Elliot Page / Ellen Page - Former actress, starred in Juno. Turned into a pooner and divorced her wife because being a lesbian was not boosting her career anymore. Receives a daily dose of asspatting from Hollywood. Likes to show off her "male" body using fake abdominals.

[Black Cat Owner]

I actually think they tried to out-controversy Ellen’s whole gig by having the actor who started in season one, aged fifteen and looked and was dressed liked this by the way-

View attachment 6295915
have a storyline where he had an affair with his adopted brother’s wife. The actor is now aged about 19, she is about 34.

View attachment 6295916

It’s all very lolicon too, because his character ‘Five’ is.… omg I’m embarrassed typing this, like, an eighty year old man stuck in a teenage boy‘s body, due to time travel.

I’m sorry. I like sci fi alright. But I’m really embarrassed I can explain this.

Jesus I thought he was one of those adults who looked young like Atticus Shaffer. Par for the course I guess.
Also I'm sure someone said it already but isn't it funny this true and honest dood can't get pussy even in a fake universe.

 

[PetiteFeet]

More Getty images.

Wow, she actually manages to look somewhat representable and not like an overt parody in this getup. It's still not perfect and those oversized shoes are still funny as shit.
Good job Ellen, almost there.

 

[Tragon Dirtle]

I wonder if dubs for less trans-friendly markets made her into her brother (as Battle of the Planets did with the gender/bending villain from Gatchaman)?

Is that what happened to you when you joined the farms?

Being a Gucci ambassador alongside Ryan Gosling, who is the male it boy of the year after Barbie, is really prestigious. I don't know if she still is, but she has palled up with Mae Martin to the point of getting a matching tattoo - Mae Martin likes to talk about how she did her time in the hard knocks world of Canadian stand up comedy, when the majority of her career has been in the UK, and she is the niece of Lady Sarah Chatto, Princess Margaret's daughter (Princess Margaret was the younger sister of Elizabeth II. I.e. she's got extremely solid connections to the british royal family and is a massive nepo baby.) Mae Martin has got several things in the pipeline with people like Hannah Gadsby, there's a whole well-connected queer creative set that Ellen is probably part of now. Maybe her transition was the push needed to get her into it and it will pay off in fame / connections. (Both Mae Martin and Hannah Gadsby id as non-binary so she's got one-up on them.)

I agree that her transition was the fucking dumbest possible idea in the long run, and that she fucked up Umbrella Academy which will piss Hollywood off, but I don't think her career is on the skids as much as posters want it to be. She's pretty well-connected still, and if she is still friends with Leonardo Dicaprio, she's basically buddies with the first port of call in Hollywood who can help her out too. But it will be either queer / trans stuff or voice work from here on out.

 

[Marc]

She actually manages to look somewhat representable and not like an overt parody in this getup.

It's because that Price is Right suit manages to dignify her into looking like a lesbian asked to officiate her brother's wedding. But that's all she has to work with - Any other getup serves to accentuate how ridiculous, emaciated, and bereaved she always looks (whether "masculinizing" or not; due to having a skeleton composed of twisted pipe cleaners and styrofoam peanuts). The only context I can picture her looking photogenic in is as a model for child caskets.

Imagine Ellen modeling men's swimwear after devoting what may be the creepiest portion of her memoir to detailing how "gender-affirming" wearing a boy's speedo was:

Spoiler

*Image credited to Ellen's body dysmorphic disorder lolcow peer Eugenia Cooney (who presumably lingers due to lich powers).

 

[Sonya-chan]

View attachment 6315719
The scene where Viktor stood up to the dad. See how tough and manly Ellen is.

Isn't it funny how the dad who is supposed to be toxic and doesn't care for their kids and their well-being respect his daughter suddenly a son with another name and pronoun.

 

[Dr. Butt]

Italian menswear does not work on women. You have to be at least as large as the average man to make it work, and basically the biggest women in the world are that size. For example, Tilda Swinton would even look like crap in a Gucci showstopper, but Gwendolyn Christie could handle it. Even things like men's statement boots or wide-lapel jackets won't work on anyone smaller than "man big enough to work general labour".

@Marc I and the other fashion autists went autist over this earlier. Ellen is Kibbe's SG type which is pretty much a female Charlie Day. Small, cute, soft fabrics, nothing edgy. It's actually a very easy body type to dress. They're just not allowed to have anything halloween-costume-like or science-fictiony or hiphop/hypebeast/fuckboi. Which is how most people in the world dress!
I'm sure it feels bad to some that they can't dress up like Agyness Deyn going to wait in line for Drake's late-night ice cream shop, but everyone's got things in their life that they can't have. Those spaceman/alien fashion model androgynes can't ever wear a nice waffle knit henley with some any-colour jeans and crocs, and that makes quite a lot of them sad.

 

[Absolutego]

Italian menswear does not work on women. You have to be at least as large as the average man to make it work, and basically the biggest women in the world are that size. For example, Tilda Swinton would even look like crap in a Gucci showstopper, but Gwendolyn Christie could handle it. Even things like men's statement boots or wide-lapel jackets won't work on anyone smaller than "man big enough to work general labour".

Basically if you don't have a back that would make a swimmer jealous why the hell are you trying to rock Italian?

 

[Dr. Butt]

Basically if you don't have a back that would make a swimmer jealous why the hell are you trying to rock Italian?

You said it a lot better than I did.

