Orbiter "Flutter" / "Egg" / "Cabbage Patch" / "Meryl" / "Food Lion lady" - Modern Christory's biggest mystery

[Optimus Prime]

Especially because this communication was leaked and not put out with the control of Chris or a handler.

Bingo, plus Chris is clearly under duress which is usually when he'll let something slip.

Why is it hard to believe that there are enough retards who want to buy chrischan merch? He's the most documented man in history, and the motherfucking put him in from of new and old followers a like. Merch sales is very hit or miss for internet celebrities. The ones who do well off merch sales make a lot more than Caden's making off Etsy with less views.

Because it's Chris? The one who do "well" are those who get regular numbers of people to their streams and actually work to cultivate their image.

Plus, even if there is an initial boom for the medallions and crap...that market is going to dry up very quickly because Chris isn't getting a bigger fanbase, notoriety or no. This is a flash in the pan enterprise and the sunk costs into really quite literally playing IRL The Sims with Chris just don't justify the long term end result.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

Police are not retarded. Narcotics division spend all their time breaking up drug rings. They aren't going to believe an autistic motherfucker is the mastermind when there's a convicted drug dealer connected.

obviously each state and county and municipality is different, but from what I've seen unless you're really a menace and killing people over turf and shit cops tend to have bigger problems to deal with than some rando flinging some shit to some other randos
short of dumb lucking into selling to an undercover or something otherwise really showing your ass, or having an xbox HUEG operation it's pretty unlikely that Famous Detective L is getting called in to unravel this case, assuming it's Caden and a drug ring

 

[HyperboreanRightsActivist]

playing IRL The Sims with Chris just don't justify the long term end result.

Is it difficult to believe that Caden is a retard with little to no foresight or business acumen?

 

[Optimus Prime]

Is it difficult to believe that Caden is a retard with little to no foresight or business acumen?

The degree of coordination and resources put into giving Chris the things he needs to continue his standard of living, when Caden is not supposed to even leave the state (which he may or may not have already violated the related probationary order for) just seems to me an extraordinary level of bullshit to have to deal with, all for the sake of making a little cash on the back of a moron who thinks he's god.

Plus, he's already been busted for a growing operation. I'm not saying this was the best way Caden could have come up with to try and set up a front for dealing drugs, but he went so far as to buy a whole fucking house for Chris to live in as opposed to some shitty apartment or a trailer in a trailer park. A house covered in cameras that would be entirely useless if the house was only intended to house a guy who would spend most of the time indoors or away in his car. Occam's Razor would suggest you are right and he's just being a fucking idiot with money, but prior history with every group that has tried to control Chris suggests Caden, like those before him, are using Chris for their own personal ends at his expense.

 

[Lou Sassle]

I doubt Caden is growing drugs there. It doesn't make much sense. If he was egg could be coming by to make sure things are going okay every once in a while. But while we're speculating on Caden's role I pose the worst option.

From what we know about Caden there's a chance he could be keeping Chris in a sort of soft prison. Chris could leave but he wouldn't have anywhere to go. He wouldn't have his toys either. He's not really making Chris content and the shop probably pays the bills plus some.

So assuming he makes a little money off of Chris and as far as Chris is concerned he's basically stuck what could Caden be getting out of this deal?

It could be he's happy with a small but consistent profit. But I propose he's either mentally abusing Chris or he physically abuses Chris occasionally.

For all we know Caden comes to the house occasionally and rapes Chris and does whatever he wants to him for a couple days. It's even possible egg is sent in when Chris is considering leaving.

 

[King Kiwi]

If true, I don't think they'd be able to able to set up Chris for the fall. There's too much attention on him and authorities would realize he's too retarded to be a culprit, which would make it even more obvious he's the fallguy.

He's the Teflon tard. Untouchable.

He served his time and if not for the guiding hand of flutter nutter and mini duck, he'd be back at it more than likely.

 

[Shig O'nella]

I think it's more likely that Chris got it into his head that he has to learn Finnish in order to complete the Dimensional Merge/Second Coming, or something else equally as inane.

It's Chris. He probably thinks Finnish is the language of the End Times and Second Coming because of it's name.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Why is it hard to believe that there are enough retards who want to buy chrischan merch? He's the most documented man in history, and the motherfucking put him in from of new and old followers a like. Merch sales is very hit or miss for internet celebrities. The ones who do well off merch sales make a lot more than Caden's making off Etsy with less views.

Because Chris has already been selling it for years and never sold that money. Chris shit selling for six figures a year seems like a lot.

 

[BubbaRobot887]

Because Chris has already been selling it for years and never sold that money. Chris shit selling for six figures a year seems like a lot.

Yeah and let's face it most of the people who would care enough about Chris to throw money at him are on this site. I mean we are the ones who raised money for him to go to conventions safely and sent him gifts after the house fire and we are not buying this crap.
Heck, Chris is making more money now than he did after the house fire when he was in the news, and he wasn't having a lot of money sent to his prison account by weens so if this was all because of the arrest why wasn't there an upswing in donations at that point. Plus some of the stuff that is offered for sale is completely worthless and was selling before Chris made videos promoting it, so if it was about him why on earth was it selling before he talked about it?
Worthless items are typical of money laundering scams, it's why in areas controlled by the mob you will see empty dinners charging $20 for the worst sandwiches you have ever seen, and Chris is living in a house paid for by a drug dealer, so I am just saying the answer that makes the most sense to me is that he is being used to launder money.

