DSP's scholastic journey from valedictorian to boiling ramen in a keurig and eating it with a spoon - "Look at this. It's empty. There's no brain. Did you lose it somewhere?"

[The Manglement]

As much of an unlikable cunt as Phil is, it would be hard to argue that he wasn't a major success in terms of Youtube 5-6 years ago. He made good money in a new form of media, and managed to fuck it all up through exceedingly poor financial decisions and not actually improving the quality of his content to try to keep up with the competition. Oh, and being such an unlikable cunt that he has more haters than fans.

 

[BrunoMattei]

As much of an unlikable cunt as Phil is, it would be hard to argue that he wasn't a major success in terms of Youtube 5-6 years ago. He made good money in a new form of media, and managed to fuck it all up through exceedingly poor financial decisions and not actually improving the quality of his content to try to keep up with the competition. Oh, and being such an unlikable cunt that he has more haters than fans.

I'd consider Game Grumps or PewDiePie a major success. Their videos got hundreds of thousands to millions of views. Phil's video rarely ever got that. On average they'd get around 10-20K. Not a lot but when you vomit out 50 videos a day it adds up.

And he was successful at it thanks to -once again- sheer dumb luck.

 

[actually]

I'd consider Game Grumps or PewDiePie a major success. Their videos got hundreds of thousands to millions of views. Phil's video rarely ever got that. On average they'd get around 10-20K. Not a lot but when you vomit out 50 videos a day it adds up.

And he was successful at it thanks to -once again- sheer dumb luck.

To add on to this, you can helpfully sort all of Phil's videos on DSPGaming by popularity (read: views) here: https://www.youtube.com/user/DSPGaming/videos?view=0&flow=grid&sort=p

He has exactly 2 videos over 1 millions views. One is from 8 years (Spiderman, pt 1) and one is from 4 years ago (NFS from PS4 launch day, again only pt 1). Going beyond that, he has only two videos between 500K and 1M views--one is, wait for it, Part 1 of AC: Brotherhood (955k views) and one is his video about Bill S.978 (would have made streaming copyrighted material a felony) with 725k views.

@BrunoMattei is right. Phil made his money by shitting out as many videos as possible as quickly as possible. He exploited Youtube's searches by putting his videos in non-gaming categories and was fortunate enough to have a view-based, not ad-based contract with Machinima initially.

 

[BeanBidan]

As much of an unlikable cunt as Phil is, it would be hard to argue that he wasn't a major success in terms of Youtube 5-6 years ago. He made good money in a new form of media, and managed to fuck it all up through exceedingly poor financial decisions and not actually improving the quality of his content to try to keep up with the competition. Oh, and being such an unlikable cunt that he has more haters than fans.

His fame was gained like Wings tbqh. Not many people were doing it at the time, so tech he did it at the right time but people just upgraded and adapted better than he, also they're more likeable.

 

[sperginity]

His fame was gained like Wings tbqh. Not many people were doing it at the time, so tech he did it at the right time but people just upgraded and adapted better than he, also they're more likeable.

A less shitty person would have gotten a little bit of extra money and a neat story for future grandkids out of their brief stint as a successful let's player. Phil decided he was entitled to that job and income level for the rest of his life, and made poor financial decisions ever since.

 

[ANDS!]

Honestly, I think that Phil's state of mediocrity and misery fits in quite well with him being a school Valedictorian.

Most Valedictorians live mediocre and boring lives. A good article on the subject:

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/05/24/what-happened-to-your-class-valedictorian-probably-not-much.html

That article doesn't even begin to say what you summarize it as saying; no clue how this got upvoted so hard beyond people desperate to push back against the idea that he was telling the truth.

 

[Haunter]

That article doesn't even begin to say what you summarize it as saying; no clue how this got upvoted so hard beyond people desperate to push back against the idea that he was telling the truth.

Ah, thanks for pointing this out. ""[Valedictorians] do well,' Barker told CNBC, 'but they don't actually become billionaires or the people who change the world." Then, "'Valedictorians aren't likely to be the future's visionaries,' says Arnold. 'They typically settle into the system instead of shaking it up.'"

The article basically says grades, in high school or college, aren't a predictor of either success or failure: "'College grades,' Barker writes, 'aren't any more predictive of subsequent life success than rolling dice.'"

 

[Sparkletor]

Everyone has moments where they do something stupid, but as a person who graduated top of his class I expect more "street smarts".

Things Phil has said in his videos:

Didn't change the oil in his BMW because he thought the dealership keeps track of that stuff and calls customers when it is time for an oil change.

Didn't know how to wash his own clothes until he was 35 years old.

Had difficulty making and eating a cup of ramen soup.

Didn't know how to paint a wall a solid color.

Didn't know how to open his blinds so he ripped them down and bought new ones.

