How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Shitted Scaredless]

Recovering from a rather pathetic night, but hey hey I've got it.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I really wish I had "Germaphobia and need to check a door exactly 10 times" OCD instead of "horrible mental images and existential dread" OCD because this is really interrupting my plans.

I know that I'll get my head in a better spot before long, I'm usually pretty positive but muh mentals make me into a massive Doomer.

Edited to add: I actually feel a bit better now that I've been at work for a few hours, my mind needs to be busy or it will make itself busy in the worst way!

 

[Vingle]

I put the 2 remaining pills down the garbage disposal.

You shouldn't do that. As the drug goes into the water ways, just toss it in the garbage. I assume you meant the unit in the sink, but if not. Just ignore this.

As for me. I ended up just ghosting my parents that time, and they tried to call me like crazy for some days. Received a message now about going home for Xmas. I answered that I’m not interested.
Holy fuck, this shit really isn't normal. I feel like they are not letting me out of their claws, unless I brute force it like now.
The whole situation makes me deeply uncomfortable, and I don't appreciate it.

 

[Meat Target]

The bad news is that softball season is over. The good news is how we ended:

 

[A Grey Cat]

was gonna post this in the food thread but...

I booked a reservation at this resturant i work for..(its a little complicated and i dont wanna pl too much) just to see what its like to be on the other side of the velvet ropes and enjoy a fancy luncheon for once in my life. I go in, sit down i order the pumpkin soup as a starter, they also bring me three meatballs in marinara "on the house" to go with it. I order the salmon with dill sauce and cucumber shavings. They bring me a plate of tempura asparagus to go with it. I'm sitting there so stuffed despite the small plate portions. (what the fuck was patrick batemen complaining about?) that i skip desert thinking im about to pop. I go for my wallet asking to bring the tablet to pay? the waitress aka my coworker says its all on the house!


So That's how i got a free lunch that normally costs most rich scmucks 50 bucks at minimum. I feel a little bad for my other coworkers though. I mean On a regular day theyre the chefs i work with today? They cooked for me and served me. I insisted on paying it but they all insisited it be on the house. They're all so good to me more than coworkers they're practically family.


Wish I could do something to pay them back for it.

 

[Betonhaus]

It doesn't feel real that I have a job starting Monday. I feel like I'm not ready. This is a job I do think I'll enjoy far more than what I was doing before, but I'm worried i won't be good enough.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

It doesn't feel real that I have a job starting Monday. I feel like I'm not ready. This is a job I do think I'll enjoy far more than what I was doing before, but I'm worried i won't be good enough.

You'll do great! Leave your past behind, and put your mind to being the best [your role] you can be. Be curious, be engaged, and don't get pulled into having any sort of personal attachment to it. It's a job, it will pay your bills, and hopefully there will be advancement for you. Filter all your job-related thoughts to that, think before you speak, be proactive, and focus while at work, and you'll be fine.

And remember: they wanted you. You may be nervous or feel unready, but stick that in the background and just go about being Johnny Great Employee. Enjoy!

 

[Neighborhood Curmudgeon]

Today, I had an unexpected but pleasant event happen to me. I had a friendly conversation with an old man at my local grocery store. We were both bored waiting in line and he decided to turn around and chat with me. We just bullshitted about aging, shopping, and work. It was fun! He reminded that for all the awful shit in this world, that's still possible to have positive social interactions. There are nice people out there. Sometimes, it's easy to forget that because of how shitty things are these days.

Thank you, old man!

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

I've been successfully off my antidepressants for a while now! Anxiety and brain problems will always be a monkey on my back but I seem to be taming it with an ASS ton of exercise in the morning and in the evening.

Also a lot of people I know are getting 'unknown' respiratory diseases that have rendered them ill for weeks and they tested negative for COVID and RSV. My family hasn't gotten it. Is anyone else experiencing this?

 

[Betonhaus]

Also a lot of people I know are getting 'unknown' respiratory diseases that have rendered them ill for weeks and they tested negative for COVID and RSV. My family hasn't gotten it. Is anyone else experiencing this?

how are they testing for it? The antigen tests don't account for mutations well iirc

 

[The Cunting Death]

A bit drunk rn but I'm pretty happy right now.

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

how are they testing for it? The antigen tests don't account for mutations well iirc

One said blood, not sure about the others though! I'll ask tomorrow.

 

[Betonhaus]

One said blood, not sure about the others though! I'll ask tomorrow.

who knows? The entire medical industry has been damaged by covid and it's lies. Nobody knows what's real or truth anymore.

 

[goreconnoisseur420]

stepdad (who raised me) strangled his ex-gf a few months ago and the court proceedings are taking forever because he’s an arrogant piece of shit who thinks he can represent himself. honestly… i’m just glad he can’t afford his hefty bond. i was praying, or maybe not praying because i don’t fancy myself a religious person, but i was really deeply wishing for something to happen to get him out of my life, for a long time. months and months i spent wishing for him to be arrested or worse, killed. he’s made my life a living hell for literally as long as i can remember. i just wanted him gone. and now… he is. but i can’t bring myself to feel… ANYTHING about it. i just feel empty. and i can’t even fucking talk to anyone about it because it’s so personal and uncomfortable. it doesn’t even feel real. i’m not surprised he killed her, he’s always had a mean streak. in fact, she was declared missing days before the body was found, and as soon as i heard, i KNEW she was dead. they found her body out at a farm i spent time at as a child. with her leggings around her neck, under a tarp. i used to feed chickens out at that farm. it was such a beautiful place… and it’s now forever tainted by what that piece of shit did. i hate him. so much.

