How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Some Badger said:
Granny died yesterday. I visited her on Monday after work, but she was asleep. Apparently she had been sleeping for the past 20 hours. She stopped eating full meals a couple months ago, which was probably the beginning of the end. I've had cats and a dog who did the same thing, and I can't help but wonder if that's simply a biological sign that one's gonna die. Whatever the case, she was 92 and had been deteriorating with dementia and arthritis for 14 years. She's with God now.

I took today off, but given the nature of how my job handles vacation days, I lost one against my will, so I'm equal parts morose and frustrated. It's an open secret that the CEO wants to cut down the entire workforce to ten guys, so at this point I'm just waiting to get laid off so I can collect unemployment for a couple weeks and just move on to the next place.
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Sorry man, losing a grandparent blows.
 
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The Cunting Death said:
Moving out of my current place by the end of the month
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Same. I moved out to Texas a year ago and that was stressful. This one isn't as much since most of my shit is in storage still. Also this time, I'm not moving across several states. Just down the road basically.
 
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My mind races all the time. I feel like I need to work all the time. I overexerted to the point that a medical condition I have flared and kept me from working for a day. I'm okay right now but I keep thinking of how I should make up the hours and money lost despite working two jobs and having additional financial support from my fiancee.

I'm also impatiently waiting to see if I have been accepted into an academic program abroad. I will be moving to the country later this summer regardless, but getting into school there would help so much with building a new life with my fiancee over there.

I think the pressure of soon to be moving, getting married, etc is getting to me. I just have this anxiety that if everything falls through that it'll be all my fault. All my life whenever something bad happens I am always the scapegoat. I often feel like I deserve it. My fiancee constantly tells me how worried she is about my health and to relax a little. I just feel like I can't. Not right now.
 
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The retraining program I was in was supposed to have a placement/internship component, but that was dropped for some reason. That has made things much more difficult as I now don't have the experience or references that employers are asking for. The interview I did have went ok, but I got the impression that they hope to shop around for a better candidate.
 
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Geddy Lee's Fee and See said:
I fucking hate my advisor. He's a real cunt and he doesn't manage to teach the theory in his classes necessary to do his research work very well. He's also a right cunt to other people and feels the need to insert random stories aboit himself and his life into meetings (of which we have like 3 a week, which is too much seeing that they can be summarized way more succinctly and in a more productive manner in our Teams server). I really get why people shit on academics: they're fucking self-important faggots. I'm only with him because he's doing he is doing research in an area I am interested in as a electrical engineer with a pure mathematics background. Don't trust anyone thay is trained only as an engineer folks.


Funny thing is I am learning more from my own studies and an older faculty member (who used to do mathematics and while he doesn't go overboard with the math since he is an engineer, he does a great job motivating examples, explaining theory in a clear and meaningful manner and giving resources/recommendations that explain what he can't in class). It also helps that he is quite affable and humble. I mean, he knows he is talented but he doesn't flaunt it wily-nily, which I like in people. I feel my Ph.D would be going more smoothly if I was working with him, but he's old and almost retired. Still, I have a lot of respect for him and I consider it a blessing to be in his presence.
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If you have any questions pop them my way. I already have done the joy that is getting a phd. How far into the process are you?

Went back to school to obtain an MSW the dicussion areas now use Yellowdig a monstrosity set up to look like a social media feed and you have to hashtag your posts...
 
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It feels great to be back and the month feels great. My shit is truly on the road to being back together and now i know the best place to shop for me. Im going to have some good home cooking over the weekend, some cheap wine and im going to keep my head up high. Also, my step mom (adoptive mom?) got herself a good deal off some assholes who made her executor over their estates so now shes going into old age in a steady position in life over in Atlanta. I lost a cheap car from that deal but im not even mad about it. Its good to hear someone getting somethimg nice for once and its heartening to remember that being an asshole doesnt always pay.
 
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Hello my fellow Farmers, good to be back. I recently bought a skateboard for the first time. I figure my knees are not getting much better with age so learning now is probably the only time to get into it before I reach 40 or 50.
 
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I think I'm becoming a femcel. This is a reality I never thought I'd have to face.

I'm not a bad-looking person. Some people think I'm quite attractive.

I'm reasonably well put together. Have a good job, get all my bills paid, no relationship drama.

However, I can't seem to find anyone to date that actually gives a damn about my feelings.

I was on a date last week that I thought went reasonably well. We kept chatting after the bill came and down to the curb outside the restaurant. Guy point blank says, "I don't see this going anywhere, but you seem nice."

The "you seem nice" part is the thing that killed me. It's just so patronizing. Like, my virtues are so meager that I'm not worth consideration. I mean yeah, it was an asshole thing to do, and I'm probably better off, but 3+ years of dating hasn't at any point netted me any better options.

Hell, even my anti-social ex-husband who is constantly complaining about being broke as hell has found someone to be with for over a year now.

I'm willing to admit that the problem here is me. I just haven't found anyone who's willing to help with what I'm doing wrong.
 
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Not doing very well today. Everything has been going great lately, and I'm glad to see that I've shed most of the bad and self-defeating habits I let grow up over the last x years, that introspection and effort is paying off in many ways, and that the challenges no longer overwhelm me. But it's mother's day, and it just dredges up a lot of mixed feelings/regrets/fears, as both a mother and a daughter. It's making me feel guilty and anxious and sad and fearful, and I'm trying hard to avoid getting very down, instead just trying to keep trudging through stuff I need to do today/this week.

/diary (sorry)
 
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