How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I gave away an old (and heavy as FUCK) Craftsman radial arm saw this evening. I now have a very tidy garage and that was the very last thing on my long to-do list for this summer. I think this is the first year where I can reasonably say "yep, I accomplished every important thing there was to do!", so God only knows what horrible unforeseen crisis will pop up in the middle of January when it's 15 below zero.

But at the moment, feeling pretty good about things.

I believe I shall live alone and die alone without ever connecting with another person in any real capacity.
Meh, connection with other people is overrated if you ask me. Are you so interesting that other people ought to be thrilled to live vicariously through you? I'm certainly not and I've never met anyone who was - we're pretty mundane creatures at the end of the day.
 
This thread now contains the chronicle of my alienation from my job.

I was woken up very early this morning by very intense stomach pain which didn't abate, so I went to the ER and barfed twice before seeing a doctor. I was sweating and the pain was getting worse, so while I was in the waiting room I sent my manager a text letting her know that I was having a medical emergency and wasn't going to come in. She texted back, "Unfortunately you are not supposed to text out of work. This is against our policy." and did not reply when I told her that I was in the hospital. I gave serious thought to quitting right there, but I do need the money for a little longer, and October is right around the corner.

The diagnosis turned out to be gastroenteritis, by the way. I had picked up takeout from two chip shops (yes, we have then in America) two nights in a row... and both were staffed by pajeets. I'm such a fool.
 
I've been doing better. Been going to social events nearby and spending more time with friends. I still haven't gone on any dates but I've been talking to women more on and offline. There's still a nonzero chance we don't make it but if I give it more time it might be ok.
 
Today I see from my bank that I got an offer to raise my credit card limit by a sizeable amount. It would help a lot, but at this time I would end up maxing it out and paying just the minimum and having an even bigger debt hanging over me, so I'm not sure what to do.
 
Do not take it. Seriously. Just shred the letter and think no more of it.
I'd say that really depends. If he's the kind of person who maxes out credit cards and pays minimums, avoid that shit. But if you are instead the kind of person who pays the entire balance every month, it's a good way to build a credit rating.
 
Well, I guess one of my bosses is an actual nutcase. Without going into much details there was an accident without me being anywhere near the scene, but since "you got mad at some point before during that day, it is clear you were involved" even though the way he describes it happened would require me to a have a strength of a superhero. I was on a brink of getting fired so I just decided to take the blame to discharge the situation and move on. During that I heard shit like "I love my kids and this job, maybe this job EVEN MORE". Now I realize that whatever happens there will be blamed on me now and I already can't decide if I should tell them to fuck off or eat a bag of dicks. I don't like this job, damn, I don't even like to work in that field, but at the moment "beggar can't be chooser", I need money, so I just hope I will be able to work here as long as I can.

On a better note, the kitten seems to like me, it's happened way faster than I expected. She is very cute and lovable. She has learned to use a litter box already. Well, almost, but she will learn.

Take care.
 
I'm recovering from a pretty intense infection and the side effects given by the nuclear grade antibiotics I was on. Monday I have an MRI to determine if I have a type of brain tumor called a prolactinoma. It's most likely not malignant, but I may need to be on another god damn medication or consider surgery to remove it. Seriously hoping it's a nothing burger simply because I'm exhausted by all my medical bullshit as of late. I just want to be healthy and able to enjoy my life again. It's been nearly a year of testing, hospitals and medications paired with feeling horrible. I'm fucking over it. I'm tired. Let's get this shit over with pretty please.

Oh and I was diagnosed with ADHD recently which I found hysterically funny. Came out of the blue and the doctor is practically throwing legal meth at me. Not a good idea with the blood pressure issues I've been having lately, genius.

I've been trying to laugh about it all... but today I don't feel much like laughing.
 
I can only go to gym every other week, because I have small kid every other week. Last two weeks without kid, I was sick. First some respiratory infection. Then pneumonia. Well this week I was almost healthy.
But then yesterday I think I fractured some ribs at work. Fuuuuhahaaak.

Well I got 3 ok workouts in. Shall see when the next one is. Little angsty.
 
I can only go to gym every other week, because I have small kid every other week. Last two weeks without kid, I was sick. First some respiratory infection. Then pneumonia. Well this week I was almost healthy.
But then yesterday I think I fractured some ribs at work. Fuuuuhahaaak.

Well I got 3 ok workouts in. Shall see when the next one is. Little angsty.
At least you are looking out for your child - being a good parent. I do hope you're feeling better, tho!

And good luck in your steel therapy!
 
feeling awful

i want to apologize, but i know its no fix or holds almost no meaning (not true, but what i think)

i keep stumbling and making mistakes, over and over

it keeps happening, the most stupid thoughts and the most stupid timings

like something does not want me to have this, and it hurts

it hurts that i hurt them
i dont want to let them go, but if all i do is fucking it up, i am just awful from keeping them getting happy?

its all a lot and often i feel overwhelmed, with this mess that is myself i need to sort

maybe it all would be easier with some physical accountability
i hate all these texts, i rather hug and look into someones eyes
talk face to face
its so easy for things to go wrong with just text

maybe im just too stupid and low iq to understand anything
to do it all on my own as i should do, as expected of me


why cant i just be happy naturally? why do i have to do all of this beforehand to just get started?
its all so exhausting

it hurts
but maybe it would have been better for them to never met me

but yet it feels so wrong for this to go wrong
like its my last chance for a normal life

i wont meet a person like that again
that is willing to try it with me

if i fuck this up
everything after that will be just play pretend
i guess till i cant take it anymore
 
This thread now contains the chronicle of my alienation from my job.

I was woken up very early this morning by very intense stomach pain which didn't abate, so I went to the ER and barfed twice before seeing a doctor. I was sweating and the pain was getting worse, so while I was in the waiting room I sent my manager a text letting her know that I was having a medical emergency and wasn't going to come in. She texted back, "Unfortunately you are not supposed to text out of work. This is against our policy." and did not reply when I told her that I was in the hospital. I gave serious thought to quitting right there, but I do need the money for a little longer, and October is right around the corner.

The diagnosis turned out to be gastroenteritis, by the way. I had picked up takeout from two chip shops (yes, we have then in America) two nights in a row... and both were staffed by pajeets. I'm such a fool.
Understood, next time I will remember to attach a picture to an email of a toilet bowl full with vomit as per the policy. Thank you for the clarification in future communications.
 
I'm fixated on revenge to the point that it physically hurts. My stomach churns every night from the plans assailing my head. What are you supposed to do when you were dealt so unjustly? Why does our society protect abusers of the worst order?

I'd love to create a thread dedicated to naming and shaming local predators who've been allowed to flourish among us in real life, but I fear that'd be treading into personal army territory and I'd be summarily mocked for it, as well as potentially get the website in trouble. It's not a particularly funny idea, but not a lot of the cow threads are funny anymore, they're just dark and depraved — not that it's a bad thing, it's just the nature of the online world right now and the people on it.

I just don't know what to do. I haven't felt peace in over ten years.

Scratch that, I do know of one funny local kid-diddler who actually got arrested. My husband had the misfortune of working with him, and he was an absolute babied-by-his-mama retard. He was quoted as saying to the police, "I thought she was 18, but I knew she was younger than that." These types of people should have their names emblazoned in the sky.

After the arrest, his mother ran into the victim's mother at a store and they got into a fist fight or something. Lol.
 
Last edited:
Back