Opens someone else's mail from the federal government and reads it in a video.

Owned a land line telephone for years for the soul reason so his parents could call him because his cell phone might not work.

Had to have his dad explain to him that the mysterious things he found in the garage were latex gloves.

Puts bacon grease in the toilet.

Feel free to post your favorite examples of his genius in action.

 

[Prince Lotor]

That article doesn't even begin to say what you summarize it as saying; no clue how this got upvoted so hard beyond people desperate to push back against the idea that he was telling the truth.

I remember reading the article at the time and noting that the user's summary was somewhat disingenuous as to the actual contents and conclusions of the linked article. I can't speak for anyone else but I gave it a Medal sticker based on this comparison at the end, and not the link to the article, because I found the statement amusing.

Phil pretty much spent his life in High School working hard and regurgitating information on command. You don't become get there by being inventive or creative. You get there by doing everything you are told on command like a trained monkey. Creativity, intellect, or inventiveness are not even a part of the equation. Compliance, discipline, and hard work are all you need.

It sums up his channel. He just pumps out videos on a timed basis to meet Youtube's standards with no polish, charm or creativity to meet his quota like a good little trained monkey. If anything, Phil being a Valedictorian explains a lot.

Generally I reserve the Medal sticker for posts that entertained me in an amusing manner, things that made me lol at a cow, not posts that I necessarily Agree with or find useful in an Informative manner, although Informative tends to be the most likely sticker for me to use in a tongue-in-cheek fashion.

As for examples of Dave's genius in action: In college he quit lifting weights because he was certain he had 'burst a blood vessel in his brain while lifting', also known as a hemorrhagic stroke, because he 'heard a pop inside my head, dood'. Here is what the progression of a hemorrhagic stroke would be like https://www.livestrong.com/article/161217-broken-blood-vessels-in-the-brain/ more than likely one of the tendons that connect near the base of your skull popped. This would be like if someone quit playing piano because they heard a knuckle pop and became certain that they were developing Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from playing piano. Here's a neurologist explaining it to someone else who is very concerned because they 'heard a pop in my head two days ago' https://www.justanswer.com/neurology/6n0ra-hi-two-days-ago-heard-pop-back-head.html especially funny is when the neurologist suggests they have anxiety issues due to how overly concerned about it they are after the user repeatedly states 'I just don't want to die!'

 

[AP 297]

That article doesn't even begin to say what you summarize it as saying; no clue how this got upvoted so hard beyond people desperate to push back against the idea that he was telling the truth.

Sorry, I think I was reading over several articles and they all bleeded into each other. A number of them put a different spin on one another and honestly I may have put up the wrong one.

https://qz.com/996687/after-graduation-valedictorians-arent-the-most-likely-to-succeed/

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/succeed-valedictorians-article-1.3222897

https://www.thedailybeast.com/why-grade-grubbing-valedictorians-never-get-to-rule-the-world

https://www.businessinsider.com/why-high-school-valedictorians-dont-become-really-successful-2017-5

http://time.com/money/4779223/valedictorian-success-research-barking-up-wrong/

There were even more than this on the same topic written in this March 2017 - June 2017 timeframe.

Time/Money had this paragraph that I somehow must have gotten mixed up with another article that was written in the March-June 2017 series of write ups:

So why are the number ones in high school so rarely the number ones in real life? There are two reasons. First, schools reward students who consistently do what they are told. Academic grades correlate only loosely with intelligence (standardized tests are better at measuring IQ). Grades are, however, an excellent predictor of self-discipline, conscientiousness, and the ability to comply with rules

Sorry to post the wrong article, I clearly messed up.

Everything else there in my post was my own opinion.

 

[Commander Keen]

Everyone has moments where they do something stupid, but as a person who graduated top of his class I expect more "street smarts".

Things Phil has said in his videos:

Didn't change the oil in his BMW because he thought the dealership keeps track of that stuff and calls customers when it is time for an oil change.

Didn't know how to wash his own clothes until he was 35 years old.

Had difficulty making and eating a cup of ramen soup.

Didn't know how to paint a wall a solid color.

Didn't know how to open his blinds so he ripped them down and bought new ones.

Opens someone else's mail from the federal government and reads it in a video.

Owned a land line telephone for years for the soul reason so his parents could call him because his cell phone might not work.

Had to have his dad explain to him that the mysterious things he found in the garage were latex gloves.

Puts bacon grease in the toilet.

Feel free to post your favorite examples of his genius in action.

The land line thing is pretty common with older people, 30 and above. We were kids when cell phones really weren’t a big thing and, when cell phones became a big thing during our teenage years, they were not very reliable like they are today. When I was in college, I had a landline for 911 and emergencies in case the cell phone didn’t work and the habit just stuck with me.

