Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

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From the subreddit: Somebody made a Cobra doughnut and it gave me a chuckle

cobradoughnut.jpg
 
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Here's Kobes' latest streams:
Start:
Happy birthday Richie Reit TWU shills his new album. Had an Internet slap fight with someone in a YouTube video he watched. Guitar shredding.
3:23:
Going to shower after the stream. Shills his album again. Shout out to Deathbed Tapes Tmdwtfiu
5:15:
Guitar shredding and talking about how good he plays guitar. Fuck rape in all forms. Guitar shredding.
6:28:
Was on Peter Kane's livestream and sperged at someone who said something about magic and nearly got kicked off. Talks about heavens gate the famous Christian death cult.
9:30:
Kobes experiences racism against wizards because he carries his wand around and does spells.
10:52:
Bans someone for saying mean things about lucifer. Apartment is filled with flies but he's not worried about it.
12:23:
Looks up the satanic 12 rules. Troll rant. He gets more of age pussy than his trolls just isn't in a rush to get laid.
15:00:
Women are gatekeepers of sex... Kobes supports the gays. Dry spell speech.
19:23:
Gender relations. Guitar shredding.
21:10:
Shows off his Guitar.
21:47:
Kobes is totally not bothered by the trolls talking shit in his chat. Guitar shredding. Doesn't care if people donate to his PayPal. Doesn't do drugs.
23:25:
Kobes secret to success.
24:10:
Sex is a want not a need. Lists off the Ozzy songs he knows to prove he's such a big fan.
26:11:
Checks his phone. Doesn't care if Ozzy isn't goth. Don't talk shit about Ozzy. Checks his phone.
28:54:
Shills his new album.
29:27:
Guitar shredding
29:55:
Sold 60 tapes so far. Rant at someone in chat who said it was too early to play guitar. Shills tapes. Guitar shredding.
33:12:
Going to get homedad Clint's fathers day present when he gets the money from his tape. Kobes is the only professional wand maker in Casper Wyoming. Asks Deathbed Tapes for money.
35:29:
Reads a fan text. Kobes is an underground musician. Guitar shredding.
38:20:
Reads chat. Shills tapes. Reads texts. Deathbed Tapes sent him money so his account is our of the negative. Might react to BCVs fart compilation video.
Start:
Rocking his anti rape shirt. Thanks fir buying his album. Chat is off because of the trolls. Chat is on though. Drinking mead and not an alcoholic.
2:26:
Plays his Drinking song from his new album for 2 seconds. Beats are free for use. Trolls btfo'd. It's a business exchange not e-begging. Trolls are jealous of him.
5:10:
Back to listening to his Drinking song for 2 seconds. Drinking responsibly psa. Drinking mead from a horn because of his Viking ancestors. Not an alcoholic. Harry Potter stuff.
7:52:
Made some chicken Alfredo. Unexpected sneeze. Chat is off, its not. Trolls.
10:11:
Shout out to Darfliny for bringing him to the liquor store. Trolls are jealous. He will make more wands when he gets the tape money.
12:15:
Moar beer. Shills new album merch. He appreciates his fans sending him things and money.
13:51:
Back to his drinking song. It's like a classic Irish drinking song. Instant hit. Thank you trolls for stopping him from getting a real job and forcing him to start his wand business. Shot gun shell wands.
16:50:
Talks about his new album. Made $100 selling the first 60 tapes. Shout out to Deathbed Tapes. Got his account out of the negative.
18:30:
Talks about the bb gun he made. Would sell them on etsy if he could. Circle of protection bb gun.
20:10:
Back to his drinking song for 2 seconds. Rant about how he's not an alcoholic. X2
22:33:
Talks about people talking shit about his new album.
25:37:
Puts on a YouTube video. Lindsay/ Peach channel doing a food reaction video. Going to have 1 more beer because he's celebrating his album success. Not an alcoholic.
28:47:
Fake pringles lmao. Can hear him say fuck the trolls from the kitchen while he's trying not to act bothered. Back to the video. Eating chips.
37:24:
He goes into the kitchen after finishing the chips. He's literally just been playing the whole video with no commentary.
39:06:
Root beer float. Another album celebrating drink. Not an alcoholic. His fork must be dirty because he's using a knife to make it.
#notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement
41:07:
Trolls.
43:12:
How to open beer bottle and make root beer float. Trolls.
46:16:
Chocolate sauce mess.
48:03:
Back to the video. Kobes thoughts on fast food sandwiches. Talking about his drink.
50:12:
Back to the video. Not simping for Lindsay. Talks about his drink.
52:58:
Fuck rape to be brutally honest
54:04:
Moar beer. Back to the video.
56:20:
George Bruno taught him not to be depressed. Dry spell.
57:48:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Being creepy about Lindsay. Kobes respects women as content creators. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Chicken and waffles not for Kobes fuck racism though. Back to the video.
1:01:32:
Prethora of Of age nerdy girls. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Gender relations Double standards. Back to the video.
1:04:53:
Being creepy about Lindsay.
1:06:04:
Whispering to his rape demon. Back to the video.
1:07:25:
Dating scene rant. Wait patiently. Back to the video.
1:10:46:
Piss break
1:12:55:
Realises he's not watching the video he wanted to watch. Puts on a different video. Moar beer. Mumbling to his rape demon.
1:15:46:
Being creepy about Lindsay. Back to the video.
1:20:00:
Kobes is onto the fast food establishment conspiracy to get more sales. Back to the video.
1:23:50:
Kobes is too cool to fall for nostalgia tricks. Back to the video.
1:28:16:
Wendy's nostalgia. Back to the video.
1:29:41:
Being creepy about Lindsay. Fuck the trolls. Back to the video.
1:32:56:
Moar alcohol. Back to the video.
1:35:30:
Women sexualised in society rant. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Humans are driven to impress. It is what it is. Back to the video. Women sexualised in society. We're all about gender equality on this channel.
1:39:50:
Poot. So drunk. Dash tha chicket YouTube. You can't rush a good thing YouTube. Falling asleep.

