Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

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Fishcakes said:
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Oh my God, he's swelling up like a fucking balloon, please don't die Cobes
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the speed and amount of swelling is actually pretty concerning. dude could be suffering from kidney issues along with alcohol bloat. the swelling around the mouth is most likely just fat or excess fluid but i would never rule out an infection. though in the case of an infection it will get worse fast. whatever the cause he must be drinking even heavier now this swelling is way too sudden to be from just eating shitty meals every day.
 
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Tetragrammaton said:
he must be drinking even heavier now
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He is. Cobra went from drinking mixed girly drink combos that were mostly soda, juice, and beer with the occasional bottle of hard alcohol, to drinking an entire handle of vodka in a day, every day. Previously when he would drink an entire smaller lower proof bottle of cotton candy vodka for example, he would be black out drunk and in a coma. Now he is consuming an entire handle of cheap higher proof bottom shelf vodka daily, as well as beers and combos.

This problem is a combination of his paypigs keeping him stocked via windy city and jackalope booze deliveries, and the mead saga. His mead never worked because he never did it properly. So to save face on camera, because he's extremely retarded, he would mix the putrid slop with 200 proof grain alcohol or vodka.

While he has been an alcoholic for a long time, ironically his watered down retard drink combos were keeping him from really becoming a wreck. Since he has graduated to drinking much more hard liquor much more frequently, this is the result.

ETA:
He also just downed that entire bottle of 99 bananas and 360 Bing Cherry vodka in a day. That stuff is absolutely disgusting and it's essentially 100 proof sugar syrup. Drinking two bottles of artificially flavoured sugar syrup would bloat the boy faster than a floating corpse. This drink combo is the reason he was bloated the next day
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Blue Miaplacidus said:
He is. Cobra went from drinking mixed girly drink combos that were mostly soda, juice, and beer with the occasional bottle of hard alcohol, to drinking an entire handle of vodka in a day, every day. Previously when he would drink an entire smaller lower proof bottle of cotton candy vodka for example, he would be black out drunk and in a coma. Now he is consuming an entire handle of cheap higher proof bottom shelf vodka daily, as well as beers and combos.

This problem is a combination of his paypigs keeping him stocked via windy city and jackalope booze deliveries, and the mead saga. His mead never worked because he never did it properly. So to save face on camera, because he's extremely retarded, he would mix the putrid slop with 200 proof grain alcohol or vodka.

While he has been an alcoholic for a long time, ironically his watered down retard drink combos were keeping him from really becoming a wreck. Since he has graduated to drinking much more hard liquor much more frequently, this is the result.

ETA:
He also just downed that entire bottle of 99 bananas and 360 Bing Cherry vodka in a day. That stuff is absolutely disgusting and it's essentially 100 proof sugar syrup. Drinking two bottles of artificially flavoured sugar syrup would bloat the boy faster than a floating corpse. This drink combo is the reason he was bloated the next day
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We're reaching late stage boglimosis toobz. TMDNWU. :(
I hate to think that there are only 2 possibilities.
Either this is the end and within the next year or two we'll get the inevitable facebook post from Clint that the boy died.
Or this will continue for the next decade while his mouth keeps rotting away, diabetes ravages his body and wet brain gets worse.
BUUUUUUUT people say the same "this is the end" thing every year while the boglim keeps on hanging in there.
 
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I liked the idea of him getting drunk on low-to-no alcohol content mead he made. He was tapering off actual alcohol without realizing it.

Much like his huffing of cologne that doesn't do anything. Sometimes Josh's stupidity and ignorance saves him.

Unfortunately, people are going to just give him drinks and even with the huffing, that was destroyed by the duster and detailed instructions on how to huff it. Nefarious shit. Just like Larson and Block, they will just kill the golden goose and move onto another one.
 
