How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

This person was so bad that my family now makes "murder in our sleep" jokes regarding her. I can't even hint at their past on the farm.

Preface: this response (in a longer (!) form) was a couple days ago and sitting in draft. Precedes our back & forth yesterday/today. But what the hell - here you go.

OK, look, if you dated a child sex trafficker who blew up baby llamas, draped herself in the entrails, then went around scaring old ladies into heart attacks and snatched their purses in their spare time [I'm struggling to think of what is so bad you have said you "can't even hint at it" on KF...at least a half-dozen times], do you think maybe there was some error in your own perspective or behavior at play there? And/or that taking a bad experience with a terrible person and extrapolating it out to every single person with x interest or characteristic (or chromosome) may not be an entirely rational response?

The answer to being wronged isn't, "that person/all those people are evil and there's that's just how it is, always was, and always will be."

The answer is yes, it's them, but it's also you. You can be blameless but also responsible. You're responsible both for and to yourself.

Yes, people can be terrible, but a) we play a role in our own experiences, and b) other people's flaws don't mean we don't have our own...and sometimes the combination is destructive. Better to focus on fixing one's own imperfections "areas of opportunity" than railing about everyone else's. The existence of one does not mean the non-existence of the other.

As hard as that pill is to swallow, it is a million times better than to be stuck in or on a sense of having been the victim of an evil crazy person.

You can be angry - shitty people deserve whatever animus comes their way. And you can be angry at yourself - maybe should for sticking around if signs were there. But it's not a way of life, and it while it may help you if you let yourself get run over and need the steam of anger for energy not to collapse or give up, if it's not resolving, then you're missing the opportunity to do something real with it, and instead you're just being a black hole, which isn't helpful to yourself or anyone else.

am I being histrionic here or are these niggas worthless friends. I'm sick of my time not being valued and I keep feeling like I'm always a 2nd or 3rd option, or that I'm a chore or obligation rather than someone who's company they enjoy

You've outgrown each other. Sucks. But now you know. And can go forward without trying to connect - and no obligation or guilt attached. Might sting or leave a little void, but your life is forward, not backward.

I’m having a hard time sleeping when I can hear my parents going through a divorce downstairs. I wish I could afford my own place.

Until I pay off my student debt, it’s hoping I find a rich romantic partner or the housing market crashes and I can pay a mortgage.

You can tell them to stfu and that they're audible and you don't want to hear it. Sorry they're not more aware that their strife should kept private and it's upsetting for you. But you have every right to tell them it's bothering you.

And I'm sorry they're going through it and you're witnessing it. Idc what age you are, hearing parents at each others' throat sucks.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Preface: this response (in a longer (!) form) was a couple days ago and sitting in draft. Precedes our back & forth yesterday/today. But what the hell - here you go.

OK, look, if you dated a child sex trafficker who blew up baby llamas, draped herself in the entrails, then went around scaring old ladies into heart attacks and snatched their purses in their spare time [I'm struggling to think of what is so bad you have said you "can't even hint at it" on KF...at least a half-dozen times], do you think maybe there was some error in your own perspective or behavior at play there? And/or that taking a bad experience with a terrible person and extrapolating it out to every single person with x interest or characteristic (or chromosome) may not be an entirely rational response?

Hey, that's probably a closer guess to what my ex did than others guessed at!

I don't think this was an error of judgment because I wasn't serious with the relationship. My ex matched me when my profile stated, "everything I do, I do for my curiosity." And that's why I dated that psycho, except she was 10x more the psycho than I ever could've bargained for. I sincerely wish I could tell you what was up with her, it's a phenomenal story and people that know me in person love hearing it, but for obvious reasons here I can't even drop a hint. This instance isn't shaping my view of women in totality, it's just informing it. The sum total of my experiences with your sex over many years. I've long given up on a serious relationship with women. I just don't see it as possible anymore in this society of revolving faces and standards, where women eternally clamor for more and if they leave their current guy, they can get it. I know I'll always be a stepping stone for a woman. I'm not delusional or idealistic. I'm not judging all women by my last ex, my ex was a special type of crazy. It's just the sum total of my experiences with women, all kinds of women.