New Lenin Lime edit:

How has no one sent him a spoon in a care package yet?
 
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Keeps talking in his latest video on today June 29th that there's only a few tapes left.. but you can absolutely buy a digital download of the record. I haven't seen him shill that yet that the concept you don't have to purchase an actual cassette. A lot of curious folks who don't go to kiwi farms might actually buy his download version. The guy is literally his own worst foil.

ETA: M'Lord is live right now and he has identified the 4 genders
"male, female, trans and... hermaphrodite"
Comments off
Livechat off
Airplane mode ON
 
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It was crazy he was already negative AFTER record sales.
Something I picked up on also, his buddy Marshall Peterson, the guy with 3 jerbs, lives in a "group home"

When people tell Cobes (co-beez for DTTS!) he takes it as a dig at group homes, and that he's too good for them but also there's nothing wrong with them.

Feels like [speculation here] we're in for some wild fast track to eviction. Rent recently went up and SSI dollars don't seem to be cutting it.
 
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Lesbian Sleepover said:
It was crazy he was already negative AFTER record sales.
Something I picked up on also, his buddy Marshall Peterson, the guy with 3 jerbs, lives in a "group home"

When people tell Cobes (co-beez for DTTS!) he takes it as a dig at group homes, and that he's too good for them but also there's nothing wrong with them.

Feels like [speculation here] we're in for some wild fast track to eviction. Rent recently went up and SSI dollars don't seem to be cutting it.
Click to expand...
I can't wait until he learns that rent goes up every year in normal apartments. I agree with you about a fast track to eviction, he said on stream tonight he needs to get another batch of wnds done to pay for his cable bill. If he can't figure out how to quit spending every "extra" dollar he has on booze, he'll be in a shed in Clint's backyard soon enough.
 
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Lesbian Sleepover said:
It was crazy he was already negative AFTER record sales.
Click to expand...
I only started following him a few months ago and damn does his complete inability to control his spending piss me off.
I'm fine with him being a bit of a grifter, I'm fine with him selling painted sticks which is subpar, but honest(ish) work (although he overprices the shit out of the wands).
But the way he just wastes money in stupid shit...is just too much.
And I love how he nonchalantly overdrafts his account, as if it had no consequences on his finances.

