DSP's scholastic journey from valedictorian to boiling ramen in a keurig and eating it with a spoon - "Look at this. It's empty. There's no brain. Did you lose it somewhere?"

[Wurstbrot]

Some gold here

#failurehuman haha

Holy Gout on a Tax-Cycle.
"I was able to ace everything. I had straight A's in high school. I had a natural talent to learn in school and just absorb from the books. I was in the chess club, the drama club, the musical club. I was doing voluntary work, working at a home for the elderly"

What the shit, Tevin was right. This sounds nothing like anything our beloved Dave who eats noodles with a spoon could achieve, but more like he played "The Sims".

 

[A Witty Name]

It's missing the best part though, and possibly the explanation to all of this.

 

[Agentsmith]

https://my.mixtape.moe/gspczm.png[/IMG]

Amazing. Why would a person even say such a ridiculous thing? I'd like to see the video of that

Possibly related (and sorry if already posted) the 1st 2 mins of this video is hilarious AND shows off his soft caring side for the girl that lost her way... And the teacher DSP was going to "break his face". A man of limitless talents...

 

[BeanBidan]

Amazing. Why would a person even say such a ridiculous thing? I'd like to see the video of that

Possibly related (and sorry if already posted) the 1st 2 mins of this video is hilarious AND shows off his soft caring side for the girl that lost her way... And the teacher DSP was going to "break his face". A man of limitless talents...

So he was able to keep up with academics because it was easy but reading a fighting games manual and doing training missions is way too much for his big brain. Wow.

 

[Sparkletor]

According to this video Phil stopped trying by 11th grade and did not get straight A's.

 

[Haunter]

According to this video Phil stopped trying by 11th grade and did not get straight A's.

I missed the part of the 11th grade thing, I guess? Doesn't he say it was after his straight-A's in High School didn't pave the way into Harvard or Yale that he gave up?

Anyway, he says that his grades didn't get him into a good college. Those good colleges are reserved for privileged students from wealthy families. And then immediately after says he received a scholarship and went to a good college that was %95 students from wealthy families.

When he heads out into the job market with his newly minted Finances degree, he was only offered "unpaid internships". Back in June 2003, when Phil still used his pseudonym "WhoahMoses" and was still allowed on the Shoryuken Forums, he was feeling bitchy and posted PMs of himself badgering at someone. In those PMs he says: "I'm busy with my internship". I've never heard this mentioned elsewhere. Maybe it was a lie he used on the Shoryuken Forums and dropped once he got the boot?

 

[Sparkletor]

I missed the part of the 11th grade thing, I guess? Doesn't he say it was after his straight-A's in High School didn't pave the way into Harvard or Yale that he gave up?

Anyway, he says that his grades didn't get him into a good college. Those good colleges are reserved for privileged students from wealthy families. And then immediately after says he received a scholarship and went to a good college that was %95 students from wealthy families.

When he heads out into the job market with his newly minted Finances degree, he was only offered "unpaid internships". Back in June 2003, when Phil still used his pseudonym "WhoahMoses" and was still allowed on the Shoryuken Forums, he was feeling bitchy and posted PMs of himself badgering at someone. In those PMs he says: "I'm busy with my internship". I've never heard this mentioned elsewhere. Maybe it was a lie he used on the Shoryuken Forums and dropped once he got the boot?

According to another Ask the King:
He claims he got an internship selling life insurance. The idiots there put him at the bottom despite his business degree. They wanted him to cold call people to try and sell policies. After that didnt work out, the insurance company had the audacity to try and charge Phil for the office and resources he used. Phil told them to go fuck themselves and then proceeded to use them as a reference on his resume. They illegally slandered him when other jobs checked this reference, leading to Phil not being able to get a good job.

 

[Agentsmith]

According to this video Phil stopped trying by 11th grade and did not get straight A's.

Some highlights for me (in between the rocking and snorting)

- Why does he talk about his birth??? What person would be interested in how a "YouTube content creator" was born? Or what toys he liked as a kid... And the names of the local kids in his neighborhood??

