How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[dick brain]

I'm lonely.

I miss having a partner, but my ex is taking her sweet time addressing the issues that lead to the end of our relationship, and we're probably not right for each other anyway, but she was my best friend and I'm not ready to be with someone else yet.

I miss having friends, but most of my old friends enabled each other to be worse people and haven't talked to me since I quit drinking anyway, and while I like some of the people I've been meeting in recovery and deeply value being around people who actually care about becoming better, they're all much older or much younger than me and it feels weird.

I miss having family, but addressing my baggage has made me realize that my family are almost all dysfunctional and do me more harm than good, and I'm better off without them.

It feels weird. Last year I was surrounded with people and I was fucking miserable. This year I'm in such a better place mentally and emotionally and spiritually, and I have nobody to share it with.

I can't even ethically get a critter because I'm likely going to be traveling for work for the foreseeable future.

I'm going back and forth about volunteering for Christmas, but I'm worried I'll be in the wrong mindset and bring everyone down.

Feels bad man.

 

[The Skeksis Emperor]

About to become homeless after losing a 15-year career that I loved. Applying for jobs 24/7 but nothing works out and I ended up in poor people housing where the constant noise and drug use makes it impossible to stay. No car, still on the waiting list to take my driver's test and in the meantime the lessons are bleeding me dry. The only reason I haven't done anything stupid is because my parents are still alive and I don't want to hurt them, but I am in total despair that I have worked hard all my life and I have nothing to show for it. It's a vicious cycle of no house because no money, no money because no job, no job because no car, no car because no money, etc. I need someone, something to give me a break...

 

[Sniperwoof]

About to become homeless after losing a 15-year career that I loved. Applying for jobs 24/7 but nothing works out and I ended up in poor people housing where the constant noise and drug use makes it impossible to stay. No car, still on the waiting list to take my driver's test and in the meantime the lessons are bleeding me dry. The only reason I haven't done anything stupid is because my parents are still alive and I don't want to hurt them, but I am in total despair that I have worked hard all my life and I have nothing to show for it. It's a vicious cycle of no house because no money, no money because no job, no job because no car, no car because no money, etc. I need someone, something to give me a break...

In fifteen years you didn't save any money whatsoever for an emergency?

Where did you salary go?

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

About to become homeless after losing a 15-year career that I loved. Applying for jobs 24/7 but nothing works out and I ended up in poor people housing where the constant noise and drug use makes it impossible to stay. No car, still on the waiting list to take my driver's test and in the meantime the lessons are bleeding me dry. The only reason I haven't done anything stupid is because my parents are still alive and I don't want to hurt them, but I am in total despair that I have worked hard all my life and I have nothing to show for it. It's a vicious cycle of no house because no money, no money because no job, no job because no car, no car because no money, etc. I need someone, something to give me a break...

Can you live with your parents for a bit while you get on your feet? I understand it may not be possible, and even if it is, it is a hard pill to swallow. But the distraction of a negative living situation (noise, bad neighbors, etc.) and just trying to stay afloat takes up a lot of energy.

Are your parents in a position to give or loan you some money? What is the wait for the driving test?

As far as your career, are there opportunities in your field, or is a pivot an option/need? What about a short-term or "for now" kind of job to meet minimum living needs while you keep searching for something? As bad as your living situation is, going homeless might make a bounce back even harder, so if you can avoid it....

 

[The Skeksis Emperor]

In fifteen years you didn't save any money whatsoever for an emergency?

Where did you salary go?

I had robust savings but they went during covid. I also got kicked out of my rent controlled house during the lockdown and had to move to a completely empty flat which cost me a lot to fully fix up and furnish. It's just me so I have no other money coming in, and I live in a country with very high rents and cost of living unfortunately.

Can you live with your parents for a bit while you get on your feet? I understand it may not be possible, and even if it is, it is a hard pill to swallow.

Yeah I am trying to arrange that because it's my only option, but it makes me feel like a total failure.

What is the wait for the driving test?

They claim it's still backlog from covid which is bullshit but what can you do. It's 8 months wait for a test, if you fail 4 months for the resit.

