Yeah I've learned that really fucking hard over my life.
Nigger asked me for 10 dollars in gas when we driving around yesterday despite how he was trying to see me without my invitation. I told him "Nope." obviously but jesus, the balls of some people.
Fuck him. Fucking conman.
On the bright side, I've paid off my garnishment. I'm never going to a hospital again. Now I can actually start making fucking money.
No, I don't, actually, what a woman thinks, at this moment, what women want. I can assure you that more than half of the time, a woman isn't sure what she actually wants either.
You don't even know what women want though and certainly aren't ready to accept it.
Women aren't a monolith either. The men I have a taste in...lol....not what you would expect from a femoid at all, but they all still meet the criteria I spoke of before.
So adopt the very traits that attract BPD psychos, attract BPD psychos, then claim all women are BPD psychos. "Exciting" is bad boy territory. Guess what kind of woman is attracted to bad boys?
So adopt the very traits that attract BPD psychos, attract BPD psychos, then claim all women are BPD psychos. "Exciting" is bad boy territory. Guess what kind of woman is attracted to bad boys?
It depends on the definition of "exciting". Having hobbies like skidooing or ricing cars or playing sports is exciting, but the definition of exciting we're using doesn't count those. This definition is solely about men that are dangerous, where deep down you think the guy might be a rapist or a serial killer or adulter or crook.
It depends on the definition of "exciting". Having hobbies like skidooing or ricing cars or playing sports is exciting, but the definition of exciting we're using doesn't count those. This definition is solely about men that are dangerous, where deep down you think the guy might be a rapist or a serial killer or adulter or crook.
Some women are legit attracted to criminal and abusive types, mostly because they hate daddy or think they can actually fix these men. They aren't a majority, but like golddiggers, they exist.
It depends on the definition of "exciting". Having hobbies like skidooing or ricing cars or playing sports is exciting, but the definition of exciting we're using doesn't count those. This definition is solely about men that are dangerous, where deep down you think the guy might be a rapist or a serial killer or adulter or crook.
Women just want men who pay attention to them. The minute you start ignoring or feeling complacent in the relationship is when it starts to fail and I think this can be argued from either side who is being ignored.
I really wish I knew what worked for women, or could be able to do the things I know worked.
I've gotten the "Les bree fwens" or "we should still hang out" too many times. I know it's selfish, but I'm a little sick of being the faggot best friend and I just don't do it anymore. It just feels like such a woman way of saying "I'm never going to sleep with you." I know women need "friends", but I can't just do that shit anymore.
I've had too many experiences where women do fall into most of the incel stereotypes not to notice it. I've seen men with really great women be unfaithful or legitimately ask me and others if they should stick with them or just shop around. And I've seen those same women go back to them after being properly disposed of.
I've also been cheated on for a man who made more than me even when the woman herself said the man had abusive traits.
I'm not going to go on some long "Fuck women" speech, but there is some truth to the incel shit.
I'm not saying women should have to fuck fat neckbeards who are going to bum off of them. Or that women are only after 6'0 millionaires. But there is very much a type women prefer more and I find it hard to be it.
I'm decent at making women laugh and making conversation. I make okay money. But I'm still not enough.
You could argue "maybe you're not looking at the right women" but I've seen enough that it's a little more than outliers at this point.
"You need to work on yourself". I have put the effort in, and see probably less romantic opportunities now than when I weighed 240 pounds, made less money and was more of a faggot than I am at the moment.
I don't get it.
I don't want to get into a huge debate about it or be gaslighted into thinking every romantic failing is 100% all and totally me. But there is SOME truth to what Harbinger is saying, even if he's saying it in more absolute terms than I would.
Sometimes guys just get tired of being told they need to try harder when they witness objectively fucked people doing pretty damn well in terms of societal approval. I'm not going to go celebrate Elliot Rodger or spend all day watching blackpill videos online.
But I think it's okay to be a little demoralized by it all.
TL;DR: If you're not a woman who does any of the things that guys complain about, that's totally fine and you're not the one being criticized. Just like if there are guys who are put in the same boat as "toxic/incel" men when they're not, it doesn't have to apply. Not everyone is apart of the problems that are played out across the sexes. We should remind ourselves sometimes there are just people struggling who aren't assholes before we put everyone in these same broad categories. If you're a woman who doesn't go after assholes, those women still exist, but that doesn't mean you're one of them. If you're a dude who's a little bitter about the dating/socializing scene right now but you're trying your best, you're not in the same category of the MGTOW/incel/rapists that some women lump you in with, even if those guys are out there.
Sometimes people just fall through the cracks.