- "I could be doing so many better things than sitting in a church..." - like recording high kwality unedited playthroughs and uploading 30-50 videos a day??

- Nice to hear him insult his parents again

- Also plays the race card about being refused into ivy league unis

- Calls the then president "the dumbest mfer I've ever met in my life"

- his first jobs were "tossing salad and pumping yogurt" because he can "laugh at himself"

- he "built PCs" and knew all about networking

-best buy "framed him" for abusing the employee discount system, leading to him being fired but he appealed it and got a lot of $$

- he was a face of the helicopter company... Until restructuring and then he was fired

- when he discovered his back was sore he couldn't play things like football anymore

- took days off work to play Batman

- the detractors back then we're hurting the business and not helping him improve


He's possibly the #1 lol cow

 

[HansGruber]

This was something that was brewing in my head the more I learned about him. All of his stories about Past Phil paint him as The Big Dick on Campus when he was in high school (lifted weights, women wanted him, and didn't he supposedly play football?) and some kind of bizarre chimera of Frat Boy and Academic Overachiever in college (the "drank and smoked weed then puked and shat" story). And it's not unheard of for Phil to try and rewrite history.

I think Phil is a noodly-armed faggot dork who is desperate to portray himself as anyone who he perceived as more successful/popular than him growing up. It's also likely that they're the same people who pushed him around, since we know how much he likes to wield the tiny bit of power that he has.

Note 1: I'm discounting one story he's told from his high school years: the "muh depressed, muh psychopharmocological cocktail" one. Reason being is the context under which it was brought up, that being while Phil was pity-trawling. Is it possible that he was telling the truth? Yes. Was it very convenient given that he was hard on the begging (and, as I recall, shielding himself from criticism)? Also yes.

Note 2: liking video games or Dragonball doesn't make you a geek anymore, Phil. You have the most plebian tastes of anyone who's ever picked up a controller. If you wanna be a Chad Bro (or at least act like one because being one...well, that ship has sailed) then you can do that and still stream CoD. You pick up an Altelier title and 100% it at some point, we'll talk about renewing your nerd card.

You're still a faggot, though.

I'm still reeling from the proof that he was in fact Valedictorian of his high school. I want those facts triple checked. I still have an easier time believing the escort story.

 

[Pargon]

I'm still reeling from the proof that he was in fact Valedictorian of his high school. I want those facts triple checked. I still have an easier time believing the escort story.

I've got two words for you: structured environment. I guarantee Phil's backslide started when he was in college. Making those sweet Machinima dollaz just accelerated things.

 

[Noob-Noob]

What proof? That dogshit generic “speech” of his? This dude failed at eating a cup of fucking noodles. There is your proof.

I mean, the school literally said he was the VD...somehow...

 

[BallBuster]

I mean, the school literally said he was the VD...somehow...

Where? When did this happen? The guy has the IQ of a Frankenstein’s Monster.

 

[Wurstbrot]

Where? When did this happen? The guy has the IQ of a Frankenstein’s Monster.

Confirmed by the KF months ago. The school was contacted and after delaying the answer for a while, they confirmed he was the valedictorian. Apparently they have very low standards, a religious sport school are some shit.

However, I would still not quote Dave on his speech. If this really happened the way he told, some people there should evaluate their meaning in life and act accordingly.

 

[BallBuster]

Confirmed by the KF months ago. The school was contacted and after delaying the answer for a while, they confirmed he was the valedictorian. Apparently they have very low standards, a religious sport school are some shit.

However, I would still not quote Dave on his speech. If this really happened the way he told, some people there should evaluate their meaning in life and act accordingly.

Sorry I can't buy that. He is dumbest fucker on this planet. Someone who flushes fucking bacon grease down the toilet is no academic luminary.

 

[Hungrymandinner]

Maybe Phil’s high school will do a “Where are they now?” piece on him for the student newspaper or the yearbook as the 20th anniversary of his graduation approaches. Or more likely keep it under the most opaque of wraps. I doubt many parents would be willing to cough up tuition if they saw that Darksydephil was a product of their child’s private school.