As far as your career, are there opportunities in your field, or is a pivot an option/need? What about a short-term or "for now" kind of job to meet minimum living needs while you keep searching for something? As bad as your living situation is, going homeless might make a bounce back even harder, so if you can avoid it....

Career is dead sadly, I was in a very small field. I am applying for every job I can reasonably do and make enough to survive on but six months on still no luck. I've gotten interviews but then get rejected for various reasons. Which would be fine in any other circumstance, but now I am getting desperate.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Yeah I am trying to arrange that because it's my only option, but it makes me feel like a total failure.

Sometimes you have to put pride aside for a bit. I hope you can work this out. As much as it will sting, security and sanity are base-level needs and will allow you a breath. Deal with the feelings later, or at least once you have a secure place to live.

And I'll add this - I understand you're in a crushing situation, both materially and mentally. It happens to some of the best people. Do your best to not let the psychic aspects of your situation (and how you got there, fear of the future, etc.) overwhelm your ability to ask for and accept help. Getting stability - whether with your family or otherwise - will give you a base (literal and figurative) to start again from.

It's not clear what resources outside of family may be available to you, but I encourage you to try to access any resources you possibly can get to to help shore you up materially, physically, and mentally. All 3 of those areas need support. And a stabler baseline puts you in a better position to aim for good employment, as well as to think creatively about a career in an area that may be diminishing.

And you didn't respond about the idea of a subsistence temp job as a stop gap measure, but even something pt and/or menial can put some structure to your day and a little breathing room for basic needs. Your comments don't sound as though you're in America, so I'll take you at your word that things are as limited as you say, but if there's any option to earn a little cash and get you out of the house/employed doing whatever, it can be very helpful.

Someone fussed at me about mentioning Maslow's hierarchy the other day, but I believe 100% that if the foundational things - food, shelter, survival-level stuff - feel totally in jeopardy, we are not in a good state to handle the next-order things (health, employment, property), much less things like feeling a part of a community, self-confidence, or creativity. While I don't think you have to go in order, I do know that not having the base things somewhat okay is at minimum a massive distraction from moving forward. It sounds like you might need some creativity to pivot from a field that is declining - but for now, first things first, and I hope you get at least a solid place to live so you can put your energy into creating a new and better situation overall.

 

[The Cunting Death]

Grandpa died of Leukemia. Just as I was starting to get better too.

 

[The Skeksis Emperor]

And you didn't respond about the idea of a subsistence temp job as a stop gap measure, but even something pt and/or menial can put some structure to your day and a little breathing room for basic needs. Your comments don't sound as though you're in America, so I'll take you at your word that things are as limited as you say, but if there's any option to earn a little cash and get you out of the house/employed doing whatever, it can be very helpful.

Yes unfortunately pay is more tied to age here, so places like supermarkets/Mcdonalds simply won't hire me because I am too old for them. I am not above that, I even have work experience there. I am trying to find work in shops but they usually don't have the hours - they'll give me 10, 15 hours but not enough to live on, and ironically that money will cut into the benefits that I can receive and I really need. It's just another thing that frustrates me because I just want to work and earn money so badly.

And thank you for your kind words. You are right that fear of the future is paralysing me. It's all just a lot, if I could just get one thing under control that would help but everything keeps slipping away. I've never experienced anything like this before and it's brutal. I am usually a calm and relatively stoic person but too much insecurity can break anyone, apparently. Just gotta keep breathing.

Grandpa died of Leukemia. Just as I was starting to get better too.

I am so very sorry. The loss of a grandparent is a deep loss. I hope you are with loved ones right now.

 

[The Cunting Death]

I am so very sorry. The loss of a grandparent is a deep loss. I hope you are with loved ones right now.

I am right now. Thank you.

 

[Um...]

I had robust savings but they went during covid. I also got kicked out of my rent controlled house during the lockdown and had to move to a completely empty flat which cost me a lot to fully fix up and furnish. It's just me so I have no other money coming in, and I live in a country with very high rents and cost of living unfortunately.

