FB 1/27: Thanks State Farm, Moar Money Plz

Status
Not open for further replies.
He Sets Me On Fire said:
Batman said:
There is literally no job that Chris would be competent enough to do. We've decided, in several separate topics that Chris is:
  • Too dumb for the Army
  • Too dumb and incompetent to be a janitor
  • Too dumb, incompetent and greasy to work in a mail room (seriously, every letter he touched would have to be tested for anthrax)
  • Too dumb and too greasy to work at a fast food restaurant (would you want him touching your food?)

The best way that Chris can benefit society at this point is by staying far, far, away from it.
Click to expand...

Hmm ...

Male stripper?
Click to expand...
[youtube]MhyzK0Z3PJc[/youtube]
 
I'd be optimistic about how he's handling thing but you know... Chris's track record and all that.

This one time his "poor me" spiel is paying off (for good reason this time for once) and that will be enough to reinforce in his little acorn brain that it will work every time eventually.

As I've said before, it's not like they're suffering loss of income or anything. The :tugboat: shall tug on.
 
Folks, people, hey - You misunderstood me. When I said "male stripper", I didn't mean "A male who takes his clothes off for pay."

Gracious, no. No way. I mean, heck - Chris has done that plenty of times for free. No, what I meant was male stripper - that being someone who strips things off of males. So, you know, the stripper would show up at a ... I dunno, a birthday party, or a wedding shower, or a funeral or whatchagot, and then he'd turn on the music and just kind of stand there while Chris took the guy's clothes off, piece by piece.

Now, before anyone says anything, I would like to point out that, as of this post, no one ever stipulated that employment for Chris had to be in any way practical or sensible in any manner. Just putting that out there.
 
He Sets Me On Fire said:
Folks, people, hey - You misunderstood me. When I said "male stripper", I didn't mean "A male who takes his clothes off for pay."

Gracious, no. No way. I mean, heck - Chris has done that plenty of times for free. No, what I meant was male stripper - that being someone who strips things off of males. So, you know, the stripper would show up at a ... I dunno, a birthday party, or a wedding shower, or a funeral or whatchagot, and then he'd turn on the music and just kind of stand there while Chris took the guy's clothes off, piece by piece.

Now, before anyone says anything, I would like to point out that, as of this post, no one ever stipulated that employment for Chris had to be in any way practical or sensible in any manner. Just putting that out there.
Click to expand...

Too much whinging and puking and swallowing gay thoughts.

Although I suppose Chris could be the other kind of stripper. Put him in the middle of a room and I imagine the stench will cause all the wallpaper to peel right off.
 
He Sets Me On Fire said:
Folks, people, hey - You misunderstood me. When I said "male stripper", I didn't mean "A male who takes his clothes off for pay."

Gracious, no. No way. I mean, heck - Chris has done that plenty of times for free. No, what I meant was male stripper - that being someone who strips things off of males. So, you know, the stripper would show up at a ... I dunno, a birthday party, or a wedding shower, or a funeral or whatchagot, and then he'd turn on the music and just kind of stand there while Chris took the guy's clothes off, piece by piece.

Now, before anyone says anything, I would like to point out that, as of this post, no one ever stipulated that employment for Chris had to be in any way practical or sensible in any manner. Just putting that out there.
Click to expand...

Rriiiiight, that's what you meant.

In any case he wouldn't be any good at it. He'd probably catch the guy's flesh on all the zippers or something, if he could even take the guy's clothes off in the first place. He can barely dress himself, I doubt he could undress another person.

CWCissey said:
Although I suppose Chris could be the other kind of stripper. Put him in the middle of a room and I imagine the stench will cause all the wallpaper to peel right off.
Click to expand...

Yeah, but no one would hire him. Because while he may come cheap as a wallpaper/paint stripper, the occupants would then have to shell out tons of money to have the place fumigated.
 
Batman said:
CWCissey said:
Although I suppose Chris could be the other kind of stripper. Put him in the middle of a room and I imagine the stench will cause all the wallpaper to peel right off.
Click to expand...

Yeah, but no one would hire him. Because while he may come cheap as a wallpaper/paint stripper, the occupants would then have to shell out tons of money to have the place fumigated.
Click to expand...

Dammit Batman let me have my silly jokes at the expense of an extremely unstable man with obvious mental difficulties!
 
Mayor McCheese said:
He could do menial work like stitching mail bags, making kevlar body armour like they do in Jails, You aren't exactly dealing with Genius IQ's there either but he'd probably have to be forced to do it under violence and threats.
Click to expand...


you must be new here.
 
Some JERK said:
quick search reveals:

"The Fire and Rescue Department is responsible for enforcing the Virginia Statewide Fire Prevention Code. The Code grants fire marshals the authority to evacuate an unsafe structure, take actions to help bring a structure into compliance, and ensure the safety of the public and the emergency response personnel."

that's from Fairfax County, VA's "Hoarding Task force" public info. So i guess it's possible that the fire marshal can have the Horde removed (and put into storage containers or something maybe). Either way, i really can't see the fire marshal OR the insurance company being cool with just patching up the place and leaving the Horde intact. It probably won't even be possible to effect repairs with the Horde in place.
Click to expand...

I am guessing it will be a company like this one....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V928htfF0G0

I worked in a group home years ago. The ones who get jobs are the ones with good behavour. There was 3 levels of what they could do in the day time. The best one would be the ones you see bagging your stuff in Safeway. (sometimes with a helper) Middle of the road they took a van to a big room where they would put together something plastic with tons of helpers floating around. (I could never get what they was really making lol) The CWC level of lazy went to daycare where they set around all day watching tv and not really asked to do anything.