I know you hate to hear it, but I used to loathe the red pill shit. But the second you confide in a woman when she tells you to, and you see the light leave her eyes... you know the red pill, at least some of it, is on to something. And I'll never fully trust a woman again, because I'm not a fucking idiot.

The answer to being wronged isn't, "that person/all those people are evil and there's that's just how it is, always was, and always will be."

That's the answer when it keeps happening across all sorts of different kinds of women with little in common.

The answer is yes, it's them, but it's also you. You can be blameless but also responsible. You're responsible both for and to yourself.

So even when the woman is fucked up, it's still the man's fault. Got it.

Yes, people can be terrible, but a) we play a role in our own experiences, and b) other people's flaws don't mean we don't have our own...and sometimes the combination is destructive. Better to focus on fixing one's own imperfections "areas of opportunity" than railing about everyone else's. The existence of one does not mean the non-existence of the other.

Again, you don't fully get it. Men take what they can get. They don't chose like you can, and you'll never have any idea of what that is like. We take what comes our way. We don't get to chose what women are into us, if they're crazy or psycho or whatever. Many of us can go years between dates.

As hard as that pill is to swallow, it is a million times better than to be stuck in or on a sense of having been the victim of an evil crazy person.

You can be angry - shitty people deserve whatever animus comes their way. And you can be angry at yourself - maybe should for sticking around if signs were there. But it's not a way of life, and it while it may help you if you let yourself get run over and need the steam of anger for energy not to collapse or give up, if it's not resolving, then you're missing the opportunity to do something real with it, and instead you're just being a black hole, which isn't helpful to yourself or anyone else.

Again, in regards to my ex, that was an adventure for me. My attitude towards life has gotten increasingly nihilistic, and since I'm not some cowboy or some ghetto nigger, I don't got the fantasy women want, and I've adjusted my expectations accordingly.

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

but for obvious reasons here I can't even drop a hint

Women literally ruining everything. Can't even get a good story told.

I know I'll always be a stepping stone for a woman.

"You're not just using me as a place-holder until someone better comes along, are you?" They proceed to do just that.

never fully trust a woman again,

The most sane, kind, caring, and genuine woman I knew, was a bi-sexual alcoholic. Somehow, the rest can't make it above that bar.

I'm not a fucking idiot.

I might be though. Something, something, fool me once and all that.

Again, you don't fully get it. Men take what they can get. They don't chose like you can, and you'll never have any idea of what that is like. We take what comes our way. We don't get to chose what women are into us, if they're crazy or psycho or whatever. Many of us can go years between dates.

Feels. I'll add to this. You can break your own rules, accept them for who they are and w/e baggage they may have, whether it's a kid, crazy family, religion, and it still somehow won't be enough.

others guessed at

Fucked old men to death as a nurse in an old person home?

Day was fine, feeling kind of shitty still but no phlegm / blood so ya know. Found a duplex that looks like it could be affordable. I'd really like a sub 800 dollar studio but studios are 1k here. Fucking gay. Thinking about roomate(s) again. I don't want one, but I'd love to pay off debt faster.

 

[Nick Obre]

I sincerely wish I could tell you what was up with her, it's a phenomenal story and people that know me in person love hearing it, but for obvious reasons here I can't even drop a hint

The lad doth protest too much, methinks.

Jesus, mate, you keep saying you can't even hint at it so stop baiting for attention with it. It's not giving you an air of mystique and enigmatic interest, it just makes you seem annoying and like you're begging for us to ask you.

And trust me, I'm saying this with love.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

The lad doth protest too much, methinks.

Jesus, mate, you keep saying you can't even hint at it so stop baiting for attention with it. It's not giving you an air of mystique and enigmatic interest, it just makes you seem annoying and like you're begging for us to ask you.

I'm not, and I can't say anything, you went off on me about it so I responded, and I'm putting my foot down and saying I'm not saying anything more no matter how many times you try to bait me. Friend of Dorothy Parker brought that up so I responded. You out of anyone seem to be making the biggest deal about it and you, specifically, keep trying to get me to talk about it. That post was directed to her.

