Artcow Half-dude / Ian Knau - Car Fucker

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Piga Dgrifm said:
Objectum-Sexuals tend to believe in animism, meaning they think that non-living things have some sort of soul/sentience. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animism) It's also been linked to a form of Synesthesia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ordinal_linguistic_personification

Also,

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and

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You know, I normally don't agree with Lolcows, but Half-dude does have a point. In that I feel that Stamps don't count as real deviations. Or really anything beyond things that exists, yet shouldn't.

CuriousBystander said:
Was he implying that cars can consent to sex or just really stupid?
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I'd say a little of both. But I think he's just really stupid.
 
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SonChu's Oil Change said:
Right, we can't deny that cars can make emotional connections with us, and they're dutiful companions and partners, so people can grow to love their cars, but it's in the same way that someone can love a dishwasher or dryer. I had a hell of a time selling my very first truck, wanted to keep it forever but I realized that it's a machine, and someone else can make better use of it than I can.
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Exactly. I've had emotional attachment to a car but a budding romance with it? Nope. Here's the story of the car I got attached to.

So, the last car I had was a '97 Ford Escort. I had gotten it for $500 when some jack ass pulled out in front of my Grand Am causing me to total the thing. Being completely broke it was all I could afford and when I got it I hated that thing. By the time I got rid of it it was on it's last legs. Dome light, cruise control, cd player, and A/C didn't work. The stick shift had so much slop that no matter what gear you were in it visually looked like you were in neutral and was super spongy. Also the transmission was sort of wonky so in order to downshift into 3rd you had to shift into 2nd and then into 3rd (you didn't have to actually let off the clutch though). The ABS and Check Engine lights were constantly on to the point where one time they turned off and I was sure the car was going to die because of it being so strange. Cosmetically the interior ceiling was falling down, the steering wheel was disintegrating, and on the exterior it was rusting and most of the clear coat was peeling away. Not to mention a warped rotor, an exhaust leak, the trunk didn't like to stay closed, and the fact that there was a small hole in the downspout on the gas tank fill so if you filled the tank up completely you'd start leaking gasoline onto the road.

However I had this car for 7 years and for all it's flaws it never failed to start once and everything it needed to stay road legal worked perfectly. It never had engine problems, got upwards of 30 mpg, and the last 3 years I had it I actually started to really like the thing. When I traded it in finally I was kind of sad because it had been such a huge part of helping me get out of the really bad part of my life.

As I parked it at the dealer I decided to keep the Ford emblem on the trunk for sentimental reasons.
feels.jpg

Then, as I was walking away, the trunk popped open again and I remembered why I was getting rid of the stupid thing. :P
 
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Piga Dgrifm said:
Objectum-Sexuals tend to believe in animism, meaning they think that non-living things have some sort of soul/sentience.
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oh god, this is otherkin level shit

Malady Twigs said:
I guess I can understand why some furries are attracted to planes. Their designs mimic birds, so I think there's some sort of mental reaction that associates airplanes with raptors, for instance.
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what the heck are you talking about?

Malady Twigs said:
I'm still trying to understand the attraction to cars, though.
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people confuse good feelings for being in love

Piga Dgrifm said:
Giving my car a rape-whistle. Just in case.
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this is rape culture
 
Do we have screen caps of any chimp outs or other evidence that he's actually a lolcow? Does he understand that his..."desires" are weird or does he think we're the crazy ones for not wanting to fuck our cars?

I don't think we'll know for sure if he's an actual lolcow until he reacts to the thread.

He might completely overreact and start shrieking to his hug box about cyber bowling or come try to call us out, he might come on here and be completely chill, or he might just ignore it and keep doing his thing.
 
The minute I saw "car pups" I knew what I was in for a wild ride

TheUltimatePickle said:
Do we have screen caps of any chimp outs or other evidence that he's actually a lolcow? Does he understand that his..."desires" are weird or does he think we're the crazy ones for not wanting to fuck our cars?

