How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

to help me deal with something that, objectively speaking, isn't causing me any real harm in life.
But it kind of is. I mean, imagine not being bothered and critical every time you glimpse yourself or see someone you can hardly believe is so carefree. Minor, maybe. But it's OK to hire movers even if you could technically pack up an 11-room house by yourself, right?

I'm commenting in empathy, because I have the same thought-lines as you...even though I "know" that sometimes, for some things, hiring a pro can shorten problem resolution x10. Self-reliance is great, but it's OK to hire a handyman even though you own a hammer.
Especially when I look at the people in my life who do have actually harmful issues whove seen numerous shrinks over 10+ years and still aren't any better. I just think of the thousands of dollars they've essentially wasted on constantly dwelling in their problems with no progress and shudder. I can do that for free
But imagine if it helped. Seeking counseling is kind of a pita, daunting, but if it gets you out of distracting or annoying thoughts, might be worth some effort.
Thank you, I will post him here. I know a lot of people would say he was just a cat, but when he came into my life I was an extremely jaded and bitter person due to how difficult my life had been in the prior years. He helped me see so much good in the world in how kind he was to every person he met. It seems silly, but he changed me for the better.
Not silly at all.
 
Normies in real life will tell me I listen to "weird" music or even "Halloween" music when it's just fucking Sisters of Mercy (thanks again @Syaoran Li!) because they ALL listen to the same superficial pop or autotuned stuff with no diversity to the sound.
Someone once described my workout playlist as "This sounds like cult shit".

Take it as a compliment.
 
Someone once described my workout playlist as "This sounds like cult shit".

Take it as a compliment.
I think music may be the one thing all human beings enjoy. There is so much music out there I can’t stand to listen to, but when I see it making other people happy, I can appreciate it being there. I can’t stand Taylor Swift or modern rap, but y’know, if it genuinely makes someone happy, then I’m glad it’s there for them. Everyone deserves to have that.
 
Thread tax: The people living across the street from me have decided to renovate their house and it's one hell of a project. The entire interior has been ripped out and the house is getting gutted like a fish. As fascinating as it is to watch, I wish they wouldn't work till midnight.
My next door neighbors (the last) died and now the house next door is getting gutted and flipped. These are people I knew longer than any people not related to me directly, as in 40+ years, people I'd known since before I was an adult. We shared a garden, we shared meals, they were good people.

I generally have a low opinion of flippers but these just gave a powerwash and free gutter replacement to us for nothing. I know this is just to increase the value of the house they're flipping but they were very polite about it. They had the niceness not to just state "your house is so fucking ugly it's driving down the value of our resale."
 
Had my meeting with my boss, she didn't mention her plans to PIP me yet, and she was fairly civil, so either my old boss got through to her, or she's just biding her time until the next official performance review. Either way, that buys me a little time to possibly get into another part of the company.
Just about everyone I've talked to over there has been very helpful, all the way to the department head, and just today the lady I normally work with from that department was telling me that the guy who's been mentoring me to join them was really complimenting me earlier. I've put in an application for the one position that was open. It may be a long shot, but pray for me; getting in there would be a huge boost for my career, and get me out from under this retarded bitch.

barking like a Chihuahua or a Border Collie? Sounds like the former but that's not leadership potential.
Chihuahua, probably. She's certainly not a good leader of any kind. I could do her job better, and I'm socially retarded.

You know its like... I finally understand what burnout feels like. I never really thought I experienced it myself because I thought that it just doesn't happen to me.

But then yesterday something was off that I couldn't really explain. I realized that I wasn't all the way there mentally. It's like I could hear people talking to me but their words weren't really registering in my brain. I was responding with "yep, un-uh, sure". Like I wasn't physically tired but I was unable to be fully present.
Fuck me, by this standard, I've been burnt out for over a year...

I was talking before about burnout and mental fatigue. It got me to thinking psychologically there's probably a connection between people working tech jobs and having degenerate fetishes. My theory is that high stress work creates mental fatigue that people resolve by introducing high dopamine stimulus. This is why you get rich furries who have loads of money to drop on expensive fursuits and shit like that. Well either that or they engage in dangerous activities that pump up their adrenaline levels.