Are there no unemployment benefits you could apply for? Also, how was it possible to kick you out of your house during Covid? Here in the US evictions weren’t allowed for over a year. No one had to pay rent either, all you had to do is say you were impacted by Covid and you were free of rent payments.

Also, did you not have Covid stimulus checks during the lockdown? Biden handed out checks like candy here, everyone just sat around cashing checks the whole time.

 

[The Skeksis Emperor]

Are there no unemployment benefits you could apply for? Also, how was it possible to kick you out of your house during Covid? Here in the US evictions weren’t allowed for over a year. No one had to pay rent either, all you had to do is say you were impacted by Covid and you were free of rent payments.

Also, did you not have Covid stimulus checks during the lockdown? Biden handed out checks like candy here, everyone just sat around cashing checks the whole time.

The answer to everything is living in The Netherlands. Tldr: the housing market here is insane, renters have few rights, and we were forced to pay rent during covid even when we couldn't work and this has wiped out many people's savings, including my own.

(I will stop replying to comments on my posts after this post because I don't want to fill the thread with my personal sob story, but I do really appreciate all your replies. My situation is very specific to housing and work in my particular country and I'm probably unclear at some points, apologies.)

Benefits aren't the problem, waiting lists for affordable housing are the problem. The hell house I am in now had a 6 year waiting list and by moving my waiting time was reset. Everything I can afford has a waiting list of three years or more. Rents outside of that start at 1200 euros, my friends pay 1700 for a small apartment outside of the city and that is normal. My potential gibs are about 1200 total.
Corporations own all the affordable housing. I rented from a small corporation which was bought up by a big national corpo who started evicting people because they wanted to increase the rent. They broke open my contract - I got a free lawyer and a year's extension but still had to move in 2022. At the end of the pandemic, but we were still just out of lockdowns.

We got no significant help from the government. I think we got 500 euros once? For comparison, my poor people house rent is 600 euros and that's without water/gas/electric. I paid my full rent for two years of covid and during the lockdown, and that was 850 a month.

Foreigners can't really understand how dire the living situation in this country is. We are so overpopulated and corporations have bought up everything in the last two decades and have raised rents sky high. There is no help from the government, certainly not financial. The new government wants to make radical changes but that will take years.

 

[Nick Obre]

I'm finally at the new apartment

I'm exhausted, lads. My feet hurt so much, if you saw how I'm walking right now, you'd think I'm imitating a gorilla. My fingers hurt as well.

I have unpacked almost nothing, and there's still stuff a the old apartment. Just clothes, shoes, and some misc items, but picking them up will be a pain in the ass, I intended to officially hand off the old apartment tomorrow but I have to work. I thought taking one day off would be enough; it wasn't.

But hey, new apartment. I'm no longer in what was pretty much a prison cell with a nice view.

Kid got sick, also. Puts a dent on Christmas plans.

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

Signed the lease to the new place and placed the first half of the deposit. I'm going to be massively broke over the next two months since I'll be renting two apartments at the same time (currently a roomate and I'm not that much of a cunt to saddle the guy with all the rent for the last month). I'll be paying around 6 grand in over the next month to month and a half on rent. Fuck me.

New place has a yard, with an amazing view, it's cheaper than a 1 bedroom but is a duplex.

I think I may drive Lyft / Uber again to make some cash on the side just to exist for a little.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Olives exist for one purpose; to be made into oil.

I could snack on olives all day, you heathen fool. The Greeks and Romans loved olives, so I feel I'm in good company.

I know it's not the most obscure song in the world, but even that song is foreign to all the other people in my generation that I have ever known. If I even play shit like this, it's "weird music." A lot of my complaining on KF is (usually) really code for how much I hate the musical norms of my lifetime. Music is one of the few things that give me joy in life, and I can't even share that with another person because it's always the same shit with almost everyone I ever know. Everyone 40 and younger listens to nigger rap and hip hop. Da streets, nigga.

I've never in my entire life really had friends that shared my interests. My taste of music, food, everything has always clashed with people. The movies I like. They want to eat hamburgers, I want to eat Indian or Vietnamese or something.

