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@(((I am NOT a jew)))

If I kill myself I will just end up in another purgatory but it will be slightly worse. There is no way out of this suffering, obviously they wouldn't design it to have a back door that you can leave from.

There is a large increase in crime in my area. Kids are being endangered by people trying to abduct them off the street. Costs are high. Street congestion is high. It is only a couple of years before all white groups are extinct. I can't pretend everything is okay.

There is a high percentage chance that you are actually Jewish due to your inability to acknowledge the obvious. That is a Yiddish tactic.

Most cases of depression are caused by the fall of the west. Most deaths are clot shot related. Sadly the people in this thread are unable to see beyond what the MSM tells them. I wish I could help but I'm afraid their souls have already been taken.
 
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Forsaken Wanderer said:
There is a high percentage chance that you are actually Jewish due to your inability to acknowledge the obvious. That is a Yiddish tactic.
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Or I understand the fact that since I'm here and I haven't been able to successfully die that I should try to do the most of it instead of being a faggot about it. Or at least only a faggot half the time.

If you don't like where you're at, move. Stop drinking all the time. Give up the house if you hate paying for it. The fact you bought it means you believed in the system at some point.

Forsaken Wanderer said:
Most cases of depression are caused by the fall of the west. Most deaths are clot shot related. Sadly the people in this thread are unable to see beyond what the MSM tells them. I wish I could help but I'm afraid their souls have already been taken.
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You see, it gets really hard for anyone to want to help you when you say pretentious gay shit like this.
I get the west currently sucks. But I also know that we got a president back in that at a certain point nobody thought would make it past a bullet. It was less than 8 years ago that people collectively hated and laughed at the issues that are ruining things now. I know that more shit is changing fast. You see the front page on here. It doesn't happen all in one day. Things take time.
Yes, I pine for a better yesterday. Yes, most shit today is gay and dull. But I also know that doomscrolling and jerking off to my own depression isn't wise.
Forsaken Wanderer said:
If I kill myself I will just end up in another purgatory but it will be slightly worse. There is no way out of this suffering, obviously they wouldn't design it to have a back door that you can leave from.
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Except purgatory isn't real. But if it is, that supposes (usually) a god created it. Do you really think your god really just set everything up like this for everyone to be miserable for the remainder of the existence of the human race. I guess that might track with the more apocalyptic side of scripture, but also the belief in God means the belief in hope. The faith that things can be better when nothing ever seems like it will. If you truly believe in a purgatory, then you should have enough faith in your creator to know he'll protect you if you can live through the darkest times.


EDIT: Let me ask you an honest question I have to ask myself sometimes.
What happens if in the next five years things actually work out? Society is saved and things are back to normal. How will you live and cope with the fact you let despair eat away at you when it ended up not being worth the effort?
 
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y a t s said:
Things are fantastic. I have a beautiful, loving wife and a child on the way. I wake up every morning feeling blessed beyond description.

LIFE IS GREAT.
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That's awesome bro. I woke up this morning only to find that my house was robbed. They took everything, including my wheelchair (I lost both of my legs in Nam). So I crawled like a rancid slug until I reached the phone ready to dial 911- when my ex wife Deborah called me before I could even pick up the receiver. "Just calling to remind you that I hate your guts and the kids think you're a sick bastard. Even the dog wants you dead," ha, classic Deborah. After that exchange I finally reached 911, only to be told that they "don't help retarded cripples."

I then crawled out the door and to my mailbox to find an eviction notice and a letter from the IRS informing me that I'm being audited. My life is awful.

I'm glad ur doing so great tho...
 
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My uncle is starting his cancer treatment tomorrow. After numerous tests and doctors analyzing him and putting together a treatment plan, they believe he will be able to fight this. But it's cancer so you never really know. I'm trying to stay optimistic.

The winter hellscape seems to finally be subsiding a little which is great. I can't stand snow.

I'm trying to take advantage of some of my work benefits that I previously never used, mostly RTO. It's to compensate for the fact I could make more money elsewhere but the low stress and time off benefits help alleviate that. So I'm using it more to take an occasional Friday off here and there.

The next things are to start grocery shopping routinely so I stop ordering out food and to get to the gym. I believe in not overloading yourself with changes because it increases the likelihood that everything will fall apart. So I'm taking things one at a time and developing them into habits before tackling an additional change.

I was reading through posts and also want to say to hang in there to everyone who is struggling.
 