So anyway my thought was that perhaps I just need a new exciting hobby to get into which is why I was looking at Kawasaki Ninjas for sale in my area.
I... don't know if I can argue with this. (Just to be clear, I am not a furry.) Maybe this is why I keep wasting money on things I don't need and overcomplicating my life building custom tech instead of just buying it off the shelf.
 
worked really hard on a big project that involved using my entire knowledge of practically every adobe program
I'm mentally taxed and I got paid very little because it was for family.

I wish I worked this hard on my own shit. I think I'd be more financially successful if I did.
I'm really tired and I have a bunch more work shit to do
tired of working on other people's projects even when the pay is decent

working from home is a mixed blessing.
 
After being sick my sleep schedule is now more fucked than ever, fuel for insomniac rants.
Have you ever been interested into making works to change the the zeitgeist? I’m not saying you’ll completely change the culture but maybe if you put out a piece of media you could help improve a life who feels similar to you? Maybe focus some of your frustration and knowledge of the past into making something you and other would like?
I've considered it, less as time goes on. I get tired of people in general and this society more and more each year and now work on personal projects and I'm so disgusted by where things are at and where they appear to be headed that I prefer to avoid it all altogether and keep myself in my own little manicured world. I'm starting to think this shit is unfixable anyway. People's tastes are now led and directed and the entertainment industries are one big propaganda apparatus.
 
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After being sick my sleep schedule is now more fucked than ever, fuel for insomniac rants
My sleep schedule has been iffy as I've been getting up at like five am, having a nap after my class, then crashing at like 8-9pm. Today it's 3am and I'm still up, my sleep is going to be fucked this weekend.
I'm hoping this is only for two more weeks, as the second stage of training has a morning and evening schedule and I requested the evening schedule along with everyone on the west part of the country. My regular shift starts at noon so I plan to make my mornings late and including a trip to the pool to do a swim every day.
 
I think music may be the one thing all human beings enjoy. There is so much music out there I can’t stand to listen to, but when I see it making other people happy, I can appreciate it being there. I can’t stand Taylor Swift or modern rap, but y’know, if it genuinely makes someone happy, then I’m glad it’s there for them. Everyone deserves to have that.
I had a friend back in college who didn't listen to music, and would talk about how much it can control and shape human emotion and behavior when asked about it. He was, generally speaking, a normal and upstanding guy. I can't really disagree with his assessment of the issue. I certainly can tell that different types of music can influence my mood and energy, although how much sway it has is quite varied. Perhaps I'd nap less at work without the dark ambient playlist on, but whatever, I'll save the EDM for when I want to hop around in my free time.


I think I'm doing well. I think I might be doing the best I've been in over a decade. I'm getting out on my days off, and not as superficially as I was before. I'm not just enjoying a morning walk in a local park, I'm smiling and greeting the others out there when I pass by. I'm having nice casual conversations with people at the flea market, and even striking up more of a functional conversation than "uhh, thanks?" when some girl compliments my hair. Haven't managed to be smooth enough to remember to ask for a number during any of said conversations yet, but I fear such boldness may come soon. I even did an extroverted cliche thing and stopped into a pub to start off my 'weekend'... Wednesday morning. I was the only patron in the place, but its the spirit that counts, right? Had a couple beers, a mediocre burger, chatted a bit with the lady who runs the place, kinda half watched the end of a rerun hockey game. I was relaxed, in the moment, unwinding and enjoying the ambiance: Mission accomplished I suppose.

As for the dark hours of the night on my days off: One DIY project hit a wall and is delayed for the moment, another proceeds on planned. The project that hit the wall was foreseeable: The usual case of "buy once, measure, buy correctly the second time" when ordering something that has parameters you aren't entirely savvy of ahead of time. The 10 bucks of too-thick optical fiber will find its way into another project given time. In my 3am jogging circuit (Now maintaining a steady jogging pace for over 3 miles without the random stops to catch my breath), I dropped off a card in an old friend's mailbox, one I haven't spoken to in like, 6 years, to provide him with my number. So now we're texting and catching up. He had been far more self confident and outgoing and whatnot back when we were in school, but apparently some health issues have led him into isolated neetdom. I intend to drag him out to get a beer on Monday: he might not be able to bootstrap my social network into a sprawling spiderweb like I had hoped, but at least he doubles it from just myself to the two of us. If nothing else I can hopefully get some sort of peer pressure feedback loop going between each other to force ourselves to go out and do things. I know my default desire to sleep in late on my days off is easily crushed if I have something scheduled and structured to do, so I can use him as a way to get me into the bars during, ya know, the hours normal people go to bars.
 
