deep thots on polyamory - and other relationships with more than 2 people

[Reluctant MC]

My experience with polyamory:

On 2 separate ocassions I flirted and hung out with a person (had this happen twice in my life, 2 different people), sparks were flying, I had a crush on them. Then they told me they were polyamorous and in an open relationship. Aaaaand that's where my poly experience ended.

 

[Marcus Tullius Cicero]

I've met one or two people who've outright stated they've either been a part of such a relationship or grew-up in one, and neither struck me as being particularly well-adjusted. One I actually saw in-person, and she was black with odd-colored hair and piercings. It was when I attended college. On that day, a group of evangelists were on campus. They did much of what one might expect (namely, rail against certain sinful relationships, such as polyamory). The woman approached, trying to tell them that her parents were polyamorous and she turned out fine, but that went nowhere. She left in a huff, and that was the last I saw of her. Based on how she looked, I have to think there was something else going on that none knew about, save her.

Regardless, the other person I've met was through Discord, I think. She admitted in passing that she was once a part of a conservative, Christian family when she was younger. Then she went the opposite direction into her adulthood and became not only polyamorous, but also trans and a pot-head. So now this woman is in a (no-doubt) online relationship with multiple people, identifies as a man, and smokes weed regularly. I have to think I've met more like her, in my time online, yet failed to notice them. Either because the information was never revealed to me, or because I failed to see it when it was. Regardless, I don't have a high opinion of that kind of relationship, and anyone who thinks it works for them is either lying or in denial about how utterly useless such a relationship is.

 

[AMHOLIO]

She admitted in passing that she was once a part of a conservative, Christian family when she was younger. Then she went the opposite direction into her adulthood and became not only polyamorous, but also trans and a pot-head. So now this woman is in a (no-doubt) online relationship with multiple people, identifies as a man, and smokes weed regularly.

Some farmers really want a return to traditional values to cure troonism, but this is one of the reasons it isn't a cure all.


I'm curious myself on who's actually poly that I met in passing, but not that curious. Best to not know about a polycule than to know it.

 

[Marcus Tullius Cicero]

Some farmers really want a return to traditional values to cure troonism, but this is one of the reasons it isn't a cure all.

I'd say it would be better to return to those values than to not, though I recognize them as not being an outright cure for degeneracy. Such values are meant to help bring you upon a better path in life, but they won't mean much if they're not properly taught or enforced. And even then there's still a chance your child will turn-out wrong, in the end. But I don't think the possibility of failure should prevent a parent or parents from actually trying.

 

[AMHOLIO]

I'd say it would be better to return to those values than to not, though I recognize them as not being an outright cure for degeneracy. Such values are meant to help bring you upon a better path in life, but they won't mean much if they're not properly taught or enforced. And even then there's still a chance your child will turn-out wrong, in the end. But I don't think the possibility of failure should prevent a parent or parents from actually trying.

That's fair. I think raising kids with universal good values, educating them on why males and females are different but not inferior to each other but complementary, and such is the good way to go. Letting a girl or boy do gender nonconforming things is fine as eventually they might become a productive member of society in a field not traditionally associated with their gender, but still a valuable team member (raising kids with a good work ethos and an understanding of cooperation). I think a multitude of colors and shades can be put on it, but if Jim the nontraditional and Jim the Tradman still enforces that his kid should be a good person who respects others, does their best to get along with those who are willing and worth it, chooses the path of good, and stands up for themselves and their kin I can't complain. Strict adherence to tradition without allowing wiggle room, questioning, or compromise leads to the same dogma troons and hardcore fundies (of any religon) share.

 

[FaggotMcDick]

Okay for the sake of discussion I'll tell you my personal experience with it. In general my opinion is that it can work but most people can't hack it. Poly is more complicated and you need more relationship skills, sanity, and self awareness than the average person has. Moreover as has been pointed out poly tends to appeal to exactly the type of people who will be bad at it, namely ugly nerds and SJWs, Cluster Bs, and people who think a lack of exclusivity means they don't have to care about the other party's feelings. There are also some good looking and sane people who do it, fortunately. Remember that this site is about the worst of the worst; r/polyamory is a trash fire, as are the poly cows here such as the Tranchers. And fuck "rElAtiOnsHip aNArChy". Anyway...

