How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Fever hasn't returned, and I finally have an appetite, so I guess I'm finally better now.

*Employed
*Strong sense of personal responsibility
*Great sense of humor
*Interests in common and share a good number of common values
*Takes care of himself

No offense, but this is the kind of "blue pill" stuff we've been hearing all our lives, Blobby. It's part of the story, but it's a small one, and it's wishful, just-world , "always the male's fault" thinking on your part, because a guy can do everything right and like Nick Obre says, she can just get bored and leave. I've had multiple bored women attempt to cheat on their hubbies with me, thinking I was some chump that wouldn't figure it out. I don't believe for an instant Nick Obre did anything wrong in his relationship. That's kind of a blackpill too, you see 'em get bored and just leave because they want that excitement and they can always find it if they look elsewhere. How quickly they stop caring, and how aggressive and mean they become to you to get you to leave without admitting they just want to fuck another guy. This list is what helps a relationship work long term, it's not what starts initial attraction at all.

I think Sam Hyde has some of the best and most realistic dating advice out there.

Here's what I'd tell other guys:

* Be exciting and funny, and don't ever stop.
* Dress high class--look online, you can get a good bespoke suit from Thailand for under $500. It'll be leagues better than the polyester crap you get in big box stores. Worsted wool, or if you're quite the dandy you can get a fabric like velvet. Every man should have a GOOD suit, not a fucking big box potato bag suit, fuck
* Be a bit of a dick, just not to too much to them--especially be one to someone the woman doesn't like. They LOVE that.
* Be dynamic and mysterious - women like strong personalities, like someone from a TV show--make sure to practice 'speaking with your eyes' and facial expressions, and talking with your hands
* Have great stories to tell to draw them in
* Have power and status, or give the illusion of it. This is entirely relative and contextual, which is why women will chase after low-level youtuber celebs (circling back to Sam Hyde, he's complained about it) and why Lowtax was able to get women despite being absolutely meritless and horrible
* Spend money on them
* Lose weight, work out and get muscular <-- this is the most important one and most actionable for most men

Don't ever believe a relationship will last forever.

Why must you bring such unpleasant mental images

I think it's beautiful and lovely

 

[Betonhaus]

Different reality for me. Going on the sixteenth year with my current girl and am pretty sure i'll stay with her for the rest of my life. Not married or planning on getting married. I always was a guy for more long term shit, my previous serious relationships were in the two to three years span on average. I had enough short flings without much emotional investment in my late teens and young adulthood to not care about quick pussy anymore and looking for something deeper instead

I mean if you've been steady for sixteen years it's probably time to at least start getting your legal stuff worked together. I know a friend who's parents never committed to anything and so rented a house and never got married for over forty years, and when the guy died the woman was left with nothing and struggles to this day

I GOT THE APARTMENT, LADS

I THOUGHT IT WAS A LOST CAUSE BUT I GOT IT

Oh my god what have I done now I have to fucking move god dammit stupid fuck

Congratulations! Is there much snow where you are? Winter is a piss poor time to move but I guess you might not have a lot of options. If you have to hire movers try to box up as much as you can and bring over all your valuables and important stuff in your car.

 

[Humbert Humbert]

In my experience, this is just code for she wants to find someone else, or has already. Not to be a doomsayer. I hope and pray that you two reconnect and what she says is true. I've gone through similar.

Actually, it’s a dude because I’m straight, but i write “she” and “lolita” because I stay in character.

But on a serious note, she’s just really depressed. She was single for many years before and I know her enough to the point where this is not the case. She feels awful for breaking my heart, but I don’t want her to beat himself up over it. She may not love me anymore like I love her, but my love is fading and it’s scary because I don’t want to stop loving her, and close this chapter of my life. But I know I have to.

I never knew just how badly she was hurting, she kept it to herself. I still don’t know the extent. But we still chat and she let me ask her questions and vent because she knows I’m really sad and going through a lot. I loved her to pieces. It was only three months but it was the best three months of my life, I’d never been so happy.

I’m just glad that I was able to make her the happiest she’d been in years, I was the best thing that happened to her in a long time. I just want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me. We still care for each other a lot, being such a big part of each others’ lives in the long run (me being the only one he ever really loved, and having the most successful relationship with). I want to remain in her life, as a friend. She is truly the most beautiful and kindhearted soul I’ve ever met, and it breaks my heart again to know she’s in such deep pain.

