How to deal with being "unpersoned"

[Spiny Rumples]

Just an update an I am ok.
Writing Amhole Erotica because why not.

The group seems to be imploding because of this, and yes, I'm sniggering from the sidelines. There are more people contacting me, but I don't want to answer because it all seems so disingenous to me. You were willing to throw me under the bus and now we're going to be friends?! Sorry, not sorry.

These groups are made of real people whose opinions can change over time. If it has been a while, they didn't personally throw you under, and/or they apologized, then it was less about you and more about their cowardice.

Sometimes cowardice is rational, as there is a feeling of safety in having a support network and they saw in real time what happens to those who act differently.

But unless they make a personal change, or will try to be in your corner going forward, I wouldn't hold too much faith in them.

I'm guessing part of it is that being trans is like being gay - an internal feeling that just has to be trusted. They may worry that telling people considering surgery that "they have body image issues and need more self-love" (for example) follows the same logic as "pray away the gay."

Anyways if they're still in the area in a handful of years and there are no stakes anymore you might start hanging out with some of them. For now, just play it by ear, but I'd advise that you find something firmer to stand on, a hobby group or a friend group, if you think you can live without a dedicated support squad. To be more emotionally independent will allow you to be more truthful and to find people better worth trusting. It's also a pain but hey, you're strong enough if you choose to go for it.

 

[Perfectly Innocent]

I might just start hanging out with heterosexuals

Hang out with decent people and live for the moment. Life is too short to worry too much about what other people choose to do with their bodies.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

These groups are made of real people whose opinions can change over time. If it has been a while, they didn't personally throw you under, and/or they apologized, then it was less about you and more about their cowardice.

Sometimes cowardice is rational, as there is a feeling of safety in having a support network and they saw in real time what happens to those who act differently.

But unless they make a personal change, or will try to be in your corner going forward, I wouldn't hold too much faith in them.

I'm guessing part of it is that being trans is like being gay - an internal feeling that just has to be trusted. They may worry that telling people considering surgery that "they have body image issues and need more self-love" (for example) follows the same logic as "pray away the gay."

Anyways if they're still in the area in a handful of years and there are no stakes anymore you might start hanging out with some of them. For now, just play it by ear, but I'd advise that you find something firmer to stand on, a hobby group or a friend group, if you think you can live without a dedicated support squad. To be more emotionally independent will allow you to be more truthful and to find people better worth trusting. It's also a pain but hey, you're strong enough if you choose to go for it.

I know you're right, but attempt to do it in place.

And this is what's weird - they increasingly seems to know they fucked up. But I would never, ever let them back in my life. So that's a moot point.

 

[Spiny Rumples]

I know you're right, but attempt to do it in place.

And this is what's weird - they increasingly seems to know they fucked up. But I would never, ever let them back in my life. So that's a moot point.

I don't know what "do it in place" means, but my similar life experiences are still pretty different from yours.

I've just found that, as a guy in my part of the world, standing up for myself was hard and discouraged by those around me. However, when I started to do it, people got mad at first but later on grew to respect me as not just a follower. When it comes to trans issues and lots of topics these days, there is definitely a big cost to speaking up, and it is often not worth it... but you're in it now and I believe the tides are turning and, in a few years, people might start hearing that the advertised "consequence-free" puberty blockers are actually causing serious trauma.

But anyways, if this is all arguing over philosophy and nobody in the group is taking those drugs, then this is all philosophy bullshit.

In response to your second part, my point is that the people who wronged you might be different in the future. Trust is slow to be earned, but man a support group where you all have to walk on eggshells sounds like a hard environment to live in. I hope you all find groups that happen to be supportive where you can say something retarded sometimes and not fear retaliation other than some guy you know (who occasionally says retarded shit) calling you out on it.

Hope you can work something out, man.

 

[1440p Curved Monitor]

The group seems to be imploding because of this, and yes, I'm sniggering from the sidelines.

