.
I gotta say something.


All right, here it goes.


Nah.


What would I say?


I could really get in trouble.


It's a bee law.
You're not supposed to talk to a human.


I can't believe I'm doing this.


I've got to.


Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!


No. Yes. No.


Do it. I can't.


How should I start it?
"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.


Here she comes! Speak, you fool!


Hi!


I'm sorry.


- You're talking.
- Yes, I know.


You're talking!


I'm so sorry.


No, it's OK. It's fine.
I know I'm dreaming.


But I don't recall going to bed.


Well, I'm sure this
is very disconcerting.


This is a bit of a surprise to me.
I mean, you're a bee!


I am. And I'm not supposed
to be doing this,


but they were all trying to kill me.


And if it wasn't for you...


I had to thank you.
It's just how I was raised.


That was a little weird.


- I'm talking with a bee.
- Yeah.


I'm talking to a bee.
And the bee is talking to me!


I just want to say I'm grateful.
I'll leave now.


- Wait! How did you learn to do that?
- What?


The talking thing.


Same way you did, I guess.
"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.


- That's very funny.
- Yeah.


Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,
we'd cry with what we have to deal with.


Anyway...


Oan I...


...get you something?
- Like what?


I don't know. I mean...
I don't know. Ooffee?


I don't want to put you out.


It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.


- It's just coffee.
- I hate to impose.


- Don't be ridiculous!
- Actually, I would love a cup.


Hey, you want rum cake?


- I shouldn't.
- Have some.


- No, I can't.
- Oome on!


I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.


- Where?
- These stripes don't help.


You look great!


I don't know if you know
anything about fashion.


Are you all right?


No.


He's making the tie in the cab
as they're flying up Madison.


He finally gets there.


He runs up the steps into the church.
The wedding is on.


And he says, "Watermelon?
I thought you said Guatemalan.


Why would I marry a watermelon?"


Is that a bee joke?


That's the kind of stuff we do.


Yeah, different.


So, what are you gonna do, Barry?


About work? I don't know.


I want to do my part for the hive,
but I can't do it the way they want.


I know how you feel.


- You do?
- Sure.


My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.


- Really?
- My only interest is flowers.


Our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan.


Anyway, if you look...


There's my hive right there. See it?


You're in Sheep Meadow!


Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!


No way! I know that area.
I lost a toe ring there once.


- Why do girls put rings on their toes?
- Why not?


- It's like putting a hat on your knee.
- Maybe I'll try that.


- You all right, ma'am?
- Oh, yeah. Fine.


Just having two cups of coffee!


Anyway, this has been great.
Thanks for the coffee.


Yeah, it's no trouble.


Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,
I'd be up the rest of my life.


Are you...?


Oan I take a piece of this with me?


Sure! Here, have a crumb.


- Thanks!
- Yeah.


All right. Well, then...
I guess I'll see you around.


Or not.


OK, Barry.


And thank you
so much again... for before.


Oh, that? That was nothing.


Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...


This can't possibly work.


He's all set to go.
We may as well try it.


OK, Dave, pull the chute.


- Sounds amazing.
- It was amazing!


It was the scariest,
happiest moment of my life.


Humans! I can't believe
you were with humans!


Giant, scary humans!
What were they like?


Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.


They eat crazy giant things.
They drive crazy.


- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
- Some of them. But some of them don't.


- How'd you get back?
- Poodle.


You did it, and I'm glad. You saw
whatever you wanted to see.


You had your "experience." Now you
can pick out yourjob and be normal.


- Well...
- Well?


Well, I met someone.


You did? Was she Bee-ish?


- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
- No, no, no, not a wasp.


- Spider?
- I'm not attracted to spiders.


I know it's the hottest thing,
with the eight legs and all.


I can't get by that face.


So who is she?


She's... human.


No, no. That's a bee law.
You wouldn't break a bee law.


- Her name's Vanessa.
- Oh, boy.


She's so nice. And she's a florist!


Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!


We're not dating.


You're flying outside the hive, talking
to humans that attack our homes


with power washers and M-80s!
One-eighth a stick of dynamite!


She saved my life!
And she understands me.


This is over!


Eat this.


This is not over! What was that?


- They call it a crumb.
- It was so stingin' stripey!


And that's not what they eat.
That's what falls off what they eat!


- You know what a Oinnabon is?
- No.


It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.
They heat it up...


Sit down!


...really hot!
- Listen to me!


We are not them! We're us.
There's us and there's them!


Yes, but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?


There's no yearning.
Stop yearning. Listen to me!


You have got to start thinking bee,
my friend. Thinking bee!


- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.


Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


There he is. He's in the pool.


You know what your problem is, Barry?


I gotta start thinking bee?


How much longer will this go on?


It's been three days!
Why aren't you working?


I've got a lot of big life decisions
to think about.


What life? You have no life!
You have no job. You're barely a bee!