I’ve been doing better with her support. I’m not crying as much, but still crying. The day after it happened, I cried so hard that my eyelids actually BURNED. I had to put moisturizer on and it fixed it, though. It still hurts because my birthday is next week and I’ll be alone, and Christmas too. Yeah, my family is ok, but she was my love. I will always love her on some level.

Who knew I’d pour my whole heart out like this to the cyberbullying suicide website, under the name “Humbert Humbert”, persona and all.

 

[Betonhaus]

Who knew I’d pour my whole heart out like this to the cyberbullying suicide website, under the name “Humbert Humbert”, persona and all.

This is the site that forcibly bares people's true selves to the world so it makes sense imo

I woke up with a headache again but it's fading now. I'm slowly looking for work but the only ones that I have relevant experience for on my resume is warehousing and other shit where I need to get my doctor to clear my leg injury and say it's ok to more around a lot and carry heavy things. I was hoping to be working by now so I'd be out of the danger zone for Christmas.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Who knew I’d pour my whole heart out like this to the cyberbullying suicide website, under the name “Humbert Humbert”, persona and all.

I've hung out with a lot of different types of people from the internet over the years and one thing I can say is that the trolls (assuming they're not Ethan Ralph cow-tier) are by far the realest and nicest people in real life, or at least the people that find trolling funny. I've found, in life, a lot of things are counter-intuitive like this. Contrast this with something like reddit where everyone is a goody two-shoes, those kinds of people are unbearable faggots, backstabbers, disgusting perverts in real life overly concerned with what is socially acceptable to say... oversocialized people, really. Now that I'm really running it through my memory, all the trolls or people who found trolling funny really WERE all the good guys... A lot of trolling is really just satire of human stupidity anyway, people that can't handle that are faggots.

 

[Nick Obre]

Congratulations! Is there much snow where you are? Winter is a piss poor time to move but I guess you might not have a lot of options. If you have to hire movers try to box up as much as you can and bring over all your valuables and important stuff in your car.

Thanks my man. And no, no snow where I live. Like, ever. It has snowed here a handful of times in my entire life, except maybe up near the mountains.
Plus it's nearly summer.

 

[The Feline Solution]

I GOT THE APARTMENT, LADS

Top stuff, the first one you talked about? God, i'd think i'd legit kill someone to be able to move right now.

Don't ever get comfortable and take it for granted, not just in the bit cliched but wholesome terms of "never just coast on the relationship and stop valuing it and your partner, always put in the effort" but also on the side of "never trust that a woman won't randomly flip a switch and ruin your life".

I keep her in cashmere, lots of cashmere.

I mean if you've been steady for sixteen years it's probably time to at least start getting your legal stuff worked together. I know a friend who's parents never committed to anything and so rented a house and never got married for over forty years, and when the guy died the woman was left with nothing and struggles to this day

Imfuckingplying there's anything that i leave behind that is even remotely of worth when i die. I appreciate the notion though.

 

[Nick Obre]

Top stuff, the first one you talked about? God, i'd think i'd legit kill someone to be able to move right now.

The good one. I think I talked about one or two others before, the first one I think was the one where my kid's friend lives, but it wasn't great. But I got the one I really liked, larger, in a good place, etc.

Also I told the kid and she's happy, and she hit me with some ironic news: that same friend is gonna move early next year, because apparently the place is becoming rather unsafe. So quite the bullet I dodged. They would have been neighbors for like a month and then I'd be stuck in a shitty apartment in a shitty place.

 

[The Feline Solution]

the first one I think was the one where my kid's friend lives

Yeah, that's the one i thought you got.

So quite the bullet I dodged. They would have been neighbors for like a month and then I'd be stuck in a shitty apartment in a shitty place.

Dodged a fucking artillery fusilade. I live at my place for a bit over ten years now, it was always a shit part of town but the first five years were kinda good. After that it was straight downhill, every year there was something getting worse, wether the influx of unpleasent people or the construction site next door that took three years to finish and made my life hell in that time. Rent is sadly so fucking cheap and the housing situation so dire that anything comparable i could afford would be in an equally shitty part of town and still a minimum 200€ increase in rent.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

It's part of the story, but it's a small one, and it's wishful, just-world , "always the male's fault" thinking on your part, because a guy can do everything right and like Nick Obre says, she can just get bored and leave.