 

[Captain Ahab]

I'm not convinced that Flutter is Finnish. Chris learning Finnish because Flutter is Finnish is too normal of a reason. I think it's more likely that Chris got it into his head that he has to learn Finnish in order to complete the Dimensional Merge/Second Coming, or something else equally as inane. Remember that most of Chris's psychotic beliefs are things that he made up himself with minimal outside influence.

Even if Flutter does have some marginal connection to Finland, she almost certainly isn't flying across the Atlantic to the middle of Bumfuck, Virginia every few months just to babysit someone who tends to worsen the lives of everyone who comes into contact with him. If Caden really wanted a wrangler, there are plenty of weens in Chris's area who'd be willing to do it for far less money than it would cost to fly someone in from some isolated European shithole.

She’s most likely Finnish in the same way that some meatball eaters are Eye-talian.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Worthless items are typical of money laundering scams, it's why in areas controlled by the mob you will see empty dinners charging $20 for the worst sandwiches you have ever seen, and Chris is living in a house paid for by a drug dealer, so I am just saying the answer that makes the most sense to me is that he is being used to launder money.

Plus, there's the fact that we only know the breadth of the whole arrangement with Caden because the Farms had been tracking Praetor's activities from before Chris went to jail. If you were to approach the situation without any knowledge of Caden/Praetor's existence now, it would be very difficult to ascertain this wasn't simply Chris being some weirdo selling shit out of his house on Etsy, and Chris has been trying to sell things for years on various platforms so this is not out of the ordinary.

Not to mention I think all the stuff that's obviously 3D printed are using stolen files anyway so it's not like this venture was above board even if it legitimately was just Caden thinking he can keep making bank off his pet retard.

 

[King Kiwi]

She comes in Cabbage.

 

[joker jimmy]

It definitely does not make sense to me to bring someone called the most documented person online to a stash house you are trying to hide, that doesn't really track

 

[McSneaks]

I hope someday we do learn what Caden's ultimate goal is regarding how much he's turned Chris into The Truman Show. I'm still a proponent that it's some form of money laundering or cover for more illegal acts Caden already is on the books for performing with the Big Island house being a grow op.

God I really hope this is a joke or you might be more autistic then chris. You think someone is laundering a grow op through a retards art program? Are you eating the paint he's fingering?

 

[Spergichu]

It definitely does not make sense to me to bring someone called the most documented person online to a stash house you are trying to hide, that doesn't really track

It's not like Caden is very smart considering he got busted for his last lab. He's in the same boat as Bella where he thinks his 4D 200 IQ chess moves make him completley inculpable to whatever shit he's pulling when in reality, he's just a midwit apeing shit he saw on TV or read online. If he is using Chris to launder drug money, I highly doubt he came up with that idea on his own.

 

[knux]

Bingo, plus Chris is clearly under duress which is usually when he'll let something slip.

Because it's Chris? The one who do "well" are those who get regular numbers of people to their streams and actually work to cultivate their image.

Plus, even if there is an initial boom for the medallions and crap...that market is going to dry up very quickly because Chris isn't getting a bigger fanbase, notoriety or no. This is a flash in the pan enterprise and the sunk costs into really quite literally playing IRL The Sims with Chris just don't justify the long term end result.

Huh. Interesting. The whole thing being a front for drugs and money makes more sense than a group coming out of nowhere and helping Chris start a merchandise empire. While I can believe fans are buying Sonichu medallions, 70+ people buying handfuls of rocks is a bit of a stretch. Maybe one or two weens trying to get in contact with Chris or stupid people with money to waste. But if not all people left a review then that could potentially be 100+ people buying rocks from Chris. That doesn't make sense. There has to be something more to this.

 

[Optimus Prime]

It's not like Caden is very smart considering he got busted for his last lab. He's in the same boat as Bella where he thinks his 4D 200 IQ chess moves make him completley inculpable to whatever shit he's pulling when in reality, he's just a midwit apeing shit he saw on TV or read online. If he is using Chris to launder drug money, I highly doubt he came up with that idea on his own.

Exactly, all we're saying is that Caden using Chris's shit as a front for drug money laundering is a far more likely reason for the obscene amount of money that seems to have sprung out of nowhere for Chris's shit, when this money never existed back when Chris was trying to sell things himself like the old selfies and the shitty amibo customs.

 

[Nobody Important]

Exactly, all we're saying is that Caden using Chris's shit as a front for drug money laundering is a far more likely reason for the obscene amount of money that seems to have sprung out of nowhere for Chris's shit, when this money never existed back when Chris was trying to sell things himself like the old selfies and the shitty amibo customs.

Praetor started making bank off of Chris shit from the get-go (and paying very little of it to Chris himself). Chris couldn't do that on his own because he's a lazy retard, not because of a lack of paypigs.

Besides, Caden's grow op was caught almost immediately from the water usage. Autistic Scarface he ain't.

 

[ASeabear8952]

More Finlandposting but Chris curiously released a second Finnish song thing.

 

[King Kiwi]

More Finlandposting but Chris curiously released a second Finnish song thing.

Great, Chris will fit right in with the old ladies in Finland. I'm dead serious that's the only future where I can see him being genuinely happy.