- Joined
- Nov 18, 2020
Just smoked and am sitting in my underwear watching TV. I forgot that I already did something about Mother's Day, but let me tell you: That was some panic attack.
How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check
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- Joined
- Sep 9, 2024
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2025
I hate how old or sick my remaining family is. They can't help it and I love them, but my family is already small enough.
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2020
(((I am NOT a jew)))
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
I somehow have the honor of being someone who somehow has both made the most retarded mistakes one could make in life while also not nearly making enough retarded mistakes. It's been having a toll on me more and more.
I'm making good strides towards things but it feels like the damage is done. I hate the word "broken", but no matter what I do, I just feel so inherently fucked that it doesn't matter. It's like, I might be doing good things or making some changes but at the end of the day the fundamental failure that is me overshadows all of that.
That and the world itself just depresses me now. Went into Walmart recently and it somehow looked so much worse. Floor tiling was straight up grey instead of white, there was almost no one to check out with and the lighting had that soul-draining atmosphere everyone's used to now where you can tell they're trying to get you out the door as fast as possible, mixed with the most intentionally shitty music possible. I couldn't believe I was actually nostalgic for an old Walmart "look" but here we are.
I also felt guilty for spending over 100 dollars on... some new clothes, some bathroom/kitchen essentials and food for one or two meals...
But on the bright side...
New dude didn't show the other day because he literally shot somebody. Yes. The victim is in critical condition. This could be his fourth kill...
Can you guess the race of the man in question?
Don't worry though, they'll have another one in no time. Even more niggerific than the last.
Our workspace has literally been given the Netflix treatment. And they very much are comfortable with that.
I'm making good strides towards things but it feels like the damage is done. I hate the word "broken", but no matter what I do, I just feel so inherently fucked that it doesn't matter. It's like, I might be doing good things or making some changes but at the end of the day the fundamental failure that is me overshadows all of that.
That and the world itself just depresses me now. Went into Walmart recently and it somehow looked so much worse. Floor tiling was straight up grey instead of white, there was almost no one to check out with and the lighting had that soul-draining atmosphere everyone's used to now where you can tell they're trying to get you out the door as fast as possible, mixed with the most intentionally shitty music possible. I couldn't believe I was actually nostalgic for an old Walmart "look" but here we are.
I also felt guilty for spending over 100 dollars on... some new clothes, some bathroom/kitchen essentials and food for one or two meals...
But on the bright side...
New dude didn't show the other day because he literally shot somebody. Yes. The victim is in critical condition. This could be his fourth kill...
Can you guess the race of the man in question?
Don't worry though, they'll have another one in no time. Even more niggerific than the last.
Our workspace has literally been given the Netflix treatment. And they very much are comfortable with that.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2021
Past is past. Sorry to be trite, but it is what it is. Now and your future direction are what matters. Digging out of a hole sucks rocks, but it is important, and that you're doing it - even if you slip on the scrabble on the way - is the thing to hook onto.
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2015
At a job I was recommended to but making less than I expected and overworked. Probation was extended due to making a mistake that I wasn't even trained for but scapegoated on (my superior officer also got blamed so we were "at fault" together despite not knowing or being trained for the lapse in security - airport)
The superior officer that's in the same boat with me is cool though, he's one of the real ones. The others are all pretty much snakes, as Raj from Hell's Kitchen said it well.
I'm also gonna have to make a decision soon like how Terry McGinnis had to choose between Dana and Melanie Walker.
The superior officer that's in the same boat with me is cool though, he's one of the real ones. The others are all pretty much snakes, as Raj from Hell's Kitchen said it well.
I'm also gonna have to make a decision soon like how Terry McGinnis had to choose between Dana and Melanie Walker.
Coffee Drain
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2023
Fuck Excel. Wish I was a cave man stabbing shit with spears n' shit.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Every day above ground is a good one. The older we get, the more we understand this.Past is past. Sorry to be trite, but it is what it is. Now and your future direction are what matters. Digging out of a hole sucks rocks, but it is important, and that you're doing it - even if you slip on the scrabble on the way - is the thing to hook onto.
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2023
Going to church in the morning for the first time in a couple weeks. I've been missing it, I'm excited.
Less exciting is realizing my parents are hitting their midlife crisis. My mom texted me today to show off her new tattoo, when she's never mentioned wanting one and with her and dad constantly warning my brothers and I about tattoos.
