Let's Sperg kiwifarms.net Plays Coming Out On Top - Bros Are Hoes

Narrator: Carefully, you lift the edge of the box. The contents take your breath away. You see plastic, metal and rubber items of varying shapes, colors and sizes. All which have been inside Ian at one point.

 
Eww. Used dildo. No, we still have some shame left.
 
Narrator: You close the lid, taping it back shut. Like a bowl of month-old chili left in the back of the fridge, some things are better left undisturbed.

Later...

Narrator: You're walking towards the kitchen for a drink of water when Ian calls you from his room.



Dirk: No prob.

Ian: Just some random junk. Memorabilia. Mementos. You know.

 
Second one. Let's let someone else be publicly embarrassed for a change.
 
Ian: Well, yeah. Ok, so she told you. I may have one or two toys. It keeps things interesting.

Adam: I hear you're quite the connoisseur.

Ian: C'mon, it's only a couple of toys. Three maybe.

Adam: I counted ten.

Ian: Nine. You probably counted the vibrator twice since it comes in two pieces. So, yeah, anyway, thanks again for grabbing my stuff from Zoe. I'm avoiding her to be honest. She's really good at talking me into things I don't want to do.

Adam: Like getting back together?

Ian: You know how easily I cave into pressure. Thank God we finally broke it off for good.

Adam: Congratulations, it's a major step.

Ian: Right? Hey, it's been a big week for you, too. By the way, have you told your parents yet?

 
He's biding his time. These things shouldn't be rushed, ya know.
 
Ian: They seem like they'd be ok with it. I mean, they're like hardcore liberals, aren't they?

Adam: You know how I said 'how gay' in front of them when I was 10 and they corrected me. So you'd think coming out would be easy. I still dunno. I'm their only child. I know why, but I think they've got this vision of me and my picture-perfect future in their heads. You know, wife - kids. So it's weird. I know it shouldn't be, but I'm freaking out about it.

Ian: Yeah, I get it. It's scary, no matter how cool they are. It's your mom and dad.

Adam: I know, I've run this scenario a hundred times in my head. I keep telling myself they'd be cool. But you never know. Maybe I'm overthinking this like I tend to, but the timing has to be right. The words have to be right. I want everything to be right.

Ian: Sure, it's an uncomfortable situation to begin with. I mean, who ever has to talk about sex with their parents? Sorry dude.

Adam: Yeah, and I have it easier than most. I'm just, you know, not a 100% certain how they will react.

Ian: Totally. The people closest to you can be full of surprises. Hey, I'm here for support if you need me.

Adam: Thanks, man. I appreciate it.

Friday...

Narrator: After a long day of classes, you come home to an empty apartment. Penny is at the lab. Ian is working at the cafe. Maybe you'll have some leftover pizza, watch a little TV and hit the shower.

(Adam's ringtone is "La Cucaracha".)

Adam: (Answers phone) Mom?

Mom: Adam. Where have you been, sweetie? We didn't get your Sunday call. It's been over a week since we last talked! We've been worried about you.

 
Narrator: You take a deep breath. You can hear your heart pounding in your ears.

Adam: (thinking) It'll be ok. They're cool. They'll understand. And if they don't, they will eventually. They love you.
(Now talking) Um-

Mom: What is it Sweetie?

Narrator: Your hands start shaking as you nearly drop the phone.

Adam: Mom, I need to tell you something. The both of you.

Mom: Adam, is something wrong? Are you ok?

Adam: No. I mean yes. I'm okay, whatever. Look, I'm gay.

Mom: You're gay?

Adam: Yes.

Mom: I wish I could hug my little baby so hard right now! I'm so glad you told us!

Adam: You're okay with this?

Mom: Of course, what sort of people do you think we are? You know we don't care. We love you. Why would that little detail make a difference? Besides, having a gay son is like what having a lesbian daughter was in the 90's. So hip. Wait 'til I tell Margret. Ooooh, she'll be so steamed!

Adam: WHAT?

Mom: I'm just kidding. Can't a mom tell a joke like that, right?

Adam: What about dad? He's ok with this?

Mom: Stanly, our son is gay.

Adam: ...

Mom: Your father says, 'hang on'. You know how I can't concentrate with both of you talking to me at once. Your father says he knows someone with a gay son your age.

Adam: Oh. Oh boy.

Mom: Your father says this young man is in med school. Doesn't smoke and drives a hybrid.

Adam: Mom-

Mom: Nothing wrong with a doctor, right? Everyone wants to marry a doctor.

Adam: Marry? I haven't even dated yet.

Mom: Stanley, I don't think Adam wants to date a surgeon. You know they have ridiculous hours. What about a dermatologist, sweetie? That might be more your speed? Or what about a podiatrist?

Adam: It's okay, really-

Mom: Don't worry, sweetie. Your father says he has lots of connections at the hospital.

Adam: That's really great of him, but-

Mom: He want to know if you prefer a top or a bottom, or a vers. He knows how important it is for compatibility. He thinks he knows a good power bottom. Unless YOU'RE a power bottom. Are you?

Adam: I love you guys, but I gotta go!