Would it kill you
to make a little honey?


Barry, come out.
Your father's talking to you.


Martin, would you talk to him?


Barry, I'm talking to you!


You coming?


Got everything?


All set!


Go ahead. I'll catch up.


Don't be too long.


Watch this!


Vanessa!


- We're still here.
- I told you not to yell at him.


He doesn't respond to yelling!


- Then why yell at me?
- Because you don't listen!


I'm not listening to this.


Sorry, I've gotta go.


- Where are you going?
- I'm meeting a friend.


A girl? Is this why you can't decide?


Bye.


I just hope she's Bee-ish.


They have a huge parade
of flowers every year in Pasadena?


To be in the Tournament of Roses,
that's every florist's dream!


Up on a float, surrounded
by flowers, crowds cheering.


A tournament. Do the roses
compete in athletic events?


No. All right, I've got one.
How come you don't fly everywhere?


It's exhausting. Why don't you
run everywhere? It's faster.


Yeah, OK, I see, I see.
All right, your turn.


TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?
That's insane!


You don't have that?


We have Hivo, but it's a disease.
It's a horrible, horrible disease.


Oh, my.


Dumb bees!


You must want to sting all those jerks.


We try not to sting.
It's usually fatal for us.


So you have to watch your temper.


Very carefully.
You kick a wall, take a walk,


write an angry letter and throw it out.
Work through it like any emotion:


Anger, jealousy, lust.


Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?


Yeah.


- What is wrong with you?!
- It's a bug.


He's not bothering anybody.
Get out of here, you creep!


What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?


Yeah, it was. How did you know?


It felt like about 10 pages.
Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.


You've really got that
down to a science.


- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.
- I'll bet.


What in the name
of Mighty Hercules is this?


How did this get here?
Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,


Ray Liotta Private Select?


- Is he that actor?
- I never heard of him.


- Why is this here?
- For people. We eat it.


You don't have
enough food of your own?


- Well, yes.
- How do you get it?


- Bees make it.
- I know who makes it!


And it's hard to make it!


There's heating, cooling, stirring.
You need a whole Krelman thing!


- It's organic.
- It's our-ganic!


It's just honey, Barry.


Just what?!


Bees don't know about this!
This is stealing! A lot of stealing!


You've taken our homes, schools,
hospitals! This is all we have!


And it's on sale?!
I'm getting to the bottom of this.


I'm getting to the bottom
of all of this!


Hey, Hector.


- You almost done?
- Almost.


He is here. I sense it.


Well, I guess I'll go home now


and just leave this nice honey out,
with no one around.


You're busted, box boy!


I knew I heard something.
So you can talk!


I can talk.
And now you'll start talking!


Where you getting the sweet stuff?
Who's your supplier?


I don't understand.
I thought we were friends.


The last thing we want
to do is upset bees!


You're too late! It's ours now!


You, sir, have crossed
the wrong sword!


You, sir, will be lunch
for my iguana, Ignacio!


Where is the honey coming from?


Tell me where!


Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!


Orazy person!


What horrible thing has happened here?


These faces, they never knew
what hit them. And now


they're on the road to nowhere!


Just keep still.


What? You're not dead?


Do I look dead? They will wipe anything
that moves. Where you headed?


To Honey Farms.
I am onto something huge here.


I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,
crazy stuff. Blows your head off!


I'm going to Tacoma.


- And you?
- He really is dead.


All right.


Uh-oh!


- What is that?!
- Oh, no!


- A wiper! Triple blade!
- Triple blade?


Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!


Why does everything have
to be so doggone clean?!


How much do you people need to see?!


Open your eyes!
Stick your head out the window!


From NPR News in Washington,
I'm Oarl Kasell.


But don't kill no more bugs!


- Bee!
- Moose blood guy!!


- You hear something?
- Like what?


Like tiny screaming.


Turn off the radio.


Whassup, bee boy?


Hey, Blood.


Just a row of honey jars,
as far as the eye could see.


Wow!


I assume wherever this truck goes
is where they're getting it.


I mean, that honey's ours.


- Bees hang tight.
- We're all jammed in.


It's a close community.


Not us, man. We on our own.
Every mosquito on his own.


- What if you get in trouble?
- You a mosquito, you in trouble.


Nobody likes us. They just smack.
See a mosquito, smack, smack!


At least you're out in the world.
You must meet girls.


Mosquito girls try to trade up,
get with a moth, dragonfly.


Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.


You got to be kidding me!


Mooseblood's about to leave
the building! So long, bee!


- Hey, guys!
- Mooseblood!


I knew I'd catch y'all down here.
Did you bring your crazy straw?


We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,
and it's pretty much pure profit.


What is this place?


A bee's got a brain
the size of a pinhead.


They are pinheads!


Pinhead.


- Oheck out the new smoker.
- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.