Spoiler: powerlevel

I had never considered poly but 4 years ago at a previous job I was working with a girl, who I'll call "A", and we ended up developing a mutual crush and eventually starting a relationship. She was polyamorous and already had a boyfriend, who she had been dating for 10 years at that point, and they had been poly for about 5. Both had started new relationships over that time so they were pretty experienced and able to handle it by the time I came into the picture. At first my relationship with A was pretty casual and basically just an FWB situation. We both knew she was leaving for grad school in 6 months so it sort of had a timer on it. We split up amicably when she left but ended up getting back together 3 years later when she moved back. The whole time her boyfriend was very cool to me and I didn't feel like I caused any tension between them. The fact that they had a long established relationship definitely helped I think. They became poly because they both wanted to: he had been a virgin when the relationship started and wanted to experience sex with other people, and she wanted to explore her bisexuality. I do agree with some of the posters here who see a lot of poly relationships that are only really wanted by one partner. Obviously that will make the other partner unhappy and is untenable long-term. Anyway A and her bf had a very secure, drama-free relationship which definitely made it possible for me to come in without disrupting things.

Anyway about 6 months after getting back together with A, I met B on Tinder. She had never been poly but was open to it. I put that I was poly in my dating profile so she knew upfront. We ended up dating, and there was definitely an adjustment period where A felt a little jealous and needed reassurance, and B felt a little intimidated by the existing relationship. But we communicated through it and A and B ended up becoming friends and even hooking up a couple times, although they don't date each other. B has recently started seeing another guy and I've also felt some minor jealousy but honestly not as much as you'd probably expect.

Really it comes down to being secure in your existing relationship so that you can trust that a new partner for either person isn't going to threaten that bond. At the end of the day I know that both A and B love me even though they also love other people. Everybody shares their partner's heart anyway with their partner's friends and family. You already share their time with their employer and their hobbies. If you can accept that your love is real without being exclusive, and that your partner's feelings for another person don't change their feelings for you, I think it's possible. All people involved have to genuinely want it, know what they're getting into, and accept that it is what it is. You have to put in more time and manage your time wisely, you have to consider the feelings of multiple people, and for fuck's sake you need to get tested regularly and/or use condoms.

Also (perhaps stereotypically) none of the people in my polycule want kids, which makes it a lot easier I think. Poly with kids is a whole other minefield that I can't really speak to.

I hope this has been interesting, now feel free to bury this post in bad stickers for not being based and trad, I deserve it.

I've probably seen hundreds of horror movies, decapitations, shootings, cartel stuff & other /b/ shit, yet none of that was as scarring and disgusting as this post. I already know I won’t be able to sleep tonight knowing that people like you really exist. Giant asteroid nao pls

 

[Cockroach Milk]

I've known and even dated multiple polyamorous people of all sorts. The good, the bad, and the extremely mentally ill.

Spoiler: Various snippets from relationships I've seen over the years.

• A genderspecial who collected boyfriends like action figures. She claimed to have 5 or 6 boyfriends, I think, but I don't think most of them even spoke on a regular basis. I only ever became familiar with one, because she was constantly bitching about him ignoring her. I checked up on her about three months after we stopped talking, only to find she'd gotten some callout post over autistic Genshin drama and deactivated her accounts.
• The most dysfunctional polycule I've ever seen in my life, wherein partner A served as B and C's personal therapist. A seemed pretty miserable, was constantly having to cover for their partners' emotional issues, and still had their own relationship hangups on top of it. They seem relatively stable, but the entire house of cards is built on codependency, so I imagine as soon as one of them manages to go to therapy the entire thing will just collapse.
• The hypothetical throuple I almost got roped into. It felt distinctly like sinking in cartoon quicksand before being saved by a conveniently-placed tree branch.
• A friend who claims to be polyamorous, but is currently uninterested in relationships. Probably the smartest of the bunch.

I don't really think it's impossible to have a good polyamorous relationship. In theory, having a committed, intimate relationship with more than one person doesn't seem that far-fetched to me. Different people have different relationship styles, after all. But it takes a lot more effort to maintain multiple relationships than just one, and no one wants to bother with it.

