How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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YHWH's Strongest Soldier said:
Even individual sports like archery, fencing, rock climbing
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Funny you mention rock climbing. Tried it recently. Absolutely hated it. I'm decent at it but there's just something annoying about the yuppie type of atmosphere. There was some cute chicks there but almost all of them were with husbands/bf's. My body is in decent enough shape, albeit I've gained a little bit of fat over the winter lol. I'm at 2.5/3/4/4.5 for my main compound lifts.

I'm willing to try and socialize with people, I just do not understand them or what makes them "tick". I've tried a bunch of different bullshit and none of it seems to appeal or the "hobby" itself is literally just spending money for the sake of spending money. I think all adult socializing really is, is just work, school or coping with work/school. After that is relationships. The people who don't have relationships turn to drugs like I have been doing to keep me from blowing my head off.

I don't know what people like, it just isn't this. I'm into different things but I guess it's just not cool whenever I do it or some bullshit. I feel like I'm doing things wrong but nobody ever quite tells me how or how I can fix it (if possible)

obsdj said:
I can’t sleep.
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Can relate, currently blog posting at 3:34am because I am an idiot who drank too much coffee before lifting today. I am hopelessly addicted to fucking caffeine.
 
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Foltest said:
The weather is gray and cold, just like my mood.
The job market is fucking shit, so trying to find a job is awful.
A few of the good things is my dog and my close connection to my family.
I don't know how I would have done it without either.
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I'm only allowed one cat but the thought of mine, generally shy and scaredy, adopting a kitten, is enough to get me through the future visions of life. Hope I at some point get two cats, cause getting one half mine's age would be cruel. A non-stop cycle of two cats half a lifetime away.

A bunch of coworkers ditched they mans at the same time at work, so they got to talking romance, including lack of mineth. The obliviousness women harbor of the male experience is nuts. "Just go on dating apps lmao so ez". Yeah if you're a woman or will take anything with a pulse, usually one and the same. I don't even want a partner unless the stars align but man, sometimes the thought is comforting.

Speaking of: Two friends returned, gave me plenty of attention throughout a weekend, only to completely alienate me and have me back to being a teenager again, basically begging to converse or play shit. At which point they instead almost proudly go "Nah I'm gonna play with someone else". I've removed and re-added them enough times to know that if I do anything resembling socializing with someone else, they come crawling. I can update my status on Discord implying an inside joke with someone else and they'll haul ass to get there.

Thankfully I've grown used to getting no attention so I'll leave my phone on my bed or in my locker, no whip-snap reaction to IMs. And yet, even at such a jaded state, I reply more often than they do to me. Which is to be expected, set to offline and all. Cause yknow "I'm so busy like", having had no such lifestyle the past 10-12 years.
 
I love the smell of new jigsaw puzzle in the afternoon. This will be my third in the past month and a half (the last one was only a thousand pieces and I obsessively completed it faster than I meant to). This one is another 2k and the pieces are tiny. Between my shitty eyesight and the shitty lighting, this one ought to keep my hands busy and my mind peaceful for at least a few weeks. It really is helping me stay sane while I continue to flounder with all my problems.
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So my next project at work is to make parts that do not have any serial numbers or other identifying marks on them, and to be shipped overseas to an unusual location. I'm mildly curious as apparently we have never done this before and the items are only a few degrees of seperation from theoretically being related to significant current political events so I'm intrigued, but I don't plan to inquire deeper.
 
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Been a bit of a stressful day. I don't really have a lot going on either and no projects that need to be done, no fires to put out. So my focus is all on the stressful shit I'd love to be ignoring. I just kind of keep pacing and posting to take my mind off it.
obsdj said:
this one ought to keep my hands busy and my mind peaceful for at least a few weeks. It really is helping me stay sane while I continue to flounder with all my problems.
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I'm jealous. Enjoy.
 
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Found out that an online friend of mine had passed. This was not unexpected, she had very aggressive form of cancer that just did not respond to any sort of treatment. I remember when I first found out about her diagnosis almost a year ago. My intuition often tells me things I don't want to hear, and I remember suddenly thinking "she's dying". I fucking hate it when that happens, because so far it's never been wrong.
She was a couple of years younger than me. I also just had a birthday (I am ancient compared to most of you), so yeah, I'm thinking about mortality.
Good journey, friend.
 
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Normal fixable people don't have to justify themselves to fucking everyone around them. "dude why do you do this? Dude why do you do that?" "why why why why"

These same motherfuckers have the nerve to tell me "just bee urself bro!" If I'm clearly doing something verboten why not tell my ass and explain maybe how to change it if possible?

As fucking stupid as this sounds, I'm grateful for the people that just outright insult me by calling me autistic. I cannot fucking stand the head games normies pull to do everything besides just use the actual insult they intend.

