How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Haven't talked to my friends in almost a week. I just feel lifeless like there's no fight in me anymore and that if I start interacting with them again now I'll just be acting like a poison. I'm hoping this new job i applied for chooses to interview me but I'm up again 6k other people who applied so my chances are slim.
I played Russian Roulette with myself and won the other day I've felt just so listless and without drive. Plus I found out my novella I've been working on for years is utter shit.
 
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Applied for an entry level job today in what is a brand new field for me. Not sure, actually not very confident that I'm going to get it but I'm hoping against hope; I had the job recommended to me by someone who works in the field at the same place where I hope to get in. In fact I have a long standing good rapport with most of the staff (including the manager,) but it's not up to them if I'll even get an interview.

Wish me luck, Kiwis. This could seriously be life changing for me in many ways should I get the spot. I haven't claimed a big win in quite a while.
 
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Saw spinal surgeon this morning re the back pain/muscle spasms. Had X-rays. Spine looks good, all hardware still well-seated. Most grateful. Have MRI coming up. The spasms seem limited to the moments right after I get up in the morning. Rest of the day good. After the doctor, celebrated the good X-rays with a donut, went to Costco, went home and cleaned house/did laundry/swept the porch. Can deal with nerve impingements much better than dealing with more herniated spinal disks.

Looking forward to a nice walk tomorrow morning.
 
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This one is absolutely me complaining and its a more personal thing so I'll just put most of it in a spoiler with a fair warning that it contains unimportant shit to anyone else. Just very worn and tired.

Due to my hobbies and just my life in general my circle has a lot of women and more liberal people in it. As one can probably guess since the RvW rollback there's been so much sky is falling talk that it's really begun to wear on me.

I've never seen so many people fundamentally not understand both what has actually happened and how laws work in a long time. Even worse if you try to point it out they ALL take it as a hostile response no matter how much you try to couch it in a gentler explanation. Even worse they're all primed and ready to take it all as a personal attack. Many have stated without a hint of irony that the RvW change feels very personal. I can get it to a degree its a shit thing if you really aren't looking to start a family. There's always a chance of it backfiring even if you take precautions.

And yet its just constant. EVERYTHING is personal to them and everything is a stab right at them. I don't.. I don't know how you are convinced you are such an important facet in the world that you take so much personal. You are just one person in a massive crowd of humans that gets larger every day. No average person is of so much relevance that the fucking SCOTUS did this to fuck you over, or so and so on twitter is doing this just to attack you.

I feel absolutely boggled at how many people seem to harbor the idea that they're incredibly important. It makes me feel almost like a madman because I sit there not feeling that ever. Am I broke brained and putting myself down? Is this just a reaction to stress and I should blow it off?

Its just so tiring. It's like so many people who used to be sane have begun to withdraw into their own ass with every passing month since 2016. I don't even want them to agree with me I just wish they'd stop screaming. Just for a few days.
 
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Second Sun said:
Feeling anxious and alone. Thing is, I've been really lucky with work, and if rising interest rates bring house prices off the boil I'll be in a great postion to buy in 6 months. It all just feel pointless without anyone to share it with.
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And with someone you'll feel trapped. at times atleast. Good news is you will not have a hard time finding someone if you've got a house, be discerning.

Started powerlifting again and realizing I'm old as shit. used to be able to hit pretty hard workouts 3+ days a week. Now the recovery time, soreness and pain have all skyrocketed. I've been holding onto the idea that it may just be from some other variable, like diet, easing back into the routines a bit slower but I think this is just my body now
 
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I have been so on edge the whole last year. It's just current year. Everyone I know is a normie and current year covid, vax, ukraine, RvW, what have you.

I managed to cut down on my doom-scrolling. One thing is walking my dog around town, and the other is doing computer programming exercises on the exercism website.

Later in the week I have a conservative event I'm going to for the first time. Maybe I'll get to meet some folks and eventually round out my way too democrat social circle.
 
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My mom’s health is really starting to go to shit and I’ve got to contend with that on top of managing work and going to school. She’s been trying to make arrangements to go back to the old country and she wants me to live with her, but I just can’t.
 
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I helped a turtle stranded in the road earlier today. His shell had a crack in it and it didn't look good. But since the little guy was still alive and wasn't bleeding out so I still carried him across anyway. It was the only thing I can do to help the little guy. If he's taking that final crawl to reptile Jesus at least he'll be in the nice grassy field.
 
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I can't bring myself to draw anymore and I hate myself for it. I never have the motivation for it anymore ever since I started this new time sponge of a job and I'm miserable. All my goals since I was a kid have been flung so far out of reach and watching my friends and peers go on to work jobs they like and enrich their careers as I sink into pseudo-wagie shit has thrown me into a personal silent hell I can't escape.
 
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Mayor Adam West said:
I need to find a rosary to give to this girl. Also my whole mood is riding on this chick liking me. I am so fucking screwed.
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My suggestion would be the 1830 Italian cocoa rosary. As far as rosaries go, it's unique, and they're pretty sturdy. Mine has been passed down through multiple generations on my mother's side, and it still holds up to this day.

The link is just an example, so you can see what it looks like. The design of the cross itself can vary, but everything else is the same. I'm not sure if you could find one for sale offline, and I have no idea of what a fair price for an antique like that would be. Still, figured I'd throw out an idea to try and help you get the girl.

Good luck, friend.
 
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Some Badger said:
I can't bring myself to draw anymore and I hate myself for it. I never have the motivation for it anymore ever since I started this new time sponge of a job and I'm miserable. All my goals since I was a kid have been flung so far out of reach and watching my friends and peers go on to work jobs they like and enrich their careers as I sink into pseudo-wagie shit has thrown me into a personal silent hell I can't escape.
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It is a special kind of saddness when you realize you aren't the person you thought you'd be by now.
 
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