- Joined
- Apr 15, 2014
Jace Connors vs The Middle East - A Choose Your Own Adventure thread
- Thread starter Seattle Trip to Neverfree
- Start date
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2014
The feel of the twin deagles in your fingers sends you into a bloodlust, and you start screaming, storming out of the camp on foot in the general direction of Durkabad. Your fellow marines just shake their heads in disappointment and disgust.
Pretty soon, the beating sun wears you down and you get tired and thirsty. You're also hungry because you didn't eat, and you didn't pack any food, planning in being in and out in only a few hours. Now, it seems as if it will take days to get there, if you even survive the journey at all.
After several hours of walking/flailing, you come across what appears to be a small farming village. Goats wander around the ground, and the locals are busy at work, tilling the soil. You see no indication that they are an enemy village, but nor is there evidence that they are friendly either.
You're hungry, thirst, tired, and quite possibly out of your mind. What do you do?
A - Go in guns blazing; take spoils in the name of America and the Marine Corps
B - Approach cautiously, try to show them that you are no threat to them
C - Try and stealth in all tacticool, take what you need and leave
D - Bypass the village entirely and hope you come across an oasis or caravan or something
E - Player choice
Status: Flustered
Pretty soon, the beating sun wears you down and you get tired and thirsty. You're also hungry because you didn't eat, and you didn't pack any food, planning in being in and out in only a few hours. Now, it seems as if it will take days to get there, if you even survive the journey at all.
After several hours of walking/flailing, you come across what appears to be a small farming village. Goats wander around the ground, and the locals are busy at work, tilling the soil. You see no indication that they are an enemy village, but nor is there evidence that they are friendly either.
You're hungry, thirst, tired, and quite possibly out of your mind. What do you do?
A - Go in guns blazing; take spoils in the name of America and the Marine Corps
B - Approach cautiously, try to show them that you are no threat to them
C - Try and stealth in all tacticool, take what you need and leave
D - Bypass the village entirely and hope you come across an oasis or caravan or something
E - Player choice
Status: Flustered
Last edited:
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- Feb 3, 2013
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- Feb 3, 2013
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2014
You draw your deagles and charge the village, screaming "SEMPER FI!" and "AMERICA FUCK YEAH" in a blaze of glory. The villagers flee against your onslaught of .50 cal bullets and true American patriotism. The village is completely deserted by the time you reach the nearest hovel. What do you do now?
A - Gather food and water for the journey; search for transportation.
B - Raise an American flag and claim the village for America
C - Player suggestion
Status: Pumped
Items Lost: 2 deagle clips (48 remaining)
A - Gather food and water for the journey; search for transportation.
B - Raise an American flag and claim the village for America
C - Player suggestion
Status: Pumped
Items Lost: 2 deagle clips (48 remaining)
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
C - Make it into a base for Stryker's group, Deagle Nation while also raising the American flag to claim the village for America.
DeagleDad420
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2013
In addition to the above:
Find and grab a page of a discarded Q'uran on the dirt road, cut out a page with the Semper Fidelis knife, search for nearby Hashish to roll into a victory joint. If hashish is available, proceed to smoke the joint while raising the flag over a mound of d̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶b̶r̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ dead farm animals which you took out your revengeance on in lieu of brown people. Lounge atop the mound while watching the setting sun; use your radio to immediately request "Bon Jovi - Dead or Alive.mp3" to be played over your headset from Central Command so you can enjoy your victory toke in peace.
If any part of the above is impossible or marginally difficult to accomplish, make a sour face and begin to complain in a high pitched voice to nobody in particular that the situation is gay, unrealistic, or disrespectful to the US Marines.