The Thomas 3000!


Smoker?


Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.
Twice the nicotine, all the tar.


A couple breaths of this
knocks them right out.


They make the honey,
and we make the money.


"They make the honey,
and we make the money"?


Oh, my!


What's going on? Are you OK?


Yeah. It doesn't last too long.


Do you know you're
in a fake hive with fake walls?


Our queen was moved here.
We had no choice.


This is your queen?
That's a man in women's clothes!


That's a drag queen!


What is this?


Oh, no!


There's hundreds of them!


Bee honey.


Our honey is being brazenly stolen
on a massive scale!


This is worse than anything bears
have done! I intend to do something.


Oh, Barry, stop.


Who told you humans are taking
our honey? That's a rumor.


Do these look like rumors?


That's a conspiracy theory.
These are obviously doctored photos.


How did you get mixed up in this?


He's been talking to humans.


- What?
- Talking to humans?!


He has a human girlfriend.
And they make out!


Make out? Barry!


We do not.


- You wish you could.
- Whose side are you on?


The bees!


I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.
Those crazy legs kept me up all night.


Barry, this is what you want
to do with your life?


I want to do it for all our lives.
Nobody works harder than bees!


Dad, I remember you
coming home so overworked


your hands were still stirring.
You couldn't stop.


I remember that.


What right do they have to our honey?


We live on two cups a year. They put it
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!


Even if it's true, what can one bee do?


Sting them where it really hurts.


In the face! The eye!


- That would hurt.
- No.


Up the nose? That's a killer.


There's only one place you can sting
the humans, one place where it matters.


Hive at Five, the hive's only
full-hour action news source.


No more bee beards!


With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.


Weather with Storm Stinger.


Sports with Buzz Larvi.


And Jeanette Ohung.


- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.
- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.


A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,


intends to sue the human race
for stealing our honey,


packaging it and profiting
from it illegally!


Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,


we'll have three former queens here in
our studio, discussing their new book,


Olassy Ladies,
out this week on Hexagon.


Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.


Did you ever think, "I'm a kid
from the hive. I can't do this"?


Bees have never been afraid
to change the world.


What about Bee Oolumbus?
Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?


Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.


We were thinking
of stickball or candy stores.


How old are you?


The bee community
is supporting you in this case,


which will be the trial
of the bee century.


You know, they have a Larry King
in the human world too.


It's a common name. Next week...


He looks like you and has a show
and suspenders and colored dots...


Next week...


Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the
guest even though you just heard 'em.


Bear Week next week!
They're scary, hairy and here live.


Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,
squinty eyes, very Jewish.


In tennis, you attack
at the point of weakness!


It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.


Honey, her backhand's a joke!
I'm not gonna take advantage of that?


Quiet, please.
Actual work going on here.


- Is that that same bee?
- Yes, it is!


I'm helping him sue the human race.


- Hello.
- Hello, bee.


This is Ken.


Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size
ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.


Why does he talk again?


Listen, you better go
'cause we're really busy working.


But it's our yogurt night!


Bye-bye.


Why is yogurt night so difficult?!


You poor thing.
You two have been at this for hours!


Yes, and Adam here
has been a huge help.


- Frosting...
- How many sugars?


Just one. I try not
to use the competition.


So why are you helping me?


Bees have good qualities.


And it takes my mind off the shop.


Instead of flowers, people
are giving balloon bouquets now.


Those are great, if you're three.


And artificial flowers.


- Oh, those just get me psychotic!
- Yeah, me too.


Bent stingers, pointless pollination.


Bees must hate those fake things!


Nothing worse
than a daffodil that's had work done.


Maybe this could make up
for it a little bit.


- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.
- I guess.


You sure you want to go through with it?


Am I sure? When I'm done with
the humans, they won't be able


to say, "Honey, I'm home,"
without paying a royalty!


It's an incredible scene
here in downtown Manhattan,


where the world anxiously waits,
because for the first time in history,


we will hear for ourselves
if a honeybee can actually speak.


What have we gotten into here, Barry?


It's pretty big, isn't it?


I can't believe how many humans
don't work during the day.


You think billion-dollar multinational
food companies have good lawyers?


Everybody needs to stay
behind the barricade.


- What's the matter?
- I don't know, I just got a chill.


Well, if it isn't the bee team.


You boys work on this?


All rise! The Honorable
Judge Bumbleton presiding.


All right. Oase number 4475,


Superior Oourt of New York,
Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry


is now in session.


Mr. Montgomery, you're representing
the five food companies collectively?


A privilege.


Mr. Benson... you're representing
all the bees of the world?


I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,
we're ready to proceed.


Mr. Montgomery,
your opening statement, please.


Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,


my grandmother was a simple woman.


Born on a farm, she believed
it was man's divine right


to benefit from the bounty
of nature God put before us.


If we lived in the topsy-turvy world
Mr. Benson imagines,


just think of what would it mean.