I've actually had a massive fever and headache and thought when I responding here it was the Man-hate woman-hate thread since I've been responding to Friend of Dorothy Parker there, and I'm guessing this conversation is a carryon from there, I've just been following responses the past day in the moments I've been well enough to respond to shit. I think my illness is finally going away. My head is pounding and I'm dazed. I'm not in the mood to deal with this.

 

[FrigginWeeb]

I'm fucking sick. I hate this, I'm normally the kind of guy who gets one cold a year, it puts my on my ass for 1-2 days, and then I'm good. but this fucker's been here since thanksgiving, and the cough just won't go away.
wish this cold would make like a remote and get lost

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

I'm fucking sick. I hate this, I'm normally the kind of guy who gets one cold a year, it puts my on my ass for 1-2 days, and then I'm good. but this fucker's been here since thanksgiving, and the cough just won't go away.
wish this cold would make like a remote and get lost

A lot of that seems to be going around. I've had a cough since late spring, a coworker has been coughing for a month. In b4 covid-23 (I know that's now how it was named)

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

I'm fucking sick. I hate this, I'm normally the kind of guy who gets one cold a year, it puts my on my ass for 1-2 days, and then I'm good. but this fucker's been here since thanksgiving, and the cough just won't go away.
wish this cold would make like a remote and get lost

Everyone I know is getting it. This has been more contagious than Covid. I never get sick, and I've been a wreck the past three days. I've eaten maybe three packets of oatmeal in that time and hit a max temp of 102F. I feel like my fever is fighting off the infection and some of the crud in my lungs and sinuses, but it's still a bit there. I think the fevers are finally over with but I'll find out tomorrow how I feel when I wake up. Symptoms I and others are also getting are pain in the legs, and with me, my back. Taking chelated magnesium supplements seem to have helped the leg pain. The worst now is when I cough, my head starts pounding.

I tested negative for covid with an at-home test.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I wasn't serious with the relationship.

Jfc. Then why so much working it out online?

"everything I do, I do for my curiosity." And that's why I dated that psycho, except she was 10x more the psycho than I ever could've bargained for.

Feel that. Fr.

for obvious reasons here I can't even drop a hint

No idea what this means but ffs if you can't talk about it why do you keep alluding to it? (rhetorical).

I know I'll always be a stepping stone for a woman.

I sincerely hope that this is not your ultimate experience.

I know you hate to hear it, but I used to loathe the red pill shit.

Why would I hate to hear that?

But the second you confide in a woman when she tells you to, and you see the light leave her eyes... you know the red pill, at least some of it, is on to something. And I'll never fully trust a woman again, because I'm not a fucking idiot.

Don't make me feel for you. (I do, bitch. Kind of. Until you act like a bitch again. Which will be in like 2 seconds. I know.)

So even when the woman is fucked up, it's still the man's fault. Got it.

NO. What I edited out of my response to you was my own experience. Dealing with fucked-up people spans everyone.

Dude, though I've engaged with you on man-woman stuff, I don't live in constant battle. Pretty sure you haven't had 1/10 the knocks I've had as a result of engagement with the opposite sex. But my comments in this thread to you are human-to-human, that's it.

Men take what they can get. They don't chose like you can, and you'll never have any idea of what that is like. We take what comes our way. We don't get to chose what women are into us, if they're crazy or psycho or whatever. Many of us can go years between dates.

None of this relevant to my point. If I was opaque, let me try to be clearer: though shitty people are shitty, good people who repeatedly have bad experiences have something that isn't working, something that doesn't say get out (or they dont hear it/ignore it) even when get out is the only reasonable response.

since I'm not some cowboy or some ghetto nigger, I don't got the fantasy women want, and I've adjusted my expectations accordingly.

You've also adjusted your estimation of the entire female populace (I'm assuming you didn't start out thinking they were all worthless sluts or empty-headed, craven bitches, which seems to be your perspective now).

 

[FrigginWeeb]

Everyone I know is getting it. This has been more contagious than Covid. I never get sick, and I've been a wreck the past three days. I've eaten maybe three packets of oatmeal in that time and hit a max temp of 102F. I feel like my fever is fighting off the infection and some of the crud in my lungs and sinuses, but it's still a bit there. I think the fevers are finally over with but I'll find out tomorrow how I feel when I wake up. Symptoms I and others are also getting are pain in the legs, and with me, my back. Taking chelated magnesium supplements seem to have helped the leg pain. The worst now is when I cough, my head starts pounding.