 

[SpiderBitch]

Italian menswear does not work on women. You have to be at least as large as the average man to make it work, and basically the biggest women in the world are that size. For example, Tilda Swinton would even look like crap in a Gucci showstopper, but Gwendolyn Christie could handle it. Even things like men's statement boots or wide-lapel jackets won't work on anyone smaller than "man big enough to work general labour".

@Marc I and the other fashion autists went autist over this earlier. Ellen is Kibbe's SG type which is pretty much a female Charlie Day. Small, cute, soft fabrics, nothing edgy. It's actually a very easy body type to dress. They're just not allowed to have anything halloween-costume-like or science-fictiony or hiphop/hypebeast/fuckboi. Which is how most people in the world dress!
I'm sure it feels bad to some that they can't dress up like Agyness Deyn going to wait in line for Drake's late-night ice cream shop, but everyone's got things in their life that they can't have. Those spaceman/alien fashion model androgynes can't ever wear a nice waffle knit henley with some any-colour jeans and crocs, and that makes quite a lot of them sad.

Funnily enough, ive seen her used as an example for the gamine body type before.



For those not in the know, gamine is basically a wee bit androgynous but mostly girly and childlike. Generally on the short side with little curves, think Ariana Grande.

Very beautiful if styled right, but never more masculine than a tween paperboy.




And soft gamine is even more delicate and feminine than this.

I feel like there are a lot of skinny, narrow shouldered manlet celebs who are still styled 18289292x more flattering than ellen, too.
Bruno Mars does not have the most masculine build, but since he dresses well, is an actual man and doesn't constantly look like he wants to die, he generally looks great.

 

[Marc]

It's actually a very easy body type to dress.

Sure; so long as the body is being dressed in clothing intended for Italian Greyhounds, instead of men:










Of course, Ellen's preferred footwear is liable to spoil any of the above ensembles:

 

[Trianon]

Behind a lot of those pooners reading this script on their Xitter are confused, loving families that are devastated at being so unfairly maligned.

Makes me wonder if anyone has tried to reach out to Linda to see her thoughts on the book. She's the one who gets the fullest psycho characterization (like letting little Ellen bleed out after falling off a skateboard), but it seems like a big risk for Ellen to come out with this book without the risk of her family going to the tabloids (a la Meghan Markle) to contradict her. Even if they got backlash for coming for precious pooner Page, it would sell papuhzzzz.

 

[Dr. Butt]

And soft gamine is even more delicate and feminine than this.

Not "delicate", it has more blunted edges i.e. a softened outline.

Bruno Mars appears to be an actual male SG too, which is funny. He looks great all the time even to someone who doesn't like men.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

AMC did a (probably unintentional) win.
View attachment 6323073

Are we just going to ignore the limited theater space Ellen's movie is getting? The troon there lives in North Hollywood, and apparently there's only one screening in a 20-mile radius (unless the faggot can't afford to drive).

 

[Dambusters' Dog II]

I wondered why they picked the most pooner yet still russian name possible

Imagine if they'd renamed her character "Vlad"

There's some confusion here, where some people in the thread implicitly understand but don't know that the others don't. Vanya is a Russian nickname for Ivan (the quote from the book has it back to front, Ivan isn't "short" for Vanya, Vanya is "short" for Ivan, even though it's the same length in the Cyrillic alphabet). So her character had a male name to begin with, and Ellen wanted to poon out the character by having the character reveal "Oh, my name's been Ivan this whole time". The English analogue would be if for some bizarre reason there was a female character called "Jack" whose actress wanted to be renamed to "John" when she pooned out, but the producers said "No, you're called Victor now".

 

[Surfin Terf]

There's some confusion here, where some people in the thread implicitly understand but don't know that the others don't. Vanya is a Russian nickname for Ivan (the quote from the book has it back to front, Ivan isn't "short" for Vanya, Vanya is "short" for Ivan, even though it's the same length in the Cyrillic alphabet). So her character had a male name to begin with, and Ellen wanted to poon out the character by having the character reveal "Oh, my name's been Ivan this whole time". The English analogue would be if for some bizarre reason there was a female character called "Jack" whose actress wanted to be renamed to "John" when she pooned out, but the producers said "No, you're called Victor now".

I just thought Vlad would be funny because it's such a manly name.

 

[Procrastinhater]

I just thought Vlad would be funny because it's such a manly name.

Vlad Tepes.

Another idea for a manly heroic character Ellen could play in a movie.

 

[LaughJoke2.0]

Vlad Tepes.
View attachment 6336454
Another idea for a manly heroic character Ellen could play in a movie.

Patton I'd love to see her try to recreate this scene.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Vlad Tepes.
View attachment 6336454
Another idea for a manly heroic character Ellen could play in a movie.

wouldn't work, what would she impale people with? Her frankendick?

 

[Tragon Dirtle]

Makes me wonder if anyone has tried to reach out to Linda to see her thoughts on the book. She's the one who gets the fullest psycho characterization (like letting little Ellen bleed out after falling off a skateboard), but it seems like a big risk for Ellen to come out with this book without the risk of her family going to the tabloids (a la Meghan Markle) to contradict her. Even if they got backlash for coming for precious pooner Page, it would sell papuhzzzz.

Her dad did push back a bit, there was some press over him liking a tweet elon musk made insulting Ellen and they don't talk now. I can't find anything about him being married to any Linda though, maybe they've split up?

 

[Procrastinhater]

wouldn't work, what would she impale people with? Her frankendick?

The dicks of her enemies fixed to spears, of course.
Manly spears.
Manly dicks.