How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Its been a pretty fucking shit day i have to say. Started off with one of my rabbits freaking out early morning as i was getting ready to go to work. Fuckin idiot managed to ruin the cage so i had to fix that at fucking 5 in the morning or risk having a bunny loose unsupervised in the house. Ye that would not end well. God damn rabbits are so fucking dumb it amazes me anyone of them survives past day 3 of their lives. God damn dumbfucks.

and then theres work...god damn piece of shit job just got shittier as fucking nothing works and management cant make any god damn decisions because of grave retardness. Had to deal with that shit all day and as always it resulted in absolutely fuck nothing so same shit starts tomorrow.

Then i got home and started puking. Oh ye it just started out of the blue and dissapeared just as fast. But hey....thanks god you just had to put the dot in the i there and really make it that little extra pissy didnt you? oh yes. Fuck you god and fuck this shit.
 
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My buddy wants to hang out this weekend and play warhammer. I saw that he messaged me on an app that I have to use for a project i'm working on with a group that I need to stay in contact with. I like playing warhammer and hanging with him, it's fun. I call him a faggot for playing space marines, he says I'm bitter that Death Guard are so low tier. We just hang out for hours and it's a good time.

I haven't spoken to him or most of my other friends for about a week now. Deliberately. I know it's a shitty thing to do, but I can't force myself to talk to them. Not even to say that I don't want to hang out, or bullshit and say that I'm busy. I don't wanna be around any of them since I feel like the way I am now I'm just going to bring them down. I'm a bad friend I think.
 
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Draventren said:
My buddy wants to hang out this weekend and play warhammer. I saw that he messaged me on an app that I have to use for a project i'm working on with a group that I need to stay in contact with. I like playing warhammer and hanging with him, it's fun. I call him a faggot for playing space marines, he says I'm bitter that Death Guard are so low tier. We just hang out for hours and it's a good time.

I haven't spoken to him or most of my other friends for about a week now. Deliberately. I know it's a shitty thing to do, but I can't force myself to talk to them. Not even to say that I don't want to hang out, or bullshit and say that I'm busy. I don't wanna be around any of them since I feel like the way I am now I'm just going to bring them down. I'm a bad friend I think.
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Not a bad friend, no. Hardly, since you say your motivation for avoiding them is to avoid causing them to be glum. At worst, you're assuming their reactions to you.
I'm guilty of doing this myself, from time to time, and every time I do it, I get a huge bollocking from my pals for not telling them that I'm feeling down and I'm worried about it infecting their moods.
I suspect if your friends are anything at all like mine are, they'd probably tell you not to be a faggot and talk to them anyway. :)
 
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Troon Draugur said:
Not a bad friend, no. Hardly, since you say your motivation for avoiding them is to avoid causing them to be glum. At worst, you're assuming their reactions to you.
I'm guilty of doing this myself, from time to time, and every time I do it, I get a huge bollocking from my pals for not telling them that I'm feeling down and I'm worried about it infecting their moods.
I suspect if your friends are anything at all like mine are, they'd probably tell you not to be a faggot and talk to them anyway. :)
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That's not exactly what I meant. I think that the people that my friends are a good sort of people. I think that talking to them it's not that it's going to make them feel sad, or not only that. I know that I'm going to say something, they're going to start looking for ways to help, they're going to shift focus away from the things they need to do right now, things that are more important than me and I don't want that. They're going to be good people to me, and I frankly don't know how or even if I can handle that.

Makes me sound like such a retard, but that's how it is.
 
im trying to get add medication. im in college and have cronic focus issues. i want to start cutting again, but i always feel like that after a while. my therapist got canceled and now i have to find a new one. if i were to rate out of ten, id give my mental state a 4.5/10.
 
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My family and I have decided the challenge ourselves to not eat any candy, treats, cookies, soda, sugary garbage, etc, for the whole month of September. I'm already missing my evening chocolate. I'm considering printing out a photo of one of our Deathfat lolcows and placing it in the kitchen.
 
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Leonard Helplessness said:
Breakdown.

Going back to work was nice; a proper work environment was an an amazing change for all of two weeks. That’s no longer going to happen because over the weekend, somebody ripped open my fucking car and did such a retarded job trying to steal it that it won’t start at all anymore due to all the fucking damage to the key cylinder and electronics. It was right outside my fucking home.

I filed a police report with all available information and the police told me they weren’t going to do shit, not even so much as investigate due to “lack of solvability.” I talked to a cop who said essentially that there are too many criminals and not enough personnel in this city anymore and he had not one fucking answer about what could or should be done. I contacted my insurance and they’re not doing shit either. I’m reaching out to the mayor’s office and got bounced around and now they’ve had me on hold with social services for over a fucking hour. I don’t feel safe in this hellhole and now I can’t even fucking escape.

Only my family has even tried to be of help. I tried to climb out of the abyss I’ve lived in for half my life and there are too many fucking crabs digging in their claws.
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In a healthy organism, the immune system responds quickly to any injury — all manner of help is dispatched to the affected site to restore it to working order. The process happens automatically and immediately upon a problem being detected, with nothing asked for in return, only the tacit expectation that the now-healed member will do the same for anyone else.