I tested negative for covid with an at-home test.

I think it's covid again, got the weird "certain textures taste spicy" shit going on again that I had the first time.

for the coughing, tis the season, hot cider helps

 

[Nick Obre]

I'm not, and I can't say anything, you went off on me about it so I responded, and I'm putting my foot down and saying I'm not saying anything more no matter how many times you try to bait me. Friend of Dorothy Parker brought that up so I responded. You out of anyone seem to be making the biggest deal about it and you, specifically, keep trying to get me to talk about it. That post was directed to her.

My man, I know I've been harsh at times but I have NEVER ONCE asked you what your ex did. My interactions with you on this regard have been:
-Bro don't get into gay ops, not now and not in the future, it will never end well
-I think you're more hurt by the break up than you claim, let the whole thing go and start healing
-The whole experience seems to be making you way too negative, try to balance your perspective a bit
and now
-Stop baiting if you really can't talk about it

I don't know what goes on with you and @Friend of Dorothy Parker, nor what happens on the woman hate thread, I don't go there.

And if I give you shit, it's in part because nearly every time I see you post, I recognize in your posts some of the darker thoughts I've had, fueled by the pain of my own experiences, of which I've talked a bit over the last couple of years in this very thread. So it reminds me not to give in to bitterness, and I try to, in my admittedly asshole way, remind you the same as well.
But you just get defensive. That's why I think you're more hurt than you try to let on.

If I'm wrong, fine, I won't talk to you about this anymore.

I've actually had a massive fever and headache [...] I think my illness is finally going away. My head is pounding and I'm dazed. I'm not in the mood to deal with this.

Hope you get better

 

[Triple Flutz]

Yeah, there's definitely a bioweapon being directed at the Kiwi Farms, it seems. It's fucked, I'm like 90% sure it's strep because it's been going around here, but I had never contracted it before so I'm not even sure if the symptoms match, I just know my throat feels like an open wound and it's the worst it's ever been to the point where my body pre-recoils when I go to engage in a swallowing motion, and I used to be regularly prescribed codeine syrup as a kid (have since grown out of the need to use it, thankfully, it's vile) due to insane coughing fits. Thinking about betadine gargle just for fun.
In-laws are sick too but they're trailing the kids and we are trailing said in-laws so I'm REALLY hoping they can get even one or two, not even all three, overnight so we can rest. I can't tell if most of my symptoms beyond like, coughing, upper respiratory issues, and sinus pressure are due to being sick or just the fact that even slightly sick kids wake up a million times a night.
I've been great at keeping up with the house despite being sick though which is great, I always dread the load of laundry after an illness. It just comes at the cost of the entirety of my energy lmao.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Jfc. Then why so much working it out online?

It's simple. When you see such a horror show in the face, it really strikes you, and it teaches you something about human nature overall.

Probably more to the point though, is seeing a charismatic sociopath fool other people and have them gobble it all up.

No idea what this means but ffs if you can't talk about it why do you keep alluding to it? (rhetorical).

I'm not bragging about it or seeking attention. I'm actually feeling defensive about it because a certain someone in this thread was trying to paint me as a jerk about it to try to get me to spill the beans. If you go allll the way back and read the exchanges you might understand. I'm also still just sort of stunned and dwelling on who I ended up dating. I really just want to impress on people that shit was fucked up, and these left wing chicks... they are more psycho than you can imagine. Don't even think about it. Someone a few days ago floated the idea of doing so... and the answer to that is an emphatic, "NO. RUN."

I sincerely hope that this is not your ultimate experience.

This is the experience of most guys all of our lives. It's just not written about in popular media, which isn't the real world.

You've also adjusted your estimation of the entire female populace (I'm assuming you didn't start out thinking they were all worthless sluts or empty-headed, craven bitches, which seems to be your perspective now).

My esteem of women overall went down the more success I've had with women.