You can't just recreate a monogamous relationship and then +1. It would require a pretty radical reframing of your relationship(s) from the ground up, and having all of your partners be on the same page about it. But the truth is that most of these people are convinced that they can just start collecting partners, and the resulting relationship will "fix" whatever issues they have. So they want to go the easy route, and just hope it'll all work out in the end.

So... I guess I feel that a healthy polyamorous relationship is feasible in the sense of being possible, but not in the sense of being likely. I think there's potential for it to work out, so long as the right people are involved. But I also don't think most people who claim to be polyamorous should be in a relationship at all, much less one with 3 or 4 or however many people.

As for me? Managing one partner is enough work for me, thank you.

 

[Skookum Jim]

I'm not well enough versed in anthropology or the history of societal development to really know if humans have always been monogamous. There is a distinct possibility that in our neolithic past polyamory was the norm, I doubt it however, because the ratio between males and females has always been pretty close to equal, and humans don't have pack instincts like wolves and such do to make that arrangement feasible. That all being said, nearly every single successful society has made monogamy the rule, and in my experience the average human is just not capable of sustaining a committed emotional relationship with more than one person, so I see the whole thing as a fools errand.

In terms of actual experiences, Ive found that most polyamorous are started by one partner either wanting to have their cake and eat it too, or they just don't respect the other partner at all. In both cases the victimized partner is too much of a pushover to tell them to fuck off, so they say they're fine while they cry themselves to sleep every night.

 

[Local Fed]

My observations of those who are into poly stuff basically boil down to:

• the people tend to skew toward being the types that you (assuming you're normal) would never want to fuck
• a lot of them are doing it as a midlife crisis
• usually are into Leftist politics and are overly vocal about it
• at least one half of the original couple is a raging narcissist
• bad calf tattoos... bad calf tattoos everywhere
• it's mostly the woman doing the fucking (lol at men who think it'll be equal in that sense. lmao even.)
• a lot of the guys who initiate it just want to be cucked and try to use Jack Murphy logic about it
• the man in the relationship tends to be weak and passive, often only agreeing to doing poly because he's afraid of his wife/gf leaving or straying

"But you're just focusing on the sex aspect!" Yes. Most of it just boils down to people wanting to coom, spare me the whole relationship aspect for most of them. It just seems like it's usually for couples who either are barely that interested in one another but don't want to split up, or it's something initiated by an unsatisfied woman who doesn't want to leave her security blanket and knows he'll allow her to go out and get railed without protest. A lot of the guys who are the initiators are delusional rubes who think that they'll live out their porn fantasies, oblivious to the fact that women aren't usually clamouring for weird dudes in their 40s with potbellies and poor social skills.

 

[BelUwUga]

I think it could work in theory with two major conditions:

• Vocal proponents are almost always just miserable and looking for company as ex-post-facto validation of their bad decision. You see this with a lot of more evangelical degenerates. The people who can make it work likely look a lot different than those publicly holding out that "It's working fine!"
• It cannot come up after a relationship has started because one party wants to sleep with someone else. It's too close to the kind of doomed unfaithfulness for comfort. Inviting questions or doubts is a great way to make this never work.

 

[snailslime]

i'm probably too much of a jealous person to share my boo with someone but i actually know a polygamous couple and they seem happy.

 

[gang weeder]

"Polyamory" amounts to casual sex/generalized degeneracy. Unless we are talking about the tradition of one man claiming multiple wives, which I assume we are not (that is still degenerate of course, just a different flavor).

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

They became poly because they both wanted to: he had been a virgin when the relationship started and wanted to experience sex with other people, and she wanted to explore her bisexuality.

Those are common reasons people cite for going poly, and both are unfathomably retarded and show that the person speaking is emotionally immature and tends to be suggestable and easily manipulated by peer pressure and flimsy logic.

If you really want to know "what it's like with other people" you should go find those people and get with them. Where does this idea you're entitled to keep a foot jammed in the door of your prior relationship while you do so come from? Relationships are whole packages, not just sex. You never will find out what it's like to be with B while you're still going home to A, even if you do have sex with B- it's not the same.

 

[T0oCoolFool]

I'm not well enough versed in anthropology or the history of societal development to really know if humans have always been monogamous. There is a distinct possibility that in our neolithic past polyamory was the norm, I doubt it however, because the ratio between males and females has always been pretty close to equal, and humans don't have pack instincts like wolves and such do to make that arrangement feasible. That all being said, nearly every single successful society has made monogamy the rule, and in my experience the average human is just not capable of sustaining a committed emotional relationship with more than one person, so I see the whole thing as a fools errand.

