How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Betonhaus]

I wonder if I have scurvy, or just a vitamin D deficiency. I should get some supplements on the way to my night shift job.

 

[Dean Pentel]

I'm still very apprehensive when it comes to hallucinogens, schizophrenia runs in parts of my family (we are half-siblings so he is untouched by that) and i don't want to end up with a fried brain, Lord knows it's cooked enough already from the shit i partake in.

Don't partake if you're not both receptive to the changes it can bring and you're unaware of how it will physiologically affect you. It may be you simply don't need this. Also, while it was a significant net positive in my life, the episode I experienced when I was fully in the grasp of a whole lot of psilocybin was deeply unpleasant. I asked for this, I needed to see some things it showed me, and I believe that growth of physiological/psychological/spiritual nature is never easy or comfortable so I do not regret it.

Anyone who ventures into this avenue of therapy, just be careful, alright?

I wonder if I have scurvy, or just a vitamin D deficiency. I should get some supplements on the way to my night shift job.

I know exactly what you mean about working night shifts and over time experiencing a lack of...something. Vitamin D supplements are very helpful, get a little bit of sunlight exposure either before or after work, be consistent in your dosages, and be patient with the process. It was over a month after I implemented changes before I felt more stable. Ultimately I realized I'm not a good fight for night shift type schedules.

 

[Dewey Decimal]

I don't know why everyone else seems to get encouragement and community from their hobbies but me.

 

[Harambe]

Tapering off of weed is really fuckin hard! Depression is so intense and ball busting. Staying strong though. In 8 and a half hours I can begin my little survival ration of the stuff.

I don't know why everyone else seems to get encouragement and community from their hobbies but me.

They’re likely lower on the cognitive developmental framework hierarchy! Look up Robert Kegan’s work on this and you’ll find it’s a useful way to sort of examine that divergence between people who find fulfillment easily just by finding a group of like minded people and people who need something more, and cannot find nor acquire it, they must instead create their own system of meaning and fulfillment. Sociality cannot suffice for people who are engaging in self authorship. You need people, art, creation and success! Nothing hobbyists have could ever be enough to fill up your soul.

 

[The Feline Solution]

Don't partake if you're not both receptive to the changes it can bring and you're unaware of how it will physiologically affect you.

My brother is kind of on my ass about wanting to do a session with me but i'm firmly against it. It sounds to lovey-dovey (plus the aforementioned schizo thing) for my taste and i worked out most of my mental issues via the cold, if somewhat frazzled, clarity amphetamines are giving me. Sucks that i wasted 20 odd years in the mental health care system when an Adderal or equivalent script would've changed my life entirely. Instead i messed up my brain on entirely too many different Zogpills, which never worked and actively harmed me. It's funny how i was firmly in the camp of "ADD/ADHD doesn't exist" before i tried amphetamines in my early 30's, i am strongly suspecting that i got adult ADD but fuck getting a diagnosis, takes anywhere from one to three years here and i am just tired of the mental health care system in my country in general. Not to mention i am at the point were i most likely would abuse the shit out of a prescription, i would be lying if i say i do that shit for pure therapeutical reasons.

Tapering off of weed is really fuckin hard! Depression is so intense and ball busting. Staying strong though. In 8 and a half hours I can begin my little survival ration of the stuff.

You'll be over the worst of it in three days tops. Stop tapering as soon as you can would be my advise.

 

[AnOminous]

You'll be over the worst of it in three days tops. Stop tapering as soon as you can would be my advise.

I more or less quit weed ten or so years ago, not out of any particular effort, but just because I lost my only connection and didn't care enough to get another. Just dealing with the dumb shit necessary to get something illegal didn't seem worth it any more. Then after a month, I realized I felt less retarded than I had in years and decided I just really didn't need it any more.

I've done it a couple times since then, the last about five years ago, and noticed I was considerably dumber for something like three days afterwards.

 

[The Feline Solution]

I more or less quit weed ten or so years ago, not out of any particular effort, but just because I lost my only connection and didn't care enough to get another. Just dealing with the dumb shit necessary to get something illegal didn't seem worth it any more. Then after a month, I realized I felt less retarded than I had in years and decided I just really didn't need it any more.

I've done it a couple times since then, the last about five years ago, and noticed I was considerably dumber for something like three days afterwards.

My girlfriend still smokes and i, in my eternal junkytude, tried some for the first time in around 15 years last week when i was out of the stuff i like and i don't know what i expected but the high felt as wack as it did back when i was 16 years old. Really not my drug. It made me feel very silly, then it bordered into "Why the fuck did i even bother" annoyance, then i went to bed early. I did sleep very well, i give it that. I bought her a very nice vape for it so we both get away from any kind of tobacco entirely and trying that one out was kinda cool, too.