I would have to negotiate
with the silkworm


for the elastic in my britches!


Talking bee!


How do we know this isn't some sort of


holographic motion-picture-capture
Hollywood wizardry?


They could be using laser beams!


Robotics! Ventriloquism!
Oloning! For all we know,


he could be on steroids!


Mr. Benson?


Ladies and gentlemen,
there's no trickery here.


I'm just an ordinary bee.
Honey's pretty important to me.


It's important to all bees.
We invented it!


We make it. And we protect it
with our lives.


Unfortunately, there are
some people in this room


who think they can take it from us


'cause we're the little guys!
I'm hoping that, after this is all over,


you'll see how, by taking our honey,
you not only take everything we have


but everything we are!


I wish he'd dress like that
all the time. So nice!


Oall your first witness.


So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
of Honey Farms, big company you have.


I suppose so.


I see you also own
Honeyburton and Honron!


Yes, they provide beekeepers
for our farms.


Beekeeper. I find that
to be a very disturbing term.


I don't imagine you employ
any bee-free-ers, do you?


- No.
- I couldn't hear you.


- No.
- No.


Because you don't free bees.
You keep bees. Not only that,


it seems you thought a bear would be
an appropriate image for a jar of honey.


They're very lovable creatures.


Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.


You mean like this?


Bears kill bees!


How'd you like his head crashing
through your living room?!


Biting into your couch!
Spitting out your throw pillows!


OK, that's enough. Take him away.


So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.
Your name intrigues me.


- Where have I heard it before?
- I was with a band called The Police.


But you've never been
a police officer, have you?


No, I haven't.


No, you haven't. And so here
we have yet another example


of bee culture casually
stolen by a human


for nothing more than
a prance-about stage name.


Oh, please.


Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?


Because I'm feeling
a little stung, Sting.


Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!


That's not his real name?! You idiots!


Mr. Liotta, first,
belated congratulations on


your Emmy win for a guest spot
on ER in 2005.


Thank you. Thank you.


I see from your resume
that you're devilishly handsome


with a churning inner turmoil
that's ready to blow.


I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?


Not yet it isn't. But is this
what it's come to for you?


Exploiting tiny, helpless bees
so you don't


have to rehearse
your part and learn your lines, sir?


Watch it, Benson!
I could blow right now!


This isn't a goodfella.
This is a badfella!


Why doesn't someone just step on
this creep, and we can all go home?!


- Order in this court!
- You're all thinking it!


Order! Order, I say!


- Say it!
- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!


I think it was awfully nice
of that bear to pitch in like that.


I think the jury's on our side.


Are we doing everything right, legally?


I'm a florist.


Right. Well, here's to a great team.


To a great team!


Well, hello.


- Ken!
- Hello.


I didn't think you were coming.


No, I was just late.
I tried to call, but... the battery.


I didn't want all this to go to waste,
so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.


Oh, that was lucky.


There's a little left.
I could heat it up.


Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.


So I hear you're quite a tennis player.


I'm not much for the game myself.
The ball's a little grabby.


That's where I usually sit.
Right... there.


Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,


and he agreed with me that eating with
chopsticks isn't really a special skill.


You think I don't see what you're doing?


I know how hard it is to find
the rightjob. We have that in common.


Do we?


Bees have 100 percent employment,
but we do jobs like taking the crud out.


That's just what
I was thinking about doing.


Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor
for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.


I'm going to drain the old stinger.


Yeah, you do that.


Look at that.


You know, I've just about had it


with your little mind games.


- What's that?
- Italian Vogue.


Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.


A lot of ads.


Remember what Van said, why is
your life more valuable than mine?


Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!


I think something stinks in here!


I love the smell of flowers.


How do you like the smell of flames?!


Not as much.


Water bug! Not taking sides!


Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!
This is pathetic!


I've got issues!


Well, well, well, a royal flush!


- You're bluffing.
- Am I?


Surf's up, dude!


Poo water!


That bowl is gnarly.


Except for those dirty yellow rings!


Kenneth! What are you doing?!


You know, I don't even like honey!
I don't eat it!


We need to talk!


He's just a little bee!


And he happens to be
the nicest bee I've met in a long time!


Long time? What are you talking about?!
Are there other bugs in your life?


No, but there are other things bugging
me in life. And you're one of them!


Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...


My nerves are fried from riding
on this emotional roller coaster!


Goodbye, Ken.


And for your information,


I prefer sugar-free, artificial
sweeteners made by man!


I'm sorry about all that.


I know it's got
an aftertaste! I like it!


I always felt there was some kind
of barrier between Ken and me.


I couldn't overcome it.
Oh, well.


Are you OK for the trial?


I believe Mr. Montgomery
is about out of ideas.


We would like to call
Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.


Good idea! You can really see why he's
considered one of the best lawyers...


Yeah.