In terms of actual experiences, Ive found that most polyamorous are started by one partner either wanting to have their cake and eat it too, or they just don't respect the other partner at all. In both cases the victimized partner is too much of a pushover to tell them to fuck off, so they say they're fine while they cry themselves to sleep every night.

Pro-poly people always act like polyamory societies were these awesome places with open minded and sex positive people, but that's never true. Every time I read about old polyamory culture, most of it is always women being forced into it. They have almost no say in it. Even in places where they aren't necessarily being forced, there is still issues among the wives, who end up jealous or feeling like their roles are not equal, and fights are frequent.

The other types of old polyamory I've read about is due to unbalanced gender ratios. These places have either too many men or too many women, so polyamory is a matter being practical, not because they actually want to. I remember reading women in parts of Nepal that practice polyandry. I remember specifically reading about how there were issues with it because the husbands were jealous that the wife would pay more attention to the younger and better looking man, while making the older husband work. So even if we reverse the genders, there are still issues.

 

[Darkholme's Dungeon]

Pro-poly people always act like polyamory societies were these awesome places with open minded and sex positive people, but that's never true. Every time I read about old polyamory culture, most of it is always women being forced into it. They have almost no say in it. Even in places where they aren't necessarily being forced, there is still issues among the wives, who end up jealous or feeling like their roles are not equal, and fights are frequent.

The other types of old polyamory I've read about is due to unbalanced gender ratios. These places have either too many men or too many women, so polyamory is a matter being practical, not because they actually want to. I remember reading women in parts of Nepal that practice polyandry. I remember specifically reading about how there were issues with it because the husbands were jealous that the wife would pay more attention to the younger and better looking man, while making the older husband work. So even if we reverse the genders, there are still issues.

I've actually been in contact with polyandry Tibetans. Their cool people and seem okay, but I asked a guy and I don't think it would be remotely possible outside of a radical restructuring of values in the West.Unfortunately, I do not speak Amdo and his Kham was very bad (still better than mine). Still great people though, I gifted them a a 60 lbs bag of walnuts for letting me stay for two days due to a major stormfront.

In the rural Tibetan areas, some parts have an extremely harsh climate, and they usually need one person going to "Trade" historically for food/salt/etc, and they needed at least two people to watch the herd. Also they want to preserve the land even through agnatic gavelkind from my searching.

There's also the "fatherless marriage" of the Mosuo where they are "raised "by the uncle. Interesting stuff but it's going away since modern society is coming in. Don't know enough about it to say more since I didn't ask too much.

My only guess if the US transitioned to this, we'd basically have to make everywhere but Alaska, Montana, and maybe Utah uninhabitable lol.

 

[Skookum Jim]

In the rural Tibetan areas, some parts have an extremely harsh climate, and they usually need one person going to "Trade" historically for food/salt/etc, and they needed at least two people to watch the herd

See with the Tibetans and other cultures like that it's understandable, because they both have a necessary function to the polyamorous relationship, and their cultural understanding of marriage is different. In the west we have a much more rigid definition of marriage shared across cultural boundaries, and we have a temperate enough climate that having two people around the "homestead" isn't necessary. People in the west who want a polyamorous marriage are basically spurning thousands of years of culture and any kind of sound logic for their own desires. I don't agree with christfags on a lot of stuff, but I'm with them that marriage and families are an essential part of a functioning society, and a societal expectation of how they work is generally beneficial to both individuals and the society generally. I'm not quite as strict as them, (I don't really see the harm if a casual relationship that's mainly about sex is open,) but I'll meet them halfway as it were.

My only guess if the US transitioned to this, we'd basically have to make everywhere but Alaska, Montana, and maybe Utah uninhabitable lol.