People have told me "it's better in the cities," but then it's just a bunch of dumb faggot millennials that jerk of communism. Reddit.com has become real life there.

I shouldn't complain on the internet, but I'm a little drunk. That's been happening a lot lately.

 

[Nick Obre]

Signed the lease to the new place and placed the first half of the deposit. I'm going to be massively broke over the next two months since I'll be renting two apartments at the same time (currently a roomate and I'm not that much of a cunt to saddle the guy with all the rent for the last month). I'll be paying around 6 grand in over the next month to month and a half on rent. Fuck me.

New place has a yard, with an amazing view, it's cheaper than a 1 bedroom but is a duplex.

I think I may drive Lyft / Uber again to make some cash on the side just to exist for a little.

New place bros

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

I could snack on olives all day, you heathen fool. The Greeks and Romans loved olives, so I feel I'm in good company.

You know, normally I'd call you a tasteless bastard; but since it seems you have some decent taste; I'll try olives again.
Give me your best recommendation; sell me on the olive.

People have told me "it's better in the cities,"

It's better in more populated areas; but it doesn't have to be a city. This greatly depends on where you are though. In some NE states, you have access to all of that shit.

You'll also find out that a lot of the people who say they're foodies or w/e faggot shit you want to call it, won't share your same taste or have your same expectation or standards.

Try to find people you can share your interests with and expose them to it. Food is the easiest one I'm sure.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

You know, normally I'd call you a tasteless bastard; but since it seems you have some decent taste; I'll try olives again.
Give me your best recommendation; sell me on the olive.


It's better in more populated areas; but it doesn't have to be a city. This greatly depends on where you are though. In some NE states, you have access to all of that shit.

You'll also find out that a lot of the people who say they're foodies or w/e faggot shit you want to call it, won't share your same taste or have your same expectation or standards.

I have really enjoyed kalamata olives, but I even like regular olives in general. The shittier stuff most easily accessible (those dark black canned olives, or green pimento stuffed ones) are very mediocre, but there's a lot of different olive varieties and they have different tastes. People sometimes think all examples of a fruit taste the same, but really that is not the case and the same species of plant can produce very different tastes. Look at brassica oleracea, the exact same species of plant is your cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, kale, brussels sprouts... olives have a lot of variety themselves and likely when people think they hate something, like olives, they just hate the most commercially available varieties; those tend to be selected for moreso for reasons like smaller pits and fruit production and not necessarily taste alone. Have you ever had cotton candy grapes? Those are a specifically bred cultivar of grapes. Likewise, have you noticed many grapes don't taste like "artificial grape flavor?" That's because artificial grape flavoring is based on Concord grapes, a specific variety with that unique taste.

You say you hate olives, but what kinds have you had?

Try to find people you can share your interests with and expose them to it. Food is the easiest one I'm sure.

yeah always easier said than done, you find someone with X interest in something and then you quickly discover they're also a faggot brony or something. I'm tired of rolling the dice with people, you always lose!

 

[Nick Obre]

Give me your best recommendation; sell me on the olive.

Depends on local availability (and god knows we don't wanna escalate the cheese war into an olive war), but I like the green ones that here are called "sevillanas"; the black ones tend to be too bitter to my taste. But again, it may be a particularity of ones available here.

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

You say you hate olives, but what kinds have you had?

(those dark black canned olives, or green pimento stuffed ones

Those would be the ones.

Do you use your olives in a dish or just eat them as is? Googling the Kalamata olive makes me wonder if I've had it before but thought it was a grape.

Have you ever had cotton candy grapes? Those are a specifically bred cultivar of grapes.

Hot take: Cotton candy grapes are not good. I have to try them again but they were just so sickly sweet. Moon drops were interesting though.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Those would be the ones.

Do you use your olives in a dish or just eat them as is? Googling the Kalamata olive makes me wonder if I've had it before but thought it was a grape.

Hot take: Cotton candy grapes are not good. I have to try them again but they were just so sickly sweet. Moon drops were interesting though.

I love how sweet they are. But you understand my point.

Kalamata olives don't taste like grapes. I like the savory quality of olives.