FATAL 2: The Fataling

As you guys walk inside, you see a river with a boat on it. An old man sits upon the boat. Next to him is a sign saying, "Boat rides: 1 sp"
 
Fuck it, let's attack him. I'll be damned if I actually pay this horrible Aedile a silver piece to literally take us to Hell.
 
AnOminous said:
Fuck it, let's attack him. I'll be damned if I actually pay this horrible Aedile a silver piece to literally take us to Hell.
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Before we get to attacking, Stupid-shit asks the boatman where the ride goes
 
ActualKiwi said:
Before we get to attacking, Stupid-shit asks the boatman where the ride goes
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Charon replies, "The other side of the river, where else would it go you stupid fuck?"

AnOminous said:
Fuck it, let's attack him. I'll be damned if I actually pay this horrible Aedile a silver piece to literally take us to Hell.
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I'm not even gonna roll for it. With your forces combined you guys are easily able to kill an old unarmed man in one turn. Now you're stuck in hell on the wrong side of Styx. And also, the dead can't get to hell anymore, so that might be a problem in the long term.
 
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Splendid Meat Sticks said:
Charon replies, "The other side of the river, where else would it go you stupid fuck?"


I'm not even gonna roll for it. With your forces combined you guys are easily able to kill an old unarmed man in one turn. Now you're stuck in hell on the wrong side of Styx. And also, the dead can't get to hell anymore, so that might be a problem in the long term.
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Figured he'd ask, since stupid-shit is...well...stupid. He also loots charon's corpse.
 
Well lads we got our selves a new boat.

Splendid Meat Sticks said:
And also, the dead can't get to hell anymore, so that might be a problem in the long term.
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Dear god what have we done. We have condemned so many innocent people to such an unimaginably cruel fate. Now they will be stuck in the world of FATAL for eternity without even the sweet release of hell to save them.
 
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Let's put the ballista on the boat and then sail downstream looking for something to shoot it at.
 
AnOminous said:
Let's put the ballista on the boat and then sail downstream looking for something to shoot it at.
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It's probably not a sailboat, but we could row it..
Also, what about taking over hell? Sounds like an idea.
 
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ActualKiwi said:
It's probably not a sailboat, but we could row it..
Also, what about taking over hell? Sounds like an idea.
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"Sail" is probably ambitious. There are probably no winds down here.

So we do WHATEVER you do on a boat that you've hauled a ballista onto after murdering Charon for no reason at all, and then chewing on his corpse, I think it would probably be called "drifting."

And I think this is a river, so we're doing it downstream, and I think we can actually aim that ballista in that direction of stuff that's coming at us.

So let's just drift downstream and then shoot whatever we see first.

Is this a plan?

Also to our horrible Aedile.

I am vastly disappointed that my character's potential Anal Circumference has never come into play in this game so far.

If you're just going to make stuff up because even bothering to roll for ridiculous bullshit in this incomprehensible game's rules is too oppressive, please find some use for my character's anus before you murder us all.

ActualKiwi said:
It's probably not a sailboat, but we could row it..
Also, what about taking over hell? Sounds like an idea.
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Also I gotta say. Maybe it's not a sailboat but I'm not rowing shit. I'm too lazy.

It's a river, it's going somewhere, we'll end up there eventually. We can just drift there.

You know, like in our real lives.
 
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AnOminous said:
Also I gotta say. Maybe it's not a sailboat but I'm not rowing shit. I'm too lazy.

It's a river, it's going somewhere, we'll end up there eventually. We can just drift there.

You know, like in our real lives.
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It's not like we were even that good at sailing, maybe we'll have better luck with a barge/rowboat/whatever.
 
I'm pretty sure Charon's boat was poled across you guys, so it's that kind of boat. Its much easier for non experts to use. You manage to get the ballista onboard, but soon, the souls of the recently damned begin to show up, and they're beginning to wonder what's up with the boat. Among them is Charon himself. Enraged, he shouts, "Those fuckers killed me, now nobody can die!"

@AnOminous, how about you pleasure yourself with a club?
IRL I mean.
 
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Splendid Meat Sticks said:
I'm pretty sure Charon's boat was poled across you guys, so it's that kind of boat. Its much easier for non experts to use. You manage to get the ballista onboard, but soon, the souls of the recently damned begin to show up, and they're beginning to wonder what's up with the boat. Among them is Charon himself. Enraged, he shouts, "Those fuckers killed me, now nobody can die!"

@AnOminous, how about you pleasure yourself with a club?
IRL I mean.
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Stupid-shit climbs in the boat and drags the others in, poling it out from shore quickly before the dead get really angry
 
ActualKiwi said:
Stupid-shit climbs in the boat and drags the others in, poling it out from shore quickly before the dead get really angry
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Lazy-Carcass jumps in the boat and paddles to the other side of the river.

AnOminous said:
I am vastly disappointed that my character's potential Anal Circumference has never come into play in this game so far.
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We could mount you on a Ballista bolt and fire you to the other-side of the river, you can scout the opposite shore while we shout insults at the recently dead.
 
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My actions were entirely reasonable and I did nothing wrong.

I still clamber aboard the boat with the others. I don't want my Anal Circumference tested to the limit by a bunch of angry dead people, unless they're really cute dickgirls or something.
 
Vlricus gets on the boat and turns to the crowd of the recently deceased, "You're welcome for your immortality friends!"
 
Since we're all in the boat, stupid-shit punts the boat out from shore and starts poling it in the general opposite direction to the shore.
 
After a few minutes, the you guys reach the opposite side. Since Styx is more of a metaphor, the dead can't cross it, even if they should physically be able to. Ahead of you is a foggy lookinng cavern.
 
Stupid-shit gets out and drags the boat onto the shore so it won't float away, askin what to do with the ballista
 
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