If he didn't drink like a sponge and didn'tbuy overpriced fast food (delivered on a motorbike) he would actually be able to save some money that would serve him well when unexpected shit comes along.
But no, not only is he too retarded to understand that, he's now more often than not also too drunk to understand it.
 
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I'm behind and also can't mega post because of the outages. Here's Kobes' streams from Wednesday
Start:
6 copies of his new album left. Shills Deathbed Tapes. Finds alcohol. Not an alcoholic. It’s none of society’s business if people want to live unhealthily. Getting Homedad Clint a red lobster gift card and some tactical soap for father’s day. Shills his anti-rape shirt.
3:03:
Doesn’t care that he’s going bald and will just get hair plugs if he wins the lottery. Talks about Deathbed Tapes. Back to talking about how not bothered he is about going bald. Ozzy.
6:20:
Reads a review about his album TWU. Reads texts.
7:07:
Kobes doesn’t need a job because selling wands and his music is his job. Cassettes are sold out. Take that trolls. Swatting flies. Kobes is a successful wand maker. Texting. Rant about how he doesn’t need to live in a group home/ Trolls are jealous of him.
11:24:
Signed albums are usually sold with very expensive wands. Talks about Hells Advocate. He is responsible for the Notre Dame cathedral fire? Witchcraft persecution. Book of Thomas. Troll texts. Trolls love to suck his of age cock. Troll rant. Rick and Morty impressions. Back to troll rant.
21:35:
Kobes keeps his private life private because of the trolls. Moar beer. Troll rant continued. Troll texts.
25:11:
Dry spell rant.
27:46:
Shills his anti-rape shirt. Don’t rape. Kobes doesn’t judge Christians because he hates getting judged for being a professional wand maker. Back to troll rant.
32:18:
Talking about his new album. Kobes doesn’t care about the people who don’t like his new album.
33:29:
Plays his drinking song off of his new album. He’s mumbling while the song is playing. Can’t hear what’s he’s saying.
34:53:
Compares his sound to Cradle of Filth and Ozzy. Back to playing his song.
36:05;
Drink instead of dealing with life. Wow, what a great message.
36:35:
Back to his song for 2 seconds. Smoke weed to deal with your hangovers or drink Sprite. Troll rant.
39:38:
Talks about Tune core and seeing his music on ITunes. Kobes was around when the internet was invented. Kobes was a DARPA experiment LOL.
41:10:
Back to the song for 2 seconds. Talking about his sound. Back to the song for 2 seconds. The beats he used were free for use. Trolls BTFO’d.
44:28:
Back to the song for 2 seconds. It’s society’s fault Kobes is an alcoholic. Double standards because you can’t advertise alcohol on YouTube but you can advertise prescription drugs. Hate comments on YouTube and cyberbullying.
49:07:
2 drinks left. Not an alcoholic. He’ll get Clint a father’s day gift once he gets the cassette money. Moar beer. Back to the song for 2 seconds. Kobes talks about drinking responsibly without a hint of irony. Back to the song.
51:32:
Kobes albums have gotten progressively better with each new one released. Back to the song for 2 seconds. Don’t drink and drive PSA. Drinking and cycling is okay though. Back to the song.
54:35:
Kobes looks like Ozzy’s regarded cousin. Muh Asperger’s. Don’t drink and drive PSA. When Kobes wins the lottery… Don’t drink and drive.
57:20:
Waiting patiently to get laid is the thing to do. Sex is not a need it’s a want. Gender relations. Trolls are out catching crabs while Kobes is waiting patiently. Kobes is successful at his wand business and music. He’s building an empire.
1:01:48:
Cussing rant. Kobes hot takes on parenting – cuss at your kids. Moar beer. Pipe tobacco and pipe smoking. Sharing his pipe with strangers during a pandemic TWU.
1:07:07:
Wand in pocket for piss break.
1:08:55:
Returns. Shills anti-rape shirt. Leaves to smoke his pipe.
1:11:23:
Returns and ends the stream.
Start:
Doing a video response to a Blair White video. Turned off chat because he doesn’t want chat to spam hate. Kobes supports LGBT rights. Blaire is trans but you can’t even tell.
1:58:
Has a scorpion. Might eat it for a video If he gets a lot of likes on this video. His account is negative $49 because he bought Homedad Clint a father’s day gift.
3:35:
Starts the video.
4:40:
Stops the video to rant about weed. Back to the video.
5:58:
Explains what he’s watching again. Back to the video.
7:06:
Kobes educates us on Pride and LGBT history. Back to the video.
8:12:
Redneck is not a gender. Back to the video. Black people can be redneck too. Back to the video.
9:39:
These people want sympathy, understanding and acceptance. Compares Asperger’s to gender dysphoria. Back to the video.
11:35:
Trannys in women’s sports scenario.
14:10:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Not all rednecks are racist and homophobic and those are stereotypes. Does a stereotypical impression of a redneck and stereotypical redneck jokes.
16:55:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Back to making stereotypical comments and impressions about rednecks. Straight phobe rant.
19:07:
Back to the video. Them = narcissist. Back to the video.
21:28:
Gender relations rant. Back to the video.
23:12:
Weed in California is making people regarded. Breathing is transphobic rant. Everything is transphobic. Has no alcohol money because he bought Homedad Clint a father’s day gift. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Trans kids rant.
26:54:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Parrots what’s said in the video. Trans kids rant.
28:01:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Trans kids rant. This is ridiculous YouTube. Back to the video.
33:11:
Not everyone deserves to be alive – Kobes. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Rant about trannys in sports.
35:49:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Trannys in women’s sports rant again. Thinks trans men never compete in men’s sports. Back to the video for 1 second. UFC don’t have men v women fights because it’s wrong to hit women. Trannys taking advantage of the system. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Trannys in women’s sports rant again.
41:01:
Back to the video. Double standards Blaire isn’t called a transphobe for not being attracted to trans people. Kobes should watch more of Blaire’s videos. Back to the video.
44:10:
Kobes brain has malfunctioned thinking about how many genders there are. Back to the video.
46:21:
Even amongst the community themselves there are disagreements *sigh.
47:24:
Shows off the scorpion again. Kobes supports Lgbt rights. Everyone should get along you know what I’m saying.
49:19:
Eats the scorpion. Says it’s crunchy. It sounds very crunchy. I don’t know if his teeth can cope.
 
