How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

I adopted a dog. This is my first one and I feel like I made a mistake. She's so friendly and nice but I can't control her at all. She tore off her collar and ran out into the snow at 2am tonight and gave me a heart attack. I was about to have a full blown panic attack luring her back to the house with food.

I also know she shit somewhere inside and I cannot find it ANYWHERE. HELP.

You can correct much of this in time. Look up "clicker training."

 

[The Feline Solution]

I just want to stay in bed, shitpost and listen to Kali Uchis tracks on repeat. I most likely will be doing that all day. I am also in the mood for a couple of beers but it's fucking 10AM. Lidl is triggering me big time with having Talisker on sale for 30€ a bottle but i swore off spirits almost entirely years ago, i have the odd glass of Fernet Branca (God, i love bitters) in company but haven't had whisky in forever.

electro lights

Got a chuckle out of this.

I'm ok you idiot!
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Me everytime my girlfriend tells me to get my lazy ass out of the house to do things. Sans the Arnold physique.

Having legitimate body dysmorphia is pretty fucked. I'm objectively in good shape, I know this on a logical level, but thats not how I see myself and it fucking blows.

I look in the mirror and see a fat pig on minute, then think I'm too small, then think maybe I'm too big and it just goes on and on.

I have some some clothes that are well fitted and accentuate my physique in a nice way, but I'm so self conscious I almost never wear them unless I've got a baggy ass hoody to put on to hide myself away. Even when it's like 100+ outside. Most of the time though it's baggy as fuck clothes that I can shield myself in because "oh gee, what if this random person/coworker thinks I look fat" or whatever.

I know i should get help in therapy or something but what's the point? What could a shrink tell me that I don't already know? I know none of what I think about my body is true, I don't compare myself to others in terms of looks/build, I'm well aware that if anyone is looking at me they aren't thinking the negative things about me that I do and even if they are it literally doesn't matter, I know it stems from having been fat and then being very skinny when I was younger before getting "big" etc.

It's a weird little personal hell that I don't really see any actual fix or cope for. Thankfully though it doesn't result in me doing anything physically damaging/harmful. Just a lot of time in the mirror hyper analyzing and over critiquing myself.

Idk, shits weird guys.

I feel you. Had this when i was really into lifting in the 2010's, never satisfied, always feeling inadequate in some way and unhappy with my looks, very woman-like behaviour (no offense, foids). I looked my best but i never felt worse mentally, i didn't even like lifting, working out and adhering to a strict diet just put more stress on me. Didn't help that i judged people hard on what they look like and what they wear, massive inferiority complex i guess and way too much of a shallow cunt. I still judge people way too harshly, same for myself, and i might still be more shallow than the average person but i give less of a fuck about everything, i think that comes with age (and prolonged drug abuse).
I don't have a solution for you, all i can say is that when i look at pictures of myself of that time in the present day i ask myself what the fuck my problem was, i looked fine and i should've never acted like an insecure little bitch about my looks.

Edit: I want to marry Kali Uchis and make a million ugly babies with her while she sings for me. My only celeb crush next to peak 90's Marisa Tomei.

 

[DenseDeerFather]

very woman-like behaviour (no offense, foids)

No offense taken. Women are just really cut throat in that regard, especially in the teen years. And it doesn't always slow down when they get older. Men can get that way too but it's mostly influenced by women.

It can be damaging even when you're not the target. If you're are they'll let you have it and it can fuck you in adulthood.

In me it has manifested in a refusal to wear anything I'm not comfortable in which is just hoodies, sweatpants and oversized t shirts. Black or some other dark color. The hoodie is also my shield. Probably autistic or schizo.

Anyway uh job interview today. Went well. They are very interested so there's a second interview in the near future but employment been postponed because of scheduling and time issues and Easter. So I'm hoping to get started in May.

There's a chance it's gonna be a test run period for a week or two before I'll get hired for reals and get paid.

 

[The Feline Solution]

No offense taken.

I would've never picked you for a female going by your posts. Excellent taste in vidya husbandos

 

[DenseDeerFather]

I would've never picked you for a female going by your posts. Excellent taste in vidya husbandos

Lol have always been a huge tomboy so I get that a lot. For better and for worse since people could never understand why I didn't want dolls but I'd rather have video games and NERF guns. Or how difficult it is for female friends to take me on a shopping trip since I buy my clothes from men's stores and they don't have a boyfriend.

On the other hand, troons and their eggs.

But Geese is love, Geese is life. He's also a weeb so naturally I latched onto him.

 

[obsdj]

I know i should get help in therapy or something but what's the point? What could a shrink tell me that I don't already know? I know none of what I think about my body is true, I don't compare myself to others in terms of looks/build, I'm well aware that if anyone is looking at me they aren't thinking the negative things about me that I do and even if they are it literally doesn't matter, I know it stems from having been fat and then being very skinny when I was younger before getting "big" etc.

A good therapist, emphasis on GOOD, may be able to help by giving you coping methods to help train your brain away from those kinds of thoughts. Unfortunately, finding a good therapist can be aggravating and extremely hit-or-miss. But it's possible!

I adopted a dog. This is my first one and I feel like I made a mistake. She's so friendly and nice but I can't control her at all. She tore off her collar and ran out into the snow at 2am tonight and gave me a heart attack. I was about to have a full blown panic attack luring her back to the house with food.

Hire a trainer. Not free, but worth it.

Getting back to meeeeeee, after almost two months of horking up my lungs, I'm finally starting to feel normal again. The prescription drugs I acquired via my urgent care visit do not appear to have helped much at all except maybe the inhaler, but a couple of things recommended by online friends did: A warm mist humidifier with generic "Vaposteam" for a few weeks, and daily NAC supplements (N-acetyl cysteine). Could all be in my head, but my chest is finally feeling better so in any event, yay! Gradually easing myself back into eating normal foods again instead of sickfood. I miss cooking.