Narrator: What a week. Whew. You finally got some down time this weekend. In terms of your studies, you're close to flunking out. Your and Penny have been slightly annoyed with each other. You and Ian are on friendly terms. And finally, you got $100 in savings. You don't have anything major planned, so how are you going to spend your weekend?

 
Yaoi Huntress Earth said:
Narrator: You take a deep breath. You can hear your heart pounding in your ears.

Adam: (thinking) It'll be ok. They're cool. They'll understand. And if they don't, they will eventually. They love you.
(Now talking) Um-

Mom: What is it Sweetie?

Narrator: Your hands start shaking as you nearly drop the phone.

Adam: Mom, I need to tell you something. The both of you.

Mom: Adam, is something wrong? Are you ok?

Adam: No. I mean yes. I'm okay, whatever. Look, I'm gay.

Mom: You're gay?

Adam: Yes.

Mom: I wish I could hug my little baby so hard right now! I'm so glad you told us!

Adam: You're okay with this?

Mom: Of course, what sort of people do you think we are? You know we don't care. We love you. Why would that little detail make a difference? Besides, having a gay son is like what having a lesbian daughter was in the 90's. So hip. Wait 'til I tell Margret. Ooooh, she'll be so steamed!

Adam: WHAT?

Mom: I'm just kidding. Can't a mom tell a joke like that, right?

Adam: What about dad? He's ok with this?

Mom: Stanly, our son is gay.

Adam: ...

Mom: Your father says, 'hang on'. You know how I can't concentrate with both of you talking to me at once. Your father says he knows someone with a gay son your age.

Adam: Oh. Oh boy.

Mom: Your father says this young man is in med school. Doesn't smoke and drives a hybrid.

Adam: Mom-

Mom: Nothing wrong with a doctor, right? Everyone wants to marry a doctor.

Adam: Marry? I haven't even dated yet.

Mom: Stanley, I don't think Adam wants to date a surgeon. You know they have ridiculous hours. What about a dermatologist, sweetie? That might be more your speed? Or what about a podiatrist?

Adam: It's okay, really-

Mom: Don't worry, sweetie. Your father says he has lots of connections at the hospital.

Adam: That's really great of him, but-

Mom: He want to know if you prefer a top or a bottom, or a vers. He knows how important it is for compatibility. He thinks he knows a good power bottom. Unless YOU'RE a power bottom. Are you?

Adam: I love you guys, but I gotta go!

Narrator: What a week. Whew. You finally got some down time this weekend. In terms of your studies, you're close to flunking out. Your and Penny have been slightly annoyed with each other. You and Ian are on friendly terms. And finally, you got $100 in savings. You don't have anything major planned, so how are you going to spend your weekend?

Click to expand...
Tutor for extra cash.
 
Narrator: You tutor for a total of 8 over the weekend. You make $160. You now have $260.

Tuesday...

Narrator: You have your final exams tomorrow. And of course, you don't feel like studying.

 
On the one hand, study for our fucking finals, we can jack off later. On the other, I'm curious to see if we'll get another CG...

Yeah. Study for our fucking finals.

(I thought the semester was just starting, though? Didn't we just start our class with Prof. Studly?)
 
Adam: See Steve, you can't go around chained to the insationable demands of lust. I mean, look at how ridiculous humans are. Trying to fulfill our carnal desires in oftentimes the basest and most degrading ways. Can one be said to be human when acting in such a manner? Or is this in fact, the most human behavior of all? *A large, booming sound is heard.* What the-

Narrator: The noise seems to be coming from the apartment directly above yours. You hear your roommates converse in the living room.

Penny: What is this bullshit?

Dirk: It sounds like our upstairs neighbor.

Penny: It sounds like Godzilla-

Ian: -getting fisted by King Kong. (Thinking) Mental note: Google for rule 34 validity.

 
Ian: Ha! Is that even a real question? What am I, if not charismatic?

Penny: Are you kidding, Ian? Last time you had a "word" with our neighbors, we got our tires slashed.

Ian: Remember, the police couldn't prove it was them.

Adam: True. Multiple people in the building want to slash our tires.

Penny: Well I'm going to handle this MY WAY. Peer review.

Ian: Peer review?

Penny: I'm going to threaten them with a nasty review of rateyourneighbor.com.

Adam: Oh my God, you've gone mad with power.

Penny: They have all these checkboxes you can mark. I'll tell them if they don't knock it off, I'm dinging them for being noisy and inconsiderate. (She leaves.)

Ian: About those tire slashings, it's not my fault, ok? Because, well, I'm a charming, reasonable guy. Right? You know this. Tell me.

Adam: Sure, you're Mr. Charismatic.

Ian: I mean, what did you think of me when we first met? Don't hold back.

 
Ian: Awww, man. You always know the right things to say.


I just like the look on Penny's face.

Penny: There's no checkboxes for what I just saw.

Ian: You better go up there, dude.

Dirk: I thought YOU wanted to take care of this?

Ian: Not saying it was my fault or anything that one time, but I just bought new tire, man.



If we go up, we'll see the next guy. Any guesses what he looks like?
 
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