I was talking before about burnout and mental fatigue. It got me to thinking psychologically there's probably a connection between people working tech jobs and having degenerate fetishes. My theory is that high stress work creates mental fatigue that people resolve by introducing high dopamine stimulus. This is why you get rich furries who have loads of money to drop on expensive fursuits and shit like that. Well either that or they engage in dangerous activities that pump up their adrenaline levels.
I think the more direct connection between ITfags and sexual depravity is simply ugliness. If you ranked workers in various industries by looks, those working in IT would definitely be near the bottom. When you're ugly, chances are the partner you manage to attract (if any) will be ugly as well, especially if your personality matches your looks. I imagine it is quite difficult to get aroused when your partner looks like a female version of Null, so sexual stimuli that are normally sufficient, like squeezing a piece of ass, grabbing a pair of tits or simply seeing an attractive face are no longer viable in such relationships. Those people then resort to more extreme measures to elicit arousal, be it fursuits, adult diapers or dragon dildos.

Think of sexual fetishes like food seasoning. When you're eating high quality meat, you don't need much, just some salt and pepper will do. When you're a nigger living on food stamps and corn starch rations and get your meat from Mr. Fleischberg's rodent processing factory, you need to dump half your local grocery store's condiment section on it just to create an illusion you're not eating ground used paper plates.
 
Surprisingly un-hungover and in good spirits. Had like eight beers and a bottle of white wine, i can't even remember the last time i drank this much. I think the metric ton of grilled meat i ate did balance things out. Was out until 3AM and even the public transit did not fuck me over this time, though i accidentally tackled some dude big time when i was running to catch my last train, couldn't do much more than shout "Sorry!", i got him good. Pretty good day all in all, even my bipolar as fuck niece (she's six now i think) didn't fuck with me, she knows me all of her life but she does this kid thing where she's either "When are you going home? Why are you here so often, this is my house" five minutes after i arrive or "Hey uncle! Look at me, watch this kid shit with me, play something with me!"... Ngl this fucks with me, one of these days, pang pow, right in the kisser, i swear :story:

Tonight it's off to the korean joint for my best friends birthday, already asked him to meet up a bit earlier so we go to the restaurant together, i hate entering restaurants solo because i am autistic like that.
I think I see the problem. When you were posting here did you want solution finding or sympathizing?
Would either or even matter here in the Unofficial Show Your Powerlevel thread?
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know that when I don’t feel good about something, sometimes just telling someone, anyone about it can help, even if it’s just fellow shitposters on a forum. I think it’s just human nature and part of processing emotions.
It's also human nature to worry and care for your friends, i totally get where @Nick Obre is coming from, this is, like, baseline shit in a friendship.
kind of a pita
pita-bread-hero-2.jpg
🤔
 
I generally have a low opinion of flippers but these just gave a powerwash and free gutter replacement to us for nothing. I know this is just to increase the value of the house they're flipping but they were very polite about it.
I wouldn't mind flippers if they were all this way. Improve the beauty of the surrounding area, improve the values, rent/sell to really nice people. I should make house flipping propaganda. "In order to successfully flip a house, you MUST plant several native trees and butterfly and bee-friendly plants! Bonus points if you donate some to the neighbors too!"

My next day off work.... is April 1st.
Everyone is telling me I'm crazy and going to work myself to death, but the thing is, all the men in my family have done something like this- I've even done this before several times, doing seasonal farm work. I'm young, I can do it, and I think it makes me stronger/is good for personal development. When I'm older, I definitely won't be able to pull it off. So why not now? Good money too.
 
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