Grammar and language issues that drive you utterly berserk - Pet peeves

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Come to think of it, I've had one job where contractions were entirely forbidden, even in quotations.

Lol, that's absurd. I can get the ban on contractions in formal communications (and agree that it is not formal), but banning preserving quoted language for that reason?

I've also experienced a work environment that banned "and/or." So people wrote, "and or." Tf? I think they missed the point. First of all, "and/or" is sometimes exactly what is needed. That said, I can get why they might have wanted to eliminate/ minimize it if it would or could cause confusion among certain readers or was being used unthoughtfully, but "and or" without the "/" is not only not better, but also isn't a thing.... Form over substance is stooopid.

 

[AnOminous]

Lol, that's absurd. I can get the ban on contractions in formal communications (and agree that it is not formal), but banning preserving quoted language for that reason?

It was transcription, and the body in question insisted that even if people used contractions, they were to be transcribed as if the person had spoken both words.

 

[Robert Fagot]

People starting sentences with honestly or ending them with to be honest. Cobra and Foodie both do it incessantly, which I can excuse because they’re both retards, but I can feel my blood pressure start to rise when someone in my day to day life keeps doing it.

 

[Baraadmirer]

The stupid portmanteau people make of the words "leary" and "wary" as demonstrated by the sentence:

I was weary of the ugly man dressed like a woman.

AND! By the way, when did we start calling the "ground" the floor???

Are you sure they weren't tired of associating or seeing an ugly man dressed like a woman?

Was ist los mit der Deutschgrammatik? Es gibt zu viele Deklinationen fuer die Falle und zu viele Geschlechte!

I also have literally so many problems with people who liberally use literally.

 

[UERISIMILITUDO]

but also isn't a thing

To exist is to be a thing. Consider using that verb instead of the stupid phrase.

People starting sentences with honestly or ending them with to be honest.

Here's a fun fact: Even classical Latin features something like this. Anyway, I think it to be fine so long as it's not overused.

 

[AnOminous]

Here's a fun fact: Even classical Latin features something like this. Anyway, I think it to be fine so long as it's not overused.

Weird attempts to import Latin rules into English by often Victorian grammarians have led to some of the dumbest "rules" in English, like the bullshit about split infinitives. Since infinitives in Latin (MUH MASTER LANGUAGE) were a single word, while English infinitives, like "to do," "to be," and so on, were not, these weird fairies insisted that English infinitives must also be treated as inseparable units.

The fact that splitting infinitives is sometimes ugly somewhat contributed to this bogus "rule" being accepted, even though it was imported entirely artificially from Latin by a cabal of autistic weirdoes.

There is literally nothing wrong with split infinitives, other than when they're ugly. When they're better than contorting the sentence to fit this bogus "rule," split that bitch.

TO BOLDLY GO!

Tell me that sounds better the other way. And I'll tell you you're gay.

 

[UERISIMILITUDO]

Weird attempts to import Latin rules into English by often Victorian grammarians have led to some of the dumbest "rules" in English, like the bullshit about split infinitives.

There is literally nothing wrong with split infinitives, other than when they're ugly. When they're better than contorting the sentence to fit this bogus "rule," split that bitch.

I tried adhering to this rule for the longest time, but came to the same conclusion. There are simply some things that will never sound anywhere near as good when observing it, and I had to give up.

 

[Aunt Carol]

The OED says the first documented use of "ham-handed" was in 1918.

Huh! Thanks to you and @AnOminous , I've learned that not only am I an asshole, I'm also wrong and should let people enjoy their rhetorical hams.

If you don't even know that there are three words that sound the same but are spelled differently and have different meanings, you don't even know there's anything to check.

To quote Rumsfeld, it's not the known unknown: it's the unknown unknown.

When I'm writing something non-professionally, I always do a text search for "lead," because I know I'm a dumbass and I likely wrote it instead of "led" if I was typing at a fair clip. It's the one-off mistakes that are easy to miss.

Minor one, I hate when people refer to tomorrow as the next day when it's midnight. That can get confusing.

When I'm talking to other shifts, I say "in the morning" or "Thursday" for clarity.