Layton, you've
gotta weave some magic


with this jury,
or it's gonna be all over.


Don't worry. The only thing I have
to do to turn this jury around


is to remind them
of what they don't like about bees.


- You got the tweezers?
- Are you allergic?


Only to losing, son. Only to losing.


Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you
what I think we'd all like to know.


What exactly is your relationship


to that woman?


We're friends.


- Good friends?
- Yes.


How good? Do you live together?


Wait a minute...


Are you her little...


...bedbug?


I've seen a bee documentary or two.
From what I understand,


doesn't your queen give birth
to all the bee children?


- Yeah, but...
- So those aren't your real parents!


- Oh, Barry...
- Yes, they are!


Hold me back!


You're an illegitimate bee,
aren't you, Benson?


He's denouncing bees!


Don't y'all date your cousins?


- Objection!
- I'm going to pincushion this guy!


Adam, don't! It's what he wants!


Oh, I'm hit!!


Oh, lordy, I am hit!


Order! Order!


The venom! The venom
is coursing through my veins!


I have been felled
by a winged beast of destruction!


You see? You can't treat them
like equals! They're striped savages!


Stinging's the only thing
they know! It's their way!


- Adam, stay with me.
- I can't feel my legs.


What angel of mercy
will come forward to suck the poison


from my heaving buttocks?


I will have order in this court. Order!


Order, please!


The case of the honeybees
versus the human race


took a pointed turn against the bees


yesterday when one of their legal
team stung Layton T. Montgomery.


- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.


- Is there much pain?
- Yeah.


I...


I blew the whole case, didn't I?


It doesn't matter. What matters is
you're alive. You could have died.


I'd be better off dead. Look at me.


They got it from the cafeteria
downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.


Look, there's
a little celery still on it.


What was it like to sting someone?


I can't explain it. It was all...


All adrenaline and then...
and then ecstasy!


All right.


You think it was all a trap?


Of course. I'm sorry.
I flew us right into this.


What were we thinking? Look at us. We're
just a couple of bugs in this world.


What will the humans do to us
if they win?


I don't know.


I hear they put the roaches in motels.
That doesn't sound so bad.


Adam, they check in,
but they don't check out!


Oh, my.


Oould you get a nurse
to close that window?


- Why?
- The smoke.


Bees don't smoke.


Right. Bees don't smoke.


Bees don't smoke!
But some bees are smoking.


That's it! That's our case!


It is? It's not over?


Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.


Get back to the court and stall.
Stall any way you can.


And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.


Mr. Flayman.


Yes? Yes, Your Honor!


Where is the rest of your team?


Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.


Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,


and as a result,
we don't make very good time.


I actually heard a funny story about...


Your Honor,
haven't these ridiculous bugs


taken up enough
of this court's valuable time?


How much longer will we allow
these absurd shenanigans to go on?


They have presented no compelling
evidence to support their charges


against my clients,
who run legitimate businesses.


I move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case!


Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going


to have to consider
Mr. Montgomery's motion.


But you can't! We have a terrific case.


Where is your proof?
Where is the evidence?


Show me the smoking gun!


Hold it, Your Honor!
You want a smoking gun?


Here is your smoking gun.


What is that?


It's a bee smoker!


What, this?
This harmless little contraption?


This couldn't hurt a fly,
let alone a bee.


Look at what has happened


to bees who have never been asked,
"Smoking or non?"


Is this what nature intended for us?


To be forcibly addicted
to smoke machines


and man-made wooden slat work camps?


Living out our lives as honey slaves
to the white man?


- What are we gonna do?
- He's playing the species card.


Ladies and gentlemen, please,
free these bees!


Free the bees! Free the bees!


Free the bees!


Free the bees! Free the bees!


The court finds in favor of the bees!


Vanessa, we won!


I knew you could do it! High-five!


Sorry.


I'm OK! You know what this means?


All the honey
will finally belong to the bees.


Now we won't have
to work so hard all the time.


This is an unholy perversion
of the balance of nature, Benson.


You'll regret this.


Barry, how much honey is out there?


All right. One at a time.


Barry, who are you wearing?


My sweater is Ralph Lauren,
and I have no pants.


- What if Montgomery's right?
- What do you mean?


We've been living the bee way
a long time, 27 million years.


Oongratulations on your victory.
What will you demand as a settlement?


First, we'll demand a complete shutdown
of all bee work camps.


Then we want back the honey
that was ours to begin with,


every last drop.


We demand an end to the glorification
of the bear as anything more


than a filthy, smelly,
bad-breath stink machine.


We're all aware
of what they do in the woods.


Wait for my signal.


Take him out.


He'll have nauseous
for a few hours, then he'll be fine.


And we will no longer tolerate
bee-negative nicknames...


But it's just a prance-about stage name!


...unnecessary inclusion of honey
in bogus health products


and la-dee-da human
tea-time snack garnishments.