That’s not Phil being “dumb” it’s Phil being a “30-something boomer”. I didn’t really give up a personal landline until relatively recently when it was finally hammered into my head that it’s only good for telemarketers and panhandlers and that I should just switch to a cell provider with better coverage where I live.

 

[Sparkletor]

The land line thing is pretty common with older people, 30 and above. We were kids when cell phones really weren’t a big thing and, when cell phones became a big thing during our teenage years, they were not very reliable like they are today. When I was in college, I had a landline for 911 and emergencies in case the cell phone didn’t work and the habit just stuck with me.

That’s not Phil being “dumb” it’s Phil being a “30-something boomer”. I didn’t really give up a personal landline until relatively recently when it was finally hammered into my head that it’s only good for telemarketers and panhandlers and that I should just switch to a cell provider with better coverage where I live.

I understand your reasoning, but Phil specifically said in the vlog when he got rid of the phone that he only had it because mommy and daddy said he had to.

This is not Phil thinking that his cell phone may fail in an emergency. This is a 30 year old man paying for a separate phone line because his senior citizen parents think that his phone may fail in an emergency.

 

[Commander Keen]

I understand your reasoning, but Phil specifically said in the vlog when he got rid of the phone that he only had it because mommy and daddy said he had to.

This is not Phil thinking that his cell phone may fail in an emergency. This is a 30 year old man paying for a separate phone line because his senior citizen parents think that his phone may fail in an emergency.

Yeah, I guess, but DSP is an only child. I think. People who are only children do crap like that to appease their parents.

He talks a big game about the wolverine action figure, but I’m fairly positive he’s a milquetoast mama’s boy. Just like any male of the species who is an only child, deep down.

 

[Near]

As much of an unlikable cunt as Phil is, it would be hard to argue that he wasn't a major success in terms of Youtube 5-6 years ago. He made good money in a new form of media, and managed to fuck it all up through exceedingly poor financial decisions and not actually improving the quality of his content to try to keep up with the competition. Oh, and being such an unlikable cunt that he has more haters than fans.

He's so much of a success that YT is all he'll ever be able to do. The tornado of autism around him will stalk every other job he'll even attempt to apply for, once his e-career goes to shit

 

[NiggoPls]

I'm comparing Ted Cruz's face to DSP's potential

Spoiler: Seems fair

View attachment 536787 View attachment 536788

Oh look! It's Slippin' Jimmy!

 

[This+]

Feel free to post your favorite examples of his genius in action.

Uses Pam spray because he's too lazy to melt butter or heat oil.

Doesn't know how to crack an egg.

 

[harbinger]

Uses Pam spray because he's too lazy to melt butter or heat oil.

Doesn't know how to crack an egg.

In all fairness, it’s not because he’s lazy, it’s because he has no time to melt butter. He’s a gamer.

 

[This+]

In all fairness, it’s not because he’s lazy, it’s because he has no time to melt butter. He’s a gamer.

Oh right, that was what he said. To be honest, him saying he was too lazy would have been more acceptable.

 

[Mr.PiggyOinkOinkOink]

Well this was a fun thread to read. It’s pretty funny that even when Dave is right, he loses. This shit only makes him look worse in the grand scheme of things.

Ignoring the intelligence level of his high school and the drama around that, this was a man at the top of his class that managed to screw the pooch and lives a miserable shut in life. They should play the down the rabbit hole video about him to seniors as a cautionary tale.

This has made me rethink how much of his countless past ramblings have truth to them, maybe he’s not the big liar we peg him for. But I just can’t believe it....the guy is so egotistical, he talks like the world revolved around him when he was younger.

My biggest wonder is just when he changed. I think he was bad apple from early on, everything about him points to a coddled only child by Mami burnell.

What I do know is old DSP is a very different person from current year DSP, maybe not in personality, but in attitude.

Old dsp actully put effort into his life, he went out and traveled to fighting games, attempted to have friends, went through the effort of doing well in school and college, but even back then there’s still something off about his stories. He’s always the one being mis treated, the world and it’s inhabitants are out to get him.

It’s his entitlement, he’s always been a narcissistic, entitled, spoiled child. All his past effort and success were most likely grand attempts to sate those feelings. Then he makes it big on the early days of YouTube doing his hobby, and suddenly those negative traits that were fueling his ambitions hold him back.

He’s unable to adapt and change, he starts making enemies and responds negatively back to criticism and hate. He’s unable to plan ahead and can’t cope with the those big YouTube bucks he’s entitled 2 start lessening.

Fast forward to current year and all this over the years, along with other factors such as him driving away most the people close to him and isolating himself from everyone except yes man have degraded him into a bum. A loser that has to ask others for basic shit on something as simple as video games. Someone who can’t wait to get away from the only thing he has going for him in life.

I could go on, but I’ve wasted enough words on him.

 

[Agentsmith]

Some gold here

#failurehuman haha