Between that, her dancing rather closely with a neighbor during a party in January, and, when looking up hot sauce recipes on their computer hotwife was a recently searched term, I'm praying that they aren't becoming Rekeita-esque.
Less exciting is realizing my parents are hitting their midlife crisis. My mom texted me today to show off her new tattoo, when she's never mentioned wanting one and with her and dad constantly warning my brothers and I about tattoos.
Between that, her dancing rather closely with a neighbor during a party in January, and, when looking up hot sauce recipes on their computer hotwife was a recently searched term, I'm praying that they aren't becoming Rekeita-esque.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Tell her she was right and ask her why the fuck she's doing that. More politely though.
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2020
If you tell this story when going to Stoney's I think you get a free bowl of SpaghettiOs and your drinks for half price for the night.
- Joined
- May 14, 2019
If I didn't tell you all, my job search for this year failed, and over the course of it I realized that my school completely failed me as a school. I used to blame myself for my lack of progress, but it was over the course of a couple conversations and incidents and the thinking about them that I realized that my advisors were jerking me around, punching their clock, not doing jack shit to help me.
So I've been very upset about this and am on the verge of ragequitting. It's about all I can think about all day. But unlike the past, the anger and sadness feels different. I'm a lot more peaceful in general, I get a lot of fun out of life, it's just that specific aspect of my life is now dead to me. Cold contempt for the department that at times flares up into my angrily yelling at nothing (imagining the boss, is what) until I just realize what I'm doing and stop.
One thing I have started doing that's good is going and buying stuff. Sounds odd, but I had a number of things I kept putting off doing, some of them for years, that I just took the plunge to sort out NOW. I had this violin I was learning to play on my own, but I often couldn't play it down here without feeling sad, and when I broke (stepped on it, was laying on the ground) my rest I just never bothered with it again for a semester or two. I bought a new rest and have the intention to play again (I need to get together a structured program to keep up motivation). For literally, like, four years I kept meaning to get into fishing, but never would. First step was buying an ikejime (I refuse to kill a fish by letting it choke to death, and the time I tried to stab one to death it went regrettably), and now I have that and mean to work on tackle, license, etc. tomorrow (I have a pole and a tackle box with random bits and bobs, complete disorder, fished very sporadically and unsuccessfully). Catfish is what I want to go after.
So I've been very upset about this and am on the verge of ragequitting. It's about all I can think about all day. But unlike the past, the anger and sadness feels different. I'm a lot more peaceful in general, I get a lot of fun out of life, it's just that specific aspect of my life is now dead to me. Cold contempt for the department that at times flares up into my angrily yelling at nothing (imagining the boss, is what) until I just realize what I'm doing and stop.
One thing I have started doing that's good is going and buying stuff. Sounds odd, but I had a number of things I kept putting off doing, some of them for years, that I just took the plunge to sort out NOW. I had this violin I was learning to play on my own, but I often couldn't play it down here without feeling sad, and when I broke (stepped on it, was laying on the ground) my rest I just never bothered with it again for a semester or two. I bought a new rest and have the intention to play again (I need to get together a structured program to keep up motivation). For literally, like, four years I kept meaning to get into fishing, but never would. First step was buying an ikejime (I refuse to kill a fish by letting it choke to death, and the time I tried to stab one to death it went regrettably), and now I have that and mean to work on tackle, license, etc. tomorrow (I have a pole and a tackle box with random bits and bobs, complete disorder, fished very sporadically and unsuccessfully). Catfish is what I want to go after.
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2017
There's a german/japanese(?) term for getting revenge on the day, having been busy, by staying up late instead. I too feel like I waste my hard-earned hours off after work, yet I don't do shit with my time.
I wanna get good at sitting down with a creative game but it just feels like a waste. Yet I can read perfectly fine for an hour here and there.
Honestly just focus on the no screens/no digesting part. Exercise wasn't even mentioned in that documentary, but it's easily shoved in with a shower before bed if you ate at 5pm and ran 6:30pm etc. It really opens up when dinner isn't the end of your day.
Hell my dad is unhealthy and fat but a few hours after dinner he naturally go for a walk.
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2022
Things are... a bit odd for me at the moment. The funeral for my great aunt is tomorrow, so I'll likely be attending that. Job's a bit mixed, most of the duties aren't too rough, but I've also dealt with grown men shitting in the floor for whatever reason. Writing's halted as well; not that I don't have any idea on what to do next, there's just been some LTMs on some video games that I'm having to finish up beforehand.
