How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Leonard Helplessness]

A lot of people I normally talk to aren't fuckin' worth talking to right now. Almost everybody on my friendlists is either a smug, spiteful little piece of shit who finally defeated all hate in the world forever or a sniveling, gloomy little piece of shit whose world is coming to an end. Both attitudes are fucking poisonous to be around, so things feel a little bit quiet and lonely. The city sucks at the moment too, for the same reason: People vacantly celebrating a hollow victory not because they will benefit from the victory in any way, but because the little screens ordered them to celebrate.

The internet has changed drastically in the past several years. It no longer informs our minds, only our emotions. In that regard, it has become another branch of mass media, keeping us ignorant and turning us against each other in order to further enrich the people that control it. The world is pretty fucked, but there's very little that I myself can do about it, because the world will not stop being fucked until the people in it stop being so fucked. That's a challenge, because in order for people to not be fucked, people need to have proper upbringings, educations, and moral foundations. That does not happen when people spend their whole lives sitting in their homes consuming mass media and packaged electronic entertainment.

I see a fuckton of people in this thread who are sad, and my advice is: Disengage from mass media, cut out anything trying to sneak another spoonful of emotionally charged bullshit into your mouth. Talk to your families if you're on good terms with them. Talk to the people who aren't poisoned in the head because of what they heard on Twitter just now. Read some old shit; there's probably at least one great book by a long-dead genius that you've neglected to read. If you have any hobbies, dust them off; if you like to create shit, try creating some shit. Pull the fucking needle out of your arm.

 

[Sped Xing]

I see a fuckton of people i yhis thread who are sad. My advice? Coom more.

 

[Curt Sibling]

Most of my friends and family followed the US election, but no-one argued about it. This was mostly due to our mutual
realization that it is contest between two extremely rich old fuckers who don't really give a rat's tiny testicles about us
irrelevant peasants. So, one old guy won the throne. Hopefully the other old guy can simply go and enjoy his extremely
large pile of cash, and let a great nation get it's shit back together...

 

[Childe]

Just flipped my shit over the realization that I’m slowly killing myself with nicotine and destroyed every nicotine product that I had in my house. Now to get through the withdrawal. Hopefully my body can recover from the shit I’ve put it through.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Spent all day trying to make some software I need to work properly. Tried every solution I've found on Stack Overflow and it still doesn't work. If nothing is gonna help... Well, I guess, God doesn't want me to code.

Welp, it works, but the stuff I've done for this... The next step would be to buy new hardware. I HOPE, it will work just fine until I figure it out enough to create something with it.

 

[Dom Cruise]

Had one of the worst days in a while, no I don't want to go into detail.

But what the fuck is wrong with 2020? Why is it such a shit year?

 

[Stilgar of Troon]

Had one of the worst days in a while, no I don't want to go into detail.

But what the fuck is wrong with 2020? Why is it such a shit year?

It's starting to feel like a winnowing of sorts.

 

[round robin]

I'm hungry.

 

[Wraith]

2 out of 3 injuries healed. I can walk long distance again but my right leg looks like hell.
Also this has been irritating me.

 

[Muttnik]

My family and I have been living together again since August, and honestly, as much as it would have hurt financially to stay in Texas and try to bang it out with no job prospects and no place to live, this is unbearable.

Yes, I have a meal whenever I want it, but all that happens at the dinner table is arguments and fights. Yes, I have a bed to sleep in, but I'm awakened in the middle of the night by nightmares of what used to happen in this household and an old woman who can't let the day's issues go to rest without having one last word. Yes, I have a 'family' that 'loves me', but I'm a 23 year old man and I should have enough of a backbone to fight back when a 65-year old plant worker tries to take a swipe at me over an election dispute or when a 60 year old woman goes into vivid detail about how much of a disappointment I would have been to my mother.

I don't have anywhere else to go. I got a department transfer at my job but I'm not eligible for location transfer yet, and I don't have the money or means to survive on a job with this low of an income on my own. I don't have any friends' couches I can crash on, the rest of my family sees me as the alcohol-addicted black sheep I was back in college, and the only social connections I have are a couple of people I met through the net.

I feel like the weight of the world is crashing down on my shoulders even though I know that there are plenty of people who have it far worse. It's the same unbearable feeling of being unable to escape that I've felt for the past 14 years of my life, this feeling that no matter what I do, what I say, what I attempt, I'l never be able to rise above what brought me here. I feel destined to fail, and it hurts. Religion, once my only comfort, feels empty and powerless- no matter how much I've tried to trust in God's plan, it's been completely obscured to me. All I get are temporary victories that quickly become setbacks in their own right.