Ha! That's what happened to me too when I got banned from my group for popping the trans question! One of the mods/organizers was accused of being a transphobe because she didn't shut it down fast enough and she had to grovel so hard. The group was locked down for at least half a year.
In that moment and to this day, I felt incredibly powerful. My discourse brought down a group that served a midsize city? Little old me? And they're still seething about it? It's the highest honor.

 

[Saint Agustin]

Will you die of AIDS?

 

[Drag-on Knight 91873]

I'm not saying you have to give them the Twelve Labors of Hercules to prove their commitment. Maybe just one impossible labor .

I know you're right, but attempt to do it in place.

And this is what's weird - they increasingly seems to know they fucked up. But I would never, ever let them back in my life. So that's a moot point.

 

[glow]

I'm guessing part of it is that being trans is like being gay - an internal feeling that just has to be trusted. They may worry that telling people considering surgery that "they have body image issues and need more self-love" (for example) follows the same logic as "pray away the gay."

That is a fair point but my argument is: if you decide you're no longer gay, you can just stop fucking people of the same gender and there is no long-term effect.

By all means wear dresses and so on, but if you decide you're no longer trans but you never went through puberty, what do you do aside from be profoundly fucked? You can end up like Jazz Jennings who has never experienced an orgasm. How do you explain to a child why that's important?

Remember, these are not adults we are talking about - I care less about adults as they are able to make more of an informed decision. These are children. I was a child once and I didn't have a clue about anything. It is our responsibility as adults to protect them until they can make their own decisions.

I often find that in these discussions, many are profoundly uncomfortable with the idea of giving children puberty blockers, but they are so terrified of committing wrongthink that they either agree or don't say anything. It takes a brave individual, and someone to agree with that individual to show that it's OK to disagree.

 

[Yezidi Fan Club]

Fuck the culture of death, keep speaking the truth you rainbow-tasting nancyboy

 

[Spiny Rumples]

Remember, these are not adults we are talking about - I care less about adults as they are able to make more of an informed decision. These are children. I was a child once and I didn't have a clue about anything. It is our responsibility as adults to protect them until they can make their own decisions.

I agree, it seems to be a false promise that catches the children if they are not fully convinced to transition. It's one of the few things I've been open about among peers, even though most of my peers and family are liberal. It appears to exploit confusion to do permanent harm, while being advertised (I saw it in a planned parenthood ad) as harmless.

I will argue a different angle - from what I read, there are no children in this group. This is background ideology stuff. The group in reality is a gaggle of gay guys who cry on each other's shoulders about the gay struggle. It would be more worth speaking up about, in my opinion, if they were measurably affecting children or doing pro-blocker activism. As it stands, they may be helping each other in times of need, and not actually doing anything with/about trans stuff.

Still seems like a twisted support network. I agree though that chemically nullifying children's puberties seems nightmarish and cruel. Even with adults, I would prefer trans people played it cool as transvestites and didn't get castrating plastic surgeries, but those chemicals are offered as a "give me more time" option.

Video just because I saw it as an ad and have been meaning to post it.

 

[Disgruntled Pupper]

Good on you for sticking to your guns, OP. Losing friends and a support network, especially if you're a very social person used to having lots of interaction, can be extremely distressing. You're emotionally distraught from losing people you care about, you feel empty because you're alone and isolated, and your life is suddenly very boring and very diffrent because you lost what you used to do. It does get better with time, both because you adjust and eventually other things come along, but it's an undeniablely shitty time. But what's the alternative? Groveling to objectivity evil people and continueing bonds with a group that would wish you dead if you stepped out of line again? Fuck that. Learn to be alone, bide your time until the opportunity to make other friends come along, and look for other places and activities.

 

[GunCar Gary]

Writing Amhole Erotica because why not.

have you thought about taking up a hobby that will lead you to interacting with fewer degenerate, insane people instead of more?