update: he fucking killed himself in jail a couple days ago. it came so out of left field. i mean i would kill myself too if i were him, but i figured his ego would never allow it. i don't know if he left a suicide note yet, but if he did, i'm sure he mentioned me because he always did love guilt tripping me about how i abandoned him. i'm so worried about my 9-year-old sister... he's her biological father and when my mother and i broke the news to her, she adamantly wanted to not talk about it at all. she changed the subject immediately like nothing happened. she's an intelligent and sensitive kid, i'm so worried... i'm feeling a lot of regret over shit i never said to him, and how i never attended a court date for the murder case. i was waiting until the trial officially began, i wanted him to see me there and recognize just how much he'd fucked up. but now i guess i'll never have that satisfaction. i just feel... empty, and angsty, and weird, for literally no reason. i mean, just days ago i was reading details about how before the murder, he told the murder victim he was going to do "lewd acts" to her corpse, and tried to convince her to kill herself. it's just so fucked up, all of it. i was sure he was too full of himself to kill himself. he "attempted suicide" like a week ago but i was sure it was for attention. no one could ever understand what went on in his head, and now no one ever will. i feel so strange. i don't feel relieved, and i don't feel sad, which are the two emotions that i think would make the most sense given our history. i think my brain isn't sure what to feel so it's just throwing in the towel in terms of emotions. it probably hasn't helped that i've been smoking copious amounts of weed since i heard the news. but, oh well. i can consider the intoxication an homage to his parenting, being dysfunctional in remembrance. may he rest in piss. i just hope my sister holds up okay... i have literally no idea how she feels about all of this. she's so smart and empathetic, but sometimes i think she suppresses her feelings. reminds me of me at her age. well anyway, that's how i'm doing. very weirdchamp.

 

[Vingle]

i'm so worried about my 9-year-old sister... he's her biological father and when my mother and i broke the news to her, she adamantly wanted to not talk about it at all. she changed the subject immediately like nothing happened. she's an intelligent and sensitive kid

Sometimes it's best to not say anything, and since he was a piece of shit to you and killed his ex-gf. Chances are that he was he was bad to her too, and she might feel relieved and want to let past be past. Being sad about it is understandable, but life goes on and in the harsh world we live in. Nobody actually cares, aside from your closest.

I don't think you should regret not saying more to him and seeing him in court. Just be relieved that you don't have to deal with him anymore. Him wanting people to cuss at him is what he wanted, and the best thing to do. Is to vanish from their lives and let a third part handle it.

 

[Betonhaus]

Sometimes it's best to not say anything, and since he was a piece of shit to you and killed his ex-gf. Chances are that he was he was bad to her too, and she might feel relieved and want to let past be past. Being sad about it is understandable, but life goes on and in the harsh world we live in. Nobody actually cares, aside from your closest.

She may be too young to really understand how awful he was, though by nine years she should have a decent gist.
It is possible to absolutely hate a person, but never really want that person dead or be expecting that to happen. There will be some time needed to process your emotions and sort your memories of the person.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

A little bothered at the moment.

My mood started to collapse about a week ago, but I figured, I think mostly correctly, that it was in response to a presentation I had to give at the end of the week. Had some other work coming up, too, and the enjoyable part of my job was temporarily on hold. So I did feel satisfied when it was all done.

Now I do believe I've passed the hardest part of the semester, not that it was hard but I just don't like this stuff anymore. I'm always tired, though. I think COVID hit again, first at the start and now again in the middle, saps my strength. I gained a lot of weight over the past two years (most of it over the past year) and that saps my energy. What little is left over fails easily and is too dependent on how I feel about how things went at work that day.

Work is the only thing that really motivates me, other than when occasionally a specific game turns out to be good (like Prey) or occasional other things, like my. My hobbies have fallen by the wayside but I don't know that they ever gave me that much happiness.

I just want to sleep through the whole weekend. And I feel like I could fast-forward through all these years.

 

[Vingle]

I didn't go to the gym this evening, just didn't feel like it. I'm so bored.
Anyway, I got my ear gauges sewn shut several years ago. In my era where I did think I had to get rid of them to look like an "proper adult". Even though I only used plugs and was at 10mm, so it only looked like regular earrings anyway.
I’m thinking of having them reopened again, because following the norms of society hasn't gained my any benefit anyway.
Was humouring the idea of getting traditional Yakuza style tattoo too. Basically a sleeve and part of the chest and backside. Already found an artist in my city with multiple awards that exclusively do traditional Asian art.

 

[Ewan McGregor]

I really wasn't planning on doing meth this morning!!

I have pneumonia. Got prednisone 50 mg 4 tabs. 2nd dose this morning. I put the 2 remaining pills down the garbage disposal. Felt like I wanted to beat the ever loving shit outta someone. Had to down 2 beers to take the edge off at 8am.

Just a tip in the upcoming sick season - be careful if you are prescribed this steroid.

Thank you for your attention to this PSA.

Did you get buff, at least?

Also, did you beat the fuck out of Butters?

 

[o0Br0kenSymph0ny0o]

TW: thoughts and acts of SH (Harming myself) Please be safe folks <3
Slipped up and SH'd after a very stressful meeting with my caregiver + her boss to renew my contract and continue living with her. I felt like the whole meeting was a bullying session to make me feel like shit. thankfully my SH was minor but i managed to not do anything harmful since 2020 and this feels like a complete setback. Not proud of myself today.