My emotions are in freefall. I have manic highs where I feel as if everything is okay, and then I hit rock bottom and I can't look at anything sharp without having some violently intrusive thoughts. The lows always last the longest, and they come the most often, and they drive people away from me so that there's no one left when the high comes around, and that just kills the buzz that much faster.

If I could just sit at a computer desk from 9 to 5 doing mindless, soul-crushing NPC work, come home to an empty home, and try to spend a little bit of time with the woman I love and the few friends I have left, that would be enough. I'm not asking for much, I don't think. Even mediocrity would be acceptable to me now.

I know this is a little late but I was literally in the exact same mess, in the exact same state, a few months ago. I figured I'd be stuck in that spot forever, longing for mediocrity and never succeeding. Shit literally changed overnight and now I'm finishing out the year pretty good. It can happen that fast, bro.

 

[The Sauce Boss]

update on the broken toe: apparently the break's been aggravated, my doctor thinks me working that shift on it did more damage. Pretty much a guarantee that I'm either getting plated or pinned. Earliest appointment was eight days from now, but I'm trying to boot myself up the schedule.

I am in some SERIOUS pain. The bone is actually bent slightly upwards now and even trying to put any weight or bend it feels like jamming a knife into the left side of my foot. The whole thing from the toe down to the arch is yellow, black and blue.

 

[Stilgar of Troon]

update on the broken toe: apparently the break's been aggravated, my doctor thinks me working that shift on it did more damage. Pretty much a guarantee that I'm either getting plated or pinned. Earliest appointment was eight days from now, but I'm trying to boot myself up the schedule.

I am in some SERIOUS pain. The bone is actually bent slightly upwards now and even trying to put any weight or bend it feels like jamming a knife into the left side of my foot. The whole thing from the toe down to the arch is yellow, black and blue.

Get better soon, man.

 

[palmtreesalad]

I feel really weird. I'm so numb and the days are going by unexplainably fast which makes it feel even worse. I feel like doing the same things everyday over and over is fucking my mind up.

 

[Molester Stallone]

Just flipped my shit over the realization that I’m slowly killing myself with nicotine and destroyed every nicotine product that I had in my house. Now to get through the withdrawal. Hopefully my body can recover from the shit I’ve put it through.

I went through the same thing years ago. It's a shitty feeling being in your early 20's and knowingly causing harm to your body because you can't stop a behavior. When I finally quit it was a great feeling to no longer feel tethered to cigarettes. You got this man.

 

[DamageJoy]

Feeling too self conscious, wish I could do creative stuff and live off from neet bucks.
I am just too lazy to do anything now.

 

[Just A Butt]

I’ve been having really vivid dreams lately. Not bad ones, just the kind that it takes a few minutes to figure out it was a dream when you wake up.

Otherwise things are looking pretty good. Almost finished with a couple of really dumb but fulfilling projects, and hopefully by the end of the year it will be time to pack up and move on.

 

[Stilgar of Troon]

I’ve been having really vivid dreams lately. Not bad ones, just the kind that it takes a few minutes to figure out it was a dream when you wake up.
. . .

Similar here; good ones, bad ones, weird ones. It's making the mornings decidedly puzzling.

 

[Clockwork_PurBle]

Doing pretty good, just tired. I have a lot of college projects going on right now as well as a...virtual stage production because you know we can't have plays in the traditional sense. It's really weird but hey at least I now have this experience.

I also filmed a commercial recently and it was nice getting something else for my resume.

 

[Leonard Helplessness]

Donated blood today. "Wow, you're a good bleeder" is not a compliment I expected to hear during the hemoglobin check. I'll be nice and crabby for several days until my body chemistry gets over itself.

Feeling too self conscious, wish I could do creative stuff and live off from neet bucks.
I am just too lazy to do anything now.

Being self-employed is a weird world. Even if you’re doing creative work — really, especially if you’re doing creative work — you’ve got to push yourself and make sure you get something done every single day. I’m a wagie with some creative stuff I’m working on as a hobby, and even that can be extremely easy to wind up putting off unless I find ways to dedicate myself. Work itself can be weird as hell, because even if you tell yourself that you hate doing it and you’d rather be doing something else, you might find that you’ll be directionless without that constant strict structure and responsibility. Working from home can suck because it’s easy to get away with slacking off, only to discover that slacking winds up making you feel even shittier at day’s end than than if you’d been busting your ass. Psychology is weird like that; if you’re not doing something useful then you can easily wind up feeling useless.

Keep at it, fam. Sometimes the only way to stop being lazy is to force yourself to stop.

 

[Tumbo]

Can't Complain working liveing ect