The same is true for a healthy community. While the city I live in is completely fucking pozzed nowadays, I’m blessed to have connections to a family that gives enough of a shit to drop everything they’re doing and move fucking mountains when I’m in trouble — with the expectation that I’ll help them too and avoid that sort of trouble again.

I’m under a lot of pressure now to pick my feet up and get the fuck out of this city before it kills me. But things are better than they were. And I’m pretty fucking determined to move to a community that hasn’t yet caught the AIDS; getting out of my lease early could be a pain in the ass but there’s a glimmer of hope there.

It’s weird how as you grow older, your resentment of family and your determination to follow your own path inevitably melt away. Whenever following my own path led me into hell, the only people who reached in and pulled me out (and didn’t immediately stick me in another hell for their enjoyment) were my folks.

So yeah, I’m doing better now. Remember, frens, to never desert your own flesh and blood, even when the world is dangling every imaginable wealth and pleasure before you so as to entice you into its grip. The world will use you up and throw you away like an ABDL’s afternoon nappy, but your family will not give up on you no matter how many times they have to deal with your shit. Be good to them, always.
 
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I'm depressed for a few reasons. Regardless of who wins the next election our country will be run by utter lunatics. I feel like I'm the only human in a sea of shrieking retards, it all sounds the same. "Everyone who thinks differently than me needs to die". People use "fake news" to simply not believe anything that doesnt fit their personal narrative. I find myself avoiding everyone, not because of covid but for the utter filth spewing from everyone's mouths.


Trumpers, SJWs, cops, BLM, Antifa, alt-right, trannies, throw them all in a fucking volcano and be done with it.
 
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i'm really upset (mostly with myself) for not being able to find and keep a stable job for more than just seasonal work.
i'm also reasonably upset that my anxiety medication is constantly being backordered. Fuck that.
 
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I just had an odd feeling. I remembered being lonely when I was younger-- "nobody will ever love me" shit, not "my wife is visiting her sister" tier.

The odd feeling was missing that feeling. Irrational, of course, but feelings do like that. I think that, on some level, I must have liked being miserable.
 
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Well I fucked up last night. I got baked on edibles, wound up dropping a bomb in the group chat I have with my friends about how I have been having an awful week and have been avoiding them. I can't even look at the messenger app without feeling like I'm about to vomit. I did the opposite of what I wanted to do and now they're worried and I can't even bring myself to get back to them about it and now I'm freaking out. Been in and out of panic all day that they might call my parents, or show up here themselves to confront me about it. I haven't left the house all day because i'm convinced they're going to be waiting there for me. I don't know what's the worse outcome for me: that they get mad and don't want to be around me anymore, or that they try and keep caring after the stupid bullshit I'm still putting them through cause I'm a shitty person.

Ped Xing said:
I just had an odd feeling. I remembered being lonely when I was younger-- "nobody will ever love me" shit, not "my wife is visiting her sister" tier.

The odd feeling was missing that feeling. Irrational, of course, but feelings do like that. I think that, on some level, I must have liked being miserable.
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I've had thoughts like that when I've had up points in my life. It's weird, but I think you can just kind of get comfortable in that position and not want it to change.
 
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I've been having a pretty stressful year. It doesn't have much, if anything to do with COVID. It's just been one hit after another. I had my first day off in weeks today and had time to reflect on shit. I am really not a fan of vacations or traveling, but at some point after the holidays I have to get the hell out of here for a week or so. Otherwise, I may wind up in a straight jacket rocking back and forth in a corner somewhere.
 
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I saw a chad yesterday, that was the first sight this year (I rarely leave the house).

Sometimes I understand incels.

Draventren said:
I've had thoughts like that when I've had up points in my life. It's weird, but I think you can just kind of get comfortable in that position and not want it to change.
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It's impossible to change, why fight?
 
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Ped Xing said:
I just had an odd feeling. I remembered being lonely when I was younger-- "nobody will ever love me" shit, not "my wife is visiting her sister" tier.

The odd feeling was missing that feeling. Irrational, of course, but feelings do like that. I think that, on some level, I must have liked being miserable.
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Draventren said:
I've had thoughts like that when I've had up points in my life. It's weird, but I think you can just kind of get comfortable in that position and not want it to change.
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Eh, I was fucking my brains with that for the most of my life, but in the end realised, that if I can't be happy by myself, then no amount of human contact is going to change that. After this I realised that there is no point looking for company for the sake of it, because most of the time I was around people, who didn't understand me and was basically alone in a crowd. Just don't overthink it and you will feel better.
 
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I went out two days ago "just for fun" for the first time in six months. Had terrible anxiety the rest of the day after I got home. I was glad to be out but at the same time I probably won't do it again for a while. I saw something bright that felt blinding and the announcement over the store speaker about social distancing was extremely disillusioning and weird. I guess it was a good litmus test for knowing that things are still pretty far from normal
 
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