Oan't breathe.


Bring it in, boys!


Hold it right there! Good.


Tap it.


Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,
and there's gallons more coming!


- I think we need to shut down!
- Shut down? We've never shut down.


Shut down honey production!


Stop making honey!


Turn your key, sir!


What do we do now?


Oannonball!


We're shutting honey production!


Mission abort.


Aborting pollination and nectar detail.
Returning to base.


Adam, you wouldn't believe
how much honey was out there.


Oh, yeah?


What's going on? Where is everybody?


- Are they out celebrating?
- They're home.


They don't know what to do.
Laying out, sleeping in.


I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way
to San Antonio with a cricket.


At least we got our honey back.


Sometimes I think, so what if humans
liked our honey? Who wouldn't?


It's the greatest thing in the world!
I was excited to be part of making it.


This was my new desk. This was my
new job. I wanted to do it really well.


And now...


Now I can't.


I don't understand
why they're not happy.


I thought their lives would be better!


They're doing nothing. It's amazing.
Honey really changes people.


You don't have any idea
what's going on, do you?


- What did you want to show me?
- This.


What happened here?


That is not the half of it.


Oh, no. Oh, my.


They're all wilting.


Doesn't look very good, does it?


No.


And whose fault do you think that is?


You know, I'm gonna guess bees.


Bees?


Specifically, me.


I didn't think bees not needing to make
honey would affect all these things.


It's notjust flowers.
Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.


That's our whole SAT test right there.


Take away produce, that affects
the entire animal kingdom.


And then, of course...


The human species?


So if there's no more pollination,


it could all just go south here,
couldn't it?


I know this is also partly my fault.


How about a suicide pact?


How do we do it?


- I'll sting you, you step on me.
- Thatjust kills you twice.


Right, right.


Listen, Barry...
sorry, but I gotta get going.


I had to open my mouth and talk.


Vanessa?


Vanessa? Why are you leaving?
Where are you going?


To the final Tournament of Roses parade
in Pasadena.


They've moved it to this weekend
because all the flowers are dying.


It's the last chance
I'll ever have to see it.


Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.
I never meant it to turn out like this.


I know. Me neither.


Tournament of Roses.
Roses can't do sports.


Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?


Roses!


Vanessa!


Roses?!


Barry?


- Roses are flowers!
- Yes, they are.


Flowers, bees, pollen!


I know.
That's why this is the last parade.


Maybe not.
Oould you ask him to slow down?


Oould you slow down?


Barry!


OK, I made a huge mistake.
This is a total disaster, all my fault.


Yes, it kind of is.


I've ruined the planet.
I wanted to help you


with the flower shop.
I've made it worse.


Actually, it's completely closed down.


I thought maybe you were remodeling.


But I have another idea, and it's
greater than my previous ideas combined.


I don't want to hear it!


All right, they have the roses,
the roses have the pollen.


I know every bee, plant
and flower bud in this park.


All we gotta do is get what they've got
back here with what we've got.


- Bees.
- Park.


- Pollen!
- Flowers.


- Repollination!
- Across the nation!


Tournament of Roses,
Pasadena, Oalifornia.


They've got nothing
but flowers, floats and cotton candy.


Security will be tight.


I have an idea.


Vanessa Bloome, FTD.


Official floral business. It's real.


Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.


Thank you. It was a gift.


Once inside,
we just pick the right float.


How about The Princess and the Pea?


I could be the princess,
and you could be the pea!


Yes, I got it.


- Where should I sit?
- What are you?


- I believe I'm the pea.
- The pea?


It goes under the mattresses.


- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.
- I'm getting the marshal.


You do that!
This whole parade is a fiasco!


Let's see what this baby'll do.


Hey, what are you doing?!


Then all we do
is blend in with traffic...


...without arousing suspicion.


Once at the airport,
there's no stopping us.


Stop! Security.


- You and your insect pack your float?
- Yes.


Has it been
in your possession the entire time?


Would you remove your shoes?


- Remove your stinger.
- It's part of me.


I know. Just having some fun.
Enjoy your flight.


Then if we're lucky, we'll have
just enough pollen to do the job.


Oan you believe how lucky we are? We
have just enough pollen to do the job!


I think this is gonna work.


It's got to work.


Attention, passengers,
this is Oaptain Scott.


We have a bit of bad weather
in New York.


It looks like we'll experience
a couple hours delay.


Barry, these are cut flowers
with no water. They'll never make it.


I gotta get up there
and talk to them.


Be careful.


Oan I get help
with the Sky Mall magazine?


I'd like to order the talking
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.


Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.


- What'd you say, Hal?
- Nothing.


Bee!


Don't freak out! My entire species...


What are you doing?


- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!
- Who's an attorney?


Don't move.


Oh, Barry.


Good afternoon, passengers.
This is your captain.


Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B
please report to the cockpit?


And please hurry!


What happened here?


There was a DustBuster,
a toupee, a life raft exploded.


One's bald, one's in a boat,
they're both unconscious!


- Is that another bee joke?
- No!


No one's flying the plane!


This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.
What's your status?


This is Vanessa Bloome.
I'm a florist from New York.


Where's the pilot?


He's unconscious,
and so is the copilot.


Not good. Does anyone onboard
have flight experience?


As a matter of fact, there is.


- Who's that?
- Barry Benson.


From the honey trial?! Oh, great.


Vanessa, this is nothing more
than a big metal bee.


It's got giant wings, huge engines.


I can't fly a plane.


- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?
- Yes.


How hard could it be?


Wait, Barry!
We're headed into some lightning.


This is Bob Bumble. We have some
late-breaking news from JFK Airport,


where a suspenseful scene
is developing.


Barry Benson,
fresh from his legal victory...


That's Barry!


...is attempting to land a plane,
loaded with people, flowers


and an incapacitated flight crew.


Flowers?!


We have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls


with absolutely no flight experience.


Just a minute.
There's a bee on that plane.


I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson
and his no-account compadres.


They've done enough damage.


But isn't he your only hope?


Technically, a bee
shouldn't be able to fly at all.


Their wings are too small...


Haven't we heard this a million times?


"The surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense."


- Get this on the air!
- Got it.


- Stand by.
- We're going live.


The way we work may be a mystery to you.


Making honey takes a lot of bees
doing a lot of small jobs.


But let me tell you about a small job.


If you do it well,
it makes a big difference.


More than we realized.
To us, to everyone.


That's why I want to get bees
back to working together.


That's the bee way!
We're not made of Jell-O.


We get behind a fellow.


- Black and yellow!
- Hello!


Left, right, down, hover.


- Hover?
- Forget hover.


This isn't so hard.
Beep-beep! Beep-beep!


Barry, what happened?!


Wait, I think we were
on autopilot the whole time.


- That may have been helping me.
- And now we're not!


So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.


All of you, let's get
behind this fellow! Move it out!


Move out!


Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,
you copy me with the wings of the plane!


Don't have to yell.


I'm not yelling!
We're in a lot of trouble.


It's very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice!


It's not a tone. I'm panicking!


I can't do this!


Vanessa, pull yourself together.
You have to snap out of it!


You snap out of it.


You snap out of it.


- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!


- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!


- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!


- Hold it!
- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.


How is the plane flying?


I don't know.


Hello?


Benson, got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?


The Pollen Jocks!


They do get behind a fellow.


- Black and yellow.
- Hello.


All right, let's drop this tin can
on the blacktop.


Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?


No, nothing. It's all cloudy.


Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.


- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.


Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


Wait a minute.
I think I'm feeling something.


- What?
- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.


Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.


Bring the nose down.


Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


- What in the world is on the tarmac?
- Get some lights on that!


Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


- Vanessa, aim for the flower.
- OK.


Out the engines. We're going in
on bee power. Ready, boys?


Affirmative!


Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.


Land on that flower!


Ready? Full reverse!


Spin it around!


- Not that flower! The other one!
- Which one?


- That flower.
- I'm aiming at the flower!


That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.
I mean the giant pulsating flower


made of millions of bees!


Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.


Rotate around it.


- This is insane, Barry!
- This's the only way I know how to fly.


Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane
flying in an insect-like pattern?


Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.
Smell it. Full reverse!


Just drop it. Be a part of it.


Aim for the center!


Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!


Oome on, already.


Barry, we did it!
You taught me how to fly!


- Yes. No high-five!
- Right.


Barry, it worked!
Did you see the giant flower?


What giant flower? Where? Of course
I saw the flower! That was genius!


- Thank you.
- But we're not done yet.


Listen, everyone!


This runway is covered
with the last pollen


from the last flowers
available anywhere on Earth.


That means this is our last chance.


We're the only ones who make honey,
pollinate flowers and dress like this.


If we're gonna survive as a species,
this is our moment! What do you say?


Are we going to be bees, orjust
Museum of Natural History keychains?


We're bees!


Keychain!


Then follow me! Except Keychain.


Hold on, Barry. Here.


You've earned this.


Yeah!


I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect
fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.


Oh, yeah.


That's our Barry.


Mom! The bees are back!


If anybody needs
to make a call, now's the time.


I got a feeling we'll be
working late tonight!


Here's your change. Have a great
afternoon! Oan I help who's next?


Would you like some honey with that?
It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.


Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.
And I don't see a nickel!


Sometimes I just feel
like a piece of meat!


I had no idea.


Barry, I'm sorry.
Have you got a moment?


Would you excuse me?
My mosquito associate will help you.


Sorry I'm late.


He's a lawyer too?


I was already a blood-sucking parasite.
All I needed was a briefcase.


