How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Shitted Scaredless]

They are fighting again. I wish to bash my head in. I won't because of spite but I'm gonna think about it.

 

[Flavius Claudius Julianus]

Fellow married guys, homeowners, I need some advice.

I used to be a big reader and writer, it's what I even did for a job at one point. Basically I was always around books, and read about 200 per year. That was how life was from 18 to 30 or so.

Know how many books I've read this year? 0. None whatsoever. I started one a few months back, I'm maybe 20 pages in. It lies on my bedside table gathering dust lol.

Thing is, I just can't seem to find the mental energy to read these days. If I'm not doing 'outdoor' stuff or in the gym, I'm working on my house or doing stuff with the wife. By the time I get in bed, I'm just so fucking beat up I can't imagine doing some reading.

I miss it so much, but it's definitely something you need to get into a routine for.

For arguments sake, I am excluding any 'reading' I do in Wikipedia or other websites, news article, etc. Just physical books is my reference.

 

[Betonhaus]

Fellow married guys, homeowners, I need some advice.

I used to be a big reader and writer, it's what I even did for a job at one point. Basically I was always around books, and read about 200 per year. That was how life was from 18 to 30 or so.

Know how many books I've read this year? 0. None whatsoever. I started one a few months back, I'm maybe 20 pages in. It lies on my bedside table gathering dust lol.

Thing is, I just can't seem to find the mental energy to read these days. If I'm not doing 'outdoor' stuff or in the gym, I'm working on my house or doing stuff with the wife. By the time I get in bed, I'm just so fucking beat up I can't imagine doing some reading.

I miss it so much, but it's definitely something you need to get into a routine for.

For arguments sake, I am excluding any 'reading' I do in Wikipedia or other websites, news article, etc. Just physical books is my reference.

could it be that particular book sucks? I've had many books where I would forgo sleep until i finished it, but one of the last books I read took several weeks to finish the book

 

[Flavius Claudius Julianus]

could it be that particular book sucks? I've had many books where I would forgo sleep until i finished it, but one of the last books I read took several weeks to finish the book

I don't think it's that. I've had a 'to buy/(to read)' list for about a decade, all stuff I've researched beforehand. It's proven 99% accurate over the years, though I have been surprised on rare occasions.

The book is G. K. Chesterton's 'Orthodoxy,' which I did enjoy of what little I read.

It's just an effort so far. Just gotta force myself I suppose.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

I need some advice

Show up earlier to the gym and read in your car before going inside. Put in maybe 10 minutes a day and you'll get through it.

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

What is even the point in living if 99% of life is doing things you don't want to do? Nobody has an answer because there is none. It's entirely pointless. It's just living for the sake of others.

How come lolcows get to sit around all day doing whatever they want? But yet I have to work for decades to hope for the chance of retirement and a pension to then finally get a chance to do something I want to do for once. It's not worth it. Nothing can be worth wasting decades working for.

It's just bullshit made up to keep us all in the cage for the benefit of people that hate us. It's all so fake. My mind screams, every instinct tells me that this is hell. But where can I yell in frustration and be heard? Nowhere. Nobody will ever hear me. I have no mouth and I must scream. I have no future but I'm expected to trudge on endlessly in the toxic muck. When will I be able to rest my weary body and this nightmare finally be over?

 

[WhoBusTank69]

What is even the point in living if 99% of life is doing things you don't want to do?

We live in a society.
No, really.
It may be failing in many all cases but it's a promise of stability and comforts that we now take for granted, especially potable water and places to sleep in exchange for not fucking around.

How come lolcows get to sit around all day doing whatever they want?

Because they don't care. On the surface level they're a pig rolling in mud but they've got serious problems even beyond what's documented here, and there's already a lot. You're missing the point of lolcows if their antics inspire envy.

I have no future but I'm expected to trudge on endlessly in the toxic muck.