Overall, it's a... decent time, could do with actually getting some shit done on my writing and without dealing with grown men shitting in the floor, but that's life sometimes.
Overall, it's a... decent time, could do with actually getting some shit done on my writing and without dealing with grown men shitting in the floor, but that's life sometimes.
Flavius Claudius Julianus
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2020
Cleared out about 100 books over the weekend, shit I'd basically never read again. I'd held off doing this for years because these were all antiquarian volumes to some degree or other. While I could slowly part them off over eBay or something, I don't have the patience to store them and wait.
Summer is ramping up hard this year. My garden is basically completely taken over by spider webs. You can see them EVERYWHERE, and the dandelion seeds are stuck all over. Looks kinda like that spray-on web stuff in the can you can buy for Halloween.
I'm still on my cut, this is the end of week two. Portions down, all cardio sessions have been hit. I had one day where I drank a sugar-free Monster, but I don't feel too bad about that. Feeling better each day.
Summer is ramping up hard this year. My garden is basically completely taken over by spider webs. You can see them EVERYWHERE, and the dandelion seeds are stuck all over. Looks kinda like that spray-on web stuff in the can you can buy for Halloween.
I'm still on my cut, this is the end of week two. Portions down, all cardio sessions have been hit. I had one day where I drank a sugar-free Monster, but I don't feel too bad about that. Feeling better each day.
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2022
stuck at home on this beautiful day jorkin it because im on call at work.
Went through a depressed spell while laid off, catching back up on living well slowly.
Went through a depressed spell while laid off, catching back up on living well slowly.
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2024
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2017
Re-added some folks I deleted 4-5 years ago. Two of them had just finished a 2-year education, halfway suicidal about their future. Both now earning close to twice what I do, full of themselves and practically boasting about it. Quite depressing. We get ~6 years of financial aid for studying here and I spent 5 of those on a master's degree that basically went nowhere. To do a 2-year thing sounds like barely any time now that I'm on the grim side of 30, but I'd have to get a job on the side to fund at least one of the two years.
I found a leddit thread asking people in their mid-late 20s what they had achieved, most of them saying "Not much but I could always study" cause they never used their financial aid. I did, so somehow I both feel behind others, despite having gone through uni AND like I wasted my one ticket on a degree I'm not using, falling short of people who just did a random two-year thing. I don't mind being a loser but seeing others having the option to just get their shit together and get an education 'easily' is painful.
I also revisited some old communities, seeing a few deaths under the age of 30. It should put life into perspective, money not being everything, but I also can't help seeing these people play a game at a LAN and only think "I bet he's got a great gig". I don't even want money; it's annoying I think so much about it. Maybe it's not the money but the measurable progress of going from one job to a better one. I keep applying for jobs other people would use as a necessary in-between of other jobs, as if I'm living in a completely different world from them and have to beg and plead just to be a 9-to-5 drone.
I watched an essay on Office Space and how depressing it was about corporate life, only for the comments to be full of zoomers with similar educations saying they'd kill for such a 'lowly' job. The world is fucked, dawg.
I found a leddit thread asking people in their mid-late 20s what they had achieved, most of them saying "Not much but I could always study" cause they never used their financial aid. I did, so somehow I both feel behind others, despite having gone through uni AND like I wasted my one ticket on a degree I'm not using, falling short of people who just did a random two-year thing. I don't mind being a loser but seeing others having the option to just get their shit together and get an education 'easily' is painful.
I also revisited some old communities, seeing a few deaths under the age of 30. It should put life into perspective, money not being everything, but I also can't help seeing these people play a game at a LAN and only think "I bet he's got a great gig". I don't even want money; it's annoying I think so much about it. Maybe it's not the money but the measurable progress of going from one job to a better one. I keep applying for jobs other people would use as a necessary in-between of other jobs, as if I'm living in a completely different world from them and have to beg and plead just to be a 9-to-5 drone.
I watched an essay on Office Space and how depressing it was about corporate life, only for the comments to be full of zoomers with similar educations saying they'd kill for such a 'lowly' job. The world is fucked, dawg.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2019
I should be angry, but I can't muster it. I'm disappointed. I'm jaded. Stupid is as stupid does and I'm done trying to reason with them because clearly, self-immolation is addictive to someone who has nothing to worry about.