Have a great afternoon!


Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,
and I can't get them anywhere.


No problem, Vannie.
Just leave it to me.


You're a lifesaver, Barry.
Oan I help who's next?


All right, scramble, jocks!
It's time to fly.


Thank you, Barry!


That bee is living my life!


Let it go, Kenny.


- When will this nightmare end?!
- Let it all go.


- Beautiful day to fly.
- Sure is.


Between you and me,
I was dying to get out of that office.


You have got
to start thinking bee, my friend.


- Thinking bee!
- Me?


Hold it. Let's just stop
for a second. Hold it.


I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
Oan we stop here?


I'm not making a major life decision
during a production number!


All right. Take ten, everybody.
Wrap it up, guys.


I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
 
Warning: poetry too pure for this world.

Every shit I take is over in less than 1 second as the entire contents of my bowels is forced out by a massive fart immediately after sitting down. It covers the entire bowl and has the consistency of oily clay. It's like a shit shotgun, a shitgun if you will.
I always completely take off my underwear and pants to take a shit even though it is over so quickly, as I need the feeling of freedom and what if I have to unexpectedly sprint off after/while taking a shit? You'd look pretty silly trying to run with your pants around your ankles.
Inevitably some splatters back and hits my hairy ass and legs. I call it "cosplaterral damage".
It takes 2 flushes before I can even think about using the brush.
I wish they made disposable toilets.
 
James Joyce letter to his wife Nora, Dublin, 8 December 1909

My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night.
 
Have sex incel.

Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger

Edit 2: 327 upvotes for this? Haha wow that's the most I've ever gotten, thanks guys and gals and everything in between!

Edit 3: WTF 600 upvotes wow thank you all so much this is the best birthday ever

Edit 4: Thanks for all the birthday wishes fellow r/wooooshers. I tippeth mine hat to thee on this pleasant morrow.

Edit 5: Ok, so this went viral overnight for some reason O_o 2000 motherflipping upboats I really have no words thank you all so much it means a lot!

Edit 6: ok I'm noticing some toxic discussion happening in this reply chain and I feel the need to address it. Sexism and racism are not cool guys, so please cool it and continue the good vibes please and thank you!

Edit 7: ok so I don't know why but I've received a lot of downvotes on this post recently, maybe i got raided by 4chan.com/b?? (commonly referred to as the "asshole of the internet" for those who aren't aware). I don't really ask for much but I was hoping we could show those losers a thing or two, so please give this post an upvote if you haven't already, it would mean the world to me and show these bullies you cannot mess with a good person.

Edit 8: turns out my girlfriend cheated on me, so that happened :/

Edit 9: so people have been wanting me to clarify the previous edit. I don't have the energy to go into a lot of detail so the general gist of it is this: Yes we were in an open relationship, no that doesn't mean you can't cheat on someone when you're in an open relationship. If you are having sex regularly with someone and never mention it until they get you pregnant, that is definitely a betrayal of trust even if you've both agreed that she can have as many partners as she feels she needs to be comfortable.

Edit 10: FYI, taking responsibility for the child does not make me any less of a man than you, actually it makes me more, so kindly fuck off please and thank you!
 
Are you going to tell me you were never attracted to middle school girls or boys when you were in middle school or even high school? The Japanese aren't sexualizing children here. They're presenting an accurate perspective of an 18 year old Japanese boy. An 18 year old being attracted to a 15 year old is normal. As for Shinobu, she's 500 and changes size throughout the series. But yeah, pretty much the Japanese aren't retarded Westerners with sticks up their ass who have forgotten their own past. They are willing to tell it like it is.
There's 13 year olds who look 20 and 20 year olds who look 13. This is especially the case in Japan. If you've ever found anyone under 18 to be attractive, then you're a hypocrite for suggesting a fictional animation showing an accurate presentation of attractive girls is somehow wrong. If not, then you're actually not normal. Seriously, for thousands of years there weren't these arbitrary age 18 laws, and today they have no basis in science.
 
I just drone struck your village.
FAQ
What does this mean?
The amount of people (you) in your village and country has decreased by many.
Why did you do this?
There are several reasons I may deem a village to be unworthy of existence. These include, but are not limited to:

-Harbouring of terrorists

-⁠Possible ownership of chemical weapons

-The people disrespected Israel

Am I banned from life?
No - not yet. But you should refrain from committing crimes against the US in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to issue an additional drone strike, which may put your family and life privileges in jeopardy.

I don't believe my village deserved a drone strike. Can you help rebuild it?
Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a drone strike. If you would like to issue an appeal, tell the media what I got wrong. I tend to respond to the media within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of drone strike appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception.

How can I prevent this from happening in the future?
Accept the drone strike and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated by the free world. I will continue to issue drone strikes until you improve your conduct. Remember: life is privilege, not a right.
 
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