My man, I know I've been harsh at times but I have NEVER ONCE asked you what your ex did. My interactions with you on this regard have been:
-Bro don't get into gay ops, not now and not in the future, it will never end well
-I think you're more hurt by the break up than you claim, let the whole thing go and start healing
-The whole experience seems to be making you way too negative, try to balance your perspective a bit
and now
-Stop baiting if you really can't talk about it

The only reason I've gone on about it so much is because I'm trying to tell you that your perception of this shit, with these things, is way off, I just can't tell you how or why, and it's not what you'd expect.

And trust me, I'm not hurt about it. I've survived BPD women before, and ignoring the Big Crazy Thing I Can't Talk About, I saw all the signs and manipulation and narrative-setting long before. What really gets me is how similar it was to the last BPD girl I dated. Like, they even use the same tone and shit, and everyone takes their side because they're so charismatic. What I'm upset about is the fact that a real relationship is clearly not realistic or feasible with the nutcases in this big human mental asylum, after what I've experienced I'm now sure it'll always be something horrible.

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

"certain textures taste spicy"

I didn't know that was a thing. Horrifying.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

It's simple. When you see such a horror show in the face, it really strikes you, and it teaches you something about human nature overall.

Probably more to the point though, is seeing a charismatic sociopath fool other people and have them gobble it all up.

Lol, yeah. That's why I offered my empathy.

Spoiler: OT

Have you ever noticed you eagerly respond to conflict but take empathy as a given?

shit was fucked up

You have no fucking idea.

And btw, I observe you offered zero in response to my reference to bad experiences, despite my extension to you. That's cool, but if you think you're not a self absorbed asshole, you might be wrong.

Funny. I wasn't actually aiming to test a hypothesis (just ackshually being a human being), but if I had been, the hypothesis would have some new, potentially relevant data.

In any case, yikes, this is the wrong thread for this.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Lol, yeah. That's why I offered my empathy.

Spoiler: OT

Have you ever noticed you eagerly respond to conflict but take empathy as a given?


You have no fucking idea.

And btw, I observe you offered zero in response to my reference to bad experiences, despite my extension to you. That's cool, but if you think you're not a self absorbed asshole, you might be wrong.

Funny. I wasn't actually aiming to test a hypothesis (just ackshually being a human being), but if I had been, the hypothesis would have some new, potentially relevant data.

In any case, yikes, this is the wrong thread for this.

I hope you feel better soon.

No, I appreciate it, I just have nothing more to say. I have duly noted it, I just have nothing to respond with. Though I don't take empathy as a given and don't particularly trust it. I appreciate your post, I just skipped over those parts because I appreciate it but I just don't know what to respond with. Instead of filling this thread up more I left a comment on your wall instead...

 

[Betonhaus]

I'm not, and I can't say anything, you went off on me about it so I responded, and I'm putting my foot down and saying I'm not saying anything more no matter how many times you try to bait me. Friend of Dorothy Parker brought that up so I responded. You out of anyone seem to be making the biggest deal about it and you, specifically, keep trying to get me to talk about it. That post was directed to her.

Dude. You literally told us you have an incredibly juicy story that will shock and amaze us, then refuse to tell it. Of course we're going to use every psychological warfare tool we have in the box to pry it loose. Either spill or ignore the provocations.

I think I'm feeling ok, this illness going around hasn't made it up here. I'm still worried, as the facts about the original 'vaccine' indicate that it damages the immune system and makes you even more vulnerable to variants. Come to think about it I haven't had my flu shots in a couple years and haven't really gotten badly sick since.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Dude. You literally told us you have an incredibly juicy story that will shock and amaze us, then refuse to tell it. Of course we're going to use every psychological warfare tool we have in the box to pry it loose. Either spill or ignore the provocations.

If the person in question ever dies or is incarcerated, I'll let you guys know exactly what's up.

 

[Betonhaus]

If the person in question ever dies or is incarcerated, I'll let you guys know exactly what's up.

this her? https://martinezperspective.net/2018/01/crazy-feminazi-kill-all-men/

 

[FrigginWeeb]

I didn't know that was a thing. Horrifying.

Yeah, whole wheat is like bad cinnamon candy now. It's weird.