How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[56 others]

Election is finally over, went the way I wanted thankfully, so now the low level of anxiety I feel every election is finally gone.

Now at thanksgiving I"m gonna have to listen to my whole liberal family be blackpilled about the next 4 years, thats gonna be annoying.

 

[boards of canada]

Genuinely man, no matter how fucking cliche and shit this sounds thank you for your service. I hope you can find peace with the fucked up shit you've dealt with and I believe you'll pull on through. Not a lot of fucking people go through awful shit like war and make it out.

Thank you.
I'm not here to preach about love or kindness or Jesus, but please listen to people when they tell you to be thankful for what you already have, because that might be the most important lesson I've learnt. I couldn't have known back then that the next time I hugged my mother, finally home, there would be crutches to drop before I could do so. If you hold people dear, let them know that every single day, and be thankful for any time you have together. Be grateful for every morning that you get out of bed, well-rested with faint memories of pleasant dreams hanging on, and you aren't in excruciating pain all over your body, and you can get up on both your feet immediately. Be grateful for the things you have because you never know when you might lose them.

 

[Betonhaus]

Self inflicted insomnia and no job prospects

 

[PunkinMan]

Tldr getting sexually taken advantage of has really changed my perception of both men and women.

Spoiler: PL

i have been taken advantage of sexually by numerous people both men and women, to the point where i genuinely don't trust peoples intentions when it comes to having any relationship, as much as I would like to enjoy having sex like the general population it just doesnt work anymore, putting medication on top of it makes sex feel miserable where i wont even have foreplay anymore just getting it over with like its a chore. I think the worst part is that the first time i got raped by a woman I couldnt smell a certain type of fragrance without my body locking up in flight or fight mode until i realize its a stranger passing me by.
I have never in my entire life felt so small and helpless. (Despite being 6 foot) Yet I blame myself for having these interactions in the first place, so i take that anger out on myself and sometimes other people, like being physically violent to the point of giving myself 2nd degree burns, lacerations, cuts and bruises on purpose, and being needlessly hostile to men and women who seem to controlling.

 

[Clitonium]

Their was a girl I really fancied who I didn't ask out believing that she was gay. Sometime later I found out that she really fancied me. Now she apparently is some dudes fiance.

I don't hate them. Just myself as I have a constant pattern of being oblivious towards women and ignoring obvious signals.

I can get people eating out of my hands, coiled around my fingers, mold them like clay, but I'm too much of a retard to do anything productive with this ability.

The universe, God, whoever gave me an exquisite meal and instead of tucking it in, I pushed it aside. I spat in it.

I literally have no place in my heart to hate other people, as I have already have enough I hatred for myself.

I fucked up royally.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

I expected to spend half of this day at a job. Instead I had to spend all of it. No really, never before I've spent so much time there. The only saving grace is that I am free this weekend, otherwise I would fucking quit. All those extra hours there I was afraid that my cat was starving, luckily I had left her enough food.
Take care and have a nice weekend.

 

[Brett DeLawyer]

Excitedly sent a text to my parents today telling them my two+ year old correctly read a word unprompted (“cat!”)

This was ignored and all I got was election sperging. When I said I wasn’t upset about the election they stopped responding lmao

So instead, you guys get to hear about it. I am very proud of my Baby DeLawyer ok!!!!!

 

[Toji Suzuhara]

I've been sick this last week, something to do with an infection in my left kidney, that's what the doctor said. But I'm slowly getting better and I woke up without pain today

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

I've been sick this last week, something to do with an infection in my left kidney, that's what the doctor said. But I'm slowly getting better and I woke up without pain today

Fuck nigger that hurts , does it hurt or is just feels like flu?

 

[Toji Suzuhara]

Fuck nigger that hurts , does it hurt or is just feels like flu?

It was a renal colic. Like a straight, diagonal line of pain going all the way from my left kidney until it stopped at my left testicle. I was more or less bedridden because of it.

I really don't know what could have caused it, to be honest. I went to a clinic and they did an ecography there, and they didn't find anything out of the ordinary. I've never drank alcohol in my life nor do I take any drugs either

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

It was a renal colic. Like a straight, diagonal line of pain going all the way from my left kidney until it stopped at my left testicle. I was more or less bedridden because of it.

I really don't know what could have caused it, to be honest. I went to a clinic and they did an ecography there, and they didn't find anything out of the ordinary. I've never drank alcohol in my life nor do I take any drugs either

Okay I should not have asked now my uterus is cramping from reading this jesus. Hope everything goes alright .

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Three-day weekend! Sadly, I'll be working all weekend...but after this push, I will fucking better no longer have to give over my weekends to my corporate overlords. Of course, I've been saying that since August, but I really mean it this time.

 

[Caddo Cobgang]

Generally good, Ive cut back on my intake of Twitter, some seething about the election is funny, but much of it is also just as annoying. I don't have a job so theres just a lot of freetime on my hands, generally occupying it with Vidya and Biking

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

Generally good, Ive cut back on my intake of Twitter, some seething about the election is funny, but much of it is also just as annoying. I don't have a job so theres just a lot of freetime on my hands, generally occupying it with Vidya and Biking

People bitch about the farms being the Internet Hate Machine, but genuinely I have never seen more mentally obsessed sick (stalker children) fucking idiots than on Twitter.

I do like that Elon has brought back genuine free speech onto the platform but the neurosis still remains lmfao

Way I view it, literally anything is better than scrooling

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Pretty good, got reelected to my HOA board for another year. I can see the entire neighborhood from where I am, nice seeing the construction crews working to repair and improve our association's infrastructure. Especially the drainage pond.