When I'm at home, the day doesn't end until I go to sleep, dammit. Jewish holidays start at sundown the night before, so I feel like that's adequate precedent for me to tell someone at 0200 that tomorrow I'm going to the hardware store.

 

[Friendly Primarina]

"Astrixes" instead of "asterisks."

 

[AnOminous]

When I'm writing something non-professionally, I always do a text search for "lead," because I know I'm a dumbass and I likely wrote it instead of "led" if I was typing at a fair clip. It's the one-off mistakes that are easy to miss.

I once worked for someone whose pet peeve was improperly using "that" and "which," and had a habit of which-ing excessively, so I'd always finish any memo-writing by having a "which hunt."

 

[Osama Bin Laden]

i think gendered languages are the stupidest fucking thing to exist in the world. not even because "woke" or whatever, i think it's retarded how languages like spanish, french, or... welsh use it

if you're from the country or have been learning the language for a bit, you'll start to know the difference.

examples:
gato/gata - male/female cat
abuela/abuelo - grandma/grandpa

those are perfectly understandable and i get the use of gendered nouns

but when you get into camisa/mesa, they use the feminine a BUT THEY AREN'T GENDERED. THEY ARE TABLES AND T-SHIRTS

 

[Dilligaff]

I notice people writing and saying things like "4AM in the morning" or "9PM at night" and I start yelling about how AM means morning and PM signifies evening or night and how that's redundant. Am I wrong or are people getting stupider?

 

[Kurt Eichenwald]

Occasionally in the retarded news board I see journalists writing the time as a decimal, as in they'll write 2.05 instead of 2:05, so rather than five minutes after two do they mean 2:03? because that's what 2+0.05 hours would be, is 2:03.

 

[silverstacks]

The way a whole bunch of people just suddenly forgot how to use apostrophes for some reason. I almost never saw this happen until maybe seven years ago when it really caught on like a virus - even (especially?) among supposedly more "educated" people who should know better than anyone.

For example the way that now you always see apostrophes stuck in plurals, or just ANY word that ends with the letter S. What's even more maddening is when you see these people use more than one plural in the same sentence but treat them differently, like:

Today at the store I bought some apple's and oranges.

Sometimes I've even seen this with proper names. I remember once seeing a reference to the chief justice of the Supreme Court written as:

John Robert's

Sometimes it doesn't even involve the letter S. Apparently lots of people just don't even know what words mean:

They we're the best team in the league.

We should send him a get we'll card.

My favorite one ever though would have to be when I was looking at a certain Linkedin profile, where this woman listed one of her accomplishments as:

honor's student

 

[Kiwi Lime Pie]

People who insist on spelling sandals as sandles.

In recently viewing videos with people whose first language is not English, I find it scary that I can understand their often-broken English much better than I can that from many American citizens who either express themselves poorly or go overboard with slang and jargon nobody outside their hugbox can understand.

 

[The Last Stand]

Sometimes I've even seen this with proper names. I remember once seeing a reference to the chief justice of the Supreme Court written as:

John Robert's

Sometimes it doesn't even involve the letter S. Apparently lots of people just don't even know what words mean:

That reminds me. When a name ends with s and you're using a possessive, I was taught to just use an apostrophe without s at the end.

Example: Julia Roberts' first film released in 1987. Apparently, you're allowed to use either Roberts' or Roberts's but the latter looks messy/clunky.

Occasionally in the retarded news board I see journalists writing the time as a decimal, as in they'll write 2.05 instead of 2:05, so rather than five minutes after two do they mean 2:03? because that's what 2+0.05 hours would be, is 2:03.

I see that so often; I do that myself from time to myself.

 

[Brain Power]

Not putting the "I" in uppercase when writing in first person. It was one of the first things I learned to correct when I finally started having english classes in school.

 

[The Last Stand]

Not putting the "I" in uppercase when writing in first person. It was one of the first things I learned to correct when I finally started having english classes in school.

Or when people capitalize the i in iPad/iPod/iPhone. Even worse when people type/write it as I-Phone/I Pad. It's one word intentionally written a particularly way!

 

[plgfarts]

People who say, "had boughten".

 

[Flatline]

Occasionally in the retarded news board I see journalists writing the time as a decimal, as in they'll write 2.05

Probably a euro thing.