I'm reminded of an old 4chan greentext that acknowledged this sort of nihilistic viewpoint. If you're settled on this, the world is your oyster. Abandon your responsibilities, assigned or otherwise, and just go wherever you want and do whatever you please.

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

We live in a society.
No, really.
It may be failing in many all cases but it's a promise of stability and comforts that we now take for granted, especially potable water and places to sleep in exchange for not fucking around.


Because they don't care. On the surface level they're a pig rolling in mud but they've got serious problems even beyond what's documented here, and there's already a lot. You're missing the point of lolcows if their antics inspire envy.


I'm reminded of an old 4chan greentext that acknowledged this sort of nihilistic viewpoint. If you're settled on this, the world is your oyster. Abandon your responsibilities, assigned or otherwise, and just go wherever you want and do whatever you please.

And in a few years time when the water is no longer drinkable then do we admit it's pointless to keep trying to hold society aloft on our backs?

My point on lolcows is that this sick society we live in rewards retards and monsters. They get to sit on benefit checks and play video games all day because they whine enough or are deemed to thick to work. I am deemed fit to work so I get to do nothing but work and chores until I'm old and broken and look back and see that I enjoyed not even a single minute of the whole life experience. Normal people that don't care about what is happening around them win, retards win, what about the people that straddle the line? What place do they have in this world?

That nihilistic point of view looks more attractive every day. I probably would find all the answers and peace of mind that I seek by abandoning everything and wandering off. Clearly doing what I am doing and toiling away in the wage cage is not bringing me any kind of solace in life, it never has and it never will. Whatever I am my mind craves more than the box that I'm meant to stay in.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

Whatever I am my mind craves more than the box that I'm meant to stay in.

You are not required to stay in the box. Pack your shit and go somewhere else, you're capable of that.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

I've never known a single person who went into that line of work, burned out, and ever did it again.

My situation is too dire and complicated to be picky. Maybe someday I'll tell you all what it was, but for now let's just say I have no other viable options. Another job suits me better, but pays pennies when I need some kind of safety net to stay alive in the future.

And to be fair, new employer listened to my bitching and suggested some changes to my schedule, so maybe it won't be that bad. Also, he promised me a pay raise in the future.

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

You are not required to stay in the box. Pack your shit and go somewhere else, you're capable of that.

Logistically how does that work? How do you quit your job and move somewhere else. What do you do once you get there?

 

[Stasi]

Most areas of life are actually not too bad other than women.

Lately, every woman I meet and connect with is either taken, not interested or messes me about (and the ones that are interested are giant walking red flags). Fucking sucks and hard to motivate myself to spend time getting to know someone because there is a nagging thought at the back of my mind that its not going to work out this time either.

Where the fuck do you even meet a decent person who isn't crazy or an asshole or whatever. You would think that's a really low bar but apparently its not.

 

[Ms. Dia Gnosis]

The way I look at it, people are tired of the life and everything really, because they feel no purpose in life. Working 9-5 obviously won't enrich your life, especially when you're simply living to work. That's why I have immense respect for people who drop everything and just go live in the forests and start a homestead from 0. Just living a simple life raising your chicks or something, maybe going on hunts, taking hikes. Just anything that makes you enjoy life outside of the mundane work.
To stay on topic: I'd love to isolate myself for a bit just to unwind but that's not exactly going to happen, so I'm just pushing through for now. Gotta stay focused on my goals

 

[The Feline Solution]

Logistically how does that work? How do you quit your job and move somewhere else. What do you do once you get there?

Before you even think about moving you start with looking up on the respective country's consulate's site what is required to make you eligible for a work visa and the requirements for applying for citizenship. Worthwhile (read: non-shithole) countries need you to have X money in the bank, X education and/or work experience in X field and of course you need to already have the "go" on a job in the country. This is what i remember from when a relative of mine emigrated to Japan. If you are in the EU/Schengen area and have a passport from a non-shithole european country it is as easy as applying for a job, getting housing and moving there, no extra steps required.