Find and grab a page of a discarded Q'uran on the dirt road, cut out a page with the Semper Fidelis knife, search for nearby Hashish to roll into a victory joint. If hashish is available, proceed to smoke the joint while raising the flag over a mound of d̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶b̶r̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ dead farm animals which you took out your revengeance on in lieu of brown people. Lounge atop the mound while watching the setting sun; use your radio to immediately request "Bon Jovi - Dead or Alive.mp3" to be played over your headset from Central Command so you can enjoy your victory toke in peace.
If any part of the above is impossible or marginally difficult to accomplish, make a sour face and begin to complain in a high pitched voice to nobody in particular that the situation is gay, unrealistic, or disrespectful to the US Marines.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
You might want to cut out the dead people since the village is deserted by the time you arrive to the nearest hovel since the people evacuated.
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2014
You go from house to house, ransacking what little these poor farmers have like the good American Imperialist you are. By the time you finish searching each house, you have enough food and water to last you a return trip on foot.
You then take an American flag from your backpack (you always carry several with you, just in case), and hang it from the nearest tree. Underneath it, you hang a Deagle Nation flag which you made using materials you find lying around the village. You then radio in to base over your walkie talkie, claiming the village in the name of America and Deagle Nation. The General starts screaming something at you, but you don't hear him, since you're too busy basking in the aura of freedom and liberty hanging over the village.
Unfortunately, you don't find any drugs, but you still have your liquid THC. You take a few drops before proceeding to search for transportation. Unfortunately, there is nothing but a camel tied to a post. It snaps at you as you approach. What do?
A - take the camel and ride it to your destination
B - king hit the filthy terrorist camel for resisting america; proceed to destination on foot
C - kill the camel and make jerky out of it
D - player decision
You then take an American flag from your backpack (you always carry several with you, just in case), and hang it from the nearest tree. Underneath it, you hang a Deagle Nation flag which you made using materials you find lying around the village. You then radio in to base over your walkie talkie, claiming the village in the name of America and Deagle Nation. The General starts screaming something at you, but you don't hear him, since you're too busy basking in the aura of freedom and liberty hanging over the village.
Unfortunately, you don't find any drugs, but you still have your liquid THC. You take a few drops before proceeding to search for transportation. Unfortunately, there is nothing but a camel tied to a post. It snaps at you as you approach. What do?
A - take the camel and ride it to your destination
B - king hit the filthy terrorist camel for resisting america; proceed to destination on foot
C - kill the camel and make jerky out of it
D - player decision
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- Feb 3, 2013
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- Joined
- Jan 10, 2014
In one swift movement, you slice the camel's throat open with your Semper Fi knife, blood spraying over you like some haemolytic baptism. It drops to the ground, grunt and writhing in pain, clearly cursing you in its terrorist language. After it passes to its 72 virgins, you skin the camel and smoke the meat using an incendiary grenade on one of the village hovels. Mmm... tastes like victory.
Inventory:
Gain: Camel Jerky (x50, non-Halal)
Lost: Incendiary Grenade (x4 remaining)
Having killed the only means of transportation around, you decide to use your superior knowledge of Afghan wildlife to attract some native wolves to act as sled dogs and transport you to your destination. Fortunately, night is approaching, which means the wolves will soon come out. Unfortunately, your lackadaisical approach to the mission may compromise it, allowing Odumba and Tyce to escape with the American secrets. You will need to work fast.
How do you attract the wolves to your location?
A - Howl like a wolf... no, like an AMERICAN WOLF
B - Leave a jerky trail to your position, where you will trap them and tame them using your American...ness
C - Start screaming terrorist. Maybe they're really terrorist wolves, and they may be friendly to you.
D - Call it a night and go to bed. I'll walk in the morning.
E - Player decision
Inventory:
Gain: Camel Jerky (x50, non-Halal)
Lost: Incendiary Grenade (x4 remaining)
Having killed the only means of transportation around, you decide to use your superior knowledge of Afghan wildlife to attract some native wolves to act as sled dogs and transport you to your destination. Fortunately, night is approaching, which means the wolves will soon come out. Unfortunately, your lackadaisical approach to the mission may compromise it, allowing Odumba and Tyce to escape with the American secrets. You will need to work fast.