And women have never been left by their husbands and boyfriends ever in the history of mankind? I'm not blaming men blanket (because I haven't turned into a manhating femcel), I am blaming you specifically for your predicament.

Here's what I'd tell other guys:

* Be exciting and funny, and don't ever stop.
* Dress high class--look online, you can get a good bespoke suit from Thailand for under $500. It'll be leagues better than the polyester crap you get in big box stores. Worsted wool, or if you're quite the dandy you can get a fabric like velvet. Every man should have a GOOD suit, not a fucking big box potato bag suit, fuck
* Be a bit of a dick, just not to too much to them--especially be one to someone the woman doesn't like. They LOVE that.
* Be dynamic and mysterious - women like strong personalities, like someone from a TV show--make sure to practice 'speaking with your eyes' and facial expressions, and talking with your hands
* Have great stories to tell to draw them in
* Have power and status, or give the illusion of it. This is entirely relative and contextual, which is why women will chase after low-level youtuber celebs (circling back to Sam Hyde, he's complained about it) and why Lowtax was able to get women despite being absolutely meritless and horrible
* Spend money on them
* Lose weight, work out and get muscular <-- this is the most important one and most actionable for most men

Be exciting and funny, and don't ever stop.

No, what you should be is be thoughtful and funny and don't ever stop.

* Dress high class--look online, you can get a good bespoke suit from Thailand for under $500. It'll be leagues better than the polyester crap you get in big box stores. Worsted wool, or if you're quite the dandy you can get a fabric like velvet. Every man should have a GOOD suit, not a fucking big box potato bag suit, fuck

I saw this guy who was fucking hot today at work. He was a very in shape tradesman dressed in some nice blue jeans. He said he was sorry for all the pounding, fixing our shit, ah all the deviant ratings please. A good suit or uniform can be OK, but not really a requirement beyond when the situation calls for it.

Be a bit of a dick, just not to too much to them--especially be one to someone the woman doesn't like. They LOVE that.

No wonder you are striking out with women. We don't want you to be dicks to us. We want you to flirt and play with us. We don't want you to fight our battles with other women with/for us. We want you to listen to us bitch about that whore, but we don't want you to get involved except in very extraordinary circumstances.

Be dynamic and mysterious - women like strong personalities, like someone from a TV show--make sure to practice 'speaking with your eyes' and facial expressions, and talking with your hands.

Only retarded women like mystery or spend too much time reading bodice rippers. Most of us just want to know who you are and what you are about so we don't waste our time.

Have power and status, or give the illusion of it. This is entirely relative and contextual, which is why women will chase after low-level youtuber celebs (circling back to Sam Hyde, he's complained about it) and why Lowtax was able to get women despite being absolutely meritless and horrible.

Why would you want to attract these kinds of women?

Spend money on them.

This isn't exactly wrong, but you have to be careful about setting up expectations about this depending on how much you spend.

Lose weight, work out and get muscular <-- this is the most important one and most actionable for most men

Being muscular like some YT fitness influencer isn't anything that is necessary. Men forget women don't place as high a value on aesthetics like this as men do. Just take care of yourself, don't be obese (women are more tolerant of the BMI in the overweight range, but we quickly have limits), etc. It helps a bit if your body looks like you do more than stare at a screen 23.5 hours a day.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I had a moment of weakness yesterday. I ended up hanging out with someone who is mostly responsible for my negative self-image and neuroticism. He's been driving by my house more and more asking about me. I finally gave in and had lunch with him.
This has obviously kicked in a shitload of the obvious mental responses that usually happens after this sort of thing.
"He obviously must not be that bad, you're obviously exaggerating."
"Imagine feeling so lonely you'll hang out with a loser who's using you."
"You like playing the victim."
"Don't act like that abused housewife now when you let this happen to you."

