Is talking about being trans still a thing that gets posted? It was a late revelation for me. Weirdly, it was from reading a lesbian female Harry Potter fanfic. After than I read almost every one of them I could find that knew how to capitalise things correctly in the space of a few weeks (for the biggest fanfic fandom, there isn't that much femslash stories, let alone gender swapped Harry stories). I ended up having dreams of being a cute girl at Hogwarts. Weird, the dreams lead to the realisation. It makes sense in hindsight. One of my favourite games as a little kid was Crash Team Racing and I always played as Coco. I remember adults thinking this was like some prepubescent crush. Yeah, no. I couldn't put it to words as a kid, but I wanted to be her, I wanted to be this girl who was good at mechanical and science stuff. Going forward, if given the option to play as a girl in a game, I almost always did. The only time I didn't was when I was worried people would think of me as weird for doing so. I'm glad I don't care anymore. I remember when an older girl - a friend of the family - once wanted to dress me up and put makeup on me. I did the minimum amount of protesting required to not feel weird and then had to spend the whole time trying to pretend I wasn't enjoying this immensely. I should have figured it out then, but instead I didn't do so until my 20s. I apologise to those that have transitioned, but I couldn't do it. Not with our current level of technology. I'd hate myself if it wasn't perfect and I don't think current medical technology gets most people there. My family is another whole problem. Weirdly, my parents were very progressive compared to basically everyone else when I was a kid. My own views reflected that. I remember getting weird looks in year 8 for seriously saying "no one cares if you're gay" to the new kid on a school camp followed some awkward complains from the kid with religious parents. I was actually surprised by the backlash. From what may parents said, I had thought homophobia was the domain of religious loonies. It worked out in the end; the same friends I shared a tent with at that camp were pretty progressive by the end of high school. We don't discuss religion much, but the kid with religious parents is an atheist/agnostic now to top it off to the horror of his conservative parents. My parents though are not that progressive by today's standards. Their views on trans people aren't great. My dad for example was talking about the lack of men in education. He talked about how society minimises sexual assault committed by women against minors, how it's terrible society makes awful assumptions about men regarding children and how it's not surprising there are few men who are pursuing education as a career. Not a week later he's saying that pre-op mtf transpeople shouldn't be allowed to use female bathrooms because... they might assault someone in there. Gee, what happened to how terrible it is people are making assumptions because they have a penis. Mum's slightly better, but she is way too focused on "wokeness" in hospitals. She's a medical professional and find "annoyance" (I guess) at the idea of having to decipher people's "true" gender for medical reasons. While I'm sure there are people out there who might be stubborn enough to not mention being trans when a doc is diagnosing a problem, I'm sure it's a tiny minority. So I don't even know there. It's not a topic I ever want to discuss with them, even when not talking about myself. I guess the one light in the darkness is transhumanism. I was into the idea long before my own realisation, but I see it as the potential future gateway to what I want to someday be. I think the transhumanist future is going to start in biotranhumanism. Someday humanity will be able to build new bodies. Hopefully that gets me there someday. In the meantime, I'm writing Harry Potter femslash fanfic with trans stuff thrown in from time to time. That gets me by. To add the minimum required pervy stuff: I want to have a cute pregnant girlfriend, be ridiculously cute and pregnant at the same time, and then raise two kids like twins. It would super adorable, which is weird because I don't even like babies.