How do you attract the wolves to your location?
A - Howl like a wolf... no, like an AMERICAN WOLF
B - Leave a jerky trail to your position, where you will trap them and tame them using your American...ness
C - Start screaming terrorist. Maybe they're really terrorist wolves, and they may be friendly to you.
D - Call it a night and go to bed. I'll walk in the morning.
E - Player decision
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- Feb 3, 2013
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
A. Jace needs to get in touch with his inner wolf, especially since he's out on the field and wolves are approaching. Perhaps they'll see him as one of them. Maybe the alpha male might even have something for Jace that isn't mauling him to death.
DeagleDad420
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2013
D. I can't imagine Jace actually doing anything in that situation other than "Dude all this physical labor is stressing me out. This is gay I'm going to sleep."
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2014
You figure you've spread enough freedom and democracy for one day, so you curl up beside the flaming hovel and drift off to sleep...
...
You awaken suddenly to the feeling of hands grabbing at your hands and feet. As you open your eyes, you're slammed into the ground as your arms and legs are suddenly bound behind you. You try to resist, but the butt of your very own deagle slams into your forehead, knocking you unconscious...
...
When you awaken again, you find yourself tied to a chair, a solitary light shining from on top of you. "This is an interrogation", you realise, "Just like in the movies!". The darkness surrounding you hides several figures, who begin to move about as you come to. One approaches you and punches you in the face, screaming at you in Arabic. You notice your deagles tucked into his pants.
A - Stay silent; you might piss him off
B - Tell him you don't speak terrorist
C - Tell him to speak American, since it's the only language you understand
D - Try to break free from your binds and fight your way out of there
E - Piss your pants
F - Shit and piss your pants at the same time
G - Ask them for a bacon and ham sandwich
H - Ask them if their 72 virgins will be men
I - Offer them the camel jerky as a peace offering.
Ia - Don't tell them it's non-halal
J - Player option
Health - 98%
Status - Not cool, dude
Inventory:
Super sex MUHreen armour
Tactical sunglasses (Because Jace can never been seen without his sunglasses, it's the rule)
Camel Jerky (30x, non-Halal)
Bulletproof wigga do-rag
Liquid THC
...
You awaken suddenly to the feeling of hands grabbing at your hands and feet. As you open your eyes, you're slammed into the ground as your arms and legs are suddenly bound behind you. You try to resist, but the butt of your very own deagle slams into your forehead, knocking you unconscious...
...
When you awaken again, you find yourself tied to a chair, a solitary light shining from on top of you. "This is an interrogation", you realise, "Just like in the movies!". The darkness surrounding you hides several figures, who begin to move about as you come to. One approaches you and punches you in the face, screaming at you in Arabic. You notice your deagles tucked into his pants.
A - Stay silent; you might piss him off
B - Tell him you don't speak terrorist
C - Tell him to speak American, since it's the only language you understand
D - Try to break free from your binds and fight your way out of there
E - Piss your pants
F - Shit and piss your pants at the same time
G - Ask them for a bacon and ham sandwich
H - Ask them if their 72 virgins will be men
I - Offer them the camel jerky as a peace offering.
Ia - Don't tell them it's non-halal
J - Player option
Health - 98%
Status - Not cool, dude
Inventory:
Super sex MUHreen armour
Tactical sunglasses (Because Jace can never been seen without his sunglasses, it's the rule)
Camel Jerky (30x, non-Halal)
Bulletproof wigga do-rag
Liquid THC
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
J- urinate and defecate your pants while telling them it's non-halal then tell him to give back your deagle.
- Joined
- May 5, 2014
J - Hold your breath really hard in attempt to commit suicide. Maybe you'll get reincarnated as something realistic and straight, like a wolf. Or bar of soap. Or a wolf made out of soap.