jokes thread - WE NEED MORE DEAD JOKES THREADS

[ChompChomp]

What do you call the person who finished last in their class at law school?

Spoiler

Your honor.

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

Look! It's from Bowser!

DEAR PESKY PLUMBERS

 

[Cat Funt]

Little black kid is tired of being black, so gets some white paint and paints himself white. He goes to show mooma, hey I'm a little white kid now. She smacks him silly and tells him to wash that shit off. So he runs off and sees his stepdaddy and says hey, I'm a little white kid now! Stepdaddy beats his ass without mercy and kid runs away saying to him self - I only been white 10 minutes and I hate them niggers already.

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

whats the difference between a plastic bag and michael jackson? theres none, both are made out of plastic and dangerous for kids!

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

 

[Lian Xing]

Spoiler

 

[The Cunting Death]

A horse is fucking a nigger in the ass.
The nigger says "goddamn and I thought I was hung".
The horse goes "not yet, you fucking coon".

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

two muffins sit in the oven, one goes:

"damn its so hot in here"

the other goes:

"WOOOOOW A TALKING MUFFIN!"

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

whats green and suddenly red after a button-press?

a frog in a blender.

 

[147573952589676412927]

Why do cows have great jawlines?
Because they're always mooing. (mewing)

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

what did the beaver say to the tree?

its been nice gnawing you!

(i stole this from joels bonzi buddy video but idc it qualifies as a joke.)

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

yo mama is so ugly, even One Direction went to the other direction

 

[Pedophobe]

An old sailor walks into a bar by the docks with a wooden ship's wheel awkwardly sticking out of his pants. The bartender says to him "Mate do you know you've got a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"

The sailor replies, "Arrrhh it's drivin' me nuts!"

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

Can I tell you a dirty joke?

A man fell in the mud.

stolen from: https://dadblog.co.uk/91-of-the-best-worst-dad-jokes-youll-ever-hear/

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

your mama is so poor she even cant pay attention

stolen from south park

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

What do you call a pile of cats?

A meow-ntain.

stolen from: https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/entertainment/a41779929/corny-jokes/

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

whats the difference between harry potter and a jew?

harry potter gets out of the chamber.

 

[Sugriva]

What do Jewish pedophiles write on the side of their van?

selling candy

 

[The Last Stand]

I don't get it.

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

I don't get it.

jews like to make money, thats why they dont give out the candy for free, they get the money from the children first before grooming them.

what does a cannibal get, when he is trying to order his food in a restaurant?

the cold shoulder.