jokes thread - WE NEED MORE DEAD JOKES THREADS

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Why do niggers have white palms and soles? 'cause there's a little bit of good in everyone.
 
Three women die in a tragic accident and arrive at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. Saint Peter greets them there and says, "Welcome to Heaven! We have one big rule here: you cannot step on a duck." He opens the gates, and as they step inside, they see the ground is littered with little rubber ducks.

The first woman steps on a duck, just to see what will happen. Peter appears next to her with a deformed goblin of a man, handcuffs him to her, and says, "You two will be together for eternity now."

A few centuries in Paradise pass, and the second woman accidentally steps on a duck. Peter appears next to her with an even more hideous man, handcuffs the two together, and says, "You two will be together for eternity now."

The third woman is extremely careful now, spending literally thousands of years picking her way around the rubber ducks. One day, out of nowhere, Peter appears with an extremely handsome man, handcuffs her to him, and says, "You two will be together for eternity now."

She looks at this absolute hunk of a man and says, "Wow! What did I do to deserve this?"

The man replies, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."
 
I used to date this Big Tiddie Goth™, German, bad English, radical opinions, crazy in bed, hard to please. She used to rate my performance in bed from 0 to 10. 7, 7.4, 8 was the usual, I never really cared because you know I'm getting mah dick sucked but eventually it got to me so the last time we had sex I could already tell by the look in her eyes, "7". So while we're at it I decided to pop out of the front hole and pop back in on the rear hole and immediately.

"NINE!".

I was like, "Finally" and kept going. She was screaming 9 through out the whole ordeal, just "Nine nine nine nine nine nine nine".....
 
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This one is a foreign joke, Anglos here will here it for the first time while locals already know what it's supposed to be, and now for the joke:
A man's walking, boom, schnitzel

I'm not kidding that this joke has already been said before me despite being painfully unfunny
 
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