Tax: My 5m HDMI cable arrived a couple of days ago and now i can shitpost from the comfort of my bed via my desktop hooked to the TV, i probably tripled the value of my apartment. Washing myself with a rag on a stick soon. I'm healthy again but girlfriend came down with the flu/a cold and she's even more of a whiny bitch when she's sick than i am and i am having tons of fun. I get "I hate you soooohooo much, why did you make me siiiiihick?!" to "I love you soohoo much, you take such good care of me!" in five minute intervals I (mildly) torture her with saying "See, you need me. You can never leave!" and the like because i am an asshole like that It's all in good fun though, before someone tries to accuse me of being a mean woman abuser. At least i am laughing.

 

[56 others]

I more or less quit weed ten or so years ago, not out of any particular effort

Same, I got tired of maintaining or jumping to a new dealer, just kind of stopped one day after smoking daily for 5 years. I dont like being paranoid. I dont even like getting high anymore, 9 times out of 10 im offered something, I dont partake.

Tax: Brakes went out while heading toward a busy intersection, narrowly avoided an accident through driving skills and luck. I think I need to start going to church again.

 

[furian_alfachevich]

I'm finally getting off sedatives (RCs, then 3mg, now down to 2.5mg Klonopin/day on my own hand currently) and going to outpatient rehab/seeing an addiction specialized psychiatrist.
It's fucking hell and it's barely started, hopefully the doc provides me with some useful meds to endure this shit.

If I manage to do this, I should be free from withdrawals sometime around the beginning of March.
I'm pretty much homebound during this time so I hope I can score some heroin or something for NYE so it doesn't totally fucking suck as I can't drink. (possibly ever again... and I'm in my fucking early 20s)

Update 4 years later:

I had to have 3 overdoses that required medical intervention in 6 months to go from "I'll be fine as long as I'm not dependent" to "I am going to die, soon."
At one point, I honestly thought that it simply wasn't possible to quit benzos after being addicted hard for years and remain functional.
Not only have I gotten over my decade-long addiction, I've gotten over being blackpilled.

 

[Internet Wizard]

Spoiler: TMI react this post

It's now been 6 months, almost exactly, since I attempted suicide. It only dawned on me like ten minutes ago.
I was so content with having my life end in March that it's still kind of hard to shake off to this day. Ever since then (really ever since I got out of the hospital) it's felt like I really did die back then and I'm just living in some alternate scenario where I didn't. I'm still mentally stuck in the winter of this year.
I've had days where I've dipped far lower than I did on that day, but I've also had days where I've had genuine happiness since. From an outsider's perspective, it'd seem like things are looking up for me, but internally I still feel like I'm the same person I was then. I'm on stronger meds now so I don't lose my shit, but honestly they probably do more to keep me going than I can think.
I still think life is stressful and scary, but weirdly since I toyed with death I've also been a lot more confident. I used to be paralyzed with anxiety over the smallest things, but now knowing that the worst that can happen is dying they don't seem worth worrying over. Driving is a good example of this, and I finally got my license without trying. I might be more reckless now but I think it's better than being a mangled corpse at the bottom of a ravine.
I hope that I can feel less stressed and scared of living in the next 6 months, but I've made tremendous progress looking back. You've all been a great community to be around as well, so thanks for that.

 

[Saint Agustin]

Spoiler: TMI react this post

It's now been 6 months, almost exactly, since I attempted suicide. It only dawned on me like ten minutes ago.
I was so content with having my life end in March that it's still kind of hard to shake off to this day. Ever since then (really ever since I got out of the hospital) it's felt like I really did die back then and I'm just living in some alternate scenario where I didn't. I'm still mentally stuck in the winter of this year.
I've had days where I've dipped far lower than I did on that day, but I've also had days where I've had genuine happiness since. From an outsider's perspective, it'd seem like things are looking up for me, but internally I still feel like I'm the same person I was then. I'm on stronger meds now so I don't lose my shit, but honestly they probably do more to keep me going than I can think.
I still think life is stressful and scary, but weirdly since I toyed with death I've also been a lot more confident. I used to be paralyzed with anxiety over the smallest things, but now knowing that the worst that can happen is dying it doesn't seem as small anymore. I might be more reckless now but I think it's better than being a mangled corpse at the bottom of a ravine.
I hope that I can feel less stressed and scared of living in the next 6 months, but I've made tremendous progress looking back. You've all been a great community to be around as well, so thanks for that.

That's good. Don't feel bad to talk about your feelings, even if they are gay as shit, is better to be gay than dead.