Obviously those things aren't true. And I know they're not because I've had enough time away from this person.
So today I'm going to invite him over and tell him in no uncertain terms how vile of a person he is and how I have no desire to ever see him again.
That might be some "woman" level behavior. But he always catches me off-guard and puts me in a state where I feel like it's okay, probably because he always finds me at my lowest moments.
I know the kind of person they are. And I know how this shit works.
So I'm just going to be an unrepentant dick for the first time in my life and try not to lose any sleep about it. I'm a little nervous, because I don't LIKE hurting people, even if they're disgusting wastes of space. But this is more for my self-protection than anything at this point. I feel like when I do this, even if I feel bad at first, it's going to be the first step in moving on in my life and giving myself some self-respect.
Wish me luck, guys.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

I had a moment of weakness yesterday. I ended up hanging out with someone who is mostly responsible for my negative self-image and neuroticism. He's been driving by my house more and more asking about me. I finally gave in and had lunch with him.
This has obviously kicked in a shitload of the obvious mental responses that usually happens after this sort of thing.
"He obviously must not be that bad, you're obviously exaggerating."
"Imagine feeling so lonely you'll hang out with a loser who's using you."
"You like playing the victim."
"Don't act like that abused housewife now when you let this happen to you."

Obviously those things aren't true. And I know they're not because I've had enough time away from this person.
So today I'm going to invite him over and tell him in no uncertain terms how vile of a person he is and how I have no desire to ever see him again.
That might be some "woman" level behavior. But he always catches me off-guard and puts me in a state where I feel like it's okay, probably because he always finds me at my lowest moments.
I know the kind of person they are. And I know how this shit works.
So I'm just going to be an unrepentant dick for the first time in my life and try not to lose any sleep about it. I'm a little nervous, because I don't LIKE hurting people, even if they're disgusting wastes of space. But this is more for my self-protection than anything at this point. I feel like when I do this, even if I feel bad at first, it's going to be the first step in moving on in my life and giving myself some self-respect.
Wish me luck, guys.

He sounds almost like a stalker. If he doesn't take the hint after you telling him to fuck off, consider a restraining order. Meticulously document everything.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Blobby's Murder Knife​

Harbinger of Kali Yuga​

I'll be honest and do the Youtube Commentary Channel fence-sitting thing here.
I think you both are right.

Blobby's Murder Knife​

I agree with you a good chunk of that stuff. Women don't need men who are super athletic, 6'5. Also if you're magically getting women because you're making 6 figures it's not because they like "you". A lot of this sigma-grind shit is really self-defeating for men and essentially telling themselves to LARP as a caricature so that they can attract women for very shallow reasons. Agreed.
However, I think you're being a little unempathetic in saying how easy it is for men to get women. I'm not trying to put myself on a pedestal as I spend most of the time in the day judging myself and thinking how I can do better. However there have been times I've noted where I've tried dressing decently, been in "okay" shape, took care of myself, tried to approach women with respect and be understanding, and expressed my honest interests while listening to theirs. It's still REALLY damn difficult.
I also have noticed guys with no goals and interest in shallow merchandise and flexing on people win women over relatively easily.
I think the honest to god truth is you need two things in order to attract women. An unfathomable amount of confidence and mostly OTHER FRIENDS. It gets hard to people if you don't know people. And if you're someone who's grown up with an unhealthy view of themselves, it's really damn hard to charm anyone. So a lot of men who didn't have decent parental figures find themselves in this spiral where they hate themselves, which makes it harder to be confident, which pushes people away, which makes them hate themselves, which pushes people away. It's this really brutal cycle.
I know I have a lot of flaws and so do a lot of men, but I do think it is much harder for just nerdy dudes or even more introspective types to get the interest of women right now. You could say that whether that's men's fault or womens' ect. But it is something that's hard to deal with.
Although truth be told, sometimes it is where you're at. If you're some dude who's into anime and philosophy or niche interests and you're in a rust-belt town where everyone drinks themselves to sleep to forget how fucked their life is, then you might not be in your element for dating.