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I tried to hang myself last night. I used an old silk scarf, tied it to the door handle and knelt down. The knot came loose almost immediately, and I ended up faceplanting on the toilet floor. I gave it another kind of half-hearted shot later with the shower hose, which obviously didn't work, but did flood my bathroom. My life is objectively a good one. I'm loved. Both yesterday and today were lovely spring days. I just kinda don't feel anything. I think it's possible for someone to die before the body catches on. I guess I wanted someone to know this before I put my big girl face back on and go back to acting like nothing's happened.
 
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Baumstriezel said:
I tried to hang myself last night. I used an old silk scarf, tied it to the door handle and knelt down. The knot came loose almost immediately, and I ended up faceplanting on the toilet floor. I gave it another kind of half-hearted shot later with the shower hose, which obviously didn't work, but did flood my bathroom. My life is objectively a good one. I'm loved. Both yesterday and today were lovely spring days. I just kinda don't feel anything. I think it's possible for someone to die before the body catches on. I guess I wanted someone to know this before I put my big girl face back on and go back to acting like nothing's happened.
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Once as a child I tried to hang myself with an electrical cord and a beam in an abandoned barnhouse. Somehow both the cord and beam broke and it felt like I was punched in the neck. I made a more serious noose but didn't know where to hang it and basically gave up on giving up over the next few hours.
Same thing, I just kinda kept living. I didn't worry about the damages and bizarrely enough, no one asked although I didn't exactly have a good family life at the time.

I'm glad you can share this here because it is pretty weird to tell people IRL stuff like this, people often make all sorts of assumptions or say things impulsively that you don't really want to hear.

I wouldn't say I'm getting back into dating, but I did go on a second date, with one of my coworkers from another dept that's been asking me out for a while now.

She asked me where I was from, I said I'm just American, I'm local too. She said "I know you're adopted but, ethnically, your birth parents." I mean, I guess I'm Irish, English, etc? I'm just American.

And she laughed at me. I didn't laugh.
She thought I was Asian... I'm not Asian... She thought I was adopted, like, from some Asian country as a baby.... I was adopted as a teenager and my birth mom is very much white trailer trash who still begs me for money every now and again.

I just.... I had facial reconstruction surgery years ago lmao.... Somehow she didn't know I'm visually impaired but merely thought I was Asian.
It's not the first time I've been asked if I'm Asian actually. But it's never been so awkward. There might be a 3rd date still idk. She also didn't know I'm a Bible-basher and the religion might be the breaking point.
 
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Quite a turn from the last time I posted here…I was feeling hopeful and happy. Started on a weight loss medication and anti anxiety medication, the voices in my head finally shut up and allowed me to leave me house without being scared.
Well since then…2 medications turned into 4, and 4 is turning into 6. Fuck me, how did I get here?
But I guess it’s for the best…
Maybe one day soon when I get certain symptoms under control I won’t need to take all of them anymore and I can stop feeling like a walking pill factory 😢

This last week has just not been kind to me in the slightest. On top of all these new meds I have…
Broken one of my front teeth
Broken my glasses
And possibly broken one of my toes

Just give me a damn break already.
 
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I'm doing pretty great overall but studying by myself while trying to get into a film school is fucking daunting.
I really don't know how to go from dude who hasn't done public school in over a decade and having a GED while being poor most of my life to getting an incredible score and extra cirriculars/achievements and getting into a nice school. I have no idea how to bridge that gap if I'm being honest.
I know I can't let it get me down but it's like... what the fuck would I even do to justify getting in? What essay could I write or portfolio could I have that could justify basically just joining the working life since I was 18 with nothing else?
I'm trying not to blackpill or doom but also just legitimately overwhelmed at not knowing anyway ahead given the way my life has been until now.
I keep thinking of this video and the analogy of being the bag on the side of the road filled with heroin needles to rising up to become something. Of being the first slime you fight in a video game and saying "Yeah, I'm going to beat the boss."
How insane it sounds to even yourself sometimes.
 
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I'm in one of those phases where I just don't feel anything at all. Good things happen? Wow. Awesome. Bad things happen? Oh. Bummer. But I don't actually feel. It's just like a perpetual sameness. That's probably good since things are objectively horrible and things are blowing up around me. I just can't bring myself to care.
 
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missnaptime said:
feeling really good :) mrnaptime ran me a bath and put on a candle for me to have a moment to relax. we're going to watch a studio ghibli film in a bit hopefully (kiki's delivery service) and eat some mac n cheese.

I fucking love mac n cheese.Ii know I don't have much longer with him until i leave, so I'm savouring every second. <3
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I'm so jealous right now you fucking bitch.

I fucking love mac n cheese too!!

Sounds maximum comfy. I'm proud. Keep it real!
 
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