 

[DeutscheKatze]

currently laying awake again
feelings
tears

the wish of going completely non verbal
but of course i cant, i need to talk to work
make money to survive, talk to people everyday

i will push off all doubts in some hours
but at times i dont know why i am doing this all

the world goes on, you live unafflicted from it
why do i keep my heart open for you then?

but tomorrow i will still love you, and i will still hope it could all be without hurt

i will still hope i am a human, worth of hope and love

manchmal steht die welt einfach still
nur für mich
für euch alle geht sie weiter

you will hurt me, i knew what was coming
it is okay, i forgive you

im just not intelligent enough
funny what these feelings will make you believe

humans are something

 

[The Feline Solution]

Update 4 years later:

I had to have 3 overdoses that required medical intervention in 6 months to go from "I'll be fine as long as I'm not dependent" to "I am going to die, soon."
At one point, I honestly thought that it simply wasn't possible to quit benzos after being addicted hard for years and remain functional.
Not only have I gotten over my decade-long addiction, I've gotten over being blackpilled.

Man, congrats. Quitting benzos is no small feat, on par with quitting opiates/opioids. When i was in rehab, the most fucked up people next to the heroin addicts were the benzo addicts, that shit is made by the devil.

 

[Betonhaus]

I more or less quit weed ten or so years ago, not out of any particular effort, but just because I lost my only connection and didn't care enough to get another. Just dealing with the dumb shit necessary to get something illegal didn't seem worth it any more. Then after a month, I realized I felt less retarded than I had in years and decided I just really didn't need it any more.

I've done it a couple times since then, the last about five years ago, and noticed I was considerably dumber for something like three days afterwards.

Oh yeah I noticed that the first and last time I smoked weed. It was hard to think and focus for two-three days after and I really shouldn't have been driving then.

I really didn't like that.

 

[Betonhaus]

my right tonsil hurts. I hopes it's just stones that I can pass, I don't want surgery while the hospitals are imploding.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Lots of doom and gloom at work. Moving to new teams and new team structure, and people are already saying "oh it's cost cutting" etc, making me realize "oh, this is just another job to all of these people who can find a new one in a heartbeat". I've applied for jobs the last half year I felt good about and just, ain't gotten shit. "It'll be easier if you're employed" they tell me, as I fail to get an interview with the most basic bitch data input "53 year old woman" type gigs.

While I see a coworker land a gig in an adjacent function which is all hands-on and carpentry type shit while he's got no such qualifications. Why? Right people, right time.

 

[WSPWSPWSPWSP]

I hope everyone is doing well

Winter is fast approaching, so anyone who has Seasonal Affective Disorder, now's the time to get your Vitamin D, B12, Omega 3 and a good workout routine.

Vit D3 20,000 IU/day in the worst of winter has helped me a lot

 

[Bagronkleton]

Doing bretty good, all things considered. Highlight of the month was finally getting ahead of interest on my student loans, so now all payments go straight to the principal.

I see the finish line, and it's painfully just out of reach, but I do see it.

 

[2mm and 99 others]

I'm not emo enough anymore to be suicidal, but holy crap am I not enjoying it here.

Been going on long walks since that's supposed to improve mental health, and it absolutely hasn't. Everything feels so foreign now. I don't just mean the endless hordes of literal foreigners that have been inflicted on us, or all the soulless new apartment blocks. Places from my past now feel wrong, because I know there's no going back to those days.

This sucks so bad, when one thinks about walks as ''mental health walks'' that must be performed in order to ''get some happy hormones'', which means endless chasing some miserable molecules so the brain is less sad, and meeting people becomes ''socialization''.
And yes, I hate modern visuals so fucking much, everything becomes so lifeless, identical and bleak.

 

[Sneeter Rabbit]

poor men invented cheese to spite the rich. i eat cheese all the time to spite the rich. rich men oughtn't to be allowed to eat cheese because it is the provenance of poor men and this world was build just so to squeeze every last drop of sweat from our bodies to turn into gold.
all poor men should eat cheese, of all kinds. nobody else should eat cheese.
as the old song goes - 'cheese is a kind of meat: a tasty yellow beef.' it always was. cheese was invented because the first thing rich cunts do is monopolise access to meat to restrict poor men's intake of animal protein, to keep poor men weak so they can eat the fruit of our lives with no fear.

it's funny how i was firmly in the camp of "ADD/ADHD doesn't exist" before i tried amphetamines in my early 30's, i am strongly suspecting that i got adult ADD but fuck getting a diagnosis, takes anywhere from one to three years here and i am just tired of the mental health care system in my country in general.

reading my mind here, but i'm 28. on the assumption you're talking about rnhs then yeah, i put in for an assessment and then sort of procrastinated it away. was last may and i've still not sent in my school records. oh well.
as you say it would take years and do nothing except let me get stimulants on prescription and kill any chance of career progression, so i will cope and sneed until i can find a steady supply of black market adderal or ritalin or what the fuck have you