No, I appreciate it, I just have nothing more to say. I have duly noted it, I just have nothing to respond with. Though I don't take empathy as a given and don't particularly trust it. I appreciate your post, I just skipped over those parts because I appreciate it but I just don't know what to respond with. Instead of filling this thread up more I left a comment on your wall instead...
Man, being stuck in a corporate meeting. Muh diversity, muh synergy, muh corporate word salad of sustainably. A single tweet has more information density than like 20 minutes of talking but not saying anything.
Not quite on your point about empty speeches, but on the experience of corporate performance: I have reluctantly stopped resisting corporate delivery and learned the arts of "level-setting" and providing both "sufficient context" for things already discussed and fully "socialized" 65,000 times already and yet limiting the details to "operative points." ...My earlier tendency in life was to launch right in to the bottom line of the newest/current point, vomit out a ton of info very quickly, skip "framing," get to the meat, and be done. I have learned that that's not the way (both for legit and for bureaucratic reasons), so I've slowed down, dumbed down, learned to pause and ask for confirmation of comprehension, and be super-solicitous of input and questions. I spend a lot more time preparing, and it means I'm talking twice or three times as long, but people seem to like it, and it works. I had to make a point of not feeling like I'm insulting people's intelligence and just going with it. It's weirdly effective. Borg assimilation finally complete, I guess.
I 100% support finding the balls (metaphorical or otherwise) to tell someone who is a dick that they are a dick.
One word of caution: if you do this, do it with steel. Do not indulge those mental doubts you quoted. If you waver, keep going back mentally (internally) to why you feel the way you do and re-find your resolve, as many times as it takes.
And don't look back. There's a reason you have come to the conclusions you have. It's OK - no, great - to cut off people you can no longer deny don't merit your time or energy, and who actively suck it away. And doing so results in two key things, ime: 1) strengthening your self-respect and general sense of self that you may have been shortchanging if you previously accepted bad behavior, and 2) you're rid of a mental drag. Kick away that crutch; you don't need it.
And when you've said what needs to be said, see him to the door (no further engagement), and close it behind him, literally and metaphorically. No discussion, no getting sucked in to justifying anything or sentimentality/seduction.* If you've struggled with this (your comment reads like yes), you will feel a fantastic sense of positive power and strength - bc for once you put your self-respect and worth first. And it gets easier and better with practice.
* I wrote this initially thinking this person was a romantic figure in your life. Re-reading, I see you talking about romance with women, so thus my strikethrough. Whatever; the rest is on-point - for friends, lovers, whomever.
On-point in my experience, I mean.
I came to my recognition/comprehension clarity relatively late (in life), but it's been revolutionary (the above tossing soul-suckers overboard is only part of the revolution, but important and indicative of other things). With friends/ liaisons/ acquaintances, I completely cleaned house over the past few years. That, with other things, has reshaped my life: it is clearer, more grounded, more focused, and more content. It came out of a lot of things coming together, resulting first in pure devastation (unfortunately; I'm fucking stubborn, and I guess it took that much to shake me) that led to real, severe self-reckoning...and ultimately to authentic confidence and self-regard - which also means the (gender-neutral, because I am a lady) cojones to say it with your chest when it needs to be said.
On telling people to shove off: I have very few people in my life on a personal level these days, by choice. And I am only better for it, because my energy was depleted over and over, and I kept agreeing to it - even offering it - despite fighting it and railing against it. Talk is cheap. Ending that kind of interaction had to come from me (vampires and shitty people aren't going to do it for you). My energy goes mostly to the right things now (with maybe a bit too much indulgence in a certain online forum, yeah, and a few other remnant vices). And I've got so much more of it for the right things without the drags on my time and attention.
I'm not against re-expanding my social circle/life, and I'll probably get social again - when I'm feeling like it, which isn't right yet. I'm not even jaded, btw, despite having encountered, been abused (in every sense) by, tolerated, and hung on to some really shit situations/ people. What I am is attuned to where I've gone wrong in the past, and absolutely committed to never choosing - friends, lovers, mates, negative thought patterns, whatever - poorly again, or abdicating responsibility to myself. Feels good; is good.
So much tl; dr. Just hopefully a pep talk for kicking bums out of your life whose presence leads to self-doubt, distraction, or behaving a way you don't want to or that harms/crunches you down, actively or passively.
The minute you start ignoring or feeling complacent in the relationship is when it starts to fail and I think this can be argued from either side who is being ignored.
Agree, being complacent or dismissive is a killer... and on the flip side, getting real and checking out when it's truly dead, rotting, and ready for the crematorium can be a wise survival skill.
Thank you for always being so damn based. I'm so happy you're one of the good ones. I mean um...
But no seriously, I appreciate the realistic advice and encouragement you've given.