 

[PFM]

have you thought about taking up a hobby that will lead you to interacting with fewer degenerate, insane people instead of more?

To make it a little easier, *ANY* hobby that is considered "masculine" (ex shooting clubs/offroad clubs/powerlifting groups etc....) left wing lunatics are pretty much guaranteed to be non-existent. I don't think this is a coincidence, either. And it's a lie that none of them will accept you if you're homosexual.

 

[Gollum Grindset]

When it comes to friends, standing up for what you believe in separates the wheat from the chaff. Friends are worthless if you can't be honest with them.

 

[Vyse Inglebard]

"In this life, you will meet with both admiration and abuse from others. How others choose to view you is a choice only they can make. You cannot make it for them. All that truly matters is that you hold firm to your own values."

 

[glad vlad]

That sounds ideal but - I don't really think people get how they treat me. I am not a person now. I'm a ghost. Can I even make friends these days?

I just feel... well, "blah". It's shit. Really shit, not the type of shit where you here "oh this is shit", but absolute steaming dump. They were my support network and now I'm nothing. Blah, whores everyone.

I'm very late here so probably others have said this, but:

What you're describing is par for the course of current year and having the wrong opinion about The Topic Of Gender in progressive circles. I'm sorry it happened to you. It's really disturbing TBH! No wonder you're feeling upset. These are legitimately crazy behaviors and any sane person would be freaked out by them.

You might find some small comfort in listening to the podcaster Katie Herzog from the podcast Blocked and Reported, who is a lesbian and a journalist who got unpersoned for having the bad opinion on troon issues. She did an episode of the podcast with another woman who also got unpersoned from gay circles for something similar, I can't look for the episode number/title right now, but pretty sure it was within the past 12 months. That woman does a whole podcast about being unpersoned, I'm pretty sure.

 

[BoomerSperg1922]

I think the fact that I stood on my ground made it worse and made me (in their eyes) an "unperson".

Look, being disliked is one thing, but being treated like this is another. I feel like shit because apparently I've upset people, but logically I was just standing on my ground. It's very odd and I'm not sure I can explain it.

They were never your friends, feel good knowing you can move on and find people who are better.

 

[DagothUr]

wow. So you're telling me a faggot support group alienated you for being anti-troon? Might as well have gone to a synagogue and started dropping redpills on the JQ.

 

[GenderCop]

I'm very late here so probably others have said this, but:

What you're describing is par for the course of current year and having the wrong opinion about The Topic Of Gender in progressive circles. I'm sorry it happened to you. It's really disturbing TBH! No wonder you're feeling upset. These are legitimately crazy behaviors and any sane person would be freaked out by them.

You might find some small comfort in listening to the podcaster Katie Herzog from the podcast Blocked and Reported, who is a lesbian and a journalist who got unpersoned for having the bad opinion on troon issues. She did an episode of the podcast with another woman who also got unpersoned from gay circles for something similar, I can't look for the episode number/title right now, but pretty sure it was within the past 12 months. That woman does a whole podcast about being unpersoned, I'm pretty sure.

Katie Herzog didn't just get unpersoned, she endured a major harassment campaign, they actually put up stickers all over Seattle with her photo on them that said:

Katie Herzog (writer at The Stranger) Is A Transphobe

You know like "wanted dead or alive" posters in the old west or some shit?

This incident helped me understand these trannies are like some crazed religious lynch mob in the dark ages.
and should be dealt with that way.

 

[glad vlad]

Katie Herzog didn't just get unpersoned, she endured a major harassment campaign, they actually put up stickers all over Seattle with her photo on them that said:

Katie Herzog (writer at The Stranger) Is A Transphobe

You know like "wanted dead or alive" posters in the old west or some shit?

This incident helped me understand these trannies are like some crazed religious lynch mob in the dark ages.
and should be dealt with that way.

Insanity. I didn't know it went that far.