Corrupt-a-Wish

[Morose_Obesity]

Granted. You are now a sofa. You're stable because you never move, and you're comfortable.

I wish I had a flying car... seriously, it's 2017! We were supposed to be living on the moon by now... where is my flying car?!

Granted! You have a flying car, but in order to receive it, you are required to watch everything Kevin Smith has ever produced, every weekend, and write essays deconstucting his sheer genius as a filmmaker. If you don't, you will be transported into the universe Yoga Hosers takes place in.

I wish Freddie Mercury were alive.

 

[MrJakeTerror]

Granted, but he retires to live off the grid until he comes back two years ago to say some stupid Meryl Streep shit.

I wish to die plowing Sophie Howard while she's still conventionally attractive.

 

[Pepito The Cat]

Granted, now your pelvis has fuzed with hers and you both die of old age at 104, living the life of awkward siamese twins.

I wish for a good E3

 

[Coconut Gun]

Granted, now your pelvis has fuzed with hers and you both die of old age at 104, living the life of awkward siamese twins.

I wish for a good E3

It's really entertaining and lots of games are announced. They're all mobile games.

I wish eggs didn't make me so gassy.

 

[Meat_Puppet]

It's really entertaining and lots of games are announced. They're all mobile games.

I wish eggs didn't make me so gassy.

Wish granted. You now have a food allergy to eggs. No more eggs, no more gas. Still doesn't stop you from eating half a dozen at a time. To which you are consistently rushed to the hospital only to be warned yet again by the doctors who have to revive you. This vicious cycle continues until the day you die.

I wish I could get as drunk as I wanted without any repercussions.

 

[MistressCaridad]

Granted. You never feel drunk, however, your blood alcohol level is through the roof, you reek of booze and you get arrested for DUI during a routine traffic stop.

I wish I had a unicorn.

 

[TwinkleSnort]

Granted! Your unicorn arrives, but UPS forgot it in the warehouse for a week, and it's dead. Sorry.

I wish OJ had been convicted of that double murder we all know he did.

 

[MrJakeTerror]

Granted, but the Menendez Brothers walk free and get a Reality show with their ugly ass mugs.
I wish I never had to pay or face consequences for getting anything I wanted

 

[Meat_Puppet]

Granted, but the Menendez Brothers walk free and get a Reality show with their ugly ass mugs.
I wish I never had to pay or face consequences for getting anything I wanted

Your wish has been granted. You start off attaining everything your heart ever desired. A corvette with two hookers and a trunk full of blow, a clown that you can physically and verbally abuse, and a pool filled with the blood of 1,000 virgins. Everything is great but then you start to feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. So much so that you try turning yourself in to the cops. But they just won't take you. You end up committing crimes more heinous than the next. And yet still no one takes you in. This rejection ends up consuming your life in to the day you die.

I wish I never had to do chores ever again.

 

[A-tistic]

You'll never have to do any shores again. You will always have a squad of butlers around you to serve your every need. If you ever try to do anything yourself, tie your shoes, turn your pillow, wipe your ass, they will physically restrain you until they have performed the task instead.

I wish I had a 100% lifelike sexrobot.

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

Granted. But the robot only knows how to give shitty handjobs.

I wish my allergies would go away forever and never return.

 

[Meat_Puppet]

Granted. But the robot only knows how to give shitty handjobs.

I wish my allergies would go away forever and never return.

Granted, your allergies pack up their shit and move out. They end up stealing about half your shit, but hey they left for good, no more having to deal with them. They don't even bother giving you a Facebook friend request. You're like the worst person in the world to them. They'd rather go suck exhaust fumes than to ever set foot back in your home. Every so often you find a dead cat on your doorstep and just get the feeling it's your allergies fucking with you again.

I wish I wasn't such a nice person.

 

[Deadpool]

Granted, your allergies pack up their shit and move out. They end up stealing about half your shit, but hey they left for good, no more having to deal with them. They don't even bother giving you a Facebook friend request. You're like the worst person in the world to them. They'd rather go suck exhaust fumes than to ever set foot back in your home. Every so often you find a dead cat on your doorstep and just get the feeling it's your allergies fucking with you again.

I wish I wasn't such a nice person.

Granted, you become become so mean and hateful that no one can stand to be around you. You end up spending the rest of your life alone with nothing to keep you company except the cats you horde, who also hate you.

I wish I could be in two places at once.

 

[ChinkInArmor]

Granted, you become become so mean and hateful that no one can stand to be around you. You end up spending the rest of your life alone with nothing to keep you company except the cats you horde, who also hate you.

I wish I could be in two places at once.

Granted, you get a clone you can send to those places. You can't dematerialize them, so they end up moving in with you. They have all the annoying habits you have and a few more that you don't. They're also terrible at keeping a story straight.

I wish I could learn languages more quickly.

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

@Meat_Puppet, I don't see how that's a bad thing.

Granted, you get a clone you can send to those places. You can't dematerialize them, so they end up moving in with you. They have all the annoying habits you have and a few more that you don't. They're also terrible at keeping a story straight.

I wish I could learn languages more quickly.

Granted, but you wind up pushing out every language you learned beforehand. Hope you like Swahili.

I wish I had a neverending supply of money.

 

[A-tistic]

You now have a never ending supply of money. Unfortunately it is North Korean won that can't be exchanged anywhere and if you go there you will be killed for devaluating their currency.

I wish I had a magic flute that would summon the incel army and begin the beta uprising.

 

[Deadpool]

Granted, but since you're the one who blew the flute the army views you as an alpha chad. They end up enslaving you with the rest and force you to clean their government sanctioned rape dungeons.


I wish Marvel comics would stop being shitty, and go back to the way they were.

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

Granted, but you get sent back to the 1960s and are forced to live the rest of your life going through all those decades without being able to complain about Secret Wars or Avengers #200 over the internet.

I wish I could survive any amount of pain, both internally and externally.

 

[Meat_Puppet]

Granted, but you get sent back to the 1960s and are forced to live the rest of your life going through all those decades without being able to complain about Secret Wars or Avengers #200 over the internet.

I wish I could survive any amount of pain, both internally and externally.

Your wish has been granted and thanks to your government you've now been injected with the DNA of Wiley Coyote. You can survive the explosive power of dynamite, take the impact of a falling piano and walk away from falling off cliffs. However you now feel the desire to inflict pain upon others. Specifically road runners. Each trap being more sadistic, with each attempt falling miserably and ending in bodily injury.

I wish I was a princess!

 

[TwinkleSnort]

Your wish has been granted and thanks to your government you've now been injected with the DNA of Wiley Coyote. You can survive the explosive power of dynamite, take the impact of a falling piano and walk away from falling off cliffs. However you now feel the desire to inflict pain upon others. Specifically road runners. Each trap being more sadistic, with each attempt falling miserably and ending in bodily injury.

I wish I was a princess!

Granted! Unfortunately for you, the only available Princess gig is Princess Trailer Park, but hey, no big. You get to rule the thing, and everyone gives you 10% of all their illegal intoxicants, a 40 of Olde English 800, and a casserole every night.

I wish I were the most gorgeous, desirable woman on Earth. 10's look like congealed wet cat food compared to me.