 

[Nick Obre]

Lol have always been a huge tomboy

Brave thing to say in Null's "there's no adult tomboys" territory

 

[eatler]

Brave thing to say in Null's "there's no adult tomboys" territory

He’s also living in Eastern Europe, I’d imagine the culture there probably doesn’t have many tomboys. I’m interested in seeing the culture shock null will experience when he sees that American really isn’t under fire.

 

[CowPox]

Ate tinned fish now have fish burps.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

I would've never picked you for a female going by your posts. Excellent taste in vidya husbandos

There's a lot of posters on the farms people assume are male but I've picked up are actually female, as a courtesy I often just say "he" or "him" to help them keep up the disguise or whatever. And then people assume I'm female because I bitch a lot and I have a Nina Hagen avatar, but I just wanted to go with a "Kali Yuga" theme and this avatar is so awesome I don't want to change it.

 

[Mayor Cody Travers]

Lol have always been a huge tomboy so I get that a lot.

Now I know who you kept reminding me of. That explains everything.

 

[The Feline Solution]

There's a lot of posters on the farms people assume are male but I've picked up are actually female, as a courtesy I often just say "he" or "him" to help them keep up the disguise or whatever. And then people assume I'm female because I bitch a lot and I have a Nina Hagen avatar, but I just wanted to go with a "Kali Yuga" theme and this avatar is so awesome I don't want to change it.

I, like i think most other males do, just assume everyone is a dude on here.
The Nina Hagen avatar is pretty good, never knew she was known outside of Germany, though i don't actually know your nationality.

Brave thing to say in Null's "there's no adult tomboys" territory

He says that? Dear Feeder is really lacking in life experience, especially regarding the other gender, i notice that a lot when reading his takes. I am still with him on the cheese issue.

 

[TapewormSalesman]

Grandma was upset that I was the one making dinner for her and gramps, since my mother is ill, so she declared that there is nothing worse in the world than my fried eggs. So I told her to give them to grandpa since he likes them just fine, so she goes over to him, looks him straight in the eye, and drops the egg on the fucking floor. At least the cats had a field day.
Dementia. Not. Even. Once.

 

[eatler]

Dementia. Not. Even. Once.

Dementia is fucked, our grandma used to do pretty similar things. I always felt bad about our grandpa because she would berate him by saying he wasn’t a man and all that. Usually though she was mostly calm if we let her pace around the house and if she was listening to her 70s music.

Sorry to hear you going through that too though.

 

[The Feline Solution]

Grandma was upset that I was the one making dinner for her and gramps, since my mother is ill, so she declared that there is nothing worse in the world than my fried eggs. So I told her to give them to grandpa since he likes them just fine, so she goes over to him, looks him straight in the eye, and drops the egg on the fucking floor. At least the cats had a field day.
Dementia. Not. Even. Once.

Brutal. I hope i never have to deal with this ever, it would break my heart into a million pieces to see my grandma acting like that. I honestly wouldn't know what to do. One of my best friends took in his mother-in-law who has dementia around three years ago and while he is the most mentally strong and also most caring male person i know i see how much of a toll this is taking on him, not to mention his wife.

 

[TapewormSalesman]

I always felt bad about our grandpa because she would berate him by saying he wasn’t a man and all that.

Sounds awfully similar, except mine reads books instead of music. I think she's been extra spicy these past few days because it was their 60th wedding anniversary, so she's just commemorating six decades of mutual seething.

it would break my heart into a million pieces to see my grandma acting like that

The really sad part is that if it starts early enough you start to forget the good times that came before, since dementia seems to make all the worst personality traits come out with zero filter.

 

[AnOminous]

I, like i think most other males do, just assume everyone is a dude on here.
The Nina Hagen avatar is pretty good, never knew she was known outside of Germany, though i don't actually know your nationality.

She isn't generally known to normies but weirdoes definitely know she exists.

She's one of those artists you seek out when the culture in your own country is such cancerous shit that you're disgusted it's metastasizing to the entire planet.

One of my best friends took in his mother-in-law who has dementia around three years ago and while he is the most mentally strong and also most caring male person i know i see how much of a toll this is taking on him, not to mention his wife.

I've both seen this happen and indirectly seen exactly how much it fucked up people who had to deal with it. This is why if I had dementia coming on, I would just put a bullet in my head. I would never suffer the indignity of turning into a drooling vegetable and I would never inflict the horror of watching that on anyone I loved.

 

[Mesh Gear Fox]

Awful. Mesh Mom has cancer and it's reached the point where there's nothing else than can be done. She's also elderly and has a number of other health problems, so this is it. Don't know how much time she has but I can't imagine it will be more than a month or two, if that. Met with hospice today to get all that set up. Hopefully she can die at home, I'm going to do everything I can to ensure that. You always know the day is coming when you lose your parents, but now that it's upon us it really fucking sucks.

 

[Sergeant Major Buzzkill]

Trying to peer review a classmate's paper at the last minute and I'm not in the mood to give constructive criticism. Like, at all.

You know what, though? Looking at someone else's bad writing makes me want to get back into writing my own again. Probably will start something tonight, just for giggles.

 

[CoolFool]

I thought my dad had chilled out and become more calm with age, but I guess not completely, he yelled at me over nothing and made me feel like shit tonight. Now we're avoiding each other so I feel even worse.

Doesn't help that I have already been sad these past few weeks, I don't want to do anything, I'm avoiding everyone, job sucks, etc. so hearing my dad suddenly yell at me like I'm a kid again just really startled me and made me cry for the first time in a long time.