It's hit like a double-whamey lately. It's like the people who know I'm better off without them have noticed how I'm doing and are pulling out every card to make me feel miserable and hopeless because very soon, they won't have any power over me.
My mom's been inviting me to come over for Christmas. This has been really hard.
My mom and dad are both older, so they're getting up in age and I'm already the type of guy who thinks every day might be his last and applies that to other people in my life.
I'd love to see them. I'm also going to be moving in the next year so the chances of seeing them like that will be rarer.
But I've noticed this year how gradually more abusive and vitriolic my mom has become over the years. And she keeps doubling down every time I give in and try to play russian-roulette with her BPD. And some of the family members who are the most toxic are going to be there as well. I've seen the really unjustifiable traits in my family members. And it's hard to ignore anymore.
So I'm stuck in a really tight spot.
If I go, I risk putting myself in the kind of "Aim for the nearest sharp objects or projectile to release myself from this hellscape" schizophrenic, A24 panic attack so I can see my family.
Or I avoid it all together, spend Christmas alone, and be the disappointment who failed his parents yet again because I didn't subject myself to abuse and wonder for a long ass time "how bad could it have been".
I still don't know what I'm going to do. There isn't a really great answer here. There's just a different type of pain I'm going to exchange.
I still think though that I should be pretty damn proud of myself for getting this far with almost no help. And I think that's what these people hate more than anything. These are awful, toxic unpleasant people who probably were treated much the same way they did me. But I'm actually trying to break the cycle while I'm young and not end up a miserable cunt. They hate that because it reminds them that they could do or could've done the same.
I used to think I should have some great big revenge on the people who hurt me. That the only way there'd ever be justice is if there was some violent retribution. But the truth is with most narcissists and general tumors the best thing you can do is let them be them. If you just let them rot away as the faggots they are and will always be and live on while finding some good people who accept you for you, they will fucking hate that more than anything on the face of the Earth. That might sound like cope. There's still days I burn with a lot of anger at the abuse I've been dealt. But I think I've done well for the circumstances.
Oh the best thing about "seeing him to the door". I'm going to see him right outside my house, so there isn't any opportunity for him to leverage the situation. I'm not just going to shut the door on him, I'm going to leave him in the cold, too.
It's like east coast vs west coast. East coast people are kind, but not nice. Will call you a fuck'n mook but will help you up and always treat you like a fuck'n human being.
West coast faggots? Will call you found family, friend, but the moment something gets a little rough, whether it's finances, personal life, w/e, the facade drops and you realise they weren't your friend at all. The further you get away from NY the more this attitude takes over. The mid west is a weird in-between where they're not that great at being fake nice. West coast nigs are way better at it. It must be exhausting to be them.
Chest is clearing up a bit, still on and off for months. Will see a doc soonTM.
New job seems to be going really well. Having the freedom and encouragement to try new things is great. I should have left my old job sooner, but things just happened to work out. Still stuck in this shitty state, but uh, maybe my story in it isn't done quite yet.
Update to the Lolita nightmare I’m loving through: I tried going on Bumble, where I’ve met good people and dated them. Unfortunately I had to delete that shit two seconds later because everybody looks like a felon or a drug addict. That’s how I know I cannot move on yet.
Humbert Humbert’s secret to attracting soulful nymphets is to be my full, unabashed self. I already am not like others, I am eccentric and embrace it. It weeds a lot of candidates out pretty fast. No immature, basic retards missing chromosomes.
Humbert Humbert always longs for a nymphet, and only feels normal when one has been entrapped in my mind. It feeds something inside of me. When I was with Lolita, everything in the world was good, and Humbert was at peace. Now, everything is a tangle of thorns.
It's like the people who know I'm better off without them have noticed how I'm doing and are pulling out every card to make me feel miserable and hopeless because very soon, they won't have any power over me.
They likely have, and are (trying to do that). Dummies are going to dumb. They won't change and won't stop wanting whatever power/need it is that drives them. What's important is that you see it. And since you see it, and see it for what it is, you have power to put your own needs first and not be stuck in whatever box it is they want to see you in. What they think, or do, or how they react, isn't your problem. Even if you've seen it as your problem in the past. You're onto them, and with that you can separate yourself and move on unconcerned and unbothered.
I'd love to see them. I'm also going to be moving in the next year so the chances of seeing them like that will be rarer.
But I've noticed this year how gradually more abusive and vitriolic my mom has become over the years.
If I go, I risk putting myself in the kind of "Aim for the nearest sharp objects or projectile to release myself from this hellscape" schizophrenic, A24 panic attack so I can see my family.
Or I avoid it all together, spend Christmas alone, and be the disappointment who failed his parents yet again because I didn't subject myself to abuse and wonder for a long ass time "how bad could it have been".