There was no good reason to really work we gave them all what they wanted. So if you wanted a toy it was just out of your :tugboat: they each had a cash box of spending money.
He would do ok in the group homes I worked in because the tards could never do anything really wrong. One really fat girl could not have candy or soda and we was told to not buy anything full of sugar for the house. The sneaky bitch got into our lunches and drank and ate all 3 of our lunches. After that we was told no junk food or soda for our lunches.
 
I know a guy, he's almost 44 and has been a 2 hour/day janitor at a big box sporting goods store for something like 12 years. Before that he was unemployed save for odd jobs from his AA buddies. Like Chris, his entire world happened from 1989-1992 when he was in the Navy. They kicked him out because he was too dumb to actually do his job. He was essentially a plane cleaner, checking the tires and wiping the windshield. He is Chris, if Chris would get off his fat ass and do something. I mean, this guy basically is one step above but he scored Chris's dream: a caretaker-wife. He married a women 6 or 7 years older with a decent job. He can and does sit on his ass, watch cat videos and TV while she works. He can go to his 2hr/day job to clean bathrooms and live the dream. His latest ambition in life: work at Starbucks. It was a big move for him judging from his Facebook. He didn't get the job though. :cry:

She's bought him all manner of toys too.

See, if Chris would just move a little, he could possibly score the dream. But nope. Chris has standards to his women and his employment.
 
The problem with Chris and employment is, The Borb have turned him into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not only is he not competent enough to do any kind of job, his laziness and his prickish tendencies ensure that he'd never go and look for one, and that even if he managed to find one he'd quickly be fired.
 
Batman said:
The problem with Chris and employment is, The Borb have turned him into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not only is he not competent enough to do any kind of job, his laziness and his prickish tendencies ensure that he'd never go and look for one, and that even if he managed to find one he'd quickly be fired.
Click to expand...

Right on. Any sort of Retail job would require him to not smell, have clean clothes and, no shit (pun? decide for yourself), groom himself so he doesn't look like a hobo. And that's just appearance. Currently every co-worker and customer would be a potential troll. He would snap pictures of Pickle Agents. When he wasn't on a paranoia streak, he would resume the Love Quest with pretty customers and co-workers. When he ain't doing them two things, he'd be a snarky asshole, like Marv mentioned. Not a funny one. A true asshole. In short even if he would get hired it wouldn't last long. Fast Food? Same. He's not qualified for anything else but manual labor and that sure as fuck ain't happening.

The prophecy has come true. But not the one the idiot wanted.
 
Batman said:
drmccoy said:
He's not qualified for anything else but manual labor and that sure as fuck ain't happening.
Click to expand...

I doubt he could even do manual labour. He's weak as fuck, and getting weaker every day.
Click to expand...

Oh, he could. It would be pretty hilarious to watch but given enough time, he would actually get stronger and more capable. But that requires time and effort. A sense of responsibility. Being an adult.

Of which Chris is none.
 
DrChristianTroy said:
Anchuent Christory said:
Also, I hate to seem negative, but the insurance seems to be doing it's job, the tugboat is still coming in, so why exactly does he need more stuff?
Click to expand...
Vidya
Click to expand...
Funny thing is, I'm personally not opposed to the idea that if you'd be in a situation like Chris, you should set aside small portion of money for hobbies and entertainment. Because ultimately, hobbies and entertainment help your mental health. Especially in times of crisis.

Of course, Chris being Chris, he'd totally keep sinking most of the money at hand right now on vidya if Barb and Rocky weren't whipping some sanity in him.
 
Batman said:
This is true, but in order to get hired for such a job you'd need to be able to prove to them you can do the work in the first place. No manager is going to hire weak as shit Chris and pay him minimum wage in the hopes that he will get stronger and more capable when instead he could just hire a bunch of already strong and capable illegals for next to nothing.
Click to expand...

I don't know if I agree. It is really easy to fire people from minimum wage jobs. The turnover is huge at a lot of them. You can get hired/fired easily. All you need to do is be the first guy to apply after someone gets fired/quits, and a lot of managers will give you a shot, planning to fire you in a week if you don't get a job.

When I was younger and working a series of minimum wage jobs, I worked with lots of people who were no better at whatever job it was than Chris would be. He might not last a super-long time at any of the jobs, but he could find work on occasion.

Chris could with a little persistence, work a series of minimum wage jobs. Just like Wendy's. C-ville might not be a big enough town to support that indefinitely,

I think there are two things preventing him. One is the :tugboat:. He doesn't need to. He is lazy, but so are a lot of people. He just never has a reason not to be lazy for a while. The other is a sense of grandeur. I have worked with lazy, crappy workers before. But they all knew that they were lazy and crappy, and the best way to stick around for another paycheck was to keep your head down and avoid supervisors. If you are told to go stock a shelf, don't whine about it. Politely say yes, and turn a 1 hour job into a 6 hour one. That way you are always "working" and the job assigned to you gets done eventually. Hopefully your supervisor is paying little enough attention that those are the only things that he notices.
 
It is sort of sad and funny at the same time how Chris doesn't realize that anyone who would be willing to donate stuff to help him out has already done so, and isn't going to do it again. I think we'll see a rage-post about how people are cold hearted because everyone "stopped helping" him pretty soon.
 
Some JERK said:
It is sort of sad and funny at the same time how Chris doesn't realize that anyone who would be willing to donate stuff to help him out has already done so, and isn't going to do it again. I think we'll see a rage-post about how people are cold hearted because everyone "stopped helping" him pretty soon.
Click to expand...
That will happen eventually. Once Chris makes a post about how everyone stopped helping him, one can expect one of his Facebook friends to come in and lecture him on why people only sent donations once.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back