I wouldn't define any of Utah as uninhabitable, just not the best spot for human society. The Navajo and Paiute managed in the south with all the deserts and shit for thousands of years just fine. The navajo even managed some weird halfway house between agricultural society and pastoralism, it's not an endless white wilderness like Alaska or a mountainous hell actively hostile to civilization like Montana. The north is what I would describe as "extremely fine." The climate is just mild enough that you can grow stuff alright, the soil is just good enough that you don't have to worry about dust bowling yourself, there's just enough water that massive irrigation projects can make it last the whole year, it's just that theres nothing particularly notable about the place, it's a nothing scrubland tamed by a people who only settled there so the Gentiles would leave them the fuck alone. Otherwise yeah I see your point.

 

[Bork Laser]

Yes. But only if your a guy and only if you want an easy lay. Basically the best parts of a relationship without the bad. Always assume it’s temporary. I even made a formula for it.

A+B+C

A assume to be the woman. B assume to be their partner. C will be you. B is pretty much there to be emotional back up/finical supporter. Basically a cuck. As C you take over the more emotional parts of the relationship without the commitment. Always keep this balance. Never slip into the B role, which can happen if your more successful in life than the current B. In fact it’s almost certain A will try to make you the new B. When that happens it’s time to leave. If there is a D or more, run far away because you just entered an extremely unstable situation, where people will start trooning out and the chances of death start to rise.

In essence it’s just cuckholding without it being called that and a smart person who just wants to get his dick wet on a regular basis without the issues that come along with it can take advantage of the situation

 

[SauceRyuKen]

Local Fed's post is basically /thread. There's almost nothing more to add. My opinion is just... If she's asking you to open up the relationship, run for the hills. Either she wants to keep you as a security blanket, or she means well and hasn't thought what an open relationship means, or she's sexually unsatisfied, but in any case, it's an instant, no-return dealbreaker. Have some self respect. You can't compete with the volume of attention she's gonna get if she's just looking for casual dickdowns, and you're gonna come back home to her fucking someone else plenty of times. If you're a man, poly's just a fancy word for cuck, no matter how much you wanna whitewash it.

And if you were a pretty, attractive, young woman, you'd just go into sugar dating instead. Offers all the benefits you are realistically looking for without having to hang out with crazies. As Local Fed put very well, it is mostly about sex. Sometimes it's also about support and money, but it is mostly about sex. Somebody who can detach the exclusivity from a couple is just not good couple material, and if they want to fuck around, good on them, but trying to have multiple couples is just unfeasible nonsense. The men doom themselves to cuckery, and them being in a poly relationship will just kill any chance of having a good relationship with a decent woman they might have had in the first place. The women get constantly pump and dumped, comboing into a surprised Pikachu face when all these men only ever really wanted no strings attached sex from them, and maybe the thrill of cucking some omega male.

If you've been married twenty years, you have kids, and the spark is just gone, taking on lovers while remaining married for convenience reasons can be an okay solution, but actual polyamory... It's horseshit. It's doomed to fail. Even the couples who supposedly pull it off are only lying to themselves and would be better off facing the music and splitting up. The very premise of polyamory is "You know what, George, I love you and want to stay with you for whatever, possibly financial reasons, but I would also very much like to get gangbanged by Tyrone and his friends. And maybe take a crack at dating my boss while I'm at it." If you take that deal as a man, you're a self-hating retard. The very fact that your wife floated the idea should be enough for you to dump her then and there.

David Bowie did force this on his wife and got away with it, but I doubt the average man considering this is David Bowie.

 

[MightyMorphin'Willbender]

Eh, I can see "polyamory" being this kinda niche moment in a person's life in which they are just trying to figure out what is it they are looking in a permanent partner.

i.e. the Archie comics, wherein main character just dates at least two different women (and they do also go on dates with other men as well) and everyone is SOMEWHAT okay with it. It's not really polyamory nor open relationships per se, it's just not really committing because you are just not old enough to do so yet.
Keyword being "yet": eventually you should have to make at least a very serious commitment if you want a family that works.

However, people who do these sort of non-committal sexual relationships after getting married and ESPECIALLY after having kids deserve any shit they get.

 

[ghоst]

The only consensual couple I know are secret swingers, aunt and uncle. That uncle got in court trouble with fucking his student at some university, while they both have a weird notion that their nieces, myself and another female cousin, would be open to having sex and living with them. I was not. My cousin visited and had an awkward night of visiting a sex shop and watching a porn they bought together, she was pretty vague if she did something with them or not, don't want to know so i didn't ask. At that time she and I had husbands so... We are related to our aunt.