My mother absolutely fucking hates me and tells me quite regularly to kill myself and other shit, but I'll say one thing... She's a fucking cunt but she is honest.

Maybe this is why I'm becoming less (truthfully) racist. I fully comprehend what it's like to just be fucking hated for existing. It's so fucking shit to deal with 24 goddamned 7.

Fucking original sin this bullshit feels like.

I just want to stop fucking being whatever *this* is. If that's not possible just put me down like an old horse.
 
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Rekeita's Kidneys said:
Normal fixable people don't have to justify themselves to fucking everyone around them. "dude why do you do this? Dude why do you do that?" "why why why why"

These same motherfuckers have the nerve to tell me "just bee urself bro!" If I'm clearly doing something verboten why not tell my ass and explain maybe how to change it if possible?

As fucking stupid as this sounds, I'm grateful for the people that just outright insult me by calling me autistic. I cannot fucking stand the head games normies pull to do everything besides just use the actual insult they intend.

My mother absolutely fucking hates me and tells me quite regularly to kill myself and other shit, but I'll say one thing... She's a fucking cunt but she is honest.

Maybe this is why I'm becoming less (truthfully) racist. I fully comprehend what it's like to just be fucking hated for existing. It's so fucking shit to deal with 24 goddamned 7.

Fucking original sin this bullshit feels like.

I just want to stop fucking being whatever *this* is. If that's not possible just put me down like an old horse.
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People say that kind of shit because they don't want to deal with it personally, because they're convinced that the touch-and-go advice will get you to stop doing what bothers them.
My thoughts on your situation, and I'm being legitimate no matter how obvious it sounds, is that you're uncomfortable. "No shit" I hear you thinking, but I'm serious. You need to find something you enjoy, you need to find a way to destress. You're wound up really tight and it's to your own physical and mental detriment.
It's not that you're doing something wrong it's that they feel you're in distress, they believe you don't notice and they don't feel it's their responsibility to pull you out.

Your mom sounds like a bitch by the way it probably doesn't help your outlook on life as well as your mannerisms during interactions
 
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Core Theorist said:
No gamepad (:_(
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Buy yourself the first party Microsoft Xbox Series X controller. Don't try to save a buck on the Logitech trash or some cheap knockoff. You can either grind through five of those Logitech toys, or you keep abusing one Microsoft controller and have a good time. If you have a PC and a USB-C cable, the kind you charge your smartphone with, you're good to go. Mine already fell two times from the type of height that would 100% break something in that Logitech toy, zero signs of damage, still going strong.
 
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Slav Power said:
Buy yourself the first party Microsoft Xbox Series X controller. Don't try to save a buck on the Logitech trash or some cheap knockoff. You can either grind through five of those Logitech toys, or you keep abusing one Microsoft controller and have a good time. If you have a PC and a USB-C cable, the kind you charge your smartphone with, you're good to go. Mine already fell two times from the type of height that would 100% break something in that Logitech toy, zero signs of damage, still going strong.
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I just have really good memories of my old f710 model, my latest unidentifiable gookchinkshit hand-me-down broke and I wanted something familiar, so I got the f310 wired version. It was cheap as it is and discounted anyway so I'm not expecting much. It's supposed to come in today so I'm not gonna cancel it now either. If it sucks total ass I'll see about saving up for the one you suggested. Is there any one in particular you would reccomend?

EDIT: I only use a gamepad for 2~3 different games so I don't use it all the time or anything if that counts, it's just critical for those games. Trying to play my arcade flight sim and mecha slop with a keyboard fucking sucks.
 
Core Theorist said:
Is there any one in particular you would reccomend?
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Just the Xbox Series controller from Microsoft. First party, as if you were buying an extra for your console. If you really want the proper wireless for PC, get the version with the dedicated dongle, they don't sell them individually anymore and Bluetooth isn't as good. If you don't care about it, just grab a regular one. You don't need a Bluetooth dongle or batteries, it will run with a bog standard USB-C cable, both Windows and Linux detect it instantly and you're ready to go.

People also like recommending 8BitDo controllers but my limited experience with them is that they're trash and it's not worth the hassle to save a buck by not buying the first party Xbox controller.

By the way, the F310 lacks the rumble of F710, which lacks the wired connectivity, so once you lose the dongle/the batteries die it's e-waste. The modern Xbox controller runs on AA's, uses Bluetooth so no dongle lock-in, and can run wired. The only durability concern are the sticks, but mine isn't drifting and from what I've seen the drift issue isn't nearly as bad on the Xbox controllers as everyone makes it out to be.
 
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the last 3 months have all been a blur because all i've done is wake up, work on my pc and go to sleep again. I am mentally checked out and tired, just want to save some more money and take a break. I haven't been feeling well either and need to get back to a more healthy routine and start going out to hike or jog again.
 
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