I still don't know what I'm going to do. There isn't a really great answer here.
You're right: there's not. Only you know the minute details well enough to make the call. But I guess I would say that if you can pull back enough emotionally so that a visit doesn't set you way back, if you can go and be there with enough mental distance so that it doesn't disrupt what you're doing for yourself, then it could be okay. But if you're not distanced enough to be able to be there or watch it play out without being sent backward, then it may be better to opt out. And if you do - you don't have to feel sad and alone or like the disappointing bad son; if you make a conscious choice that is what is truly best for you, then you don't have to feel guilt or like you failed to do ((something)) you should have. Consider this: maybe sometimes disappointing people is okay. If it's a conscious choice for your best health/well-being, then it's not a weakness or failing.
...again, you know best where you are and whether being there will be detrimental...or whether it will more be just maybe tense but not derailing. You could split the baby by going for a very limited visit, too. But if any of that is too much, too complicated, or too...just too, then just stay home, do some fun/satisfying things where you are, call them on Christmas, and discard any guilt they give or you give yourself.
I still think though that I should be pretty damn proud of myself for getting this far with almost no help. And I think that's what these people hate more than anything.
Freedom is not taking on toxic people's burdens, even when you understand where it comes from, when the upshot is that they shit on you or unwind your positive efforts. This goes doubly if they are/were abusive.
Yes. (And it can be mildly amusing, once you've got the necessary mental distance, to watch a narcissist spin when you don't "behave" and aren't bothered or emotional about their efforts. It's somewhat like being Road Runner to Wile E. Coyote. Though I don't recommend actually making a point or sport of it, because the bigger point is being free of their negativity and influence, not outwitting then. Over time, it will be more than enough just not to think of them/their ways much at all.)
If you just let them rot away as the faggots they are and will always be and live on while finding some good people who accept you for you, they will fucking hate that more than anything on the face of the Earth. it won't matter what they think, feel, believe, or do, because you'll be happy and healthy.
Still sick! Fuck!
Anyway, I have no idea when they did that since they are well supervised and it's really out of character for them to touch things that aren't theirs, but one of the kids must have found my husband's old walkman and cassettes God knows how long ago (it's in a low traffic area of our home) and tried to figure out how to play it. Good news is, either my kindergartener or my preschooler is mechanically clever enough to succeed in that task because one of the cassettes was properly placed and was at the end of the tape, bad news is that one of the other cassettes was unspooled entirely with a few twists in the tape within the cassette, and there were legit knots in the unspooled mess as well. My husband was like, fuck it, let's just throw it away, but I know it means a lot to him and I just spent like 30 minutes that I would have probably preferred to spend on some dumb shit like Slay the Spire or Inscryption before bed to fix it. I succeeded, though, which made my fool's quest worth it, and he seemed really surprised and happy about it!
Will be reminding them tomorrow of the value of exploring but also the importance of asking for permission before touching someone's belongings as well as for help when you're in over your head, if something parenthood has taught me though, it's to stay on your toes and to never presume that just because they've never done something or seem to have internalized a prior teaching, they won't forget it when the appeal of an object is high enough. You know what they say, around a young'un, never loosen.
My grandfather died tonight. I don't really have social media but I felt like coming over to the feels thread to say some words.
He never liked me much as a teenager but as a kid, he nurtured my curiosity in world. Nature, astronomy, technology, religion... My grandfather was a geologist, but also a roman catholic. He believed god created nature's mysteries for man to explore. He taught me how to use the computer when I was a todler, there are photos of me on his knee fucking around on windows '95. We used to watch documentaries about ghosts, surgery and aliens together. He showed me 2001 Space Odyssey, one of my all time favorite movies. Like me, my grandfather was also an avid user of the world wide web. I'm pretty sure he went to the literal grave using the same AOL account he used to get online for the first time in the 90's.
We drifted apart when I reached my older teenage years... I went through a genderqueer lefty phase because tumblr peaked when I was in high school. He was physically abusive throughout certain moments of my childhood and I have never really known how to feel about it. I have this fucked up memory of him holding a fist up to my face and me telling him to "do it". I was a total peice of shit as a teenager, honestly, so I feel more guilt than victimization... He thought I was living my life wrong (he was right). And then I became an adult and he just never talked to me much. Wasn't interested... or maybe he thought I wasn't interested. He will never know the impact he has had on me and my life. He unknowingly equipt me with the intellectual curiosity and catholic guilt that have kept me searching for the right path all these years... I also got a computer science degree, I think that was the only time he was proud of me.
I had a chance to visit him two weeks ago and I didn't. I had a long work week and thought I would have another chance but...
I've never lost an immediate family member before. It feels like someone knocked the wind out if me and I feel shocked and numb.
