Elliot Page / Ellen Page - Former actress, starred in Juno. Turned into a pooner and divorced her wife because being a lesbian was not boosting her career anymore. Receives a daily dose of asspatting from Hollywood. Likes to show off her "male" body using fake abdominals.

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Marc said:
David Cage is a Neil Breen-tier lolcow in his own right, and Beyond: Two Souls was funny because, at the time, people worldwide were congratulating Page for her portrayal of Ellie in the critically acclaimed first The Last of Us game (which Page had nothing to do with; and which has resulted in every subsequent remake and adaptation going out of its way to make Ellie look further and further differentiated from Ellen). Ellen would always reply "I am not in The Last of Us - I play Jodie in Beyond: Two Souls." And anyone familiar with Cage's previous games (Omikron: The Nomad Soul and Indigo Prophecy) already knew it was going to be be a nonsensical turd.

Ellen resorting to this is funnier than people know. The plot is actually centered around Willem Dafoe torturing his ghost family because he won't kill himself to be with them (Spoiler: he does; and immediately goes "This is great - Why didn't I do this in the first place?"), with Ellen's role being largely independent of that plot; and instead pointlessly depicting her as constantly using her conjoined ghost twin who died in the womb to wait to fight off rapists until after they have beaten her into submission, but before they can achieve penetration (the player controls the ghost). The game also consists of scenes played out of chronological order; so you have no idea what's going on aside from Ellen Page constantly finding herself victimized by men and saved by a ghost.
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now I want to play that shit for myself. I enjoyed Heavy Rain for what it is and it had its moments of decent writing, never something amazing but it was at least an enjoyable romp aside from the controls because Sony wanted the suxaxis and later the playstation move gimmick in as many games as possible.
Omikron is fucking INSANE and if played with friends while drinking and riffing on it, it's an enjoyable time of self-torture via the medium of video games.

David Cage is the more autistic, french version of Hideo Kojima, except Kojima actually has a strong vision however nonsense that might be.
 
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Silence of the Troons said:
Her career is stone dead. It's over. The only reason she was able to keep up the momentum for so long post-poon, if you can even call it that, is that she's probably the most famous actress to poon out so far.
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The fact that an a-lister, former as it may be, pooning out, gets less traction than Jazz and fucking Dyldo troonsitioning just further proves it's a fetish.

Niggie Smalls said:
her cute little nude body
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It wasn't though, it was her head on a some other body that was taller and way more curvacious.
 
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PetiteFeet said:
now I want to play that shit for myself. I enjoyed Heavy Rain for what it is and it had its moments of decent writing, never something amazing but it was at least an enjoyable romp aside from the controls because Sony wanted the suxaxis and later the playstation move gimmick in as many games as possible.
Omikron is fucking INSANE and if played with friends while drinking and riffing on it, it's an enjoyable time of self-torture via the medium of video games.
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Detroit Become Human wasn't great - it's probably the best David Cage game which is like saying it's the best root canal procedure you've ever had. But it had the buddy cop drama which was good because the actors (allegedly) threw out the original script and just ad-libbed everything.

Anyway, Ellen Page could have kept her career going as a cute girl. Maybe she'd be doing Hallmark Christmas movies or something but she'd have a steady gig. She wouldn't be doing pooner movies made on tiny budgets.
 
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I was listening to Ween earlier, and thought of the perfect vehicle for Pageboy Productions to license, reboot, and sweep the Academy Awards with:

STUNNING AND BRAVE.jpeg

PetiteFeet said:
I enjoyed Heavy Rain for what it is and it had its moments of decent writing
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Did you play it only the once? Because none of the game in which Scott is investigating his own crimes by himself makes sense. Also:

 
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Nebulon X5 said:
This video just dropped, and it's spot on, IMO:


"This is an experiment that did not work."

And there you have it.
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When you copy a YouTube link remember to delete everything after the ?, the si=and everything after that.
Its just a tracker Google adds to your links so they can track you to sell your data, your link will work fine without it.
Tragi-Chan said:
Page’s management are probably shitting themselves that the market for films about pooners just isn’t there, and no one is going to pretend this tiny dood is a hot man.
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We need to have faith if we're going to make this happen Goddamnit.
Conan the Non Binarian.jpg
Silence of the Troons said:
Well well, I thought Ellen's Hollywood career was beyond recovery this point, but it looks like it's not completely dead yet if she's going to be in The Odyssey.

Though, would she have stood a chance of getting that role if Chris Nolan hadn't been the one directing it? Absolutely not.
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We need to find a way to get Chris Nolan to look over the Conan the Non-Binarian script.

I'm not letting go of the dream.
 
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Yep:

Nolan’s mythic action epic, shot with new Imax cameras, is based on the ancient Greek poem by Homer which follows Odysseus, King of Ithaca, and his perilous journey home after the Trojan War. The classic explores themes of heroism, loyalty, cunning and the struggle against divine will. The tale includes iconic stories like Odysseus’ encounters with the Cyclops Polyphemus, the Sirens and the witch-goddess Circe, culminating in a reunion with his wife Penelope.
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No word on who our lil' Pooner will play.
 
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Admiral Throbnelius said:
Will she play Telem-ACK-us?
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The cast so far is:

Men/pooner
  • Tom Holland 28yo
  • Himesh Patel 34yo
  • Elliot Page 37yo
  • Robert Pattinson 38yo
  • Benny Safdie 38yo
  • John Bernthal 48yo
  • Matt Damon 54yo
  • John Leguizamo 64yo
  • Bill irwin 74yo
Women
  • Zendaya 28yo
  • Lupita Nyongo 41yo
  • Anne Hatheway 42yo
  • Samantha Morton 47yo
  • Charlize Theron 49yo
I reckon Telemachus is probably being played by Tom.
I have no idea who Odysseus will be. Matt seems like a weird pick to me but Robert seems way too young.

Oh I forgot about Hermes. Maybe that's Page's role? If not it might be Tom's and then Robert would be Telemachus.
 
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