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beeingurself said:
I only started following him a few months ago and damn does his complete inability to control his spending piss me off.
I'm fine with him being a bit of a grifter, I'm fine with him selling painted sticks which is subpar, but honest(ish) work (although he overprices the shit out of the wands).
But the way he just wastes money in stupid shit...is just too much.
And I love how he nonchalantly overdrafts his account, as if it had no consequences on his finances.

If he didn't drink like a sponge and didn'tbuy overpriced fast food (delivered on a motorbike) he would actually be able to save some money that would serve him well when unexpected shit comes along.
But no, not only is he too retarded to understand that, he's now more often than not also too drunk to understand it.
Click to expand...
It's pretty amazing to see him prioritize what he buys in real time. In the olden days he would do what you said: save, put money back, etc. but SSI kicked in and the booze started to flow. He's taken quite a sharp decline since. I think I've seen 3 livestreams in the last week where he said he can't buy the Red Lobster gift card for Clint, but of course he can buy 6 bars of soap, 2 days worth of booze, and some junk food.
 
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Genetic Mt. Dew said:
I think I've seen 3 livestreams in the last week where he said he can't buy the Red Lobster gift card for Clint,
Click to expand...
But he did. Well, he bought something.
At least according to him in
at 2m:35s (in case the embed doesn't go to the timestamp,).

His account is negative $49 because he bought a present for Clint.
Because he couldn't wait another day until he got money from Patreon (according to him). I'm sure the overdraft fee is not worth worrying about for a guy who is constantly broke.
 
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