Harbinger of Kali Yuga​

And I'll be honest man. I love you, bro. You're always really polite and cool to me on here. But something you do that will fuck you up a lot as it's done for me is this "Us and Them" way of thinking. It reminds me of how I was at this work-party the other night and I brought my friend there. He was there for an hour and wanted to dash and was basically saying how lame and gay it was. While I understand his way of thinking, part of me wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up. It reminded me of the way I would have thought literally a year ago.
Can Normies suck? Abso-fucking-lutely! I mostly hate them. But they're not always "the enemy". Also a lot of the so-called "normies" I've met aren't really that different from me. Sure, some might not love anime or old films. But a lot of them have passions or have seen/done cool shit or have similar ways of thinking to you about a lot of shit. Sure you have your "valley girl/NPC" types. But they're more of an exception than the rule sometimes. I don't know, maybe it's just where I'm at.
My literal best friend who's stuck by through thick-and-thin was a playboy military gymbro jock growing up. But we still have more in common than me and most people say... like Gundam. As much as I'd love to be around people with niche' interests to talk about similar stuff, I always have this weird resentment of them that I don't of "normies".
A lot of so-called "nerds" never apply themselves to anything. Yeah, we can talk about waifus and shit, but I don't know many of them that have plans for places they're going to go see, career paths they want to take or stories/works they want to write. And a lot of them have screwed me over and ostracized me more than any of the "staceys or chads" of the world.
Again, I'm not trying to disrespect you. But you write a lot of people off without even trying to branch yourself out. I understand it because this has been me most of my life. But truthfully, you might actually have more in common with some niggas or sports-bros out there than you think.
Just give people a shot. Yeah, they disappoint you a lot but if you keep trying and fighting against the pain you're going to eventually hit the sweet spot where you can talk to normies about whatever the fuck you like and still be you.
I have plenty of stories looking back that have shown me that there really isn't that big of a divide anymore between "normal people" and me.
Still can't give you dating advice though. Women have cuties, anyways. So fuck em'.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

I am blaming you specifically for your predicament.

Yeah, this is always how it goes...

Almost every guy starts out doing exactly what you say. That's how we're raised. Then they keep getting passed over for other guys, strung along, ignored, toyed with--and these inexperienced men ask what they're doing wrong, and the response is always "you're not good enough! you're not nice enough! you're not thoughtful enough!" etc... basically, society's most agreed-upon and obvious values, stuff that's really basic. "Just be a nice guy and the right woman will come along!" If your advice made sense, dating apps wouldn't be flooded with pictures of white women in cars with jigaboo babies in the backseat. This is just a way for women who have no patience for men they deem low value to explain away these men's experiences by accusing them of some insulting character defect, because, of course women just want a nice guy! Really you invariably end up insulting your average, invisible, confused guy.

Saying women like men in power or some level of notoriety isn't a judgment of women or even a kind of women, it's just how men get noticed by women. And it's how humans have worked for history, and it's one reason why powerful men seek power, and why rockstars loved being rock stars.

And yes, women don't like men being dicks to them, hence "not too much to them," though women like some pushback. And I know this because I'm extremely easygoing and I can tell when it frustrates a partner when my attitude is "eh, no problem" to some of their bullshit. I think we actually see eye-to-eye on this, despite my phrasing.

You're speaking out from your ideal and what you, sitting here in front of a computer, filtered through social expectations and your self-image and the like, would like to think this is how attraction should work, but it's not. Everything you mentioned is pretty much the most baseline, standard stuff, and it just seems like you want to insult a huge swath of guys to imply they can't even get the basics right (while women are perfect and are just standing there, just waiting frustrated for these nice guys to come around).

What you say is the recipe for a healthy, long-lasting relationship (if those are still a thing), but it's not gonna attract a woman by itself.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

He sounds almost like a stalker. If he doesn't take the hint after you telling him to fuck off, consider a restraining order. Meticulously document everything.

He's not really a stalker. I've known him for years. He's just a narcissist that doesn't get the hint that I don't want to be his dog to kick anymore. My life's improved exponentially since I've stopped being around him. On one hand I feel bad for him because we have had """good""" times and I know he's gone through abuse and didn't come out the womb this way. But I also know that empathy is the one thing that makes it easier for people to fuck me in the ass. So it's a bit tough.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

However, I think you're being a little unempathetic in saying how easy it is for men to get women. I'm not trying to put myself on a pedestal as I spend most of the time in the day judging myself and thinking how I can do better. However there have been times I've noted where I've tried dressing decently, been in "okay" shape, took care of myself, tried to approach women with respect and be understanding, and expressed my honest interests while listening to theirs. It's still REALLY damn difficult.

