Jace Connors vs The Middle East - A Choose Your Own Adventure thread

J howl like an American wolf to get some wolf backup to take out the Muslims.
 
J - Yell and scream at this crazy man about how we have more airsoft guns than him, and we bet he doesn't even have a BLOPs season pass, and as a result we should be doing the interrogating here, tahaaaa.
 
  • Agree
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You start to argue and fight with your captors, telling them to speak American because "It's Gods language" and "I don't speak terrorist". This only makes them madder, and they start beating and slapping you like a little bitch. After a solid 30 minutes of what you would describe as 'torture', you captors start feasting, for no apparent reason, on your camel jerky.

You smirk ever so slightly, but enough that your interrogators notice. They start screaming at you again in sand people language, but you open your mouth to speak, and they turn silent.

"It's non-Halal"

Suddenly, everyone in the room starts swooning and moaning. Then suddenly, they start swelling to great proportions and puking their guts up, before exploding in a shower of blood and bone and vital organs. Like Kitana's fatality from Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance. A sliver of bone slices through the bindings on your wrist, and you stand up, surrounded by what's left of the bodies of your captors.

"America"


What do you do now?

A - Collect your possessions, as well as anything else useful you can find, and continue on with the mission
B - Starts reciting Hamlet with the skulls of the dead
C - Do the chicken dance
D - Player Option
 
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You collect your personal effects and start teabagging the corpses strewn on the floor. Your gargantuan balls, swole with patriotism and McNugget gains, struggle to maneuver in and out of the mouths of your fallen foes, but you manage. Your hairy nutsack also makes a surprisingly good brush, as you paint American flags on the wall with your scrotum. After a good dicking, you leave the building, where you find a jeep with the keys in the ignition. You punch it and start driving towards the facility to complete the mission. You think.

...


Hours pass driving in the dark before you finally reach the outskirts of what appears to be the facility. It's brightly lit, heavily guarded by well-armed terrorists and clearly guarded by machine guns and all sorts of artillery. frontal assault is suicidal, but that never stopped you before. Being American makes you bulletproof, right?

A - Charge in on foot
B - Charge in with the jeep
C - Sneakily approach on foot to get a better view of the place
D - Surrender yourself to them and destroy them from the inside
E - Leave
 
D-Surrender to them only to let them eat your non-halal camel meat, which should kill most if not all of them.
 
JohnConstantine said:
You collect your personal effects and start teabagging the corpses strewn on the floor. Your gargantuan balls, swole with patriotism and McNugget gains, struggle to maneuver in and out of the mouths of your fallen foes, but you manage. Your hairy nutsack also makes a surprisingly good brush, as you paint American flags on the wall with your scrotum. After a good dicking, you leave the building, where you find a jeep with the keys in the ignition. You punch it and start driving towards the facility to complete the mission. You think.

...


Hours pass driving in the dark before you finally reach the outskirts of what appears to be the facility. It's brightly lit, heavily guarded by well-armed terrorists and clearly guarded by machine guns and all sorts of artillery. frontal assault is suicidal, but that never stopped you before. Being American makes you bulletproof, right?

A - Charge in on foot
B - Charge in with the jeep
C - Sneakily approach on foot to get a better view of the place
D - Surrender yourself to them and destroy them from the inside
E - Leave
Click to expand...

C. Jace should parkour over a wall to get to a higher position so he jump off it while spinning and take out the tangos with his 37337 no scoping skillz.
 
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You decide to employ your elite parkay skills to approach and infiltrate the facility. For America. And chicken McNuggets. Unfortunately, you trip and fall in the middle of a sweet dash jump into arabian blanche over nothing in particular, which makes a great deal of noise and sends a cry throughout the came. The alarm is sprung and bullets are flying your way. You quickly dash back to the jeep and get out of dodge.

As you make your escape, it only just dawns on you that the camp looked awfully familiar. And you were wondering why the guards were speaking in American. You must have assaulted your own base by accident. Whoops. After triple checking your location and the location of the real facility, you finally make your way in the right direction.

The probably is, you've been driving all night, and it's still quite dark, and you're so tired...

A - Pull over and have a rest. You want to be nice and fresh for the mission tomorrow.
B - No way, man! MUHreens don't quit, no matter how weary they might be.
C - Put a weight on the pedal and take a snooze in the back. Best of both worlds.
 
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