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Tetragrammaton said:
the speed and amount of swelling is actually pretty concerning. dude could be suffering from kidney issues along with alcohol bloat. the swelling around the mouth is most likely just fat or excess fluid but i would never rule out an infection. though in the case of an infection it will get worse fast. whatever the cause he must be drinking even heavier now this swelling is way too sudden to be from just eating shitty meals every day.
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If symptoms like edema are presenting, then it’s already a late stage of kidney failure and they would present with other symptoms. He’d be pissing constantly, he’d be itching dry skin often, he really wouldn’t be eating much and he’d be vomiting when he was sober. He’d also have muscle spasms and he’d be confused often but since that’s just his normal state of being it’s hard to say if those are symptoms or just him being the retard he already is.

It’s not just that Cobra has high caloric intake on a daily basis, it’s that he’s in his 30s and his lifestyle is sedentary. If you’re in your 30s, your metabolism bottoms out. You can’t just burn carbs by existing, you have to actually go for a run and hit the machines to burn off extra carbs that you wouldn’t through the night sleeping. All Cobra does is eat fast food, drink sugary alcoholic drinks and sit in a chair all day with little actual water intake or calorie management. If you do that, this happens gradually over a year or so.

He’s just getting fat by being a piece of shit. Trust me, he’s got a future of kidney failure coming but it won’t be that clear if he keeps bloating from being a shitty fat ass. He used to burn this shit off because he rode bike but after he blew out his tire, weather and his laziness did not permit future outings.
 
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Paypigs need to be psychologically ANALyzed especially Cobes’, they could be trolls in disguise who are trying to speed run his death because they’re faggot Redditor remnants who hate his guts or just trying to keep him to themselves like their own personal retard, much like what happened with Larson. The issue though is why would you want to “keep” anyone to yourself when they’re boring? There’s no streams, no lives, no content, just Josh drinking himself to death and uploading food not fit for a POW camp.

Withholding something for yourself is only worthwhile if it’s valuable, like clinging to a nugget of gold, instead they’ve turned Cobes into a nugget of shit and pretend they have something special- if they stopped funding him he’d be way more entertaining and might even start cleaning his life up.

So they either hate his existence or they’re self-defeating but otherwise the whole situation is extremely gay
 
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'Ole Dente said:
All Cobra does is eat fast food, drink sugary alcoholic drinks and sit in a chair all day with little actual water intake or calorie management. If you do that, this happens gradually over a year or so.
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Or practice intermittent fasting, that's the only option if you can't/don't want to work out.

Any Gothic cowboy from hell born after 1989 can't fast....all they know is Doordash, mix they drink combo, smoke, be greasy, eat Dennys and shart.
 
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RollingRock2 said:
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Joshrick JFS. Saunderson
No child you did not fart in my sex dolls vagina. This is why your life is already over trole. Enjoy blawk and ignore.
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It's a shame that they're active on different platforms. The cycle of childings and sicko accusations these two could get into would be legendary. What kind of sicko writes a book about Tiny Tim in space, toobz?
 
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Acoustic Virgin said:
When is the last time he even left the trailer? With all of his food and booze being delivered to him, he doesn't have the opportunity to walk anywhere like he used to. And it seems like he doesn't ride bike anymore either, even when the weather is permittable. The only exercise he's getting is when he cranks his little cobra to internet porn.
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I love ride bike, I used to just say that all the time, it sounds so funny.
 
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Hennimore said:
I'm really surprised that Josh was able to avoid the Galaxy Gas hysteria without any of the retarded glass tappers sending him entire cases of it. There is a reality out there where Josh is inhaling multiple bottles of Galaxy Gas a day.
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It's possible he is, but he's smart enough (lol can't believe I said that) to not do it on camera because of the wrath of Clint/Police.
 
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Hennimore said:
I'm really surprised that Josh was able to avoid the Galaxy Gas hysteria without any of the retarded glass tappers sending him entire cases of it. There is a reality out there where Josh is inhaling multiple bottles of Galaxy Gas a day.
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It's the cost. Galaxy gas is like $80 a bottle vs the cheap booze he usually drinks. If Cobes wanted to do inhalants again, he'd just go back to huffing cologne and duster because it's cheaper.
 
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