Here is a bit of the rub. Women have the same thing happen to themselves. Maybe they think they have it altogether, but either no interest or the man is just looking for sex. I've been rejected myself as a woman. Women just don't have a blank check they can write to any man and nor do they want one as it means that man has no standards and that is also a turn off. I have been successful with some guys, I have failed in other places. Tale as old as time.

What you say is the recipe for a healthy, long-lasting relationship (if those are still a thing), but it's not gonna attract a woman by itself.

I mean, if you don't want to listen to a woman about what women want, that's on you.

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

I've been playing civ 4 again after a million years away from it. The result of my first game: dead last except for Tokugawa as the celts. Which is basically dead last anyway since Tokugawa sucks horribly in that game. My civ 5 instincts screwed me I think since I kept trying to balance my budget and wanted to keep my gold supply large and positive while my rivals just spammed settlers. It also doesn't help that I shared my continent with Mali who can bail themselves out incessantly and I ended up just behind them in tech most of the time. 10/10 playing again already as Napoleon.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Here is a bit of the rub. Women have the same thing happen to themselves. Maybe they think they have it altogether, but either no interest or the man is just looking for sex. I've been rejected myself as a woman. Women just don't have a blank check they can write to any man and nor do they want one as it means that man has no standards and that is also a turn off. I have been successful with some guys, I have failed in other places. Tale as old as time.

I've also been retarded enough to not take the chances I had.
I've had girls who showed absolute interest in me that I hee-hawed on for multiple reasons until it was too late.
Or there were married women I probably could have had flings with but I'm a moral fag to the point that's one of my "no-go" zones.

So sometimes it's literally being so autistic you don't know or care when someone is throwing themselves at you.
Funny enough, all of those times were when I probably weighed way more than I currently do.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

So sometimes it's literally being so autistic you don't know or care when someone is throwing themselves at you.

The first time this happened to me, I was in the third grade. I was/am autistic for a girl, but this boy had a crush on me, gave me gifts and cards, had his mom take both of us out to do stuff and it was only some years later I realized that was what that was all about. I still feel a bit bad for not getting it back then. It wasn't that I wasn't interested because I didn't like him, more like it wasn't until I was around 12 that I had any sort of passing interest in boys like that at all.

I know myself that you are going to either hit me in the head with a clue if you are interested otherwise, I don't know if you are being nice or what. Alternatively, I will actively pursue.

You stupid cunt!

You think you have a lot of male friends—you don't
You think guys care when they ask for your opinion—they don't
You think your best friend's boyfriend doesn't want to fuck you—he does
You thought the bartender was being nice to you when he gave you a free drink—he wasn't

Your neighbor helped you move—he just wants to fuck you
You boss bought you lunch—he just wants to fuck you
A guy bought you a drink—he just wants to fuck you
He asked you to go out for coffee—he just wants to fuck you

You think you're one of the guys
You think you're all good friends
You're eventually going to get raped
You stupid fucking cunt

You stupid cunt
You stupid cunt
You stupid fucking cunt

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Found out what I and others have been sick with--we've gotten RSV.

I mean, if you don't want to listen to a woman about what women want, that's on you.

No, I don't, actually, what a woman thinks, at this moment, what women want. I can assure you that more than half of the time, a woman isn't sure what she actually wants either.

He's not really a stalker. I've known him for years. He's just a narcissist that doesn't get the hint that I don't want to be his dog to kick anymore. My life's improved exponentially since I've stopped being around him. On one hand I feel bad for him because we have had """good""" times and I know he's gone through abuse and didn't come out the womb this way. But I also know that empathy is the one thing that makes it easier for people to fuck me in the ass. So it's a bit tough.

You gotta learn to get angry and a bit mean and tell him to fuck off. There will be a point in your life where you will regret being so polite. These people never change, they don't really care; if a dog goes around biting people, you can feel sorry for its shitty owner beating it but it doesn't change the fact the dog is irredeemably dangerous. Stand up to this douche as practice for dealing with personal relations in your life, telling these people "no" is an invaluable skill.