How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Thought I was being stoic and coping. But as usual it turns out I'm just emotionally retarded and didn't realise I've actually been pretty stressed about stuff for a while.

Like a variety of P-zombie that can still suffer without being conscious of my own suffering. Not sure if I'm just repressed or should be Turing-tested, sometimes. I have the emotional insight of a tamagotchi with alzheimers. In 12 months I'll notice the pattern repeat and learn fuck all from it again.
 
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Yesterday we had to unexpectedly put my sweet cat to rest. A few weeks ago, we discovered a mass on her tummy and it was surgically removed and biopsied. She was at the vet yesterday already to get one of her stitches fixed as it had come loose when we got the news. She had mammary cancer that was rapidly spreading. She was acting normal. Her vitals were normal, but they told us cats tank very quickly and she would only have a few months left max. So I made the hard choice to put her down, as going through another uncomfortable surgery just for her to pass away not long after felt more cruel. She died peacefully in my arms. I feel like a monster for it, but I know it was the more humane option, as letting her decline for my own selfish reasons of not wanting to let her go would be worse. I will miss her greatly and I don't know what I'll do without her. She was only 6 (we adopted her when she was 2 from the shelter).


Pretty Dahlia.png
 
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i stumbled on this whole place by accident and im now traumatized by the horrors of the internet, i also hate how easy it is to get banned from the internet by just existing if you dont agree with everyone else and if you dont have the right "opinion", and im sick of all these automated systems that soft ban you where you dont even know if you have been hammered and it turns out you were talking to yourself all along, or your posts were stealth removed

anyway this thread is relatable and i hate the modern internet, it feels like a very lonely place right now

i also miss normal forums and places like reddit are horrible because you can get banned if you sneeze wrong, i really wish there was a place with more relaxed rules and i feel like the internet lost that chill vibe where you can just goof around and speak your mind

im doing okay but i thought i was going crazy with how many weird ass people i kept meeting recently but i guess this is the new normal and i dont vibe with it, this whole place is a bit validating in a way but i really miss normal forums and discord is a blackhole for information, most people on it are mentally unstable so i gave up on it
 
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So I keep a dream diary, and have done for about 10 years. Sometimes I'll go a week or two with no recollection/I forget whatever I dreamt immediately. Not last night however.

Had a dream a PhD friend of mine has just unboxed his new Windows machine from the early 1990s, and he was printed his dissertation using an old Dot matrix. Seeing the white-beige plastic parts moving as the paper came out was fascinating, immediately took me back to childhood using my grandfather's machine.

I miss those yellowing white CRT monitors, huge towers, and interesting sound effects on old computers. 😢
 
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isalaide said:
Four and Five started school today. Now all of my children are in school.

There are no babies left in my house, nobody needs me any more, I am drowning in my emotions.

I am obsolete.
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Bubble bath time?
I'm still having difficulty sleeping,
 
Summer came back with a vengeance and i am miserabely hungover, started to drink more often again after being on a drug break (got semi-important stuff to take care of, can't do that when high and just wanting to play vidya for 40+ hours in one sitting) but i turned into a fucking lightweight. Had five tall cans of Lidl lager and i feel like a bus rolled over me. Sweating my balls off doing nothing while popping Advil and listening to shitty ethnic music from the restaurant across the street. May Allah smite them.
56 others said:
Man I love day drinking
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It's the best.
 
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Guess, I am finally fed up with my current job. My ex boss said that I can come back and I would like to, but as you remember I got next to no hours last month and that's why I left. So on the one hand I have a shitty job with plenty of hours and a job that I more or less enjoy with no hours, but at least I won't be living in a middle of nowhere and sleeping for 4 hours at night. Fuck, I am so tired of choosing between a hammer and a hot place. And the reality that I could just wait more, calm down and keep things as they were is just unbearable. I feel like my life will never be in order.

Take care.
 
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It took the dentist half an hour to pull my wisdom tooth out. I've been living on painkillers for the past few days, finally I can open my mouth enough to eat something other than soup.

Flavius Claudius Julianus said:
So I keep a dream diary, and have done for about 10 years. Sometimes I'll go a week or two with no recollection/I forget whatever I dreamt immediately. Not last night however.
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So it doesn't really help you recollect your dreams more easily. I should have known not to believe /x/ so readily. Still, I enjoy writing down whatever little I can still remember. Some say that keeping a dream diary can increase the likelihood of having lucid dreams, I'm not sure how much I want that to happen though, since they seem to be linked with sleep paralysis.
 
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Skyline said:
It took the dentist half an hour to pull my wisdom tooth out. I've been living on painkillers for the past few days, finally I can open my mouth enough to eat something other than soup.


So it doesn't really help you recollect your dreams more easily. I should have known not to believe /x/ so readily. Still, I enjoy writing down whatever little I can still remember. Some say that keeping a dream diary can increase the likelihood of having lucid dreams, I'm not sure how much I want that to happen though, since they seem to be linked with sleep paralysis.
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I'm not sure about that. Since I write my dreams down in the morning before breakfast, if I can't immediately recall them I'll simply write 'no dreams.' I'd say about 20% of the time fragments will come back later in the day. Probably the longest 'streak' of no dreams has been about 12 days, out of the ~3,500 days recorded.

As for lucid dreams, I've noticed no connecting to incidents of sleep paralysis. I suspect their occurrence is down to many different factors. A rare event for me. Curiously, a lucid dream was what compelled me to initiate a dream diary around ten years ago.

My motivation wasn't anything besides creativity for my writing/sharpening my cursive, so I guess it depends on why you want to do it.

At this stage however, it's so firmly rooted in routine that I can't imagine not doing it.
 
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Flavius Claudius Julianus said:
My motivation wasn't anything besides creativity for my writing/sharpening my cursive, so I guess it depends on why you want to do it.
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Mostly the same reasons, plus I wanted to find a way to remember more details from my dreams. That way I can write something even when I am unable to progress with my other project. I try to write down every little thing I can remember (I dream almost every night, it's the coherence of the dreams that varies wildly), even if my notes end up looking like the schizophrenic ramblings of a mental patient. So far this hasn't resulted in weirder dreams.
 
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Skyline said:
Mostly the same reasons, plus I wanted to find a way to remember more details from my dreams. That way I can write something even when I am unable to progress with my other project. I try to write down every little thing I can remember (I dream almost every night, it's the coherence of the dreams that varies wildly), even if my notes end up looking like the schizophrenic ramblings of a mental patient. So far this hasn't resulted in weirder dreams.
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What kind of dreams do you have? (Or should that go into one of the dream threads?) Mine usually involve icy plains in them, oftentimes alongside lavanda-colored boreal forests and crystal-wheat fields
 
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I was almost starving and surviving on powdered milk. The son of a bitches of the internet company decided to cut out my service, to which I smashed the router against a wall. I had no hope whatsoever.

But then a little supermarket-bank decided to give me a $190 or-so credit card, despise being unemployed (turns out I have a good score. 780. The president has 850. XD)
I managed to avoid starvation, once more. It's hard to live without working, but honestly, my problem is wasting the money I earn in dumb ways. I made $2300 out of $100 in June and gambled it out in the Copa América.
I promise I won't gamble anymore. I'm focused on a bussiness that will make me, at least, 250k by the end of year.

Or end up in jail under money laundering, whatever. I really don't have anything else in life than to attemp to become rich. If I succeed, I'd like to help animals with my fortune. I feel greate. It's now or never.
 
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