 

[Dawdler]

Normal people that don't care about what is happening around them win, retards win, what about the people that straddle the line? What place do they have in this world?

They are there to keep you in line ...

 

[The Feline Solution]

Know how many books I've read this year? 0

Same for me and i used to be a voracious reader. I have not a single idea what brought this on, one reason is that all my favourite authors didn't get out any new books but that didn't keep me from discovering and reading new authors before. I picked up one book earlier this year, "Code over Country: The Tragedy and Corruption of SEAL Team Six", after a recommendation on here and it's something that interests me but i am not even a third in and haven't picked it back up in months.

 

[Mao Hao Hao]

In the process of starting a new life I guess? Worked up the courage to end an abusive relationship a few months ago, have started courses to try and get my dream job, while working in a job that's finally less stressful and soul killing compared to my previous two. Trying to exercise more, taking walks, and eating less junk. Also working on my anxiety caused by said relationship by doing more stuff solo (shopping trips, cinema, eating lunch somewhere new).
And yet, I keep getting bouts of...not sure really. It's like intense loneliness and I feel in a very dark place all of a sudden. It doesn't really have a proper trigger either, I could be hanging out with friends, or eating something nice or watching a favourite movie then bam. Really messing me up, as I don't think I have anything worth being so down about compared to others, I'm lucky to have good family and a few close friends, so I don't know what to do.

 

[bile demon]

It's a sad irony that the best sort of people wind up in the most underpaid and undervalued jobs.

Yep.

 

[ATI Escapee]

Had to have my vehicle towed home today. I hope I can figure out how to fix it. Long story short layoffs are affecting my household. Wasnt exactly too worried because I could pick up part time work to help and the unemployment is luckily enough to help cover rent so as long as I add another simple stream of income our quality of life isnt going to change too much. I havent yet had luck with part time work, and now that something is wrong with my vehicle I am going to need to walk or bike to whatever job now unless I can fix it. Dont really have extra funds for a mechanic because it all needs to go to further necessities in case the unemployment situation lasts longer than we'd like it to. Its 105 degrees today and I was out there for many hours lol. I am thankful to not yet be worrying about bills getting paid, but that isnt going to last forever. Vehicle issue is electrical somewhere. I really hope I can manage to fix it on my own. There is a single remote job I might be able to get going, so fingers crossed on that one. Other than that my skills are not cut out for anything doable on a computer. Been practicing touch typing and got pretty decent at least. Got an Excel cert too (not the most comprehensive one though). Things were going great, and suddenly they dont seem to be. Idk if I can afford my meds without insurance either since I was insured through said lost job... so Ive been working with patient assistance programs on that front. One of them is literally 20k a month technically lmao. But no one pays that, insurance will cover to a point and theres assistance programs at least. I quit weed too so I could pass any screens for another job and I really wish I could get high and play minecraft after my day today. Oh well. Fingers crossed for a streak of good fortune to come to everyone experiencing a shitty situation, hope things work out for all.

 

[The Feline Solution]

View attachment 6321393
Yep.

Can't really call it a job if you're doing it for F R E E

And yet, I keep getting bouts of...not sure really. It's like intense loneliness and I feel in a very dark place all of a sudden. It doesn't really have a proper trigger either, I could be hanging out with friends, or eating something nice or watching a favourite movie then bam. Really messing me up, as I don't think I have anything worth being so down about compared to others, I'm lucky to have good family and a few close friends, so I don't know what to do.

Could be you just need more time to recover from your previous relationship, depending on how bad shit got it messes with your head. I know the feeling you describe, i had that when i was in a very bad place in my 20's and same as with you, seemingly no trigger, i felt alone and hopeless. Fuck knows what caused it, maybe i/we are just too sensible?
Regarding what else you wrote it seems you are on a good way and taking care of yourself, so keep at it. You got plans, you got hope (from what i can tell), these are good things. I don't know if the relationship you mentioned was your first shitty one but you will be much less likely to end up in another bad one now that you already know what to look out for, what's good for you and what isn't.