I don’t find it difficult to believe that Phil was valedictorian. Phil’s character arc is one of tragedy: he gave up his friends, family, potential, health, career in pursuit of virtual bits. This is what happens to the brain when it is fed a steady diet of video games, wrestling, and Netflix and deprived of critical thinking, social interactions, and novel situations. Yes, you can approach those subjects critically (e.g., the high level play of a League of Legends professional, the comedic works of James Rolfe, the researched podcasts of the Retronauts) but if you just consume them mindlessly (and nothing else), the brain will atrophy.

 

[Commander Keen]

I'm still reeling from the proof that he was in fact Valedictorian of his high school. I want those facts triple checked. I still have an easier time believing the escort story.

Being first in your class if you’re from a shitty school system isn’t much of an accomplishment. DSP went to a basketball school, they produce recruits for colleges in the colonial states. That’s all they do and care about.

So when he talks about the “mean streets” he probably means he just was surrounded by the bix nood type of hood rat every day at school and just assumed they were gang members because he’s a dumb ass white kid. What those catholic schools do is give scholarships to niggas to ball hard for them. That’s why you see all those small ass catholic universities in the NCAA tournament, they’ve been doing it ever since they found out about the sport.

 

[Fuckyoudad]

Where? When did this happen? The guy has the IQ of a Frankenstein’s Monster.

You don't need to be especially clever to be valedictorian at all trust me on this one. You just need to be semi-literate and halfway competent at spewing up pure word salad. The one thing Phil has always been qualified for. He's also proven to this day that he can surround himself with a party of mongs that he manages to appear smarter than in that chat of his. I'm sure he picked up this skill through DSP: The High School Years.

The short version: "San Dimas High School Football Rules!"

 

[Sparkletor]

Fairfax of Notre Dame told me Philip Burnell was valedictorian of the class of 2000, so I have to believe them.

It was just as unbelievable to me, especially since he stated in a King of Hate segment that he quit trying in school by 11th grade and did not get straight A' s. As has been stated, this school focuses on sports more than academics so that is one factor.

Second, this school is rated as one of the most "diverse" and you can take that for what it is. I don't have any demographics, but if there was a high percentage of students who had English as a second language it would give Phil an advantage.

This was a Catholic school. As far as I know, science is taught differently in religious schools as opposed to public schools. I'm sure I'm over exaggerating, but couldn't you just answer any test question with some variant of "because God said so".

I also have a personal theory that Phil's parents did a good portion of his schoolwork for him. We have Phil's testimony to go by, but his parents allegedly went to the school to get him less homework. Daddy got him the helicopter job. They give him birthday and Christmas money to this day. They seem to have an unusual relationship with their son and I wouldn't be surprised if little Phil cried "I can't do it" and mommy and daddy did it for him.

Another example of his high school being poor is when he went to college. He took a computer class and flunked out. He blamed his high school for never teaching him how to use a computer. This is conflicting with Phil's claim that computers was his favorite subject in school.

 

[TheGoutinator]

There has to be at least a few teenage kids today that currently go to Phil's high school that are into the Twitch thing.

If only they knew. I hope one of them discovers the pigroach and that he went to the same school as them and they go and dig up his yearbook pictures or something.

 

[BallBuster]

You don't need to be especially clever to be valedictorian at all trust me on this one. You just need to be semi-literate and halfway competent at spewing up pure word salad. The one thing Phil has always been qualified for. He's also proven to this day that he can surround himself with a party of mongs that he manages to appear smarter than in that chat of his. I'm sure he picked up this skill through DSP: The High School Years.

The short version: "San Dimas High School Football Rules!"

My ex GF was only a salutatorian at her high school and got a fat scholarship to Cornell. The Vale at her school got a full ride to Columbia.

This faggot says he was a Vale and couldn’t get accepted into any college and I’m calling 100% bullshit on that unless his school was filled with equally as pathetic mongoloids.