I don't think we'll know for sure if he's an actual lolcow until he reacts to the thread.
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I doubt he scolds other people for not wanting to fuck cars, but I also doubt he thinks his fetish is weird either. He's clearly dedicated a lot of time and effort into documenting how car reproduction works, which almost makes him cow enough (to me at least)

Also, his CringeChannel interactions are pretty good.
 
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pik said:
The minute I saw "car pups" I knew what I was in for a wild ride
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Same. I don't think I've ever seen the phrase "car pups" ever before until now.
TheUltimatePickle said:
I don't think we'll know for sure if he's an actual lolcow until he reacts to the thread.
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I think that "lolcow" has evolved into just weird people on the internet, a lot of threads are like this now. Half-dude not sperging out over things probably just means this thread will have less content to sift through and will die out sooner than the other monstrous 300-pagers.

I actually want him to make an account and come over here because I'm super interested in why people have the fetishes they have.... assuming he will be civil. probably not.
 
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CuriousBystander said:
I think the best way to get him to chimp out would be to say something like, "Lilly doesn't love you, half-dude. Cars don't have thoughts or emotions." Pretty sure that would make him rage.
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Lilly is ugly and slow and I would not have sex with her.

Also, the dash flicker in that video is stressing me out so bad. My brother and I have been trying to fix a similar issue in his Zenki S14 and it's not cute at all...
 
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ZehnBoat said:
what the heck are you talking about?
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Sorry, I don't understand what you're not understanding. What I meant to say was that furries like birds, planes look like birds, furries make a mental visual connection between birds and planes, thus furries like planes.

I'm not a psychologist. It's just one point of view that I thought up while trying to understand the plane porn in the furry community.
 
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Malady Twigs said:
Sorry, I don't understand what you're not understanding. What I meant to say was that furries like birds, planes look like birds, furries make a mental visual connection between birds and planes, thus furries like planes.

I'm not a psychologist. It's just one point of view that I thought up while trying to understand the plane porn in the furry community.
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oh man, i have a lot to correct here.
but that's not for this thread.
we need to talk elsewhere
although i give you points for trying to make sense of this.
 
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Deadwaste said:
That is the first time I've heard of a person falling in love with their own car. That's fucking weird and I hope to never see something like this ever again.
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There are several that I know of. Jalopnik did an article a few years back about a guy who was in love with his 1996 Chevy Lumina, but to my knowledge that guy didn't draw horrifyingly detailed diagrams of it's reproductive organs.

::Edit with links::

Here's an article about a dude who's fucked almost a thousand cars: http://jalopnik.com/man-who-has-had-sex-with-999-cars-will-marry-vw-beetle-1445719610

My strange addiction, it wasn't a '96 Lumina, it was an '98 Monte Carlo: http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/my-strange-addiction/about-the-show/season-3-after-show-nathaniel/
 
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Hello Ian,

I'm a member of an online community called the Kiwi Farms that centers around the discussion of unique individuals such as yourself.

I was wondering if you would be interested in signing up and answering some questions about yourself and your art in this thread.

https://kiwifarms.net/threads/half-dude-the-man-who-loves-his-hyundai.10890/

Cheers!


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Half-dude said the following:

Why the fuck would I be interested in entertaining a bunch of assholes? I don't know what your game is here, coming up here all professional and courteous when the top post is calling me a fucking neckbeard. What the fuck is your problem??

Sure, if this wasn't yet another forum populated by self-righteous, conformist, hypocritical trolls yeah I probably would come and answer some questions. Not sure why I'm the one getting flack for the whole of the Objectum Sexual community all the sudden. But I'm just now weeding through the assholes that bled over from the Cringe Channel, and you're fucked if you think I'm going to go onto another thread and get ridiculed.

Maybe you should spend more time making sure your forum users follow your own site's damn rules about courtesy.
 
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