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

Children need to know that I'm not "unfortunate" or that it's "rude" to stare at me or an equally disabled man; they need to know why we are like this.
I've gotten much more shit by apparently tolerant adults than I have by children.

Obligatory "I am not a veteran" but holy shit it's so true that the parents and adults trying to be "diverse" and "tolerant" are always worse than innocent children who just don't know better.

It's important for children to, at a certain point, begin to understand that very unfortunate things can happen to people that leave them with permanent consequences; the oldest understand that I didn't actually lose my leg because I didn't listen to my parents or do my chores or that the monsters under the bed stole it, but that I am a disabled war veteran. They know my leg doesn't actually magically grow back, but that it's a metal prosthetic that I can put on or take off.

A full year into a job, my coworker told me, "It's taking a really long time for it to grow back! Can't you get medicine or something to make it go faster?"

Spoiler: More on the same

A lot of people truly have issues understanding the reality of permanent physical disabilities. I think I had just told her I had an injury, and she thought I meant like I'd been injured a few weeks ago.... not years ago.

I think it was my fuck-up because I have never known how much to disclose to my places of employement. Obviously I can't hide my physical disfigurements but when I interviewed, started my job, and for the first year or so, I was still wearing bandages daily. The bandages were mostly for protection because I've got so little sensation. I also thought it was more modest/would keep people from asking questions. But I've realized that it seemed to confuse people more because they would eventually ask why I hadn't gotten better yet.

Now that I don't really make an effort to conceal my disfigurements, people at my newer job seemed to assume I was, instead, born that way: which is also not true. It seems like even adults are really opposed to the idea of "something bad happened to a person."

The weirdest reaction has definitely been a guy describing how he would have avoided getting crippled in the first place by Rambo-style gunning down everyone in the room. But we were actually buddies and I totally get that it was the same thing- it was just that he couldn't mentally process the idea of being permanently injured. He just straight up said "I could never let that happen to me."

In the same vein: I often leave my card game group early because I just run out of juice. My buddy was explaining this to a new person and said "Bliblbl has PTSD." And I'm like "I don't have PTSD." And all my buddies told me I "obviously have PTSD." It's kinda thrown me for a loop and I just haven't had the time to track any of them down to really ask about it. I don't know if they were just using the term lightly, or if I'm really foolish. I'm not really sure what difference it even makes. I'm open to internet criticism. I really have the feeling that I'm being stupid in some regard. Why would my friends say something like that?

The fall weather is so fleeting! All the leaves are already gone off the tree outside my window!

 

[Moth to a flame]

excuse my tard rant, but otherwise I'm alright. I had an interview yesterday and it seemed to go well. Trying to look on the positive side of things

Spoiler: Ranting and raving

honest to god i'm struggling, and my therapy and medication aren't working. I took time off from school because i was burnt out, but i'm burning myself out more by tard-wrangling myself and keeping my mental health straight. I suffer from BPD and EDS, along with a salad of other physical and mental shit. I don't want to get too personal, but my cat took a shit on my school notebook, meaning i had to transfer over the info from one notebook to another.I can't fucking write anymore because my fingers tense up and are in searing pain after only a few sentences. I don't trust my computer not wiping my data n shit so no, storing my notebook info on the computer is out of the question. I'm also slowly succumbing to my BPD and it's getting harder and harder to distinguish what's real and what's delusion, and i'm pretty sure i'm destroying my relationship because of it. I'm doing everything i can to keep it together and heal but nothing is working. I'm afraid i'll be the next Daniel Larson and have my own thread in the future.

 

[CoffeeCup]

excuse my tard rant, but otherwise I'm alright. I had an interview yesterday and it seemed to go well. Trying to look on the positive side of things

Spoiler: Ranting and raving

honest to god i'm struggling, and my therapy and medication aren't working. I took time off from school because i was burnt out, but i'm burning myself out more by tard-wrangling myself and keeping my mental health straight. I suffer from BPD and EDS, along with a salad of other physical and mental shit. I don't want to get too personal, but my cat took a shit on my school notebook, meaning i had to transfer over the info from one notebook to another.I can't fucking write anymore because my fingers tense up and are in searing pain after only a few sentences. I don't trust my computer not wiping my data n shit so no, storing my notebook info on the computer is out of the question. I'm also slowly succumbing to my BPD and it's getting harder and harder to distinguish what's real and what's delusion, and i'm pretty sure i'm destroying my relationship because of it. I'm doing everything i can to keep it together and heal but nothing is working. I'm afraid i'll be the next Daniel Larson and have my own thread in the future.

Stay alive. That's an order.

 

[Lycalopex]

In the same vein: I often leave my card game group early because I just run out of juice. My buddy was explaining this to a new person and said "Bliblbl has PTSD." And I'm like "I don't have PTSD." And all my buddies told me I "obviously have PTSD." It's kinda thrown me for a loop and I just haven't had the time to track any of them down to really ask about it. I don't know if they were just using the term lightly, or if I'm really foolish. I'm not really sure what difference it even makes. I'm open to internet criticism. I really have the feeling that I'm being stupid in some regard. Why would my friends say something like that?

At the risk of powerleveling; sometimes you genuinely can't tell unless it's pointed out to you. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD myself and it wasn't even on my radar until the diagnosis, but now that it is on the radar I can see it more easily. Not being able to recognize it in yourself doesn't make you stupid, it makes you human.

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

I just need to make it to next year. I *really* want to blow my fucking brains out, I keep having that goddamned thought in my head every fucking day, every hour and minute.
Just a month, that's it. A single stupid fucking month.
I haven't slept and probably won't be able to tonight as well.

No friends, no job, worthless ass schooling, family that resents me, useless docs and bullshit. I'm fucking losing it.